Note: For the sake of professional, unbiased journalism (which readers have undoubtedly come to expect from me), I wrote this column before the finale aired. Therefore, my commentary is limited to the thirteenth episode of Survivor: Palau. I will pick apart the finale in next week’s column.
So much for girl power. It was down to the final five and the females (Jenn, Caryn, and Katie) had the numbers over the remaining guys (Ian and Tom). As the men stood sipping champagne in a gorgeous mansion, the women bitterly huffed back at camp to nibble on coconut and solidify their plans to oust whichever dude didn’t get immunity. And since either Tom or Ian always gets to wear that damn necklace, the assumption that one of them would do it again was a reasonable one. That fact alone should have been enough to harden the resolve of the three ladies to kick Ian’s bony, immunity losin’ ass to the curb, yet it didn’t happen.
I don’t get it. Ian himself pointed out that “this is Survivor, not Parcheesi,” so why was he being so capricious?
I predicted early on that Ian would win Survivor: Palau, but I didn’t anticipate that he would screw up so royally in such a short period of time. Frankly, I am amazed that he made it out of Episode 13 with a burning torch. First, he won the car at the reward challenge, which, up to this point, has been the kiss of death for any player. In the annals of Survivor history, no one who has won a car has ever won the game. Secondly, his decision to bring Tom along on the reward was the dumbest move I’ve seen since Lex agreed to keep Amber around in All-Stars. Ian was simultaneously disregarding his conversation with Tom about the danger of leaving three hungry, pissed off females alone in camp to plot against them and betraying his promise to Katie that he’d bring her on any reward he won. So stupid, Ian. Even he would probably agree with me on that point.
Fortunately, Ian was smart enough to realize that there’s nothing like a good, dramatic, tear-stained apology to change a girl’s mind. I couldn’t tell if Katie was augmenting her rage with extra crying and quivering in her voice or if she was really that hurt. Her connection with Ian appears genuine, but it looked as though she was strong-arming him into doing what she said, a move that she accused Tom of using on her. Of course, the whole quarrel, complete with an adorable hug that showed how crazy tall Ian really is (6’8″), was ultimately beneficial for the boy. I mean, if Katie were truly determined to send him packing, she wouldn’t given Ian a chance to say sorry. And ultimately, her dislike for Caryn was probably stronger than the betrayal she felt when Ian dissed her at the reward challenge.
I had such high hopes for Caryn. After finding herself stranded from her initial alliance of Willard, Coby, and Janu, who were the first members of Koror to get voted off, Caryn was able to stay in the game by staying close to Tom and Ian. Her resiliency and strategy impressed me and I anticipated that she would make it out of this week’s episode with her torch burning brightly. Honestly, I thought Jenn was the one in trouble. However, Caryn pulled a Shii Ann at tribal council, laying out all of the schemes going on behind the scenes. I actually found it difficult to follow all of her accusations and had trouble determining how much of it was true. What cracked me up was how indignant she became when Tom admitted that she had notified him of Jenn and Gregg’s plan to get rid of him. You can dish it out, but you sure can’t take it, Caryn.
Fortunately for Jenn, the drama surrounding Caryn provided enough of a distraction for her to slip into a final four spot. Although Ian initially labeled Gregg as the Dark Horse who could potentially win the whole thing, that honor just might go to his girl, Jenn. Throughout the entire season, she’s been very unobtrusive and laid-back. In fact, she reminds me a bit of stealth, under-the-radar super stars like Darrah in Pearl Islands and Butch in the Amazon. Of course, those two both ended up in fourth place. Will Jenn carry on that tradition? It’s hard to say.
I would be shocked if Tom weren’t one of the final two. He stands an excellent chance of winning the next two immunities, and even if he doesn’t, he’s a shrewd enough player to find a way to stay in the running. And even though many of the jury members will undoubtedly feel some resentment toward him for bulldozing past them, they probably all possess a certain level of respect for him as a player and as a person. He’s been amazing to watch this season and even though Koror would have been smart to vote him off first, I’m glad they didn’t. Plus, he’s hot. So even if Tom doesn’t end up being the sole survivor, he could probably make a mint if he put out a swimsuit calendar. I know I’d buy it, and Coby probably would, too.
Speaking of which, I find Coby to be the most entertaining jury member since Kelly in Africa. Although I’d rather see (and hear) him on the other side of the tribal council fire, his eye-rolling, jaw-dropping reactions every week are priceless. I have high hopes for the majorly bitchy speech he’ll no doubt give at final tribal council. And if Katie is one of the last two standing, his venom should be particularly electric, given that he stated in one of the earlier episodes that “if Katie makes it farther than me, I will just puke, puke, puke.” Well, it looks like puking duties were pretty well covered by Janu this season, but still, I wonder if he’ll show up armed with a bucket.
God, I love this game.
