Goths are not happy people. In fact, next to emo kids they are just about the most self-centered, whiny bunch of neo-narcissists on the face of the earth (if you’re wondering what the difference is: classic narcissists go around telling everybody how awesome they are, while neo-narcissists go around telling everybody how awful they are).
Ishkur’s Guide to Electronic Music
Welcome to The Saturday Swindle Sheet. This week’s column is brought to you by the aforementioned Web site, Ishkur’s Guide to Electronic Music, which I just discovered last weekend. So far it’s brought me hours upon hours of delightful entertainment and nostalgia. Whether or not you’re heavily into electronic music, it’s still worth a gander. There’s bound to be something in there for you. Between myself and Gloomchen, ol’ Ishkur at least owes us a t-shirt or something…
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Botter is ANGRY
Shawn M. Smith is MORALLY OBLIGATED
Mike Eagle is DISHEVELED
D’Estroyer is CHOCK FULL OF OMINOUS RIFFS
Michael Chadwick is TRANSFIXED
Gloomchen is SWEDISH
Kyle David Paul is CORE
NEWS TO USE
Toby Keith recently told reporters that after his next album comes out that he would be leaving Dreamworks (which was acquired last year by Universal Nashville, a label that he’s had problems with in the past) to start his own label. Keith said that he had never encountered any problems with choosing a flagship single until just recently, with “As Good As I Once Was,” a track that the powers that be at Universal found to be too “risky” for radio play. “I had put out four or five albums without one A&R meeting. We put out what we wanted and it worked. So why would I have to change?” he grated. “At this point in my career I’m not going to put up with it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tag with Scott Hall.”
Trent Reznor testified against former manager John Malm, in proceedings for his civil suit on Tuesday in New York. The Nine Inch Nails frontman told the jury that over the last 15 years his finances had been handled with a high degree of negligence, and that the lawsuit felt “like a divorce.” Reznor admitted that there had been times when he hadn’t read over certain financial documents before signing them, and that Malm had taken advantage of that when he got the singer to sign a paper entitling him to 20 percent of the his gross earnings, as well as 40 percent of his self-loathing.
NBC will be featuring a program called Hit Me Baby Once More Time, which, although it’s horribly titled, will feature past musicians including The Knack, A Flock of Seagulls, The Motels, Tiffany, and Tommy Tutone. The artists will each perform their big hit, followed by a cover of a more recent pop song. At the end of the series (which is only three episodes), the audience will pick one winner, who will then be forgotten about again until either 2007 or whenever VH1 starts a new reality series… whichever comes first.
Joel Madden of Good Charlotte sent out a message concerning recently departed drummer Chris Wilson last weekend: “Right now, Chris needs to be at home with a support system and people who love him. It’s a very sensitive, personal problem he’s having, and we’re all behind him and we hope he gets better … Obviously everyone knows something’s going on … Chris hasn’t been with us, and we had to give our fans some kind of answer. But assume what you want to assume, he’s having problems and he’s dealing with them at home. I really just think that he wishes that he was once of the Madden brothers, because all of the 14-year-old girls love us.”
Florida’s 1st Annual Hard Music Awards is scheduled to take place on August 4 at the Tampa Theatre. According to a press release, the awards are “being established to offer hard music artists acknowledgement for their efforts in a typically unrecognized music genre. We will be featuring Florida-based acts, both signed & unsigned, though next year our focus will be on expanding to a national event. Winners will be chosen through extensive online polling. This is a listener’s choice awards system, so make sure to cast your vote!!!” Tickets are available at Ticketmaster, as well as through the venue box office. Here are some of the categories and nominees that will be featured…
HARD ROCK ARTIST
Alex Bach
Built By Design
Burn Season
Glitter Guns
Irrational
Sister Kill Cycle
METAL ARTIST
A Broken Machine
Endo
Lunatic Candy Kreep
Nonpoint
Simple Kill
Trivium
EXTREME METAL ARTIST
5 Billion Dead
Deicide
End of the Rope
Eversinceve
Morbid Angel
Obituary
INDUSTRIAL ARTIST
Crossbreed
Dead Star Assembly
Flirting Through Violence
Genitorturers
Human Factors Lab
K Y Deity
ALTERNATIVE ARTIST
Anberlin
Queen Mary
My Own Sin
Socialburn
Underoath
Wednesday’s Child
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT
Cruse Mackey
Deicide
John Oliva
Genitorturers
Marilyn Manson
Morbid Angel
Quick Bits
Singer Kylie Minogue underwent a successful surgery to remove a cancerous tumor (albeit in its early stage) from her breast. According to the singer’s physician, “Her spirits are high and she’s feeling fine.” The Saturday Swindle Sheet wishes Miss Minogue a speedy recovery.
Coldplay filmed an episode for VH1’s Storytellers series on Monday, at the Harvey Theatre in Brooklyn. The episode will air on June 8, a day after the release of the band’s third album, X&Y.
Kenny Chesney won the award for entertainer of the year at the 40th annual Academy of Country Music Awards on Tuesday. Another big winner was Tim McGraw, who won the award for both single and song of the year, for “Live Like You Were Dying.”
While appearing on Ellen on Tuesday, Britney Spears revealed that she had been the one to propose to her husband, Kevin Federline. In other news, My Chemical Romance is horrid. Yes they are.
Fans of American Idol are abuzz after contestant Bo Bice pulled off an impressive a cappella performance of “In a Dream,” by Badlands, on the May 10 broadcast. According to pollsters, Bice is the favorite to win the contest, and if he doesn’t win the contest, it proves that the show is a sham and that they should bring back Boston Public.
The Big Summer Classic 2005 Tour, which will kick off at Red Rocks Amphitheatre on July 2, will be headlined by The String Cheese Incident, and will also feature Keller Williams, Umphrey’s McGee, Michael Franti and Spearhead, Yonder Mountain String Band, New Monsoon, several hundred filthy dreadlocks, and even more pounds of pot.
Morningwood has announced that they will be releasing their self-titled debut on August 2. The band features members of The Wallflowers, Cibo Matto, Spacehog, and the Dixie Chicks. Okay, maybe not the Dixie Chicks.
A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS
From Gearhead Records…
GEARHEAD AT PASO ROBLES NEXT WEEKEND!
At last Gearhead will be an official vendor at the biggest West Coast car event of them all – the Memorial Day weekend blowout at Paso Robles. If you’re going, be sure and swing by, we’ll have plenty of the new issue of Gearhead (and damn near everything else we sell too) on hand if you haven’t picked it up yet. In other event news, we will NOT be at the Rat Fink Party this year, since it was moved to July 9th, which is the same day as Asphalt Invitational, which we simply cannot miss. So hopefully next year we can do it all, but for now – see you at Paso!
STREET TEAM INFO AT LAST!
Yes, we realized that we have “cried wolf” in the past where our Street Teams are concerned, but with the recent addition of Heather to the Gearhead family, all that is changing fast. She is once and for all organizing and mobilizing the force, so if you’re interested in helping to spread the gospel of Gearhead in your neck of the woods, please contact her right here, and be sure to include the following information:
-Your name
-Your city
-Your local venue for independent music
-Your local record store(s)
From Astralwerks…
DFA Records Announce Partnership with Astralwerks Records
DFA Records and Astralwerks are proud to announce a collaborative release effort, which will deliver projects from The Juan Maclean, Delia Gonzalez and Gavin Russom, and Black Dice over the next year, alongside continued vinyl releases in the traditional DFA style you know and love. For those of you new to DFA, you’re in for a treat. This is one of America’s most exciting, innovative and boundless labels and we know you’ll be a fan too once you hear what they’ve got in store…
The DFA will continue to produce and remix exciting new projects over the coming months, in keeping with their previously acclaimed output.
ASTRALWERKS NEEDS INTERNS
http://www.astralwerks.com/intern.html
Do you live in or near New York City or LA, have a passion for music, and can get course credit for internships? Astralwerks is looking for you! Click the above link for more info.
iNFLUENCES
Ever wonder what makes me tick? No? Too bad. Here are some of the random songs that came up on the iPod as I wrote this week’s column…
Garbage, “Special”
The Chemical Brothers, “Under the Influence”
Taucher, “Brainticket”
A Guy Called Gerald, “The First Breath”
INXS, “Need You Tonight”
Petalpusher, “Breakin’ It Down” (Jay’s Blue Vocal)
Depeche Mode, “Photographic”
Days of the New, “Touch, Peel and Stand”
The Prodigy, “Spitfire” [f/Juliette Lewis]
The Kinks, “All Day and All of the Night”
George Michael, “I Want Your Sex (Parts 1 & 2)”
Dionne Warwick, “Do You Know the Way to San Jose”
Fleetwood Mac, “Rhiannon”
Peter Murphy, “I’ll Fall With Your Knife”
Turbonegro, “Get It On”
Dr. Dooom, “Leave Me Alone”
Billy Joel, “Uptown Girl”
Daft Punk, “Revolution 909”
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, “American Girl”
Warren Zevon, “Werewolves of London”
The Buggles, “Video Killed the Radio Star”
Godsmack, “Whatever”
Eddie Money, “Baby Hold On”
THE MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE WEEK
Vince Neil will be releasing two wines in the next few months, from his own company, called Vince Vineyards. The Motley Crue singer’s 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon and 2003 Sonoma Chardonnay will be marketed in Los Angeles, New York, Las Vegas, and Nashville, before being available nationwide. “I have enjoyed great wine for most of my life and wanted to create something other wine lovers could experience and appreciate,” he told a reporter for The Saturday Swindle Sheet. “Our first two releases are both amazing wines and I can’t imagine enjoying fresh seafood or grilled steak with anything else… except maybe a couple of strippers and some coke.”
Enjoy your week. Stay tuned for our Monday team. I’m Jeff Fernandez, and the Dream Police, they live inside of my head.
Cheers
-JF2k5!
