Pancakes In the Age of Enlightenment- The World Needs Ditch Diggers Too
LEADING OFF
I have learned Olympic Gold Medalist and World Class hot chick Jennie Finch is now playing for the Chicago Bandits fast pitch softball team, right here in my fair city. I plan to begin stalking immediately. Anybody else want in?
Looks like I will have to start taking that yoga class again, to prepare myself.
Welcome back and hallelujah to the 15 loyal fans. This week we’ll be continuing our review of the 2005 NFL Draft by checking in with the AFC North. We’ll also look in on the NBA Conference Finals, and TRUMP is back this week after being ably filled in for by Jar Jar last week. It is now officially time for your ass to give.
NFL GENUINE DRAUGHT- AFC NORTH
For the denizens of the AFC North, the 2004 draft ranged from hitting the jackpot to looking like a jackass. The Steelers got what looks like their next franchise QB in Ben Roethlisberger. Contrast that with the Browns got motorcycle enthusiast Kellen Winslow, who as of Opening Day 2006 will have yet to play an NFL snap. What did the draft have in store for the Steelers, Browns, Ravens, and Bengals this year? Let’s take a look.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Day 1
1st round, 30th pick- Heath Miller, TE, Virginia
The Steelers were able to fill a need at tight end with the 30th pick by grabbing the best one in this draft class. Mille’s stock fell slightly prior to the draft after he did not run at the combine due to injury. He is an excellent receiver who will open up another dimension to the Steelers passing game. He is also an excellent athlete. He was recruited to Virginia as a quarterback, but made the switch to tight end after redshirting his freshman year. He should aid greatly in the development of Roethlisberger, giving him another weapon to work with.
2nd round, 62nd pick- Bryant McFadden, CB, Florida St.
McFadden is seen as someone who may be useful as a nickel back or as a depth guy in the secondary, but who lacks the one-on-one cover skills to start right away. He is a tough player with decent size for his position, who can help against the run as well as the pass. His speed is decent and he started 3 years for the Seminoles, which means he knows how to play the game. He could be a solid NFL corner.
3rd round, 93rd pick- Trai Essex, OT, Northwestern
Essex was not projected to be a first day pick by some analysts. The reason for this is that he has a reputation as being soft and lacking intensity despite being a fine athlete. His athleticism is highlighted by the fact that he was recruited as a tight end, and in his freshman year started every game at that position for Northwestern. Why did he switch to tackle? One scout wrote that he, “ate himself out of the position”.
And the rest”¦
WR Fred Gibson (4th round, Georgia) is long and lanky at 6-4, 196. He’s got size and speed but he’s strictly a deep threat and his hands are suspect. ILB Rian Wallace (5th round, Temple) is a raw underclassman who the Steelers hope can harness his ability into results. G Chris Kemoeatu (6th round, Utah) projected as high as the third round on some boards. He is a strong, nasty Hawaiian player but lacks consistency. Still have to wonder why he slipped this far, especially since he has a brother that plays in the league currently. RB Noah Herron (6th round, Northwestern) is a rugged, bowling-ball type runner who can also play fullback.
Baltimore Ravens
Day 1
1st round, 22nd pick- Mark Clayton, WR, Oklahoma
Going to back to their days as the original Cleveland Browns, it is hard to remember the last time this franchise had a great wide receiver. The Ravens hope Clayton can be one. He has all the tools you want from a wideout. He has speed to get open deep and quickness to get open on shorter routes. He also has good hands and the ability to break a run after the catch. The only shortcoming he might have is his size. He is listed at 5-10. It will be interesting to see how he deals with NFL style press coverage from corners, but with the new rules limiting contact with WR’s that took effect last year size may not be as big a concern as it would have been in the past.
2nd round, 53rd pick- Dan Cody, DE, Oklahoma
Cody was drafted to play the Peter Boulware role in the Ravens defense. He will bring a pass rush from the defensive end position on one side, complementing the rush from Terrell Suggs on the other side. He has had neck and spine problems, and that may have been a factor in him dropping to the second round. Another may be that whether he can do anything effectively in the NFL besides rush the passer is questionable. He has a thin lower half of his body, which could mean he will be pushed around in the running game.
2nd round, 64th pick- Adam Terry, OT, Syracuse
Terry is absolutely huge. He stands 6-8, 330. Aside from that he also has excellent mobility for a man his size. As you might expect though, it is not easy to keep such a big frame balanced when you have 300 pound defensive linemen trying to knock you over. If he can master proper technique to minimize that problem, there is no limit to how good he can be.
And the rest”¦
C Jason Brown (4th round, N. Carolina) is very strong, if a bit slow, and a good straight ahead blocker. He can also play guard, which will provide depth. FB Justin Green (5th round, Montana) was a feature back in college but will be strictly a fullback in the pros. QB Derek Anderson (6th round, Oregon St.) has an NFL body at 6-6 242, and a big arm. With Kyle Bolle’s performance at QB being shaky at best thus far, Baltimore is a good spot for him to possibly have a chance.
Cincinnati Bengals
Day 1
1st round, 17th pick, David Pollack, DE, Georgia
Pollack has already been labeled a future All-Pro. He has good athleticism, but his real strength lies in his makeup and knowledge of his position. He played with professionalism as a college player. He is always in pursuit of the ball and plays whistle to whistle, often making plays on the other side of the field from where he lined up. He is a two time winner of the Ted Hendricks Award for being the best defensive end in college football. You just can’t find anything bad written about this guy.
2nd round, 48th pick, Odell Thurman, ILB, Georgia
The Bengals went back between the hedges for the second round pick. Thurman is a shade small for an inside linebacker but he has a nose for the ball and is always around the play and hits hard. He can probably be a good pass defender right now, but his size makes shedding blocks and defending the run a concern. He is an underclassman and may have benefited from another year in Athens. Still, he was rated at the top of his class at this position.
3rd round, 83rd pick, Chris Henry, WR, West Virginia
Henry looks the part of an elite receiver at 6-4, but, at West Virginia at least, he didn’t really translate that on the field. He had a penchant for getting tossed out of games in college and maturity is definitely an issue. He started only 7 games last year. Hmm, a tall, fast wide receiver with a bad attitude who played his college ball in West Virginia. I wonder who his role model is?
And the rest”¦
C Eric Ghiaciuc (4th round, Central Michigan) may be unremarkable in the athleticism department, but his football makeup has drawn raves. He also put on a freak show in the bench press rep trial at the combine. The Bengals weren’t done with Chippewa O linemen, also taking OT Adam Kieft (5th round, Central Michigan). He’s huge at 6-7, 339, but his play was inconsistent in college. WR Tab Perry (6th round, UCLA) has great size at a muscular 6-2, 229, and NFL speed. He also holds a lot of kick returning records in Westwood. DE Jonathan Fanene (7th round, Utah) is a load at 290 pounds, and has the versatility to play end or tackle.
Cleveland Browns
Day 1
1st round, 3rd pick- Braylon Edwards, WR, Michigan
You can raise a pretty good argument that Edwards wasn’t the 3rd best receiver in the draft, let alone the 3rd best player (Mike Williams, Troy Williamson, and Mark Clayton all compare favorably). Few if any teams have boofed up the draft in recent years worse than the Browns. From Tim Couch to Gerard Warren to Courtney Brown to William Green to Kellen Winslow, the Browns’ brain trust has cranked out bust after bust after bust for various reasons. Given this, you have to at least cast a skeptical eye towards this pick. Edwards is tall and can make some big plays, but he is also seen as soft and prone to dropping balls. This and the fact that he is going to be catching passes from the great Trent Dilfer for at least this year should make Browns fans nervous.
2nd round, 34th pick- Brodney Pool, FS, Oklahoma
Pool is an aggressive ballhawk who uses smarts and positioning to always be in on the play. His speed is no better than average, but once he gets to the play he tackles the man with the ball. Sounds easy but you’d be surprised how many safeties don’t do that. Various mock drafts had him going in the 1st round, so for the Browns to get him in the second round is a coup.
3rd round, 67th pick- Charlie Frye, QB, Akron
Well you can’t go wrong with taking a quarterback from the MAC. Chad Pennington, Byron Leftwich, Ben Roethlisberger, Daunte Culpepper, and I’m sure some guys that I am forgetting are all testament to that. Frye started all 4 years at Akron, and at 6-4 225 has great size. He has a good arm and a never say die attitude. Not to compare him to a certain Hall of Famer, but he seems to have a lot of Brett Favre in him. He looks like he could be the QB of the future for the Browns.
And the rest”¦
CB Antonio Perkins (4th round, Oklahoma) was passable at corner for the Sooners. His real value lies as a kick returner, and he will be given every opportunity to do that for the Browns. DE David McMillan (5th round, Kansas) runs a 4.58 40, which is absolutely unheard of for a defensive end (USC WR and first round draft choice Mike Williams was also clocked at 4.58 to give you an idea). He will be given a shot as a pass rushing linebacker. DT Andrew Hoffman (6th round, Virginia) has a good attitude and moves well. OT Jon Dunn (7th round, Virginia Tech) is a mountain at 6-7, 331 and will be a developmental prospect.
MLB APPRENTICE- Trump Returns
After a one week absence, I am pleased to announce that this week sees the return of the Donald!
What the”¦.that’s not Trump! That’s the guy that played him in that TV movie that was on Tuesday night! And you say that’s the best you can do???? I kill you.
Anywho, let’s bring in this week’s 3 stooges and see who will join Tony Pena, Eric Wedge, and Dave Miley in being FIRED. Robin, send them in.
Ken Macha
Lou Piniella
Phil Garner
“Okay Lou, Phil, Ken, I want to tell you right up front that I don’t like firing people. I’ve never been comfortable with it.”
“WHAT THE *&!%@$!&@-ity *&!%@$!&@ AM I DOING HERE? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I HAVE NO *&!%@$!&@-ity *&!%@$!&@-ing BUSINESS BEING IN HERE WITH THESE *&!%@$!&@-ity *&!%@$!&@’S!!!!:
“Uhhh yeah”¦well”¦the Tampa franchise is still as dead as it was before you got there and”¦”
“*&!%@$!&@ You”
“Okay then, Phil, or “Scrap Iron” should I say, you were great last year, but this year your team is 3-21 on the road. That is unacceptable when you have Roger Clemens and Roy Oswalt on your pitching staff. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“At least I have a solid resume as a manager and player. What about Papa Smurf over there? I had never heard of him before the A’s made him their manager, and now the team is falling apart under him.”
“Ken, you were in here last week, and things have only gotten worse for you since then. Lou’s Devil Rays are about to sweep you for crying out loud, and they are horrible.”
“I will *&!%@$!&@-ing KILL YOU!”
Ken Macha
Just like I told that thing last week, my players can’t take steroids anymore. Mr. Moneyball is drunk with power. He’s left me nothing. Nothing I tells ya.”
“I’m sorry Ken, I agree your GM has left you hanging, but you still should be doing better than you are. Ken..”
Ken Macha
“I’ll change!!”
“I don’t like firing people, I’ve never been comfortable with it, but, YOU’RE FIRED”
Ken Macha
“Uh hooo hooo hooo hooooooooo”¦.”
What an emotional scene. Find out what happens next week when Trump says..
“Are you chewing tobacco?”
“No sir!!”
NBA PLAYOFF PEEP SHOW- Conference Finals, or The Battle for Basketball’s Soul
The NBA Playoffs have yielded for us 2 conference final matchups that virtually mirror one another. In the East, you have the Miami Heat and their 2 man game of Shaq and Dwayne Wade, versus the Pistons and their 5 man basketball jam.
In the West, you’ve got the Spurs who also follow the big guy/little guy formula with Tim Duncan and Tony Parker/Manu Ginobili, going up against the run and gun Showtime 2010 freak show that is the Phoenix Suns.
What is at stake is the style of basketball the NBA will bring into the last half of this decade. Since the first retirement of Michael Jordan, we’ve largely been seeing a game of basketball that features a big guy and a little guy playing pick and roll, and everyone else getting out of the way. Last year, the Pistons capitalized on a weak Eastern conference and a Lakers team in disarray to capture an NBA championship using a true team concept that hadn’t been seen in the league since the late 70s.
In 2005, we are seeing two teams using the two man game that dragged the league down after the wild success it enjoyed in the 80s and 90s, indeed featuring the very symbols of that style of play in Shaq and Tim Ducan. Then you have two teams playing an exciting brand of team basketball that has become viable in the wake of international squads playing that same style whipping the ass of US “Dream Teams” that don’t know how to defend it. Who is going to end up on top is truly anybody’s guess, as all 4 teams could conceivably come out of this with the title.
I’m pulling hard for the Suns and Pistons.
PIMPS UP HOS DOWN
Oli Porter is back and he’s got his Malcolm Glazer on.
Mark U is also back from hiatus with views on “The Contender”.
Patrick has been listening to Fallout Boy lately. I saw them at a street fest in Chicago back in aught 3. I mainly spent the whole time drinking and bitching that I had no job and no girl. Now F.O.B. is famous, I have a job and a girl, and I’m still drinking.
Steve Price has some Yoda speak for that azz.
That’s it for this week. Next week we’ll have AL May in Review, AFC South Draft Wrap, and keep pace with the NBA Playoffs. Have a great Memorial Day Weekend.
