The Crucifix

So I took a week off from watching wrestling last week. With “real” life getting pretty hectic, I think it was a good time to take a little break from the squared circle and see what happens when Monday comes around this week. Showing how crazy life is right now; I still have Hemme in my graphic, which means that I have had zero time for anything. Not even putting an X over her. On with the show…

Raw

– What happened? Check it out right here.
– So Triple H leaves until the draft, who cares? Ten bucks says he’s breaking down the quarter hour ratings for Vince before anyone else.
– They’re trying to do a slow burn turn with either Shelton or Jericho, but it feels like they’ve been trying to do it for half a year.
– Yes Christy, you are going to go to Smackdown to be with the girls that don’t wrestle…go along now little one….go along.
– Christian and Ric Flair seem to work well together now don’t they?
– Is Viscera a face?
– Kane over Chris Benoit is as smart is to Anna Nicole Smith.
– Well, at least I didn’t miss the Christian/Flair match…suckers!
– Now that she has been saved by Hurricane and Rosey, does that mean she has to become a superhero?
– Why did all the matches look as though they were about 1 minute apiece?
– Back to the boiler room Maria, back to the boiler room.
– Kane vs. Edge, exactly what I was begging for when the tournament started!

Smackdown
Shazzam!
– After reading about Eddie’s promo, I went to WWE.com because I wanted to see it. Even the little part they gave up was phenomenal. When you threaten someone and their family, it takes it to a whole other level. Good stuff.
– Heidenreich bores me quite frankly.
– Melina is quite hot, I must say.
– Leave it to Angle to turn the “sick freak” level up about ten notches. Who wrote that? What writer actually said “It would be good if you said you wanted to have dirty, perverted sex with Booker’s wife.”? It would be funny if they have Sharmell turn on Booker now.
– Poor Paul London. Haas is fine, but to have to team up with Holly must suck. Raise your hand if you think Hardcore Holly is worth his contract. Nobody? Ok, raise your hand if you think they should’ve released him instead of Luther Reigns. Everyone? Very good.
– So JBL and Cena get into it and the entire locker room breaks them up. But Eddie turns Rey into salsa and nobody come out?
– Wow, Eddie must be back on the good shit.
– A poison apple? C’mon, seriously.
– The funny thing, if you think about it, is that Angle beat up Booker T but got horny for some perverted sex in the middle of his match.


The Crown Of Thorns

Raw
– Edge wins when Lita turns on Kane. They then have dirty, perverted sex in the middle of the…sorry, wrong show.
– Viscera rolls Lillian up in a taco and eats her alive.
– Victoria gives a retirement speech, retiring as World Champion.
– Christian beats Flair with The Unprettier

Smackdown
– Kurt Angle chains Sharmell to a wall and has sex with her in his chicken suit.
– John Cena and JBL get into a pull apart brawl again.
– Eddie Guerrero brings out Aaliyah Mysterio and gives her a brainbuster onto a chair.
– Carlito gives Big Show a poison apple, which he eats, stupidly. He dies.


Much like a ghost, she can’t be seen but that’s only because she’s too cool for the room.

Visit Victoria at ViciousVixen.com


– Luther Reigns got his release. Yes folks, Chris Masters still has a job.

– So John Cena makes one comment about business class flights for the boys and all of a sudden he is “speaking up more” and a new “locker room leader”? C’mon! This is called blowing something out of proportion. We all know the talent have it rough and deserve better treatment, but Cena saying something about where they sit on a plane is hardly him stepping up and becoming the new man.

– Hard Justice was last night and Jeff Jarrett lost the belt to AJ Styles. Follow the Triple H – Batista storyline to figure out where this one will go.

– The much talked about love triangle may become a storyline. Does this mean that Lita is going to be pulling off a ridiculous circle jerk in the middle of the ring? Hey, it’s better than the Diva Search.

– WWE opened up the website for ECW’s One Night Stand. It looks like a WWE site with some barbed wire. Yeah.

– Shawn Michaels got injured again. It’s a shame because he can still go better than most in the ring.

– Jim Cornette got sent home for 4 – 6 weeks because he yelled at Bubba Dudley, who called that skateboard-riding bitch Johnny Ace and said he wasn’t working for OVW while Cornette was there. Yeah, because Bubba f*cking Dudley matters. Jim Cornette at least has a great brain for the business, unlike that skateboard-riding bitch Johnny Ace, who wants to get rid of the “old guard,” presumably to usher in the era of everyone riding skateboards to the ring.

– WWE Fantasy is now free, which is great because I forgot I was even in the damn thing.

– Snitsky has a blood clot in his stomach, which is funny because it might be a miscarriage.

– Pat Patterson is back on the road. He needed it, emotionally.

– Jeff Hardy no showed Hard Justice. Maybe Matt shot him by accident. Funny, he was replaced by Sean Waltman aka “I sucked Chyna’s X-Pac.”

Sorry for the short, very late column, but I’ve got a million and a half things going on and five minutes for all of them. I will see you all on Thursday when, hopefully, I’ll have some better material.

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