InsidePULSE’s WWE Smackdown Report

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WWE Smackdown for May 12th, 2005. Taped from Reading, PA.
Report by Brad Jennette, EXCLUSIVELY for www.insidepulse.com

We open up the show with a video recap of last week’s conflict between Eddy Guerrero and Rey Mysterio.

Eddy Guerrero comes out to the ring to what sounds like a slower, darker, more heelish version of his old theme music. Eddy vs Rey WILL take place on pay per view at Judgement Day. Eddy grabs ring announcer Tony Chimmel’s chair and microphone and brings it into the ring. Eddy sits in the chair as the lights dim. Eddy says people have been asking him “Why Eddy? Why?” Eddy says he just gave Rey what he wanted. Eddy says he gave Rey the fight of his life. Eddy says it didn’t make him happy to do what he did. He pulls out Rey’s mask and starts screaming at it like its actualy Rey in front of him. Eddy says his eyes were opened last week. Eddy says he realized that all the fans were living vicariously through him and stealing his passion, love, and energy. The fans were stealing his Latino HEAT. Eddy says last week, he took it all back. Eddy says nothing and no one is going to take away his Latino HEAT again. Eddy calls the camera man closer and then screams into the camera to “LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU.” Eddy tells Rey to think about his son and daughter. Eddy threatens to kill Rey’s family! Eddy says he has Rey’s blood on his hands right now and that if Rey comes back at Judgement Day, he will have Rey’s life! What a powerful, scary, and flat out AWESOME promo.

Later tonight, Carlito’s Cabana featuring The Big Show.

Also, Kurt Angle vs Booker T TONIGHT.

Commercial break.

Heidenreich vs Spike Dudley
Heidenreich gets on the mic and says he asked Spike to be his friend and that Spike said no. Heidenreich asks the crowd if they want to be his friend. Heidenreich grabs a kid out of the crowd and brings him into the ring. Heidenreich reads his poem which I personally loved. Heidenreich asks Jordan (the little boy) to be in his corner tonight and hold his poem. Heidenreich beats up on Spike in the corner, but misses a charge. Spike stomps a mudhole in Heidenreich in the corner and then goes after little Jordan. Heidenreich brings Spike back into ring and hits the Boss Man slam for the 1-2-3!
Winner – Heidenreich

After the match, Heidenreich brings Jordan back into the ring and raises his arms. Man, that random kid they pulled out of the audience sure is wearing a lot of officially licensed WWF merchandise…

Backstage, Sharmell and Booker T chat it up about Book’s match with Angle later tonight. They start to get a little freaky as we go to break. Wait. The bleep out “ass” and then have a woman stradle her husband on network TV?

Commercial break.

Backstage, MNM and Chavito HEAT are discussing their upcoming six man tag team match against Paul London and two unnamed opponents. Melina (!) says she knows that one of Paul London’s partners WON’T be Rey Mysterio.

Last week – Angle beatdown Booker T then stalks Sharmell T down the aisle before being restrained.

Backstage, Josh Matthews is backstage with Kurt Angle. Angle warns Matthews about the last time Josh interviewed him. Angle casually reminds Josh that he beat the living hell out of Josh last time they did an interview. If heel Eddie and heel Angle ever teamed together, the universe may collapse in on itself due to it not being able to support the sheer amount of awesomeness contained in one place at one time. Angle says that his conduct last week was NOT unprofessional. Angle says he doesn’t hurt women, he makes them feel….. good. Angle says everyone has vices. His just happens to be guttersluts. Angle says he might have some sort of psychological disorder, but he wants to have SEX with Booker T’s wife. Wow. Just, um… wow. Angle’s still going too. He says he wants to have dirty perverted sex with Sharmell T. Ummm….

Commercial break.

ECW ONE NIGHT STAND! It’s gonna be awesome.

MNM & Chavito vs Paul London, Charlie Haas, and Hardcore Holly
Speaking of awesome, Melina’s body and ring entrance is simply amazing. Words don’t do it justice at all. London does a fakeout of his actual entrance and waits for his partners…. It’s Holly and Haas. Nitro and London start us off. London hits a middle rope double stomp right off the bat and tags in Charlie Haas. Haas works over the arm with some submissions and a nice shoulderbreaker. Mercury runs in but Haas and Holly send him out with double back elbow. Haas goes off the ropes, but Melina grabs his foot and the heels take advantage in the corner. Chavo tags in and takes Charlie down with a nice back suplex. Chavo puts Haas in the corner for some more heel beatdown action. Haas fights out for a second, but Chavo sends him down with a dropkick. Chavo cheapshots London and that gives Haas enough time to his an exploider. Holly gets the hot tag and he takes out both members of MNM with a full nelson slam and a dropkick. Holly gets double teamed, but he is able to blind tag London. London takes Nitro out with a huracanrana. London hits Chavo with a dropsault as Haas and Holly take the champs out of the ring. Chavo counts London and goes for the Gory bomb, but London counters to a rollup. Chavo counters THAT to his own rollup and gets the 1-2-3 with his feet on the ropes.
Winners – MNM & Chavito

Recap of John Cena’s CD dropping and Cena doing a meet and greet with the fans.

DING DING DING DING DING! MOOOOOOOO! JBL comes out to the ring in the longhorn limo with the old WWE title in tow. JBL says he is very proud to announce that his book is being RE-RELEASED to the public this week. JBL says this book is the best written book since the bible! HAHA! JBL says you will find this book in stores, online, but what you won’t find on it is a parental advisory warning. JBL says that he’s heard Cena’s song “Bad, Bad Man” and that Cena isn’t a bad man, he’s a bad role model and a bad champion. JBL busts out his old “I smell like smoke because I’ve been through fire” line that I always love. JBL promises to bust Cena open at Judgement Day. JBL says he is absolutely incapable of saying “I Quit”. JBL says saying “I Quit” means one man owns another man’s soul. JBL goes totally JBL with this promo, busting out all of his cliches and catchphrases. Cena finally interupts and he comes out with the title. Cena tackles JBL and starts laying the right hands to the former champion! The rest of the cabinet comes out and attacks JBL from behind. Cena fights out as most of the Smackdown lockerroom (the entire lower card and all the referees and officials) comes out and pulls them apart. Cena is able to break out a couple of times for a couple of more shots on JBL until the roster finally breaks them up.

Commercial break.

Eddy Guererro vs Jimmy Jacobs
Eddy sets up Rey’s torn up mask on the ring post. Eddy demands the referee check Jacob’s ring attire and as the referee is doing it, Eddy lariats the kids poor head off. Eddy beats the shit out of the kid then he floors him with a spinning back elbow and a back suplex. Eddy puts the mask on Jacobs and starts screaming at him “WHY REY?”. Eddy throws Jacobs over the top rope. Eddy smashes Jacobs’ head against the announce table 1, 2, 3 times. Eddy grabs a steel chair from outside the ring and slowly brings it into the ring. Eddy sets the chair up in the middle of the ring flat on the ground. EDDY NAILS A BRAINBUSTER ONTO THE CHAIR!!! The referee has no choice but to DQ Eddy.
Winner by DQ – Jimmy Jacobs

Postmatch, Eddy rips the mask off Jacobs face and screams at it “IF YOU SHOW UP AT JUDGEMENT DAY, YOUR KIDS WON’T HAVE A DADDY!” Wow.

Commercial break.

They show John Cena’s music video for “Bad, Bad Man” again. The video is funny, total A-Team cheesyness.

Commercial break.

Matt Morgan vs Funaki
Morgan makes fun of the way Funaki talks, so Funaki pokes him in the eye! Morgan boots Funaki in the face and slingshots him throat first into the 2nd rope. Morgan hits the Speech Impediment and gets the 1-2-3.
Winner – Matt Morgan

Raw Rebound – Kane and Edge are in the finals of the Gold Rush tournament.

Booker T tells Sharmell to stay in the back during his match with Angle. He gives her a peck on the lips and walks away.

Commercial break.

Carlito’s Cabana
Carlito welcomes us to the cabana. Carlito says this is where big things happen. Carlito welcomes The Big Show to the cabana. Carlito says The Big Show is huge, like a giant one man army. Carlito says he has an offer The Big Show he can’t refuse. Carlito is looking for some muscle, some big muscle, around here to keep things…. cool. Big Show says he doesn’t want to play second banana. Carlito says they don’t do bananas around here, they do apple. Carlito they need each other. Carlito shows some still of Big Show getting beat by Akebono at Wrestlemania. Carlito says he can help Big Show keep things….. cool. Carlito says together he…. they will unstoppable. Big Show says that he and Carlito would be unstoppable. Big Show says he plays seconds to no one. Show says he needs Carlito like he needs a bigger shoe size. Big Show says Carlito’s offer is not cool. Carlito says Big Show has left him no other choice and he pulls out his apple. Carlito starts to take a bite when Big Show grabs him by the throat and steals the apple. Big Show takes a couple of huge bites and starts chewing….. and then slowly falls to his knees, coughing and gargling. Carlito gets on the mic and asks Big Show if he has a tummy ache. Carlito says no one says no to Carlito. Carlito says that one bad apple can ruin an entire batch and that Big Show must have found that bad apple and that’s……. cool. Show falls to all fours and Carlito kicks him in the ribs. Carlito slaps Big Show in the head a couple of times and then spits his apple right in Big Show’s face.

Commercial break.

Kurt Angle vs Booker T
Booker starts out on Angle just beating the living hell out of Angle with right hands, boots, stomps, and some hard chops. Booker hits a flying forearm and follows it some more hard chops. Booker chokes Angle on the ropes with his boot. Angle finally comes back with some right hands, but Booker comes right back with right hands and chops of his own. Booker hands Angle’s midsection on the ropes and then jumps him on the floor. Booker throws Angle into barricade and grabs a chair. The referee pulls the chair away and Angle gets a cheapshot. Angle jumps Booker in the ring and goes to a chinlock. Angle works the mat some more with Book, but Book fights out and straight kicks Angle in the face. Angle bails and Booker chases him and catches him with a near lowblow. Back in the ring, Booker counters a whip with a spinkick. Booker T continues the assult, but Angle counters by throwing Booker into the steel ring post. Angle hits the Angle Slam on Booker and then bails from the ring? Angle sprints away from the ring and runs backstage. I guess this is a no contest.
Winner – No Contest

Backstage, Angle finds Booker T’s lockeroom and kicks the door open. Sharmell sees him and starts to scream the most annoying scream in scream history. Angle SLOWLY closes the door as Sharmell just screams her little head off. Booker finally catches up and he busts into the room to find Sharmell curled up into a ball…. and Angle nowhere to be found. Booker tries to console his alarmed wife when Angle jumps him from behind! Angle beats Booker all around the room. Angle smashes Booker into a metal locker! Once, twice, THREE TIMES. Angle leaves Booker T laying in a heap and walks off. We fade to black with Sharmell’s cries for help making my ears bleed.

End of Show.