Hi kids. Welcome to another ‘exciting’ edition of What a Tease! Yours truly is a bit more relaxed this week, because believe me, it is GOOD to be home. Unfortunately, the free time isn’t coming as fast as I’d hoped, but I still have high hopes that this summer will be most excellent. Anywho, on with the show. So, everybody know what time it is?
Crowd: WHAT?
Oh please, please not this again. What time is it…
Crowd: WHAT?
No, really, I know you can hear….
Crowd: WHAT?
Curses. Mock Darth Vader Yell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Crowd: WHAT?
Nuevo
Basically, you’ll get a direct link to the trailer, the main stars involved in the film, the ‘Plot According to Yahoo’ (Or IMDB if it’s an Apple Trailer), the length of the trailer and the *estimated* release date. You’ll ALSO get the following: The Spoilerish ranking – what this basically gauges is how much of the movie the trailer gives away, on a 1-10 scale; My Analysis of the trailer, sometimes being pretty straight and narrow, sometimes being witty and sarcastic, sometimes both; finally, you’ll get an Overall Rating, which is ‘calculated’ based on the length of the trailer, it’s ‘spoilerish-ness’ and, well, how I feel about it. It IS my column, after all, but I promise the ratings will be fair and make sense.
New Trailers This Week:
Starring: Nick Nolte, Damien Nguyen, Tim Roth, Bai Ling, Anh Thu
The plot according to Yahoo: The story of Binh, a shy Vietnamese man in his 20s who embarks on a personal journey with a young beautiful woman, Ling, aboard a refugee ship to America in search of a better life and Binh’s estranged American father.
Length: 1:53
Spoilerish: 4
Release Date: July 8th, 2005 (Limited)
Analysis: A limited release opens us up this week. This flick is pretty, erm, beautiful, with fantastic shots and stunning scenerary and all of that jazz. This is another film about personal growth, discovery, change and such, and as a viewer I am interested in the eventual meeting of estranged father and son. It also seems like it will explore an interesting aspect of the Vietnam War: soliders fathering children and then just taking off. Overall, interesting and nothing too spoilerish, which is a good way to kick this thing off if you ask me.
Overall Rating: 7
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Caine, Steve Carell
The plot according to Yahoo: In this remake of the classic 60s TV show, Nicole Kidman stars as Samantha Stephens, a witch who cannot resist using her powers to remedy problems she encounters with her husband, Darrin (Will Ferrell).
Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 7
Release: June 24th, 2005
Analysis: Being a fan of the original Bewitched from back in the day, I know myself and others were pretty skeptical when they announced this film and its cast. Don’t get me wrong, I love Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman (drool), but it just didn’t seem right from a casting standpoint, at least Ferrell anyway. Then the trailers started showing up, and surprise, this film isn’t a literal remake of the show. The plot consists of people trying to make the show again, and a real life witch, and…yeah. Honestly, I was preplexed they released three trailers (this being the third), but I can see why. They really are trying to get it out there what this is all about and this trailer shows the love/real life aspect, and I’m sold. This trailer, for one reason or another, charmed the hell out of me. Okay, that being said, it’s pretty damn spoilerish, and Will Ferrell is still acting like an idiot, but if you don’t mind that, watch it. It’ll make you smile and laugh out loud, among other things.
Overall Rating: 6
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Starring: Amber Rose Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel, Blake Lively, America Ferrera, Bradley Whitford
The plot according to Yahoo: Based on Ann Brashares’ best-selling novel about a special summer in the lives of four lifelong friends separated for the first time. On a shopping trip, the young women find a pair of thrift-shop jeans that fits each of them perfectly and they decide to use these pants as a way of keeping in touch over the months ahead, each one wearing the jeans for a week to see what luck they bring her before sending them on to the next. Though miles apart, the four friends still experience life, love and loss together in a summer they’ll never forget.
Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 7
Release: June 1st, 2005
Analysis: Oh. My. God. I do not say this because it’s a chick flick – if you don’t know that by now, you should stop watching movies. I say that because I knew my girlfriend was going to make me sit through it, but I had no idea what it was about. Now, seeing this trailer, I realize: I am screwed. *Sigh* A great movie for those interested in such things, but for the gentlemen….stay away. Far away. That being said, it really seems to showcase the movie well, but is another one of those trailers to give away tons and tons of the flick during two minutes. You’ve been warned.
Overall Rating: 5
Starring: Michael Angarano, Kurt Russell, Kelly Preston, Lynda Carter, Danielle Panabaker, Bruce Campbell
The plot according to Yahoo: When you’re the son of the world’s most legendary superheroes The Commander (Kurt Russell) and Jetstream (Kelly Preston), there is only one school for you – Sky High, an elite high school that is entrusted with the responsibility of molding today’s power-gifted students into tomorrow’s superheroes. The problem is that Will Stronghold (Michael Angarano) is starting with no superpowers of his own and, worst of all, instead of joining the ranks of the “Hero” class, he finds himself relegated to being a “Sidekick.” Now he must somehow survive his freshman year while dealing with an overbearing gym coach (Bruce Campbell), a bully with super speed and a dangerous rebel with a grudge (and the ability to shoot fire from his hands)… not to mention the usual angst, parental expectations and girl problems that accompany teenage life. But when an evil villain threatens his family, friends and the very sanctity of Sky High, Will must use his newfound superpowers to save the day and prove himself a “Hero” worthy of the family tradition.
Length: 2:32
Spoilerish: 6
Release: July 29th, 2005
Analysis: Talk about a unique twist on the coming of age tale. Of course, this could have been done in the past, but nothing springs to mind in my head. I looked at this and groaned, figuring it to be another “Spy Kids” type of flick, and I am pleasantly surprised. Bruce Campbell’s involvement is pretty sweet, and sure, it looks goofy, but it looks fun too. A bit more spoilerish than usual, but nothing too terrible. Could be an entertaining mini-hit of the summer, if marketed right.
Overall Rating: 6.5
Starring: Tom Cruise, Miranda Otto, Dakota Fanning, Justin Chatwin, Tim Robbins
The plot according to Yahoo: A contemporary retelling of H.G. Wells’s seminal classic, the sci-fi adventure thriller reveals the extraordinary battle for the future of humankind through the eyes of one American family fighting to survive it.
Length: 1:12
Spoilerish: 4.5
Release: June 29th, 2005
Analysis: Third time is the charm, as they say. This last trailer for WotW is pretty great. It’s short, it’s sweet, and it shows everything it needs to in order to gain the attention and anticipation of an audience. You even get your first glimpse of an alien in this one, not to mention them having some fun beating the smack out of humans. Awesome overall.
Overall Rating: 8
Special Feature Request: Land of the Dead & Cry Wolf!
Our main man Travis Leamons has some premium hook-ups in the movie world. He gets all sorts of nifty things like advanced copies and reviews and all of that sweet jazz. This week, he’s handed me some links for two kick-ass looking upcoming films. We’ve seen Land of the Dead in here already, so I’ll just give the synopsis and links for that, but Cry Wolf was a nice surprise. Special thanks to Special Ops Media.
Land of the Dead
Release: June 24th
Synopsis: Synopsis: George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead is the acclaimed director’s long-awaited return to the horror genre he invented, beginning with the seminal Night of the Living Dead and continuing with Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead. In this new tale, Romero creates a harrowing vision of a modern-day world where the walking dead roam an uninhabited wasteland and the living try to lead normal lives behind the walls of a fortified city. A new society has been built by a handful of enterprising, ruthless opportunists who live in the towers of a skyscraper, high above the hard-scrabble existence on the streets below. But outside the city walls, an army of the dead is evolving. Inside, anarchy is on the rise. With the very survival of the city at stake, a group of hardened mercenaries is called into action to protect the living from an army of the dead. George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead is written and directed by Romero and stars Simon Baker, Dennis Hopper, Asia Argento, Robert Joy and John Leguizamo.
Official Trailers – Quicktime: Small, Medium, Large
Cry Wolf
Release: September 23rd, 2005
Synopsis: Nobody believes a liar – even when they’re telling the truth. When a young woman is found murdered, a group of local high school students decide to further scare their classmates by spreading online rumors that a serial killer called “The Wolf” is on the loose. By describing “The Wolf’s” next victims, the students’ game is to see how many people they can convince – and if anyone will uncover the lie. But when the described victims actually do start turning up dead, suddenly no one knows where the lies end and the truth begins. As someone or something begins hunting the students themselves, the game turns terrifyingly real.
Trailers: Quicktime Low, Quicktime High, Windows Media High, Windows Media Low
Analysis: Well, it’s about bloody time that someone used AIM in a horror movie. That being said, it’s hard to tell with this one. It looks like it could be pretty original, in a way, but then again this genre is so stale and dated at this point, who knows. Honestly, while it has potential, the trailer doesn’t do much for me. It raises my interest a little, but then I remember it’s a horror/slasher film, and any hopes quickly vanish. I would never rule a film out, of course, but I’ll wait until I see/hear more on this one.
Score: 5
Trailers for Films Opening This Very Weekend! (Weekend of May 12th, 2005)
Starring: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds, William Fichtner, James Cromwell
The plot according to Yahoo: The story of pro quarterback Paul Crewe (Sandler) and former college champion and coach Nate Scarboro (Reynolds), who are doing time in the same prison. Asked to put together a team of inmates to take on the guards, Crewe enlists the help of Scarboro to coach the inmates to victory in a football game “fixed” to turn out quite another way.
Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 6.5
Analysis: Well, it’s an Adam Sandler movie, and the trailer does not try to hide that. Instead, it plays to his strengths, and if you’re a Sandler fan, you’ll be in love. If not, well, you probably will never be and you should skip this flick. The film looks funny and sees Sandler teaming up with Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds and more. Not too many jokes are given away, and you can’t say the plot is spoiled because A)It’s a remake, and B)It’s an Adam Sanlder football film. Come on now.
Overall Rating: 7.5 (I’m a big Sandler fan)
Starring: Andy Richter, Cedric the Entertainer, Sacha Baron Cohen, Chris Knights, Tom McGrath
The plot according to Yahoo: This movie focuses on four residents and “stars” of the Central Park Zoo in New York City who are also best friends: a lion (Stiller), a zebra (Rock), a giraffe (Schwimmer) and a pregnant hippo (Smith). When one of them goes missing, the other three break out of the zoo looking for him, and eventually all four are captured and put in boxes to ship them back to the continent their species are originally from: Africa. An accident at sea, however, strands them on the shore of Madagascar. Having had humans take care of them their entire life, the four know nothing of surviving in the wild, or that one of them, the lion, is genetically predisposed to eat his three best friends. Exploring their surroundings, the four friends soon meet the Malagasy locals (a type of lemur given to having loud “rave-like” dance parties) and their carnivorous enemies, the fousas. As the two sides try to use these four new, strange (and large) friends to their benefit, our heroes are also confronted with the reality of their predestined roles in nature.
Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 5
Analysis: All star cast + animated comedy = potential goodness. This will be a hit (Though probably not as big thanks to Star Wars) and of course it’s hard to tell quality from a trailer. The trailer itself though is quite a good thing. It gives the viewer a good sense of the plot and the main characters, and also gives away a handful of jokes, but nothing too much. It’ll make people laugh if they’ve never seen it before, and that is a very good thing. Whether or not it will attract an audience larger than kids is a bit questionable: just because it came from the makers of Shrek, doesn’t mean its another Shrek. Business will be good, but quality is questionable.
Overall Rating: 6.5
The Number One Movie in America!
Every week, I’ll take the number one movie in America and put its trailer here, just in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet (or you just loves the trailer).
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson
The plot according to Yahoo : The third and final installment in the Star Wars prequel trilogy – the sixth Star Wars movie overall. Anakin Skywalker’s turn to the Dark Side of the Force, the continuing Clone Wars and the final fate of the Old Republic should be revealed.
Length: 2:32
Spoilerish: 5
Analysis: Brendan Campbell: Having not watched the trailer before going to see Revenge of the Sith I went in knowing the absolute basics of what the story was about. Now that I’ve seen the movie, and watched the trailer, I can honestly say that they have done a beautiful job of capturing the dark mood of this film without revealing to much of the actual plot. The trailer shows that the movie is entirely about Anakin’s fall to the dark side, and that Vader does make an appearance in costume at some point, but again, does a decent job of not giving anything major away. While I’m glad I didn’t watch it before seeing the movie, anyone who did won’t be any worse off because of it!
Overall Rating: 10!! (From Campbell)
Wrapping it Up
Nothing really to say. Trying to get back in the groove of life at home (it’s an excuse every week here…) and once that happens…blah blah…..better column! Haha! As usual….
Until next time…..
