Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc., 05.31.05

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Though he were not king of Ireland, yet willingly would I fondle the boy. – The Second Branch of the Mabinogi

Apparently the Welsh prophesied Rob Feinstein a thousand years ago.

Oy vey…well, let me describe the last week to you.  On Wednesday night, I had another panic attack.  This one was one I hadn’t had in about six and a half years:  a focus on a crowded room with lots of human voices triggering claustrophobia.  It was another slow overdose of medication, but the medication in question is cutting down on my paranoia.  I spent Thursday and Friday out of work, thus increasing my long weekend to five days.  So I’ll just be increasing my tranquilizers and hoping I get through the next two weeks fine (unfortunately, my boss comes back from four weeks’ training today).  After that, I can’t be fired for no reason, so a good portion of the weight of the world will be off my shoulders.  At least I hope they won’t fire me before next Tuesday, since that’s my next appointment with my shrink.  I also have a union meeting on Sunday, so if I don’t get fired this week, I might be able to get a little sympathy and ego boosting from my fellow inspectors.

During that long weekend, I again visited my ex-co-worker’s house to try to upgrade her system.  The spare 80G HD I had worked perfectly, but the 512M DIMM I picked up didn’t work on her piece of shit Dell (sorry about the redundancy), so I went over to Ebay and picked up a matching set of 256es on Sunday night (thank God for auctions closing within thirty minutes with no bids).  So I should have this thing up to functional level after I get the DIMMs.  Then I shouldn’t have to go over there and be forced to pet her dog when he gets lonely.

The rest of the week, I spent finding out what software works on XP 64-Bit and what doesn’t.  Alcohol and Daemon Tools don’t work, so there goes any possibility of virtual drives; however, they’re working on 64-bit versions of both right now.  Window Blinds works, but CursorXP and Icon Packager don’t, which says something about quality control over at Stardock.  Since XP 64-Bit is based on Windows Server 2003, a lot of programs don’t recognize this as being Windows, so all of them are out (and that includes drivers; fortunately, there are 64-bit versions of video drivers and motherboard drivers available).  Also, my camera won’t transfer directly to my system because, oh, gee, there are no 64-bit drivers for the mass storage capabilities.  This is getting to be such a pain in the ass that I think I’m going to set up a dual-boot with XP once I get my second hard drive back up to snuff.

Oh, yeah, the second hard drive getting back up to snuff…on Friday, I got a warning from SMART that my second hard drive is about to fail.  My choices were simple:  either make the 110-mile round trip to Best Buy and get another, start searching over Ebay for a high-capacity SATA drive, or try using SpinRite.  Since I don’t feel like popping more money into this system than I already have (I’m trying to get of my seven-month-old expensive video card on Ebay right now), SpinRite it is (thank you, Steve Gibson and whoever pirated it).  It’s working well, but it’s slow due to the number of drive errors that I have, and I have to keep interrupting it in order to, like, use this system to do stuff like this column.  So this one’s going to take a long time to handle.  If I stay with this job and get promoted, then I should be able to afford SATA drives to replace these.  Then this system will really rock.

Otherwise, I started to feel better on Sunday after literally sleeping the previous three days away, and we had the holiday Monday here in the States.  The first of the promotions that I filed for have closed, so hopefully I’ll be getting “Do You Want This?” mails within the next few weeks.  If I can look forward to more than the next two weeks, I’ll be good to go for now.

Sometimes my days simply feel like a chainsaw up the ass.

And on that joyous note, let’s start this puppy up…

THE PIMP SECTION



Well, Lucard is right when he says that I won’t be doing Impact again for a while, but the only way I’ll do it if WGN gets it is if I’m back in Chicago.  I don’t tune into WGN because it triggers homesickness.  However, there is a benefit, namely the fact that without Impact, I may actually get the Short Form done on Fridays.  Of course, that is, if my schedule allows me to…

…and speaking of that, a lot of people have asked me about the mechanics of doing my columns.  As some people know, I alternate on day shift (6:00AM to 2:30PM) and night shift (3:15PM to 11:45PM).  Right now, and for the next five weeks, I’m on night shift.  This actually develops more problems than day shift does.  If I’m on nights, then I start this column on Monday morning, when I’m still fresh as a daisy from the weekend.  I go through everything, get the Pimps done, write shit up, set the VCR to tape Raw, then head to work.  On Tuesday morning, I get up early and watch Raw, look for any updated news, do more Pimps from what got submitted on Monday evening (this week, it’s Price’s racing column, since it’s a recap of the three big races held over the weekend), then submit my column.  Unfortunately, this leaves me no advance time to do my Wednesday column, since by the time I’ve finished doing Raw, I don’t want to write anything else at the time (and, frankly, since Raw demoralizes me most of the time, apathy really sets in).  That means that in order to get Wednesday done, I have to wake up early again, hope that there’s news for me to work with, and go to town if I want to.  If there’s nothing I want to discuss, I blow it off.  The Short Form also suffers from night shift.  There’s usually a Smackdown version up on PWTorrents on Thursday night when I get home, but it’s not a version that I can screen cap.  So I have to wait usually until Friday morning after I wake up to start downloading it, and it doesn’t finish until after I leave for work.  Even worse, sometimes the version I want to use isn’t up there until after I leave for work on Friday or even Saturday morning, so I have to start downloading it when both it and myself are available.  Now this runs directly into the exhaustion I feel after the week’s over, so I often go “Fuck it” and delete it off my drive.  I don’t feel like confronting High-Quality Speaker Boy after a week of work.  As for doing it Sunday, I feel like I’m cheating the audience by getting it in three days after the show.

Day shift makes it easier.  I come home on Monday, get a bite to eat, then start doing the column.  I watch Raw live, then submit right after Raw.  On Tuesday, I can usually get the whole Wednesday column done and submit it on Tuesday evening before bedtime (which for me is about 8PM).  The Short Form is something I can pull off late on Friday night or early on Saturday morning.  If I get promoted soon, then my work hours should stabilize.  Hopefully.

Back to the Pimps…

Misha has jack shit to work with this week.  In other words, it’s my Wednesday column, except he submits something anyway.

Burnside combines Simple Minds and simple minds successfully.

Hollyric mourns the end of Impact, for now.

Tierney recaps all the baseball news you can use.

Hevia is changing the format of his columns, so watch for those changes.  Or you can read him and try to figure them out for yourselves.  And if you can, please explain them to me, because I’m totally confused.

SPEAKING OF MECHANICS…<b/>

A lot of people wonder why I concentrate on 1bullshit Junior when delving for source information.  First of all, they’re reasonably reliable…well, as reliable as you can get in this business.  Fiction merges with reality so much that it’s difficult to tell the difference between the two.  Secondly, they don’t have a dirt sheet to promote.  Da Meltz has always included the best stuff in the dead-tree Observer to boost subscriptions.  Third, they aren’t cutting off actual news in order to pimp a premium site, unlike Wade and his usual bunch of idiots.  Fourth, I deal in the immediate in order to prevent this column from becoming a “recap of the week”, and they post “news” stories frequently, some of which aren’t pimping their premium content.  So they tend to get the lion’s share of my attention.

So now you’ve become smarks when it comes to my columns.  You know how the insides work.  Now if only I can get some true insiders in the business to start providing me with exclusives or magnifications on what other sites just scribble over.  Of course, me not doing this every day handicaps me.  Backstagers with a hot story aren’t going to contact me if they have to wait until Tuesday for it to come out.  They’re going to call Keller or Da Meltz or Milord first.  Plus, and I’ve heard this second-hand, a lot of insiders don’t read me because I’m too “intellectual”.  So when is it a crime to be intellectual?  I’m sure that there are actual intelligent people backstage who appreciate someone talking on their level.  So mail me, guys and gals.

DO I GO WITH MINIS OR FULL STORIES?

Well, here’s a mini to start with:  according to 1bullshit Junior, an interview with Melina in the Edmonton Sun online states that she’s dating Johnny Nitro.  Can’t she do better than that?  For that matter, can’t he do better than that?  And what happens when those two split?  Do MNM break up?  And one final question:  who cares?

Another mini from Da Meltz:  So you thought that FSN got rid of wrestling entirely when they dropped Impact?  Well, no.  Their Spanish affiliate has a lucha show on at 11PM ET Friday nights.  Meltz speculates that it’s going to be TJ stuff, which is cool by me because Tijuana seems to encompass the true spirit of lucha, including the wildness.  I’d watch it, except that after going to work each day, I’m sick and tired of hearing Spanish.

WELL, HERE’S A FULL STORY

Chris Cash pimps his own “radio” show on 1bullshit Junior by publishing excerpts of a shoot interview he had with Kevin Kelly that really doesn’t tell us much.  Here’s what Kelly revealed:

1) Trip holds everyone back:  Oh, what a big f*cking revelation this is.  I believe there may be, like, three smarks on the Net who might not know this, but I’d bet against it.

2) Vince got lucky with everything:  Another big f*cking revelation.  We all know that Vince stumbles into success because he’s still got that old carny mentality, and it takes people around him to try to break new ground (Attitude being the best example of this, when Vinny Ru and Shane had to literally twist his arm to attempt it).  And even when his mentality somehow meshes with something, it’s usually another person’s idea, viz. Pat Patterson and the Undertaker.  Those people who don’t know this can figure it out with no trouble by looking over the last, say, fifteen years of WWE history.

3) Kelly says that an Edge/Matt Hardy feud would draw money:  In what universe?  That would mean propelling Hardy to the upper-mid-card, where he never belonged, or dropping Edge down, and considering the push that Edge was getting before the whole situation with Lita, that would have been career suicide for Edge.  For that matter, a feud with Hardy period would have been career suicide for Edge.

4) Kelly also says that Matt Hardy is “a big puss”:  Hey, I actually agree with him on this.

5) Kelly states “(Diamond Dallas Page) is the most salacious name-dropper in the history of the human race…he will drop a name faster than you will blink an eye..and it doesn’t even have to be a popular name.”:  Well, that’s true.  Every “insider” book that has Page mentioned in it says that.  But the egotism and need for attention that this shows is balanced out by his acts of true altruism both backstage and outside of the building.  He’s a truly nice guy with an annoying habit.  Try to maintain some balance, Mistah Kelly.

6) Kelly on One-Night Stand  “It’s going to fail…it’s going to fail…it’s not going to fail because ECW wasn’t great in the day or it couldn’t be great now; it’s going to fail because of who’s running it”. Kelly says just like the “Invasion” angle didn’t work, this won’t either because of the man heading the ship. He said wrestling fans that buy the PPV hoping to see an ECW PPV that they remember are being sold a bill of goods…”It’s a doomed failure! Given their track record over the last 25 years, I’d be willing to say…this is something that they’re going to try and they’re going to fail at miserably.”: 

Where to start?  First of all, the Invasion angle didn’t work because Vince wanted to gloat and further bury WCW.  Anyone who knows anything about Vince and his ego knows this.  He wanted to show the total destruction of the company that, a few years before, almost put him out of business.  That need for complete destruction overruled everything that “creative” might have done.  And it’s handicapped performers ever since.  I’m sure I’m missing some people, but the only people who have maintained a high profile and a push at a high level that came to WWE via the merger have been Booker and My Beautiful and Beloved (Goldberg got a push because he was Goldberg, period).

Now, about One-Night Stand…first of all, it’s been four years since WWE absorbed ECW.  They have full evidence that ECW still commands attention as a name brand because of DVD sales.  There’s no need to sabotage the PPV on account of ego.  Vince made that plain in his promo last week when he directly stated to the TV audience for the first time that WWE was helping ECW financially (this doesn’t count his implications on the ECW DVD that he was doing it).  Vince has an interest in making ECW look good in order to maintain the brand, which can be exploited further at any time, and in making the guys he’s got who were in ECW still look good as well (viz., Van Dam and the Dudleys).  We don’t know exactly how involved Heyman is in creative and booking for the PPV, but I bet that he’s in nose-deep right now.  He definitely has a reason to make this PPV look good in order to maintain his image as a rebel genius.

And let’s talk about match quality for a second, which, believe it or not, is a draw for PPVs in re the most loyal segment of the audience, namely us smarks.  Any PPV that has Benoit facing Eddy…the rest of the card is cherry, folks.  A three-way dance with Tajiri, Little Guido (breaking away from the decayed Nunzio persona that’s been holding him back), and Super Crazy?  Shit, bring in Super Crazy right now.  Him versus Rey-Rey would be one of the most insane matches you’ve ever seen (that is, if Rey-Rey and Psychosis don’t set the standard).  Storm and Jericho should be a great pure wrestling match (although we already know the ending; Jericho will put Storm over in his last match).  And in the guys who are listed in the “special appearances” section…some of them will be involved in matches as well, and those matches will be essentially audition matches for WWE.  Kid Kash, Masato Tanaka (if they could push Tajiri, they can push Tanaka), even Sabu to see if he still has something left (doubtful).  If those guys are put into matches, they’re going to give 110% in order to show off for the bookers and for Vince.  This is shaping up to be one helluva card on paper.  Of course, execution means everything, but you can tell that there’s a lot of special care being put into this one.  Shit, when they’re bringing back guys that they cut, like Rhyno and Justin Asshole, you know they’re going out of their way to provide as close to an ECW experience as they can replicate.

In other words, Kelly has an axe to grind, and the wheel’s spinning on this one.  Might as well just order those stupid DVDs from the Torch with Vinny Ru and Oklahoma.

YOU THINK I CAN’T RESIST A STORY ABOUT DRUGS?

A certain Mistah Regal gave an interview to the Sun back home in order to pimp his autobiography.  Take the source for what you will, since that particular paper is one of the most sensationalistic of the Brit dailies, but there’s some great stuff in the interview (and special thanks to Wade and his usual bunch of idiots for linking to it).  Let me do a little recapping, and I’ll concentrate on the drug stuff later.

British star William, whose real name is Darren Matthews, deals in detail with a staggering level of drug and alcohol abuse that should have killed him…In an exclusive interview William, 37, told us: “I was sick – sick in the head!  Nobody of any sense would drink or take what I did, it’s not a normal thing to do.  In my book I tried not to make it sound tough in any way or boast ‘look what I can do’.  I wanted to show that it was ridiculous what my body could take.  Anything you gave me I would have done it, especially near the end.  I was shooting stuff up and swallowing stupid amounts of anything and it all seemed quite normal.”

First of all, he’s only 37?  He seems like he’s been around forever.  That’s surprising, even more so than the drugs stuff.  And as for it seeming “normal”, this is the wrestling industry, where drug abuse is standard.  In other words, he was more fitting in with the boys rather than being sick in the head.

I was just lucky nobody gave me any crack or any heroin, as I would have done it. There is no doubt in my mind about that.  You just can’t make sense of that kind of stuff.  I’ve paid for it health-wise but it could have been a lot worse.  I should be dead.

Well, back in 1998, when we smarks knew about Regal’s multiple addictions, we felt that he might die.  In fact, we believed strongly that rehab might not work for him.  The revelation that he was cleaned up and ready to go at Pillman 2000, where he fought Benoit in a five-snowflake classic, was incredible.  I should know.  I was there for that match.

William’s drug addiction didn’t just damage him, he put his loving wife Chris through a living hell.  One Christmas, back at his mother-in-law’s house in Blackpool and high on GHB, Regal flipped out, threatened to hit his father-in-law and ended up in hospital – not remembering how he had got there.  “I threatened anyone who came near me,” he reveals.  “After that they didn’t want me in the house – and quite right too!  I recently found something else out about that night, from my wife, that’s not in the book.  I always thought I’d given the full story but Chris told me that my heart completely stopped five times, an ambulance came and it had to be restarted while I was lying on the steps.  At one point my father-in-law even grabbed the paddles and got it started.  It’s no wonder I’ve had heart problems!”

I have to be honest here:  I’ve never been married, but being high on GHB might be the only way to get through Christmas with the in-laws.  And being in Blackpool on top of that…I’ve had friends who lived in Blackpool, and they describe it as a nightmare.

Other horrifying incidents recalled in William’s book range from nearly burning his house down by constantly leaving the oven on to being thrown off a flight for urinating on the foot of a stewardess.

Ah, that second incident we know about.  That was the Flight From Hell.  At least he wasn’t the only one making an ass out of himself that time.

He was in and out of hospital throughout that dark period and neglected sons Daniel, 16, Dane, 14, and Bailey, eight, worrying instead about where the next hit was coming from…”My children know all about me and what I went through.  Bailey is too young to remember, but I’m not going to hide it from him and have him find out later.”

Boy, is he going to have a hard time with Bailey once he hits puberty.  “Gee, dad, you boozed it up and drugged it up for six years, so how can you complain about me?”  Any story he gives out will have as much effect as the ex-stoner yuppies who told their kids not to smoke pot.

Unlike many wrestlers who have gone through similar problems William, who has also fought under the name Steve Regal, is adamant that the industry is not to blame…”I don’t blame any of what I did on anyone else and I certainly don’t blame wrestling. That’s nonsense – absolute nonsense!  You know the life going in and if you don’t like it then quit, go do something else.”

*coughbullshitcough*

The Raw superstar added: “Vince McMahon was the man who OK’d me getting the treatment I needed and paid for it.  Jim Ross believed in me the most and never faltered. Even when I was let go at one point by the WWE, Jim and Vince both said I could always come back.  What was a really nice gesture was, after I had signed a deal to come back and before I’d even been on TV, Jim brought out a cookbook and put ‘Steve Regal’s fish and chips’ in as a recipe.  Bruce Pritchard and Gerry Brisco were there on the end of the phone for me when I was locked up in rehab and ranting and raving and thinking the whole world was against me.”

Ah, you can smell the ass-kissing from 3000 miles away, can’t you?

Regal’s life changed completely again, this time for the better, in early 1999 when a final relapse caused him to end up in hospital once more.  “It all changed that last time I got hammered,” he reveals.  “After 10 weeks of being in rehab they let me out for the day and I went out and got hammered and woke up with tubes sticking in me.”

And that’s why Pillman 2000 was such a surprise.  No one expected him to get cleaned up at all, and we thought this match would be a disaster, no matter how much Benoit carried him.

Now here’s the drug stuff.  Italics in the drug section are from Regal’s book:

I injured my knee wrestling Chris Benoit in Japan in 1995 and a doctor prescribed some painkillers. Hydrocodone, ten milligrams a pill. That wasn’t the start either.

Vikes.  Same dosage that I have stockpiled, in fact.  10mg hydroconone inside of 500mg Tylenol.  And when I take it, it’s for knee pain.  So I’m definitely familiar with this.

I’d already been taking Valium for quite a while. Originally it had been prescribed to help me fight sleepless nights, something I’ve struggled with for years.  But now I wasn’t only taking them to sleep. I was taking them in the day when I had nothing to do.  Soon I had the same problems with pain pills that I’d faced with Valium and other downers.

Valium is a pussy drug.  But it works as a gateway to the good stuff, I have to give it that.

Throughout this period, I was still taking downers to get me to sleep at night. I was taking three different drugs a day and sometimes more.  If I couldn’t get Valium I’d take Xanax, or if I couldn’t get that I’d find some other sleeping pills, or just somas on their own. Somas are a muscle relaxant so they will knock you out at night.  When my drug consumption was at its worst, it got to the point where I was taking 30 pain pills and 30 somas a day.

I’ve found that Xanax has been pretty good to me the past few weeks.  Since I developed a tolerance to K-Dawgs, I needed something to calm me down.  It doesn’t help me directly to get to sleep, but, hell, it sure sets the stage pretty well.  Now as for Soma, I have no f*cking clue about how he could take thirty a day.  Two of them throw me for a loop for hours.  That’s why I only take it when I’m going to sleep.  This kind of dosage is what killed Louie Spicolli.

Sleeping pills were absolutely worthless to me by this point so one doctor put me on a drug called Klonopin, which certainly did have an affect on me.  It meant I couldn’t talk. It didn’t make me go to sleep at night but mixing it with somas meant that when I opened my mouth only gibberish came out.  That was the reason I could no longer hide my drug taking.  I’d been messing up at work – but now I couldn’t even talk to people.

K-Dawgs!  Never had problems talking on them.  However, the mixture of K-Dawgs and Soma is what really f*cks me up good.  Again, no problems with speaking, but definite problems with standing and walking.

I was drinking a lot of wine at home. I was telling myself that red wine was good for your health. Cobblers, of course – complete nonsense. One glass a day might be good for your heart.  But I was drinking a gallon a day – and taking downers with it.  And at the points where I couldn’t get pills, I made up for it with more alcohol. I drank anything I could get my hands on. Guiness. Cheap wine by the bottle. Even pints of vodka. Anything at all – it wasn’t important.

This is why Fleabag and I separate the two.  He drinks, I pop the pills.  Simple.  I’ve got at least two pills with “Don’t Drink Alcohol” warnings on them, and I obey that label strictly.  I’m a depressive drunk to begin with, and if I’m taking downers like Xanax or K-Dawgs on top of the booze…well, shit, just shut my heart down now, please.

One time catching up with friends in Blackpool buying wraps of speed – amphetamine sulphate – seemed to be the only way to keep going.

Oh, Mistah Regal, amphetamine sulphate is so 1977.  Plus, speed here in the US is, well, such a hick drug.  Ruins your image more than your health.

I would do anything to get a buzz. If I was out and somebody offered me ecstasy, I would take it. Cocaine too. The only thing that stopped me taking more cocaine was my dodgy nose.

Now this is why I stay away from recreational drugs.  I’d prefer to get mine from a safe source.  And there are other ways to do tookski, you know.  IV is one way.  Shit, you were already shooting up other stuff, so there’s no fear of needles there, Mistah Regal.

Of all the things that I’ve taken, GHB has caused me the worst problems. It’s a horrible drug and anyone who tells you different is an idiot for saying so.  All sorts of extraordinary claims are made for this stuff. It is supposed to boost your body’s growth hormone output and burn body fat.  But all it does is screw you up and ruin your life.

Gamma Hydroxybutyrate.  Also known as one of the more popular date-rape drugs.  Now this I’ve never taken.  You want more information from a scare viewpoint, go here.

GHB was soon banned, but someone had altered the formula slightly so it could be sold legally as a product called Renutrient. It was available everywhere in the United States and had exactly the same effects as GHB…I discovered a place that would send me boxes of the stuff in two-pint bottles. It was the only stuff I could get which would give me a buzz.

That’s because Renutrient is a precursor drug to GHB that turns into GHB in the body.  The link above explains that.

And Raw is a precursor drug to Suck these days.  Let’s see how that went…

THE SHORT FORM

Match Results:

Novocaine Helms and His Pet Fat Fuck over Romeo and Antonio, Tag Title Match (Pinfall, Helms pins Antonio, Extremely High Lateral Press):  Memo to the Crowd:  Yes, she is hot, but she’s mine.  Remember that.  And Memo to My Beautiful and Beloved:  You wear that outfit tonight.  I’ll bring the Cool Whip ™.

As BFM said:  I didn’t think it was possible for YBAB to be hotter.  I was wrong.  Hommina.  Stacey in a leather superheroine outfit and Lawler getting kicked in the nuts. RAW is off to a nice start.

Shelton Benjamin over Rob Conway and Sylvain Grenier, Triple Threat Intercontinental Title Match (Pinfall, Benjamin pins Grenier, T-bone suplex):  So now they’re trying to portray Benjy as “tough” by being able to beat tag partners in a Triple Threat match?  Did anyone in “creative” even bother watching the Shawn Michaels match?  That one gave Benjy all the ammo he needs to get over and stay over.  Conway alone would have made for an interesting IC title match, and provided some good wrestling to boot.  But having to see both of them sell for Grenier…well, thank God there wasn’t much of that.  Will someone with a clue start booking Benjy the way he’s supposed to be booked?  Give him Edge’s push and he’d be wearing the world title by the end of Survivor Series.

Edge over Chris Benoit, Tables Match:  A conundrum.  Edge needs to win to keep his heat.  However, we’re in Calgary, where Benoit is God, period.  How to solve this problem?  Do a couple of run-ins and include maniacs like Tomko and Snitsky just for good measure, so that Benoit can’t be defeated without the odds being four to one against, with psychos as a contributing factor.  That being said, the match was going well until the bullshit ending.  I’m sure that Scooter will give it a good grade and knock said grade down for the ending.  Since I write this during Raw itself, I don’t have the advantage of reading him before writing this.  I just know Scooter.

Muhammad Hassan over Dave Batista (DQ, Ref’s Discretion):  Well, they had to keep the “I’ve never been pinned or submitted” on Raw thing going for Hassan.  Maybe that’s why “creative” thinks that Goldberg got over.  I have no clue why that’s become Hassan’s defining characteristic.  Well, at least they kept it short.

KC Evers (no relation) thinks he found something good in this mess:  Something from the Haley’s Little Things File…Daivari still selling Batista’s slap from earlier as he and Hassan enter the arena.

Angle Developments:

In Memoriam:  In the pre-credits, Vince gave this nice little speech about the meaning of Memorial Day and how we shouldn’t forget what it stands for, including a playing of Taps to underscore the point.  So what’s Raw start off with on Memorial Day?  A swimsuit competition complete with gyrations from Viscera.  Yeah, that really fits together like hand and glove, doesn’t it?

Cloud, Meet Silver Lining:  The good news about that whole swimsuit bullshit is that Victoria turned heel, right where she belongs.  And she got to kick Lawler right in the princes to boot.  At least that’ll please me, Hevia, and KC Evers (no relation).

(By the way, KC did write me before I submitted and said that he loved it.  I wrote this just after it happened.  Do I know my readers or what?)

Christopher Arrington had a little problem with the scenario, though:

I am conflicted with this Victoria thing.  On one hand I disagree with her hitting the flexible, petite, busty redhead platform.  On the other hand I am totally in support of her kicking Jerry Lawler in the nads platform.  In the end I support her, I just wish she gave the beatdown to the moron Maria instead.

Well, if it couldn’t be Maria, I’m glad it was the overexposed and too-damn-perky-for-her-own-good Hemme.  Damn, I’m sick of her.  When does her contract guarantee run out?

And that closes things out for me.  Let’s hope that this time it doesn’t close things out for the week, shall we?  Enjoy yourselves, and remember that masturbation lessens your chances of STDs.