The Saturday Report – The New Summer Season

Well, Sweeps month is just about over, and you know what that means – craptastic reality TV summer shows!! Here’s a sampling:

Big Brother – The Chenbot returns with yet another “exciting” installment of this show. I wonder if Les Moonves keeps this on as a favour to his wife?

Dance With The Stars – Apparently the premise of this is that “celebrities” will be paired with a professional ballroom dancer and has 6 weeks to learn how to dance. Or something. The “celebs” the guy who played J Peterman on Seinfeld, former heavyweight champ Evander “I’m Lennox Lewis’ bitch” Holyfield, Rachel Hunter, Joey McIntyre, requisite former Playmate Kelly Monaco and will-not-go-away Reality TV vet Trista Ryan. I dunno, I don’t watch ballroom dancing when it’s normal people – why would I watch D-Listers do it?

Average Joe 4 – We will once again learn the lesson that people on reality dating shows, people will be superficial and choose the hot guy/chick over the normal looking ones.

Canadian Idol – OK, this might not be too bad, since it’s an Idol show, but bear in mind that we got Ryan Malcolm as the first Canadian Idol. Enough said.

Rock Star – INXS – I’m of the opinion that this should’ve been called “New Sensation”, but that’s just me. As you might have guessed, this contest is to see who becomes the new lead singer for the brothers Farriss. I’d include some Michael Hutchence jokes here, but I think they’ve all been done to death. Um, I mean, they’ve been overdone. Anyways, the end result has got to be better than Gary Cherone fronting Van Halen, or Lawrence Gowan as the lead singer for Styx. Right?

H1t Me Baby One More Time – I’m actually looking forward to this. On Thursday, this kicks off with A Flock of Seagulls, Arrested Development, Loverboy and Tiffany all singing their hit song!! This will be absolute cheese, and I’ll probably love every minute of it.

Hell’s Kitchen – Like H1t Me Baby One More Time, this is another UK import adapted for the US. More or less, it looks like that Jamie Oliver show on the Food Network where he trains neophytes on how to become head chefs. Could be good, but it comes with the usual disclaimer – it’s a reality show on Fox.

The Cut – CBS was the only network not to try a “multi-million dollar mogul reality competition”, so I suppose it was just a matter of time. Tommy Hilfiger is the “Donald” for this show. It gets the “Survivor” slot, but that’s not a guarantee of success – just ask the producers of Wickedly Perfect.

Looking just at these shows, it’s no wonder why people think reality TV sucks. I might have to start watching Raw again…

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