The Crucifix

Happy Memorial Day and to all you Canadians, Happy…something or other. Last week was pretty much hell on earth for me, so I got to see no wrestling at all. However, I did read about it and BOY AM I HAPPY TRIPLE H MADE HIS TRIUMPHANT RETURN! For what it’s worth, we all knew what the main event at Vengeance was going to be, so there is really no point in complaining that he came back. There is good reason to complain about him coming back and doing the same thing he’s been doing for years. By the way, 12 years ago, Jack Tunney would’ve suspended him for using the sledgehammer.

Changes are on the way for this column and the The Thursday Pulse. Basically I’m going to break them up. All my thoughts on Raw are going to be on The Thursday Pulse, as will the Crown of Thorns for Smackdown. Additionally, everything that happens between Monday and Thursday, news wise, will go in The Thursday Pulse. Will this be annoying for some of you? Probably, but I want to spread my 4 hits around. On with the show…

Like I said, no Raw and no Smackdown last week for me. Infact, the only thing that I’ve heard about the shows is that Edge jobbed hard, Triple H returned, Paul Heyman lit a wreath on fire and not only will Kurt Angle go to One Night Stand, but he will face Sharmell T on Smackdown this week. Seeing as the above is all I know, let me give my three cents.

– Edge jobbing as bad as I heard, with everyone interfering for him, doesn’t go along too well with all the buildup they gave him. If they were going to job out the winner of the Gold Rush, then why not have Christian be elevated by it? At the very least, have Kane run in and screw it up for Edge.

– Triple H, ahhh, how we missed you. What was it? 2 or 3 weeks that we actually enjoyed the show? Seriously, raise your hand if you want to see Triple H main event against Batista again. The worst thing is that the brains at creative had to use a fake Flair turn…again. To show how hard it would be to come up with something, I asked InsidePulse’s Creative Director, Matthew Michael how he would have brought Triple H back to Raw:

Simple. I would have had him cost Batista the title vs. Edge, thus setting up DAVE challenging HHH in a HitC. Edge could then feud with Kane over the title for a month or so, until the draft lottery results took effect.

See, how f*cking hard was that?

– I went to to check out the video of Heyman, Vince and Bischoff in the same ring together and I have to say, I like it. Heyman is a great mouthpiece and lets be honest, if they pull it off correctly, you could see ECW invade WWE again. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not sitting here and saying it will be an actual invasion and have crazy implications to the wrestling universe, but it would be fun. Also, ECW is the only company that can make WWE the heels in this whole thing.

– Kurt Angle going to One Night Stand will be funny if they crucify him.

– Kurt Angle facing Sharmell? As long as he doesn’t pull a DDP and actually job to her, it’s alright by me. I’d like to see him break her ankle. I’m a sick freak like that.

The Crown Of Thorns

– Edge will whine and complain about how Christian didn’t do his job. Christian will turn face after Tomko turns on him to join Edge.
– Batista will accept Hell In A Cell. (I just left Barnes and Noble, it’s on the cover of Raw Magazine)
– The Sandman will jump Eric Bischoff.
– Victoria will defend the World Title against Kane and pin him clean after Thw Widow’s Peak.

Raw from Doug Kalish:

-For the first time ever, Rosie & Hurricane will wrestle La Resistance. I’ve
never seen that match, so I’m really looking forward to it.
-Lita will say something negative about Kane that we internet fans will know
is really related to Matt Hardy. She and Edge will do a stupid looking kiss
and Edge will smile with his big teeth. Edge will then lose yet another
match because there’s no reason to have him win when HHH is back as the #1
heel on the show.
-Hassan and Viscera will wrestle. They need something to do this week, so
might as well wrestle. Lillian will hit Hassan with the ring bell and the
-Kane will chokeslam someone and his pyro will go off. Maybe he’ll cry again
this week. He’s such an interesting, multi-faceted character. Oh wait, no
he isn’t.
-Chris Jericho and Shelton Benjamin will continue their weird feud where
we’re not quite sure who to cheer. Shades of grey! Not sure that confused
fans really buy tickets, but hey, I’m not really writing these shows.
-Chris Benoit will wrestle another former ECW wrestler in another hardcore
match. For fun. ‘Cause that’s what ECW was about. Wrestling your friends
and trying to injure them by driving them through tables. That’s fun.
That’s extreme!
-Christian will be funny and wasted for yet another week.
-HHH and Batista will have some activity to promote their 3rd PPV match.
Remember when Wrestlemania was used to end feuds and allow new ones to
start? I must be old.

– Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman will jump Kurt Angle after he breaks Sharmell’s ankle.
– Paul London will break his neck while executing the 450.
– Much like Raw, ANOTHER match between Cena and JBL will be announced.
– Victoria will challenge John Cena to a unification match. She will beat him in under 30 seconds. (God I suck)

By the way, I’m still waiting for your submissions. You predict and I will print. Email me like Doug did and name will be in…um…print?

I’m going to be rather honest. She hasn’t updated her site in over a month and a half. She hasn’t been on TV in a match in a while. Also, they made her job to friggin’ Hemme this past weekend. God I miss the psycho!

Visit Victoria at

– Let me get this straight: A whole bunch of websites are NOW reporting that Matt Hardy has pictures up on his site of him with a gun. They treat this as crazy news that they are just breaking. Now if this is news, why did I have it in my column almost a month ago? Way to be on top of stuff boys.

– WWE released some matches for One Night Stand, which are:
Lance Storm with Dawn Marie vs Chris Jericho
Extreme luchador action:ӬRey Mysterio vs Psychosis
A three way dance:ӬThe insane luchador Super Crazy vs Tajiri with Sinister Minister vs Little Guido
Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit
Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman vs Bubba & D-Von Dudley
Other than Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman against The Dudleys, I like everything so far. I’m against the aforementioned match because I would rather see them push to get Raven and have him square off with Dreamer and I’d like to see The Sandman do something else.

– Lionel Tate, an old friend of WWE’s, was arrested after reportedly robbing and beating a pizza delivery guy. Unfortunately, he didn’t lacerate the guys liver and cause damage comparable to a car accident. Apparently prison made him forget how to perform a brainbuster and vertabreaker. The only wrestling move he knows now is how to be on the receiving end of Viscera’s Mile Chocolate.

– Dean Douglas will be appearing at the ROH show the same night as One Night Stand to cut a promo. Although Vince owns the whole thing, Shane feels as though he should cut a promo and let everyone know that One Night Stand isn’t a real ECW show. Neither is Hardcore Homecoming, dipshit.

– Brock Lesnar proves he is an utter and complete idiot in his response to WWE’s lawsuit.

– Matt Hardy, who I am growing to hate more and more, posed this on his website:
Hello everyone. How interested are all of you in a Matt Hardy reality show? I have been working with my producer over the last few days and actually filming footage over the entire weekend. If you want to see the real Matt Hardy, uncut and totally exposed, THE MATT HARDY SHOW will definitely be for you. Who better to have a camera on them 24/7 than “Mr. Controversy”, the Angelic Diablo, the white-hot Matt Hardy–the guy who always has something to say and doesn’t change his opinion or beliefs for ANYONE. For all those who are chanting “WE WANT MATT”, you’re gonna get him. I want your feedback, your comments, your suggestions, anything you would like to know about me or see me do. I want to hear from you–my core group of supporters, because I actually listen to my fans. Always remember, it’s US vs. THEM. Let me hear from you guys…. “¨”¨Matt
Yes Matt, we can call it The Crying Hour with Matt Hardy. Shit, I thought Britney Spears’ Chaotic was bad. By the way, her husband is a complete douchebag.

– TNA! TNA! TNA! PLOP! TNA is currently in talks to move Impact to WGN or Spike and, as always, are looking for a Monday night spot to challenge WWE. For now they’ll have NO promotion but still run their monthly PPVs. Abort abort!
Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t throw this out there. TNA wants to challenge WWE in the worst way and start a new “war”. Has anyone taken a look at WWE’s roster? It contains three people of note. Those three were actually in the same ring together last Monday on Raw. Yup, Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff and Paul Heyman. Now, ECW didn’t really do too much competing, per se, in the wars of yesteryear, but they were around, scratching and clawing. We all know what went on between WCW and WWF/E. Do you think for one minute that TNA stands a chance against WWE with the three veterans of the wars on the opposite side? Forget for a second that Vince could f*cking kill TNA himself. Throw in Eric and Paul and the Koala Refinery and TNA have no damn chance. Please, just fold now and let Styles, Monty, Daniels and the other talented ones come over to the big show.

– Last but certainly not least, Nicole Bass is back in the news again. If you sign up for the NY Post’s online edition, you can view it here. But since we are all cheap scumf*cks, I’ll give the abridged version.

Nicole got tanked and beat the hell out of her husband. Then she bit a cops hand after he responded to the scene. Her husband, Robert Fuchs said this: ” She started to hit me, I was afraid. I said, ‘Please.’ I’m 57, I’ve had three heart attacks, I can’t afford this. I was afird for myself. There’s no way I could touch her. She’s 230, 6 foot two, she knows how to box, she’s a southpaw, and she’s a pro wrestler. There’s no way I could go near her. She’s kill me.” Nicole apparently suffers from severe pancreatitis and had some problems filling her prescription for Oxycontin. To deal with this, she began drinking “half a gallon of vodka a day” accoring to her husband. She was also threatening to take a bunch of pills and slit her wrists. Her husband got scared, called the cops. She was very nice to them, but bit one of them after she fell down and he went to help her up. She is in Elmhurst Hospital’s psych ward now.

Well, I suggest most of you go here and change up/submit your Dead Pool choices.

That’s all for me, I’ll see you on Thursday with the new and improved Pulse.