Hy vrybody this is th monday night rabbl and my ” ky is brokn.
I’ll just slam on it to get it moving. There we go,… tonight we are going to see Kane vs. Edge. Christian/Flair. Hemme/Boobage! It’s going to be a fun night.
So joining us tonight is Hernandez, Jenna, Eric, Dani, Laura, and random appearances by roommates here at the greatest thing since your Mom’s last husband…
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Now before we move on to the show, let’s address the Inside Pulse – Monday Night Rabble – Diva Search! Here are our official rules list kids. Post it on your fridge before you get out your camera…
Coming down to the ring first though is Muhammad and Akbar… ..whee..
Muhammad & Akbar vs. Shelton & Y2J
Hot Opener
The faces slide in and attack Muhammad & Akbar before the bell… proving that sometimes for the bad guys.. IT’S A TRAP! The two clear house, throw the Iranian Express to the outside, leap off the top rope and it finally gets to a real match…
Jericho in the ring with Akbar – sidesuplex and a tag to Shelton. Shelton clubs the hell out of Akbar. Benjy tosses up Akbar, and it seems that on landing, Akbar might have hurt his arm. Akbar bails, tags in Hassan and now the beatings begin.
“I got it.. get some talent..” – Dani
Hassan hits a sloppy backbreaker and tags in Akbar, who seems to be doing better. Some hold spots Akbar tosses Shelty into the ropes, Benjy catches him, but Akbar flips over him.. but eats a clothesline. It’s arouond now that Ross is discussing the whole Akbar as Manservant angle which seems a bit insensative with Benjamin in the ring. A two count and Akbar hits the tag and begin the evil doubleteaming tactics. Out of nowhere Shelty hits an out of nowhere samoan drop, the hot tag to Jericho and Chris goes nuts!
“The one Fozzy fan goes wild!” – Hernandez
“That’s Chris.. he’s in the ring already” – Eric
There is a bunch of screwy reversal interchanges, and it ends with Akbar clubbing Jericho as he sets the Walls into Hassan… Hassan gets his finisher.. that’s that.
WINNERS: AKBAR & HASSAN
After the match – Shelton wants to know, and Jericho bails dejectedly.
“Jericho like Fozzy has bottomed out” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL
Backstage Benoit & Tajiri are in the back discussing the ECW PPV. Benoit challenges Tajiri to an ECW Rules match. Here comes Regal who ‘Bloody Well Forbids’ it! He finally relents. Other than Benoit saying ‘ECW was a lot of fun’ … I’m ok with this.
“ECW Rules? You mean no rules except for the guy who counts?” – Eric
Backstage Bischoff is talking to Ric Flair, and even FLAIR admits that Trips has got a huge ego. Flair wants Bischoff to call him – Bischoff tells Flair to handle it. Flair leaves in a huff, and sees Dave sipping at the water cooler. He calls him over and then whines about Trips leaving. Dave explains that it’s not Flair’s fault, Batista’s fault.. it’s Trips’ fault.
“It’s Snitsky’s fault..” – Eric
Batista then gives some props to Flair (great respect angle between the two) and then gives us a ‘woo!’ … now if you haven’t realized.. Batista has a barotone… and his Woo comes out like a tin can in a compactor.. which makes it awesome. Flair woos back and leaves.
COMMERCIAL
So I asked the guys why they were so quiet – Hernandez informed me that he hasn’t felt ok since Jericho was on screen…. prick.
We come back and Flair is coming on down… ‘WOO!’
His opponent is none other than Captain Charisma.. in a homage to Shawn Micheals.. a huge chest revealing ‘C’… frigging awesome.
“Flair seems confused at his outfit” – Hernandez
FLAIR vs. CHRISTIAN
Reeking of awesomeness match
Flair styles and profiles for a bit before the lock up. They exchange ropes, Christian drops Flair and dose a strut of his own. Flair just walks over and smacks him. Christian punches him in response. Some exchange of hits, Christian catches Ric with the backbodydrop – Flair suckerpunches him and climbs to the top rope. Caught and thrown. Standard Nature Boy stuff. Flair gets tossed outside, then cut in two by Tomko – tossed back in, and Christian tosses him to the corner.
He misses and eats some chops, punches.. and we get a CHRISTIAN FLOP! Flair with the kneedrop, and as he’s profiling for the figure four, he gets smacked by Tomko. Christian rolls him up and holds the top rope. The ref sees it, and Flair reverses it!
1 2 …. 3!!!! HE GETS IT.. AND HE’S BLEEDING… WHY?!?!?
Eh, he’s Flair.. it’s ok
WINNER: RIC FLAIR!
Tomko comes in and the beatdown begins…. but guess who is coming down… BATISTA!
Batista destroys Christian and Tomko. Tyson eats a spinebuster. Christian eats a Batistabomb. Tyson eats a Batistabomb. It’s like Nam in there.. everyone’s dead. Batista and Flair share a look.. and Dave leaves. Loving this set up now.
Backstage Christy and Lita are talking. Edge comes charging in and needs a word with Lita. Christy bails and they get the ‘slut’ chant out early. Edge wants Lita to tell Kane to be careful or some other idle threat.
“Awww, look – he’s making his ‘O’ face” – Eric (ewww)
COMMERCIAL
DOES FLAIR TURN FACE?
“As long as Trips is out, yeah.” – Hernandez
“..if he wants to.. only if he says ‘woo'” – Dani
“I think swerve. Flair gets on Batista’s good side, and brings in Trips” – Eric
“They’ve teased it, I think it’s time for the switch” – Jenna
“I don’t care as long as Trips isn’t on TV” – Me
We come back and Boobage McTahtah asks Christian and Tomko if … they are hurt? Christian makes some threats about Batista. I will enjoy it.
Coming down right now is Chris Masters.
“Time for the plant of the night” – Hernandez
Masters offers the crowd some money and some silly prize. So he calls up a local indy guy. The indy guy sits down. He gets thrown around like an idiot. The bell rings. That’s that.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! STEVIE IS ON RAW! STEVIE RICHARDS ATTACKS MASTERS! The fight JUST gets going, Stevie grabs a chair and Master’s bailed. Let me just state, that the forums have been talking about this for weeks. Check it out here!
In the back, Edge is preening – but then gets grabbed by Kane. “If you ever talk to my wife ever again, I will end you.. bank.. on … THAT” – Kane
“This message brought to you by Matt Hardy” – Hernandez
“Matt Fact Tonight: Kane’s my hero” – Me
COMMERCIAL
The weapons are laid out around the ring, and the Omaha crowd tries an ‘E C DUB’ chant. Lame. Benoit comes down, smiles lovingly at the table, and here comes Tajiri.
TAJIRI vs. CHRIS BENOIT
E C DUB Rules aka Hardcore
Match starts and Tajiri starts and throws Chris into the corner, and the tarantula!
“Wait the ref brokoe it up.. these are NOT ECW rules!” – Eric
Tajiri hits the handspring elbow, gets spun around into a german, but lands on his feet. He tosses Chris out, and just as he’s going for the baseball slide – Tajiri gets caught, and head down right onto the steps.
Benoit searches around underneath the ring until he finds a ladder, and Chris goes to pick up an unconcious Tajiri. Chris sets Tajiri up on a table. He then sets the ladder up in the ring…. he is standing on top…. he makes the thumb to the throat gesture.
Coach runs in with a mic and informs him that Bischoff is on his way. Bischoff DOES indeed come out. He ends the match to a chorus of boos. Biggest pop of the night, honestly. He was apparently busy when they made the announcement in the back.
“Blowing Vince” – Roommate Randy
Bischoff lets it known that he would never sanction an ECW match, and bans ECW from the arena. No mention of it. No signs. No RAW superstars AT the ECW show. He doesn’t even want the letters of ECW to be seen.
“Which would make this Monday Night Ra” – Me
It seems that Bischoff will be showing up at the ‘ONE NIGHT ONLY’ PPV and stopping ECW once and for all. So we get to see Raw invade ECW.. I’m ok with this too. You know what, it seems that there are so many little storylines going on instead of one HUGE one and one SMALL one that I’m beginning to enjoy this product. If this keeps up, we could be in for another golden age.
COMMERCIAL
It’s time for the lingerie pillow fight! Here comes Christy!
“Our most recent demotee” – Jenna
And her opponent is apparently somebody I’m supposed to know… Candice Michell.. who will henceforth be known as Funbags O’ Thumpthump. She is nice enough to remove her high heels, and they strip out of their robes…
“This is going to be dumb” – Dani
“SHUT UP DANI THEY ARE WONDERFUL!” – Roommate Jeremy
“They’re faptastic!” – Hernandez
Christy charges in with a pillow, leaps onto the bed, and Candice tips the bedover sending Christy out of the ring and to the outside. It’s actually a bit mean. Feathers fly around for awhile and Christy gets the pin.
WINNER: CHRISTY… err.. ME!.. err.. TESTOSTERONE!.. err..
So, here comes the out of nowhere. Viscera, in a suit, coming down to the ring.
“How come nobody saw this coming?” – Me
“We all were blocking him out of our memories..” – Eric
Viscera does a little dance, and the girls bail to go find their rape-whistles. Viscera remains in the ring to be creepy at Lillian Garcia. JR informs us that Viscera would put Lillian in the ICU – nice. So before he gets to Lillian, he makes out with a girl in the crowd.. and then steals her cotton candy. …no… I’m not kidding.
Viscera brings Lillian into the ring. He makes Lillian fix the bed, and invites her onto the bed with him. She sits uncomfortably and we get some mood lighting. I’m going to stop talking about this until it’s over. Okay, to interrupt my ignorance, Viscera sings ‘Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love’ … and if he tries, I’m sure he can do it well. It wasn’t too bad. Okay, back to ignorance.
Backstage, Lita and Kane discuss Edge. Oh, and Kane’s heavy breathing. They even make out!
“WWF.. The sexy years” – Me
“Oh she is TOTALLY turning on him tonight” – Eric
“Kiss of death?” – Jenna
“Good call!” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL
Before the finals of the Gold Rush Tourny, we get a flashback of all the big hits of the last two weeks.
It’s time for the finals though.
First though, we head to the back… Shelton wants to make sure that Jericho is ok. Jericho isn’t upset that he lost a match.. he’s apparently used to that. (Grrr) With his XM show – Fozzy – his work on VH1… losing a ‘WRESTLING’ match isn’t that big of a deal. Thusly begins the Jericho heel spin. He gives Shelton a Fozzy CD and heads on out.
“You know that’s a limited edition cd of Fozzy, right? They refuse to print more” – Hernandez
“Awww, Shelton has the OTHER one” – Eric
So instead of going to a match…
COMMERCIAL
So, instead of the Gold Rush finals, here come Hurricane and Rosie with their new superhero diva… Stacy Keibler.
“Captain Legs!” – Me
“The Pro” – Hernandez
“The Stilt” – Jenna
“I’m offended! Hurricane has a tattoo of the Green Lantern.. that’s hardcore. What the f*** does Stacy Keibler have that makes her a fangirl…” – Dani
Their opponents are Maven and Dean.
HURRICANE & ROSIE vs. DEAN & MAVEN
Rosie starts in the ring with Maven. Maven charges, but that seems like a bad idea. He gets slammed and then Rosie tags in Hurricane who gets picked up and slammed ONTO Maven. Maven tosses Hurricane into the ropes. He stops to boot Simon Dean, turns around and eats a big dropkick from Maven.
Tag to Dean who comes in, hits a reverse neckbreaker and gets a two count. He slams down Hurricane and tags in Maven. They do some sit-ups.
“That was kinda stupid” – Jim Ross
Now Maven tags in Dan and we move into a chinlock. Outside the ring Mistress Stacy cheers them on. Back in, Hurricane finally gets the tag to Rosie who clears house, slamming everyone onto each other. He’s about to get the double chokeslam, but gets kicked instead. Team Dean goes to hit a double clothesline, but is distracted by Darth Legs’. They turn around and get beaten… the end.
WINNER: HURRICANE & ROSIE
Over on Smackdown, Guerrero did some MEAN things to ReyRey.. CJ Ambrosia can explain to you what.
COMMERCIAL
Now, the ring goes Gold… because RANDY ORTON is here! The crowd is justifiably confused given that he left on the tweener (siding heel) side of things. Mixed boos and cheers as he grabs the mic, and his new haircut is just delightful.
Randy is sick and tired about hearing about the draft. He, is in fact, ineligable to be drafted due to being on the injured list. My question is, unless they’ve been reading this damn report weekly… who else has been talking about the draft? I’m sure SOMEBODY has.. oh well.
Interrupting Randy is none other than the big cheeze… Mistah McMahon! Vince first chooses to make fun of the weightloss of Randy. (“A neck like a roll of dimes”) Orton is not only NOT trying to laugh… he’s NOT exempt from the draft.
Randy wants a bit more respect though. He is the heir apparent to the WWE. Vince not only doesn’t care – but, we finally find out that the draft is going to be lasting an entire month, starting 3 weeks from tonight. I’m willing to see how they throw this gimmick around. Could be kinda fun. I’m willing to check it out.
COMMERCIAL
Hey… look with ten minutes left….
KANE vs. EDGE
Lita Swerve Match?
“You know with the perfect way his jacket falls.. Edge looks like an action figure” – dani
Edge gets into the ring… sloooowly. The bell rings and Kane charges, but Edge ducks – and eats a boot instead. Kane keeps him in the corner and beats him down a bit, and then a suplex and a choke.
Hey, Batista is in the back… wearing a towel! No chair. No suit. Just.. a towel.
In the ring though, the ‘You screwed Matt’ chant continues to roll on as Kane has finally lost a bit of momentum eats a drop toe hold and punches in the corner. Outside of the ring they go, and Kane rails Edge on the.. err.. rail. Kane goes back in, but eats a chin to the rope.
Edge comes into capitalize, but gets hands to the throat in response. Kane charges him into the corner.. and I blinked, and the ref falls.
“Did you see that ref get bumped down..” JR (Heh, even JR is calling ref bumps)
Anyway, while the ref is crawling to his feet Kane gets lowblowed – and as Kane gets nursed outside the ring…
COMMERCIAL
Back in the match, they are both in pain. Edge is doing a bit better, taking out Kane’s leg methodically. He’s about to come after Kane, when Kane gets some boots to the gut. Edge drops Kane and continues working on Kane’s knee. Kicks, elbows, and punches – and as Edge locks in the leg.. Kane starts dropping his other leg onto Edge. A few times and the hold is broken.
Kane gets up and starts to go nuts all over Edge, 2 count after 2 count. Sideslam. Toss into the corner. He goes for the big boot, Edge ducks and drops Kane headfirst to the mat. He goes for the Spear, but is caught by the throat!
Edge reverses it into a high angle DDT, FOR TWO! Edge once again goes for the pin… 1 .. 2 ..NO! He picks up Kane, hits the ropes – SIDE SLAM FROM KANE! Awwww, but a moment later the ref takes ANOTHER hit. This time he’s out for good.
Edge grabs the briefcase, but Kane stops him before he can get a good hit with it. Lita takes the briefcase, to “hold it”… she slides it to Edge. Kane leaps off the top and eats the case. Edge gets the pin, with Lita waking the ref
1
2
…3!
Lita walks off with Edge, and then the creepiest moment of the night…. Edge and Lita kiss!
WINNER: EDGE!
So we have an amazing amount of stories being developed.
JERICHO’S SWITCH
DAVE’S RESPECT OF FLAIR
CHRISTIAN WANTING BATISTA
ECW CROSSOVER
EDGE & LITA
MASTERS & STEVIE
VISCERA & LILLIAN
…lots and lots of great stuff over the course of the next few weeks. Add in that Trips isn’t around, and HBK is apparently out for a bit.. and it’s going to be an interesting bunch of shows before the draft.
FINAL OPINIONS:
“The Lance Krall Show is stupid” – Dani
Hernandez shrugs uncommitally.
“Nyeh” – Jenna
“Meh” – Eric
“The pillowfight was stupid.
Stacy as a superhero is also stupid.
Objectification of women is cool… NOT!” – Laura
“I liked the show, oh well” – Me
So until then, get your Diva’s sent to me! Til next week….
