Let's Rave On; Try Harder

You can never find a convenience store when you really need one. Case in point, I was recently in Las Vegas, and 15 minutes before our bus left, my girlfriend and I felt like we needed some bottled water. In Canada, this is never, ever a problem. We’re the kings of bottled water up here. Down in Vegas, however, I had to run 10 of those minutes just to find a half-abandoned gas station that sold only lighters and backissues of Hustler. At the very back of the store, at the very bottom of the wall of refrigerators, was a single bottle of water. There was nothing else. We barely made our bus because of this water. When we sat down and finally took a swig of the stuff—stuff I was half afraid was made half of ecoli by the appearance of the establishment—we were completely shocked. It was good, the kind of good we didn’t figure existed down south. We couldn’t place it exactly. Was it colder? It seemed more refreshing, airyer, somehow better than any water we’d ever had. It might have been the unforgiving Nevada sun, but it was our savior. Still, we were bothered by our lack of a verb or adjective to describe it. The best we could come up with was that it was simply wetter than other water.

I felt a similar quandry when trying to pin down exactly what I liked about Damon Albarn’s side band Gorillaz. That’s not exactly true; I know exactly what I like about Gorillaz. They’re a cartoon band that exists between Blur’s typical business hours. They exist whenever Damon (not to mention the cavalcade of stars that provide hooks or production) feels more creative than his major outlet allows him to be. This immediately resonates with anyone who thinks that music should be about crazy creations that may be too over the top for the regular dredge to appreciate. This is the kind of band that can actually take the kind of risks we’d like all bands to take. On top of that, Gorillaz has succeeded in being something that too many bands are afraid of being; absurdly fun.

I have to tell you, though, that I’d like the new album a whole hell of a lot better if I could explain it to people. Here’s what I usually say when trying to describe the record: “Picture a mix between Junior Senior, MF Doom, Black Eyed Peas, The Pixies, Dennis Hopper, and about 10 other bands that all sound completely different. It’s one of those records that mix rock and rap but do it, you know, differently. They make it more fun. Is it like their first record? Yeah, but there’s even more experimenting going on. Yes, maybe that makes it a little less solid, but you have to listen to ‘Dirty Harry’ to see what I mean. It’s sort of indescribable, you know?”

Perhaps it’s just me and my complete inability to do a normal review of any kind of music, but I think there’s something wrong—nay, sinister—about the category system we use with music. I can’t place this completely either; I’m not sure if it’s too specific or not specific enough. Another problem is that everybody seems more or less pleased with the way things have been going, content to simply toss anything out of the ordinary into that ominous ‘miscellaneous’ pile. So I’m going to throw some ideas out there about reorganizing our categorization system in music and hope that something sticks.

The most obvious type of categorization is to date them from first to last, and in theory this isn’t the worst way to go about this. In theory, an album released in 1980 is going to sound more like other albums released in 1980 than any other year. The obvious problem is that this only works with pop music, and pop music categorization—the kind you experience every time you enter any music store in any mall—is the reason we’re in this mess to begin with.

The second theory is to take the existing pop categorization further and deeper. Have several hub sections—rock, r&b, hip hop, dance, etc—be separated completely, and as things become more specific group them in clusters in terms of primary sound to secondary sound and beyond. Sloan, for instance, would be pop-rock, while the Killers would be pop-rock-synth, while The Mars Volta would be rock-prog-epic-Spanish. I like this one because with any alteration in sound, all it takes to properly categorize a new CD is to add or subtract terms. Once again, though, problems instantly fester. What happens if a band completely changes their sound? Would a formerly r&b group still be placed in the r&b section, even though their new sound is distinctly dance hall? And what about albums like Gorillaz’s Demon Days, albums that not only change from hip hop to rock to sweeping choir epic to laid back grooves from song to song but within each song? You know where they’d be? Stuck in the, albiet smaller, miscellaneous section. No, this system won’t work either.

And before I go on, I know that Gorillaz gets put in ‘rock’ usually, but that’s simply for the Blur connection. There’s one song that lacks any hip hop elements on each, and they’re both punk songs that last roughly a minute and a half a piece. People that call Gorillaz a rock band have no idea what’s really happening with anything anywhere.

Another idea is to simply let the artists decide what their album is, and categorize it accordingly. If Bright Eyes says one of his new albums is folk and the other one is electronic (even though the electronic one is roughly just as ‘folk’ as the folk one, just with more guitars that sound like machines) then put them in those spots. This idea, however, is just as rotten as the other two. What would we do with Coldplay’s X&Y when Chris Martin is going around calling it “The best f*cking album in the f*cking world”? Do we make a slot—presumably somewhere close to the front of the store—for bands who think their music is above categorization because it is so much better than anything else? No, we don’t. We don’t even begin to pet that sort of ego any further.

The problem here is not that there is no type of categorization system that will make everyone happy—there isn’t, and the sooner we all accept that, the easier this will be—but that we’re all so damn lazy. You want to know what Spoon sounds like? They sound like Spoon, not a mix of pop, punk, and mod. The Arcade Fire sound like The Arcade Fire. The Frames sound like The Frames. Nicole Kidman sounds like Nicole Kidman. We need to stop throwing labels on artists and bands and begin listening to them. We need to stop saying how much more punk Rise Against is compared to Good Charlotte and go back to saying that Rise Against is a better band than Good Charlotte because they sound like Rise Against and Good Charlotte sound like Good Charlotte, for pete’s sake.

The only way a music store should be categorized is alphabetically, and the only way you should know whether you like a band is by taking the time to listen to them. I know this sounds trite, but it’s really absolutely necessary. I know a guy who bought a Thrice album because it was in the same category at HMV as The Weakerthans, which is not only completely wrong style-wise but so insulting to The Weakerthans. These sort of things need to come to an end.

I’d like to say that it’s mainstream Radio’s fault for not playing enough different music and bands that really do need the exposure, or unfair reviewers that slam a band for trying to do something different or creative, but really all I can blame is time. Who has the time to listen to everything out there and decide what they like? Because of this question, MTV has become less about playing music and more like a filter for the masses. People think that since MTV lives and breathes music that they must scourge the world, finding only the best to present to all so everyone doesn’t have to do it themselves. People think ‘this must be good’ and accept it as so. It’s time people saw this as less than positive.

If MTV was your friend before, let the used CD store be your friend now. The guy who works there listens to more music than anybody on MTV. You know why? He doesn’t have to worry about organizing programs, doing press releases, scheduling interviews, shooting vignettes, memorizing new ads, and most importantly, being ‘cool’ all the time. The used CD store guy will be cool because he doesn’t care about being cool; he cares about the new shipment that came in on Tuesday full of awesome stuff to stick into your ears. He will like what’s good, and he’ll tell you what’s good, just in case you need any advice. He will look you up and down, maybe ask you up to three questions—one of them more than likely being “Why aren’t you at the mall shopping for shit CDs if you don’t know what you like?” Hey, I never said they’d be particularly nice about it—and he’ll know exactly what you like.

And just in case this guy ends up being a girl, then without hesitation go to her first. The girls out there who give up their valuable time to music are the most wonderful girls on the planet. They also know more than the guys. They know more because they’re smarter and they care more. Us guys will never, ever be as good.

To follow up on a system like this—one based on nothing but EFFORT—would mean the death of ‘sections’ and ‘categories’ and ‘genres’ and ‘cores’. In theory, anyway. We’re naturally creatures of organization. Ever seen a planned city blue print? That didn’t happen because people decided to wing it. I know that even if we smash every musical system of organization that it’s only a matter of time before people get lazy again and need some sort of support. And then people will take advantage of providing that support and we’ll have another MTV —possibly called MTV2. The point is that the people that really know a thing or two about music are too busy actually listening to music to advertise their help. The other point is that sometimes people should get off their ass and figure out what they like for themselves.

Other than Gorillaz, I’m into Handsome Boy Modeling School right now. And I have absolutely no idea how to describe them to you. I don’t even know if it’s good yet. I found it in the miscellaneous section.

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NEWS

Joe Strummer’s Walker Soundtrack to Be Reissued

During the long career nap between the Clash and the Mescaleros, Joe Strummer recorded an awful lot of substantial, exciting music– but because most of it was on soundtrack albums for flop indie films, even many Strummer fans have never heard it. Astralwerks will take a step to amend that with the July 26 reissue of Strummer’s soundtrack to Alex Cox’s little-seen 1987 film Walker.

The album was Strummer’s first post-Clash full-length work, following on his contribution of a few tracks to Cox’s Sid & Nancy. To properly set the mood for the tale of William Walker (a despotic, pro-slavery American mercenary who conquered Nicaragua with a private army in the 1850s), Strummer uses largely rustic Latin motifs, along with the odd big-band mambo or Appalachian country tune. Only three cuts on the original album feature vocals, both by Strummer (“Tropic of No Return”, “Tennessee Rain”, and “The Unknown Immortal”). Everything is executed with surprising skill and imagination for somebody only two years removed from “We Are the Clash”. While a definitive tracklist is not yet available, Astralwerks says the reissue will add three new tracks to the original’s 14: “Straight Shooter” (B-side to the “Filibustero” single), and “Filibustero (Freestyle Mix)” and “Brooding Six” (from a limited-edition 12″).

So should Walker be considered Strummer’s debut solo album, as Astralwerks claims? This writer feels that 1989’s Earthquake Weather still holds spiritual claim to that title– Strummer sings on every song, and it wasn’t recorded as an adjunct to another creative work– but Astralwerks can toot whatever horn they like, as long as they keep the Strummer reissues coming. To the lasting dismay of the Clash army, Strummer’s more guitar rock-oriented soundtrack work from Permanent Record remains out of print– and don’t even get us started on mythic lost soundtracks like When Pigs Fly or I Hired A Contract Killer. We’re sure it’ll all add up to a killer box set someday, but Christ– couldn’t he have recorded for Scorsese or Spielberg, so the rest of us might’ve had a chance to hear it?

Credit – Jason Toon, Pitchforkmedia

Jack White gets married in Brazil

So, Jack White got married on Wednesday. According to the band’s official website, White married Prada model Karen Elson on a canoe in Manau, Brazil on June 1st. The ceremony was performed by a traditional Shaman Priest with close friends of the couple in attendance. Meg White served as Maid of Honor. The twenty-five year old bride most recently appeared in The White Stripes video for the single Blue Orchid.

In related, errr relevent, news, The White Stripes’ new record, Get Behind Me Satan, will be out on Third Man/V2 this Tuesday, June 7th.

The aforementioned video for Blue Orchid has been made available for viewing here. The album itself has been made available as a stream this a.m. http://www.listen.com/whitestripes/.

Credit – indieworkshop

Apple Steps up and Solves Battery Problem

Apple Computer Inc. has agreed to a tentative settlement in a class-action suit brought by iPod owners who claimed the first few generations of the ubiquitous digital gadget came with faulty batteries.

According to the terms of the settlement, anyone who bought an iPod before May 2004 and has had a battery issue or whose device has conked out can file a claim for relief.

The majority of the plaintiffs in the suit bought the third generation of the iPod, and they will be offered a one-year extension on the battery warranty if they fill out claim forms, which are available at appleipodsettlement.com. If the iPod fails within that year they can request a new iPod or a replacement battery. Consumers who bought first- or second-generation iPods can opt for a $25 payment or a $50 coupon good for the purchase of any Apple product, except, iTunes downloads or iTunes gift certificates.

An Apple spokesperson did not return calls seeking comment on the terms of the deal, but the lead lawyer for the plaintiffs, Eric Gibbs, said he was pleased with the result.

“We think the terms are excellent,” Gibbs said. “At the heart of this settlement is the promise of a replacement iPod for people who bought the third-generation iPod. We think most people would select the new iPod or battery option over the coupon.”

Gibbs said the settlement could affect as many as 2 million people who bought the first three generations of the music player through May 2004.

Though Apple claimed a battery life of eight to 10 hours with continuous use for the device introduced in 2001, many consumers complained that the rechargeable battery unexpectedly petered out in a fraction of that time and wore out completely not long after the device’s one-year warranty expired (see “iPod Battery Woes Have Some Users Screaming ‘Rotten Apple’ “).

Apple initially claimed the battery would last the lifetime of the iPod. In 2003, eight consumers sued Apple claiming false advertising. At the time, there was not an affordable means of replacing the battery. In 2004, the company began offering a $99 battery replacement program as well as a $59 extended warranty.

The extended-warranty and battery-replacement announcement came, coincidentally, on the same day that a movie criticizing Apple by filmmaker Casey Neistat went online at ipodsdirtysecret.com. The film showed the then 22-year-old spray-painting the phrase “iPod’s unreplaceable battery lasts only 18 months” all over lower Manhattan.

Upon hearing the news of the settlement, Neistat was ecstatic. “Are they crediting me?!” he yelled over his cell phone as he maneuvered his bicycle along the city streets. “This is totally my doing! This should be called the Neistat Brothers Act. I think it’s about f—ing time! But more importantly, this is a perfect example of consumers empowering themselves and holding corporations accountable.”

A California judge will rule in August about whether to give the settlement final approval.

Credit – vh1

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LINKS

Michael Chadwick writes an introductory essay on Metalcore, and gives it a different meaning (in terms of syntax, not genre) than Mallcore.

Lain Burnside gushes over the new Oasis LP.

Aaron Cameron is all over the place this week, but it’s all good stuff. It would be nice to see more weekly net columnists write as well as he does.

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LYRICS TO LIVE BY

Wish You Were Here – Ryan Adams

Cotton Candy and a rotten mouth
you know you’re so f*cked up
You know I couldn’t help but have it for you

And everybody knows the way I walk
and knows the way I talk
and knows the way I feel about you
it’s all a bunch of shit
And there’s nothing to do around here
it’s totally f*cked up
I’m totally f*cked up
wish you were here

And streets that only turn to boulevards
and houses with back yards
and it is raining like hell on the cars

And if I could have my way
we’d take some drugs
and we’d smile
we’d smile
we’d smile
but not tonight my dear
wish you were here

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Next week, I’m going to present one of twelve short stories I’ve put together in a collection entitled My Music Will Move You.

Party on, Garth.