It was my birthday at age 10 when I received a copy of Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet from my dad. Granted, it was a dubbed cassette with Wang Chung’s Mosaic on the other side, but it was the greatest thing I could have ever received.
See, that particular Bon Jovi album was going to be the first cassette of my very own that I was going to purchase with my own money. I had gotten my super-awesome jambox for Christmas the previous year and was mostly living on tapes dubbed with songs from the radio. When I saved up what cashola I had gotten for the holiday, I went out to get that Bon Jovi tape. Alas, this was 1987, and there was not a Bon Jovi album to be found for miles around. I wasn’t happy, but I settled on Bananarama’s True Confessions, because I really dug their version of “Venus.” Sadly, the rest of the album was awful.
But birthday time was rescue time, and soon I had all of the Bon Joviness that I could ever possibly want. I listened the shit out of that tape. I always rewound it back to the beginning, perhaps only listening to Wang Chung a small handful of times (I remember a song called “The World In Which We Live” that was kind of cool). I used to jump on this kid Chris’ couch with him when listening to this album and I almost broke one of his presents from first communion. In other words, it wasn’t long before that album became a soundtrack to my entire fourth grade year.
Some highlights:
You Give Love A Bad Name
Also known as “Shot Through The Heart” (one of those annoying bits of stupidity that will never stop pissing me off — people, know the names of the songs you quote), this was clearly my favorite track. Actually, no, I would change my mind on this later. But now that I am older and wiser, I still find it to be the strongest song. I used to feel so rebellious singing the word “hell” thanks to Catholic school.
Livin’ On a Prayer
As if I couldn’t reference parochial school enough, I remember the lyrics of this song appearing in a church newsletter. Contrary to most staunch protests to the song (with accusations that it glorified non-married cohabitation and whatnot), apparently our church was liberal enough to think it was a classic song about a couple in love who would stay together through ups and downs instead of letting it all fall apart and whoring around with the fifty nearest people. Meanwhile, I was just running around all excited that I finally had a copy of the song’s lyrics.
Wanted Dead or Alive
I wasn’t really a fan of the song at the time; I thought it sounded too country. Plus, Jon Bon Jovi looked all greasy and disgusting in the video. As I have grown older, I have since learned to appreciate the melodramatics and have made it a karaoke staple, blowing out my voice many times screaming, “WAAAAAAANTEEEEEED” where appropriate. I have also been to parties where people have randomly broke out singing the song.
I’d Die For You
Even as a child I was challenging the lyrics to this one. “I’d die for you/I’d cry for you/I’d do anything/I’d lie for you.” I always thought it was asinine that on the grand scale of things, he’d die for you… then, he’d even CRY for you… and while he was at it, he would go all the way out on a limb and even LIE for you! Because, as we all know, crying and lying is much more difficult for someone to bring themselves to do than dying. Silly, silly Bon Jovi.
Never Say Goodbye
This one touched a nerve. The kid Chris, whose couch I used to jump on? We had an awkward childhood non-crush thing going on. Neither one of us would admit we liked each other. There were hints for days, but that’s as far as it went. For crying out loud, we were 10. But when he told me that his mom wanted to move to California after the school year, I became somewhat distraught and played this song often in tribute to him. He didn’t end up moving, but I did.
Sixth grade, turning age twelve. The Bon Jovi album du jour was New Jersey, one which I can’t recall if I received for Christmas or if I saved up and purchased on my own. Nevertheless, it was mine, and I listened to it like crazy. The old jambox was eating tapes so I spent a lot of time listening to the cassette on my little Sanyo walkman. Eventually, the entire booklet fell apart from me folding and unfolding the lyric sheet so often.
By this time, I was really getting into harder rock, although I never really ventured too far above and beyond hair bands at this point. If I wasn’t listening to Bon Jovi, I was probably listening to Def Leppard. Later would come Skid Row and Slaughter, a little more Guns ‘n’ Roses and some Motley Crue, but that was not until some outside influence gave me a helping hand.
And I was a disgustingly die-hard Bon Jovi fan. With two ungodly wonderful albums under their belts and a Jon Bon Jovi crush that transcended space and time, I had two extremely large posters adorning my bedroom walls and would defend them to the death. I believe that was the year that Jon got married, too. I did a great job of pretending that never happened.
Still, one of my strongest song-related memories is tied to that band, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Some highlights:
Bad Medicine
Sam Kinison! “You think we can make a better video?” To this day, I believe I can fully envision the entire video playing through my head as I listen to the song. It was aired to death on MTV; those who remember the video as I do will know exactly who I’m talking about when I refer to the Girl In White Tanktop With Armpit, or Guy With Pig Nose In Camera. The fans became as cool of characters as the band. Lift up your guitar, it says “Bad Medicine” on the back! Remind me to do that when I get famous. And learn how to play the guitar.
Lay Your Hands On Me
I distinctly remember when I got this tape and listened to it for the first time, noting that the album version was much longer than the single/video version. It was the first time I ever remember experience that particular editing technique; I felt like I was incredibly special for having heard this secret, hidden version that was only available on the cassette version vs. the stupid radio. Simple pleasures, I suppose.
Living In Sin
Video banned by MTV! I didn’t know that at the time, of course, because I was a kid and only knew what was actually on MTV. Did I mention that, at this age, I was not allowed to watch MTV? I used to wake up at 5am on the weekends so I could sneak and watch it before my mom found out. Oh yes, the song — there’s a part where Jon mumbles, “Sometimes it scares me” that used to flare up my prepubescent parts. Oh yes.
Ride Cowboy Ride
Over the years, I have decided this is the highlight of the whole album. When I got the tape, I thought there was something wrong with my cassette as it’s crackly and in mono: when the next song kicked in, it scared the hell out of me. Anyway, just thinking about this song now makes me want to record my own version. It’s these little tastes of artistic merit that make me feel a lot better about writing an entire column about Bon Jovi.
I’ll Be There For You
And then, there was this song. In sixth grade, our entire class spent a weekend camping. Unfortunately, this spanned May 17-19, meaning that my entire birthday would be spent with my classmates in the middle of nowhere doing camping activities. I was rather disheartened when I found out we were not allowed to bring a Walkman, either. So, on the night of the 18th when all of the girls in my cabin were being noisy before falling asleep, it was a beautiful stroke of randomness when half of the girls broke into singing this song. For those not aware of the lyrics:
I didn’t mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I’d seen you blow those candles out
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAW
Yes. That made my entire birthday in a ridiculous moment that I will never, ever forget.
I’m not holding out that the Jersey boys are going to make any sort of impact this year while I’m turning… old, but that’s perfectly fine. Aside from rockin’ out in 2002 to the Atlanta Rhythm Section, it’s hard to say my birthday music memories could backslide.
What? You want to hear about that?
Hah. Maybe next year.
You’re one year older, one year wiser,
Rock ‘n roll star, king, czar, and a kaiser.
A room full of friends, a mouth full of cake,
Every present is for you and it feels pretty great.
You’re the man of the hour, the V.I.P.
You get the first slice of the p-i-e,
But first blow out the candles and make a wish.
Put a smile on, cuz it’s your birthday, bitch!
–gloomchen
