What a Tease!

Archive

Hi kids. Welcome to another ‘exciting’ edition of What a Tease! It’s still good to be home, and I’m still an over-worked writer. Running a little late this week, so sorry about that. Trailers are on the light side anyway, so no big deal on that front. Back to full time work next week, so THAT should be fun, for the columns and everything else. But anyway, let’s do it. Everybody know what time it is?

Crowd: WHAT?

Not this time!

Crowd: WHAT?

It’s trailer time!

Crowd: WHAT?

Oh yes indeed!

Crowd: WHAT?

Nuevo

Basically, you’ll get a direct link to the trailer, the main stars involved in the film, the ‘Plot According to Yahoo’ (Or IMDB if it’s an Apple Trailer), the length of the trailer and the *estimated* release date. You’ll ALSO get the following: The Spoilerish ranking – what this basically gauges is how much of the movie the trailer gives away, on a 1-10 scale; My Analysis of the trailer, sometimes being pretty straight and narrow, sometimes being witty and sarcastic, sometimes both; finally, you’ll get an Overall Rating, which is ‘calculated’ based on the length of the trailer, it’s ‘spoilerish-ness’ and, well, how I feel about it. It IS my column, after all, but I promise the ratings will be fair and make sense.

New Trailers This Week:

Four Brothers

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, André Benjamin, Tyrese Gibson, Garrett Hedlund, Sofía Vergara

The plot according to Yahoo: Four adopted brothers come together to bury the woman who raised them. At the funeral, the brothers discover that their mother may have been murdered and they want revenge.

Length: 2:31
Spoilerish: 6.5
Release Date: August 12th, 2005 (Limited)
Analysis: Well, this is an interesting film to come along. I was a taken a bit by surprise in this trailer. It looks like a family film at first (it is) and then changes into a quest for answers, and then the questions change. It looks fun in a very violent, brotherly revenge sort of way. Unfortunately, a nice chunk of the plot and some seemingly key scenes are given away here, as the trailer is on the typical long side. Still, for a revenge flick, this one definitely has an interesting premise and dynamic going on, and the trailer was cool. One to keep your eye on come August.
Overall Rating: 7

The Honeymooners

Starring: Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps, Regina Hall, Gabrielle Union, Eric Stoltz

The plot according to Yahoo: New York City bus driver Ralph Kramden and his feisty wife Alice, struggle to make ends meet. Despite Ralph’s many get-rich-quick schemes/motivational speaker tape series, they’ve managed to save some money and, along with their best friends Ed and Trixie Norton, they seem to have almost enough money for a down payment on a Brooklyn duplex. However, when Ralph decides to try to impress Alice by making up what he’s lost and augmenting their savings with another of his crazy schemes, he winds up losing all their money and his marriage to boot — and it takes all his determination and love for Alice to get things on track again.

Length: 2:26
Spoilerish: 5
Release: June 10th, 2005
Analysis: AH! Damn it all to blue-blazing hell! Is NOTHING sacred!? Okay, fine, so I know Hollywood’s answer to that, but seriously, come on now. Remaking The Honeymooners? First of all, that alone is a bad idea (Right up there with Dukes of Hazzard, from the reactions I got), and second, look at this cast! This whole thing is just so….wrong. I could rant and rave, but who out there cares, really? As for this trailer, it’s fluff. I’ve never even heard of this film until now (though I may be in the dark on that) and it’s due out in a week. Anyone else see a trailer before today for this? Either way, it’s like hype for a film that should be huge. That doesn’t bode well for things. Really, I’ve got nothing good to say about this, so much so that I’m rambling, so let’s move on.
Overall Rating: 3.5

Must Love Dogs

Starring: Diane Lane, John Cusack, Dermot Mulroney, Christopher Plummer, Stockard Channing

The plot according to Yahoo: Sarah Hurlihy (Lane), a divorced preschool teacher who has sworn off dating after her bad breakup, finds her family pushing her back into the dating world. Her sister places a personal ad for her, declaring that anyone answering it “must love dogs,” despite the fact that Sarah doesn’t own a dog herself. When someone intriguing responds to the ad, she decides to borrow Mother Theresa, her brother’s dog, and plunge in.

Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 7.5
Release: July 29th, 2005
Analysis: John Cusack is BACK! I….erm, that’s it, really. Guy is kinda getting old, actually. Years are beginning to show a bit, but at least he’s playing an older character. I’ve always had a soft spot for old Johnny C, but this movie doesn’t do much for me. Kinda dull, really. Not that it’ll suck, but its just a been there, done that vibe. Casting seems good, though, so we’ll see. Trailer is heavy on the spoilers, but you can only do a romantic comedy so many ways it seems, and nothing will really surprise anyone here. Typical stuff.
Overall Rating: 5.5

Pride nad Prejudice

Starring: Keira Knightley, Matthew MacFadyen, Rosamund Pike, Jena Malone, Donald Sutherland

The plot according to Yahoo: An opinionated young woman and an arrogant, aristocrat overcome their initial antipathy and various other social obstacles to fall in love.

Length: 2:27
Spoilerish: 5.5
Release: September 23rd, 2005
Analysis: Nothing new here, but this time that might not be such a bad thing. Keira Knightley is very attractive and talented, and Matthew Mac…..erm, well, I don’t know much about him, really. But Donald Sutherland rocks. This is your love story going back a ways, and it doesn’t do anything to rock the conventional situation. But if it’s a good story, than that’s okay, and I’ll admit I marked out a bit when the theme from Love Actually started playing. If the producers of that flick can bring their magic to this film, I’m sold already. A bit spoilish of a trailer, but they don’t even give away the kiss, so major props for that.
Overall Rating: 7

Trailers for Films Opening This Very Weekend! (Weekend of May 12th, 2005)

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Starring: Amber Rose Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel, Blake Lively, America Ferrera, Bradley Whitford

The plot according to Yahoo: Based on Ann Brashares’ best-selling novel about a special summer in the lives of four lifelong friends separated for the first time. On a shopping trip, the young women find a pair of thrift-shop jeans that fits each of them perfectly and they decide to use these pants as a way of keeping in touch over the months ahead, each one wearing the jeans for a week to see what luck they bring her before sending them on to the next. Though miles apart, the four friends still experience life, love and loss together in a summer they’ll never forget.

Length: 2:30
Spoilerish: 7
Analysis: Oh. My. God. I do not say this because it’s a chick flick – if you don’t know that by now, you should stop watching movies. I say that because I knew my girlfriend was going to make me sit through it, but I had no idea what it was about. Now, seeing this trailer, I realize: I am screwed. *Sigh* A great movie for those interested in such things, but for the gentlemen….stay away. Far away. That being said, it really seems to showcase the movie well, but is another one of those trailers to give away tons and tons of the flick during two minutes. You’ve been warned.
Overall Rating: 5

Cinderella Man

Starring: Russell Crowe, Renée Zellweger, Bruce McGill, Ariel Waller, Paddy Considine

The plot according to Yahoo: Set in New York during the Depression, this is the story of James Braddock (Crowe), who takes up boxing to make money to feed his family, and ends up becoming quite famous in the process, eventually going up against champ Max Baer.

Length: 2:31
Spoilerish: 6.5
Analysis: Crowe returns to the epic film, becoming another gladiator of sorts in the boxing ring. The trailer is put together well. It’s long, and shows the overall arch of the story without going into too much detail. The trailer gets across the overall inspiration theme, and is made for those who love these types of films and those who don’t. It’s made to touch people and get them talking, and it succeeds with clips of some stellar performances and great music. It’s also not so spoiling that it brings it down much.
Overall Rating: 6.5

Lords of Dogtown

Starring: Heath Ledger, Emile Hirsch, John Robinson, Johnny Knoxville, Victor Rasuk

The plot according to Yahoo: In the 1970s, a group of teenage surfers from a tough neighborhood known as “Dogtown” in Venice, CA pioneered a revolutionary new style of skateboarding. Riding the waves at the Pacific Ocean pier, the Z-Boys, known for their aggressive style and hard street attitude, combined the death-defying moves of surfing with the art of skateboarding and became overnight sensations and local legends. With empty pools as their canvas, the Z-boys paved the way to what is now referred to as “extreme sports,” and created a lifestyle that spread infectiously to become a worldwide counterculture phenomenon. But all of this fame would take its toll on the friendships that they thought would last a lifetime as the sport that started out as an afternoon hobby turned into big business.

Length: 2:3
Spoilerish: 5
Analysis: So this is based on the true story of the guys who invented extreme skateboarding or whatnot. This will definitely have its own audience, but if it’s as solid as the trailer makes it out to be it could be a sleeper hit that a lot of people wind up enjoying. Personally, I’m not into the scene at all, so the trailer and film do nothing for me, but it is good for what it is.
Overall Rating: 7

The Number One Movie in America!

Every week, I’ll take the number one movie in America and put its trailer here, just in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet (or you just loves the trailer).

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson

The plot according to Yahoo : The third and final installment in the Star Wars prequel trilogy – the sixth Star Wars movie overall. Anakin Skywalker’s turn to the Dark Side of the Force, the continuing Clone Wars and the final fate of the Old Republic should be revealed.

Length: 2:32
Spoilerish: 5
Analysis: Brendan Campbell: Having not watched the trailer before going to see Revenge of the Sith I went in knowing the absolute basics of what the story was about. Now that I’ve seen the movie, and watched the trailer, I can honestly say that they have done a beautiful job of capturing the dark mood of this film without revealing to much of the actual plot. The trailer shows that the movie is entirely about Anakin’s fall to the dark side, and that Vader does make an appearance in costume at some point, but again, does a decent job of not giving anything major away. While I’m glad I didn’t watch it before seeing the movie, anyone who did won’t be any worse off because of it!
Overall Rating: 10!! (From Campbell)

Wrapping it Up

So that is that. Another light week, but what can you do. Summer is practically here, and the bigger movies are right around the corner. Bring em on.

Until next time…..