de-spise – (dE-spIz)
tr.v. de-spised, de-spis-ing, de-spis-es
1. To regard with contempt or scorn
2. To dislike intensely; loathe
3. To regard as unworthy of one’s interest or concern
Despise may be a strong word, but when I hear anything by these artists on the radio, I change the station instinctively. The radio is the only place that I WOULD hear them, as NONE of these “artistes” have albums represented in my CD collection (one exception, which I’ll mention later on).
The challenge in creating a list such as this is to recognize the achievement or influence of the album for that alone, knowing that my distaste for the artist’s work as a whole eclipses any merit these albums deserve. Decisions had to be made, albums had to be cut. Due to the limitations of a “Top 10” list, you won’t see anything here by Whitney Houston or Steely Dan (although, trust me, they’re in my thoughts). This list is by no means definitive. Many people will differ in opinion, and I’m sure they’d have artists on their list who I like. Some albums truly made me question my definition of “great.” In a situation such as this:
where words cannot describe the henious crimes Jim Steinman and the Loaf committed against mankind (Homecoming Dances and Bar Mitzvahs would never be the same again), the album had to be excluded from the list. It was simply impossible for me to objectively view this album as “great”. Not only does Meatloaf leave a bad taste in my mouth, this album is just intolerable.
I have sometimes THOUGHT about buying albums by some of these artists; fortunately, in most cases, that’s as far as it went. So, without further ado, here’s the list:
10) Hole – Live Through This
We all know Courtney’s a train-wreck. One of my good friends is convinced that she is responsible for the death of her late husband. While I tend to be a bit more skeptical, I do know that she is an opportunist, and one who has no qualms about making money off her husband’s legacy. That being said, “Live Through This” is a landmark album, which I suspect was ghost written by that same late, great husband of hers. Courtney and Co. utilize the same dynamic shifts of Nirvana, almost creating the female-led equivalent. She sings from experience, and this album brought Hole into the spotlight to shine, if but for a brief moment.
9) Marilyn Manson – Mechanical Animals
Ahh, Marilyn. Apparently there WAS a void to fill, and you filled it. Not content to be a Reznor protegee, it was time to become the androgynous Bowie rip-off Omega. A truly unoriginal artist, Manson is a music carnivore, grokking his influences and leaving bloody carnage in his wake. “Mechanical Animals”, however, is fun as shit. Finally, Manson lets his guard down, points the finger at himself and has a great time. Songs like “The Dope Show” and “I Don’t Like the Drugs (But the Drugs Like Me)” are his most accessible to date.
8) Black Sabbath – Paranoid
Ozzy and friends put out a doozy with this one. My first REAL introduction to the Sab came in HS, when my friend Aaron told me that it’s good music to listen to while working out. My next exposure was when my HS band’s rival, Black Horizon (the Riverbottom Nightmare Band to our Emmet Otter’s Jugband) performed a horrible rendition of “Paranoid”. Ozzy, much like Black Horizon’s singer, seemed to only sing the EXACT SAME MELODY as the guitar riff, and not very well at that. That being said, “Paranoid” contains the classic title track, “Iron Man” and “War Pigs” (expertly covered by Faith No More) and as such, became highly influential, often cited as a cornerstone in heavy metal.
7) Sheryl Crow – Tuesday Night Music Club
One of my friends and I frequently refer to Sheryl as “The Luckiest Woman in Rock.” Lucky because she has the career she does with a disproportionate amount of talent! I first heard “Leaving Las Vegas” on a late-nite radio show and said to myself, “Huh! That’s a pretty cool song!” But some time after “All I Wanna Do” and “Run, Baby, Run” I realized that I couldn’t stand the whining of “Strong Enough” and “Can’t Cry Anymore.” Great album. Chock full o’ hits. Can’t stand her. Plus she sang backups for Don Henley. And while we’re on the topic of Henley…
6) The Eagles – Greatest Hits 1971-1975
The Eagles remind me of the FM radio that piped through Busy Bee Mall growing up. NOTHING says “middle-of-the-road” more than this band. You might say “Hey, that’s no fair, you can’t pick a greatest hits for this list!” But what’s amazing is that even Eagles FANS don’t have the albums from which these songs are drawn. The Eagles will forever be known to me as one of the first bands to charge their fans a fortune (for even the nose-bleed seats!) to see them perform. It’s an entity unto itself, and a good collection at that. Not a bad song in the bunch, if you’re into that sort of thing. Apparently 20 million people are. It was the first album certified platinum, and I think that anyone who buys it could be certified in a different way. Regardless, it’s a classic.
5) Shania Twain –Come On Over
Maybe I’m being a little unfair to this one. Naah.
The greatest thing about Shania’s hubby, Robert John “Mutt” Lange is NOT that he uses 4 names, but that he has a knack for writing songs that can be interchangeable among the artists he works with. Everything on Bryan Adams’ “Waking Up the Neighbours” could have been sung by Def Leppard’s Joe Elliot, and everything on “Hysteria” could have been sung by Shania. There’s just something so cutesy, so saccharine about Shania that puts me off. Lange’s hack writing does produce hits, as evidenced by the multitudes of platinum albums sold. We all know each and every song on this album, and we sure as heck wish we didn’t.
4) Alanis Morissette –Jagged Little Pill
Back in 1995 I had a college roommate who loved this album. Maybe you had a similar experience. He would play this album over and over again. Over. And Over. Again. And Again. I had heard “You Oughta Know” on a CMJ sampler earlier that year, and thought, “Hey, this is different.” And it is catchy stuff, hitting a nerve with many teenage/college-aged girls (and boys) throughout North America. She was, like Marilyn Manson, filling a void in modern music, that of the angry white girl. But oh, the humanity! I’d guess you’d be pretty upset as well if YOU had to go down on Dave Coulier in a theatre. But it was that enunciation that got me, the hollering and the idiocity of “Ironic” that puts Alanis on this list. Great album, lady, but I’ll pass. (I must say that I do own the single for “Thank You” because I wanted the B-side, “Uninvited”, which is a great song. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the sparse demo version, and so the single sits in CD purgatory: too unmarketable to sell back, yet not worthy of repeated listens.)
3) James Taylor –Sweet Baby James
What hath God wrought? People LOVE James Taylor. LOVE him. Sure he’s sensitive, a “wounded” singer/songwriter. His heart was broken, just like yours. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that many of today’s indie/emo bands, such as Death Cab For Cutie, owe a huge debt to James Taylor. Let me tell you, that’s not a debt I’d want to repay. He’s sung about his heartbreak for YOU. I was once convinced by a college friend to see a JT tribute act that he was promoting, and discovered that there IS one thing worse than JT: A JT tribute act. The title track, as well as “Steamroller,” “Country Road” and “Fire and Rain” are all classics, but we’re talking Toronto-maple-leaf-style SAP here. Rock-a-bye sweet baby James.
2) *NSync –No Strings Attached
Uh-oh. This one may get me into trouble. For a minute there back in ’00, it did seem as if these guys were the second coming. They were absolutely ubiquitous. Post-college girls (and some boys) were unapologetic about their love of this band, perhaps because it reminded them of their 6th grade crushes on Donnie or Jordan or Joey … or even Danny. This isn’t great stuff, mind you. This isn’t the work of genius. This is no Fab Four, no Dylan, no Beck even. But it is good teen-pop. This band reached out to their target audience and embraced them, no strings attached [groan]. You just won’t find me jammin’ to it.
1) Boston –Boston
It’s come to this. Eight songs that changed the world. Eight wonderfully produced, exquisitely mastered songs, with layers upon layers of guitar, voice and sound creating something so synthetic that it HAS to be good. My experiences with Boston have been few: I once saw a famous “jam-band” play “Foreplay/Longtime” acoustically as an encore, and it blew me away. Also, way back when, McDonalds gave out free BOOK COVERS with popular album covers on them. I think I had Charlie Daniels Band, Journey, and Boston, and for some reason, the Journey one lasted the longest. Either way, “Boston” is an FM staple, with every song included on DJ playlists. This is one of the bestselling albums of all time. There is practically nothing else like it in the rock and roll canon, and that’s a good thing. I can’t deny Tom Scholz’ talent for recording and producing this album with his “unique” vision. But…YEEEEEECH.
And that’s the list.
PS: Earlier, I had mentioned that as far as buying albums by these artists, “thinking about buying” them was as far as it went. There is one exception: Steely Dan. At one time I purchased “A Decade of Steely Dan,” a hits collection, but have subsequently returned it. I must say, it says a lot when one returns a greatest hits collection. While their whole catalog should have been included on this list, it was excluded in its entirety; I just didn’t want to waste half my list on Steely Dan albums. I don’t care how witty they’re supposed to be, how adored by critics, how musically literate they are or how clean the production is. It’s soul-less, soul-free Zappa-lite noodling that just isn’t going to happen for me. I’m sorry.
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