Who's Who in the DCU

Sorry about the lcack of a column last week. I actually had a twelve page document ready to send, when the computer that I was using (offered complimentary by my apartment complex) ate it. So five hours of writing and researching resulting in a nifty twleve page column was lost, as was my sanity, almost.

But if you’re reading this then it appears that I’m better now. And don’t worry I’ll make up the missing column in the future.

Tim, how was your week off?

Empty. Lonely. Depressing. I need you man. Don’t ever leave me again… please.

We’ve got to make up for lost time, so let’s just jump straight to the questions.

Yessssssssssssssss. Let’s.

Kobie J wishes to revisit our super super villain squads.

Question is in regards to favorite villain teams. Personally? I’ve always had a serious villain mad on for the Injusice Society (Unlimited) etc. In a nice little multi way brawl, who’d take who out? With Lex’s “Secret Society” working hard. I’ll give 6 person teams.

Secret Society. (Black Adam , Dr. Psycho , Deathstroke , Lex Luthor, Calculator , and Talia)

Injusice Society (Wizard, Icicle, Rival , Solomon Grundy , Tigress, and…ah lets give em Johnny Sorrow)

Secret Six (Deadshot, Scandal , Ragdoll, Parademon, Catman , and Cheshire)

Flash’s Rogues (narrowing down to six is going to be a killer, so…) Captain Cold, Mirror Master , HeatWave, Weather Wizard , Owen Mercer, and screw it. Trickster (James Jesse)

Ok, even though we don’t have any clue about Scandal, I’m saying that The Six are going down first. Sure Floyd may take out some people, but they just lack any powerhouses to tangle with the rest of these teams.

The Society has Black Adam and Deathstroke, but that’s it. Everyone else is taking a dirtnap. Lex and Talia may be great for backing and plotting and Calculator has plenty of intel, but they don’t stand a chance against the Rogues. Dr. Psycho does have some potential, but he won’t last that long. However since I’m guessing that a team isn’t eliminated until all of its members are the Society stands because Black Adam and Deathstroke aren’t going anywhere.

I think that the Rogues would go after the Injustice Society, if only because it’s got Rival, and they’re used to fighting speedsters. Black Adam would probably jump in to tussle with Grundy, just for some competition. However I’m betting that Deathstroke could probably take down the Rogues singlehandedly. And with their attention focused on the Wizard’s bunch they’d be easy picking.

At this point Adam tosses Grundy into space and shatters Icicle. Deathstroke dismantles Tigress, leaving Wizard and Sorrow against Adam and Deathstroke. And since, to the best of my knowledge it took the JSA & JLA to defeat Sorrow last time, I’m going with the Injustice Society as the Detroit Pistons of the DCU villain community.

Tim, care to share your thoughts?

Most of your reasoning seems strong to me. The only one I’d question is Deathstroke taking out all the Rogues at once. I don’t disagree that ultimately the Rogues would fall, but, I think that, like the JLA before them, the Rogues have a strong enough sense of teamwork to eventually overwhelm Deathstroke, even if he does take first blood.

Kobie J is still thinking bad thoughts.

Which rogue comes out of the 4 minis with a bigger profile, in your opinion?

Well since I’m on record as saying Mockingbird is Sivana, I’d have to say that he’s going to have the biggest profile when all is said and done. But since that isn’t written in stone let’s take a rundown of the minis;

DOV – Jean’s profile won’t be larger than it was with Identity Crisis. Her hooking up with Eclipso is interesting, but she barely classifies as a Rogue, yet.

R/T War – There isn’t a “rogue” yet. This is just a war with two sides. But whatever Rogue does come out is going to be a space character, limiting their potential.

OMAC – Max’s profile isn’t going to get any higher than it was at the end of Countdown. That was it. I don’t think that you can get much more “bad guy” than shooting a hero and former friend in the head. The only place he can go is down.

United – Now this one is ripe with potential, because it only features Rogues. The Society is pretty well established (Lex is shining in his own mini and Slade won’t get any bigger than he was in Identity Crisis) and I don’t see any breakout potential there. But the Six has a couple of bright spots;

Scandal is unknown, thus she can only get bigger.

But my vote goes to Catman. This is going to be the breakout star. Does anyone else remember when he showed up in Green Arrow? He was a slob. But now he’s back in shape and kind of threatening. Plus he was so laughable in Green Arrow he’s got nowhere to go but up.

Tim, I’m sure you’ve got another character in mind.

I think it would be great if this revamped Catman catches on, but I don’t know if it’ll work out that way. Despite a very cool update by Simone there are still many people who are saying, “Why should I care about Catman?”

However, if it’s not him, I’m hard pressed to choose another breakout villain from this group. OMAC isn’t such a villain as a weapon, you’re right about Max Lord, Spectre won’t be a villain for long, Jean as Eclipso is going to need more time before the people accept it. So that does leave us with United and Catman is the most natural candidate. I would also support Parademon busting loose as he’s good for a laugh. Perhaps a Ragdoll/Parademon buddy comic?

David has that international flair

Justice League International. Firstly, was the series actually popular? Given the recent changes in DC (Beetle’s death, Sue’s murder, et al) and some pretty scathing comments from readers that appeared in a Justice League Spectacular that came out towards the end of the run (which arguably, the editor shouldn’t have allowed to see print), I’m left wondering if the series had many fans at all (though I loved it myself).

I don’t think that anyone can question the popularity of the title; it spawned one direct spinoff and launched solo titles and/or minis for many of its characters. It also had a pretty successful quarterly spinoff as well. And they even starred in one of the best receive minis from last year. They were a popular bunch.

And when you look at all of the outcry over the deaths of Sue and Ted and the villainous turn of Max and you can see this book had its fans. You can even go over to the message board and read the comments about Countdown and Identity Crisis and see several fans (most notably IP’s own Lucard). I too was a fan and have every issue of both JLA and JLE from that era.

I do believe that times change. Many of us can’t believe that Leave it to Beaver was popular, but it was. It was a different time.

Tim any thoughts on that bygone era?

First, I’d point out that EVERY character has his or her fans and so does every title. That’s why Firestorm is allowed to languish in obscurity for years but when the name is brought back with a new alter ego, the net goes nuclear (if you can forgive the pun). So, outrage is not much of an indicator of fan support.

That being said, I don’t think that there is any doubt that JLI was quite popular. Sales reflect it and, as you pointed out, sister titles do too.

And yes, the times, they do change. Sometimes that does leave a title once popular and well received is left looking poor in retrospect. I do not think that JLI is one of those titles, at least not yet. Whether or not it will continue to read well is something only time will tell.

David wonders when things got so cold

When, and how, did Ice die? I know she was fine in “Death of Superman”, but she’s gone by DC Countdown.

Dude you do realize that you’re talking about over a decade real time right? Ten years is a long time. Lots can happen in ten years. Ten years is enough time for people to forget that the much hyped Ed Benes used to provide the art for Gunfire but not long enough for anyone to forget how lame Gunfire was.

I’m sorry, what was the question? Oh that’s right Ice. Poor Ice died at the hands of the Overmaster over in Justice League Task Force #14. However she did show recently in JLA Classified, if you’re really jonesing for her.

Tim, will there ever be a time when Gunfire isn’t a punchline, I mean provided DC doesn’t take your approach to revamping the character?

No. Only by bowing to my will will DC ever redeem that character.

David loves those Frenchies

Whatever happened to Crimson Fox? I’d never heard of her before (or since) this run.

She made her first appearance during that run. She did appeared after the book ended. In fact she last appeared on the pages of Starman #38 to be exact.

This is the issue where the JLE is reformed and systematically killed by The Mist. It’s a stirring and controversial issue.

P.S. Crimson Fox dies.

Tim, do you think we’ll ever see another great title like Starman that fully utilizes DC’s rich history?

Sure do, but I wouldn’t expect it for at least 2 or 3 more years. These things are cyclical, so it is bound to come up again. However, for the time being, DC is full stream ahead and more interested in creating a new present than mining its past.

David can’t stop talking

Whatever happened to Cath, the JLE ambassador?

Y’know she hasn’t appeared recently. In fact she’s not appeared at all since that era. It’s almost like she’s gone into hiding as part of a plot or some sort.

That’s it; I’ve changed my mind; Catherine is indeed Mockingbird.

Tim, everything adds up, doesn’t it?


David has one more and then I go nuts

Unrelated note – who are the Qwardian Conglomerate? I know they’re “bad guy” versions of certain JL characters, but would it be possible to get more details, please?

Nope. More details aren’t to be had or found. This version of the Conglomerate was a way to make those wacky Silver Age Crime Syndicate stories valid in a Post Crisis DCU. Thus the Crime Syndicate was retconned to the Qwardian universe. It was actually Justice League Quarterly #8 that established the Qwardian Syndicate.

That Conglomerate consisted of opposite numbers of various Justice League members. Thus, Elasti-Man, Element Man, Deadeye, Slipstream, Frostbite, Fiero and Scarab were evil counterparts for Elongated Man, Metamorpho, Green Arrow, The Flash, Ice, Fire and Blue Beetle.

However, since none of these characters turned up or were even referenced during the JLA storyline that recently concluded which featured the actual Crime Syndicate, it’s fair to say that the entire story has been retconned away.

Tim, what were your thoughts on that JLA storyline that concluded recently?

I honestly lost interest in it after the second issue of the arc and gave up on it. I don’t miss it at all.

JohnBritton is thick in the chaos of war

Rogue War is starting to get confusing. There was a splash page in there of the Top’s rogues team, and I only recognized two or three of them. And I’ve been reading Flash consistently for about ten years. My memory is not so hot. Who are they all? I’m also curious when they all got created. Since Barry died, there have only been three or four regular Flash writers. This panel seems to suggest all of the post-Barry Rogues who made it into the pantheon. Who created them all? Were all the old Rogues created by one writer? I feel like Carmine Infantino drew most of the old run, and created the looks for those guys.

Well JohnBritton, you are correct, the majority of the rogues appeared early on in Barry Allen’s run, thus were created by John Broome and Camine.

And JohnBritton you’re also correct in guessing that those are “modern” Rogues. They are as follows; Plunderer, Girder, Murmur, Double Down and Tarpit. In fact Tim actually covered them a few weeks ago. Let’s let Past Tim take it away;

Murmur- Michael Amar was a surgeon turned serial killer who’s own nervous tic betrayed him. While in prison, he cut out his tongue and sewed his mouth shut to prevent such an event from ever reoccurring. He also has the habit of cutting out the tongues of his victims.

Murmur was essentially the opening battle of the Rogue War. Heat Wave was dispatched to kill him, but failed when Cold intervened. While Murmur does not seem to have a place on Cold’s team of Rogues (Cold does not seem particularly fond of him), Cold viewed Wave’s betrayal of the Rogue code as being a far bigger problem than Murmur psychopathy. Murmur thus currently remains free.

Double Down- Since being created, Jeremy Tell has not done all that much or been given a very specific origin tale (a cursed deck of cards burrowed into his skin). Perhaps Rogue War could be his big coming out party.

Girder- Tony Woodward was never a pleasant guy. One day, he assaulted a female co-worker. In the ensuing scuffle, Woodward was tossed into a vat of steel from S.T.A.R. Labs. It bonded to his skin and has since used his abilities for crime. A downside of his new body is that it is slowly rusting, causing him great agony. He briefly aligned himself with Penguin when the avian villain made a play for Keystone, but has not appeared since Flash and Nightwing shut down that idea.

Plunder- The Mirror World double of Jared Morillo, Plunder was well utlilized by Blacksmith during her time as head of the Rogues, but has not been seen or heard from since their dissolution. He may end up sitting this one out, but he’s as ruthless as can be so if he sees an opportunity for personal gain, he’ll throw in with whoever he thinks with benefit him the most.

Tarpit- Joey Monteleone has crime in his blood. His brother is a big time drug dealer known as The Candyman. For Joey, however, drugs were never of much interest and he ended up busted for some pretty small time stuff. Figuring it was only a matter of time before his brother arranged for his escape, Joey waited contentedly behind bars and eventually took up meditation and astro-projection. At some point, he decide to project his soul self into molten tar. He had some fun for a time, stealing the DC equivalent of the Stanley Cup. However, it quickly became apparent that the tar was also his prison and he has been unable to return to his body since. Tar Pit was last scene attacking a parade in honor of Flash with Trickster and Abra Kadabra.

And once again JohnBritton you’re correct; these new Rogues were the creation of Geoff Johns. They will serve as his lasting legacy on the title, provided they survive the war.

Tim, anything new to say about nasty Rogues?

Hmm…no I suppose I got most of my comments out last time. I still think they’re great.

Chaos looks to the future

Legion of Super-Heroes I’ve never been huge on them, last thing I really liked was the Great Darkness Saga, but I was suddenly compelled to buy all of six issues of the new series and am blown away… I love everything about it, everything… and you know, the one who pulled on me the most was Princess Projectra in issue 6, the panels of her pain about wanting to be involved, and the obliviousness of the class seperations… flipping through the DC Encylopedia, the best I could determine was the Princess was Sensor in the last incarnation – is that right? What has been her role in other incarnations? are you reading this series? I’m amazed DC isn’t pushing it more, it says so many important things about youth and the use of media in modern day applications – it’s really brilliant, and fun…

I usually only include the actual question, but I couldn’t edit your gushing about the title.

I too love Legion. It’s a fun, joyous book and I think that it should be on everyone’s pull list. I really loved the inventive letters page last issue. The book is great.

But on to your question about Projecta. Sensor was the previous incarnation of Projecta. Senor was one of those twists creators threw in to show everyone that their Legion was a new animal. Sensor was a snake as opposed to a humanoid. Eventually she did become more humanoid, but then that book ended. In the original Legion Projecta was more akin to the current incarnation, but not identical.

For instance she was still a humanoid princess, but she wasn’t the financial backing for the Legion. Back then she was some pretty powerful illusion casting powers, and wasn’t quite as naive to life. But that may have come from the fact that she lost her love; Karate Kid, who was killed by the Legion of Super Villains. After that she quit the team.

Her story continued, but I don’t want to ruin it for you, on the off chance you decide to pick up that incarnation. It was pretty interesting what happened with her.

I’m guessing that the current Projecta is going to go through some changes and emerge as a valued hero as opposed to just financial backing. But I could be wrong.

Tim, any thoughts on the current Legion title?

Nope. Not. A. One.

Jason is curious about whether he’s alive again or if it’s another Jason

I was looking on eBay the other day and I saw a guy selling the issue of Batman where Jason Todd showed up as the Red Hood. Can you tell me how this happened i.e. how Todd came back from the dead, why he became Hood etc.

That story is kind of unfolding as we speak. We don’t know too much other than that Jason is back from the dead and he’s the Red Hood.

That’s it. That’s all.

I’m also guessing that the answers won’t be revealed during this arc. It seems to me that Judd could keep the buzz on Batman high by not revealing how and why Jason is back. The current arc is “hot” because Jason is revealed as the Red Hood, but keeping his secret (re?)origin for another arc would only sustain the heat for that much longer.

I don’t have any clue why Jason’s back, but I’m certainly enjoying the ride. Tim, any ideas or comments on his return?

I hated the idea when the rumors started to fly that he might be Hush. Then I saw the Jim Lee panel of Clayface as Jason as Hush and I thought, “well it looks cool,” but I was still thankful when it turned out that it wasn’t him.

By the time his true reveal as the Red Hood arrived, I was more or less resigned to it. I’m digging the story on its own merits, so I guess I can accept Jason being back as part of it. I’d just assume it not be the case, but I can deal.

Bill has a question about that most excellent Manhunter book

Help a geek out Dumas I vaguely recall him but can’t place him or what Manhunter his beef is with…Damn Manhunters too damn many of them cant tell your Kirks from your Shaws from you clones of dead ones…one day there going to do a Manhunter/Starman crossover and my head will explode trying to figure out which 2 they will use

It’s not that difficult. There haven’t been too many Manhunters, and none have lasted long enough to have a lasting impact on the DCU or a sizeable Rogue gallery.

That said, Dumas is a villain from the Mark Shaw era. In fact Dumas was the foe in the first arc of Mark’s title. I’m not going to spoil it for you, but I will say that it involves Japan and a fetish (or hobby) for masks.

I highly recommend picking up those early issues of Mark Shaw’s Manhunter title. It was a great book. But whatever you do don’t let your head explode.

On second thought, Tim’d be the one to clean up the mess, so explode away!

Wow. Thanks for getting my back Mathan. Real nice.


You may have received this question before but I am sick of hearing ten different answers from ten different people on the message boards. What is the deal with the ownership of the Blue Beetle character? I have heard that DC owns the right to use the Ted Kord character within comics but not other media (hence the character not being on the Justice League Unlimited cartoon). If this is the case does the death of Ted allow a new Beetle to be used? If Ted Kord comes back as another character (say the Spectre for example) can he then be used? Why is this so complicated?

Well ironically it’s so difficult because it stems from a more simple time.

I did have to research this one. It appears that Blue Beetle is a bona fide Golden Age Character. He even had a radio show and comic strip through Fox Features. Now here is where I’m guessing; since its two different mediums it means there are two different rights.

Again, I’m guessing that when Charlton purchased the copyright in the ‘60’s, they didn’t pick up the “other” media rights, only the print rights. Thus when DC got the rights, they too had only the print rights.

But I’m guessing that DC is free to use “Ted Kord” in film, TV and cartoons so long as he’s not called “Blue Beetle.” That said, I’ve only got an English Degree.

Tim, you’ve have more years of higher education than I have, care to impart some of your wisdom on the subject at hand?

Since my higher education is in psych and not the law, there’s not much I can do. After all, psych is about providing order to the world while the study of the law seems to be about murking things up as much as possible these days. But your summary seems about right to me.

Chaos has the nerve to question us and to not fully spell out the word “you”

Are u sure it’s Rag Doll in Villains United? No one calls him Ragdoll in the whole issue, but they do refer to him as Crazy Quilt… explain…

Yes. I’m positive. It’s Rag Doll. Didn’t you ever read Starman? Look at the guy. He’s clearly Rag Doll.

Tim, isn’t it Rag Doll?

Yup, although he may not be the one from Starman. Crazy Quilt’s in Villains United too. Except now the person in the world’s ugliest suit is a lady. She’s also on the Society’s side so she and Rag Doll are definitely two different entities.

Talowolf likes other mediums too

So there are rumors of a Flash movie being made with Ryan Reynolds. I was just wondering which Flash rogue could be transported to the big screen. As readers, we know how dangerous the Rogues have become over the years, but to the casual fan Capt Cold and The TOP might not sound so menacing. Zoom maybe?

Sadly years of watching television has rotted away my imagination; I can’t think of any rogue who would be a good match for The Flash. Most of the Rogues, under Johns’ watch, have blossomed into fully realized and three dimensional characters. I just think that it would be too difficult to do justice to any of the Rogues and explain Wally’s origin as well.

I guess I’d have to say Zoom, particularly in his current incarnation. The whole “you must suffer to be a great hero” would probably carry over pretty well into the silver screen in terms of motivation and his origin could be tied to Wally’s somehow.

Tim, can you think of a better character to face off against Wally in his feature film debut?

I like the idea of using Zoom, eventually, but perhaps not in the first installment of the franchise. Like you though, I have a difficult time trying to figure out who would be a better choice. Murmur is cool and people love serial killer thriller films, but we are talking a superhero movie here and they’re going to want to reach as many fans as possible. Serial killer flicks won’t let them do that.

I actually like Mirror Master could work, provided (and I know this is sacrilege to a comic book fan) they found a different more toned down costume for him. His gimmick would play well on screen and the Scottish mercenary with a somewhat existent code of honor is a rich alter ego to depict in the film.

Talowolf wonders wonders wonders where good ol’ Ms. Waller is

Anyhow, I know you answered some questions on the Checkmate organization recently so I wanted to know what was happening with former Queen Amanda Waller. Last I saw her she was making out with Luthor (mmm…sweet dark chocolate) in Supes/Bats. With all this humans monitoring metahumans I figured she should be front and center.

You make some pretty good sense. This coupled with the fact that she had a role in the most recent Superman Secret Files & Origins, and DC is telling us that this is an important issue, I’m saying that it’s even money we see The Wall before everything is said an done.

Wait a minute; Waller has an history of working with Villains and she’s probably got a beef with Lex Luthor. That means; Amanda Waller is Mockingbird!

It all makes sense. The bracelets, the Villains, Deadshot. Amanda Waller is Mockingbird.

I think.

Tim, who do you think Mockingbird is?

A good detective never reveals his theories until they are proven. Suffice to say that I think it is a prominent DCU character that you have not yet guessed in this column. We’ll see if I’m right soon enough.

Jon T wants to know what happened to the Slade we all know and love

What is Slade’s deal? I heard he is a merc only interested in money etc, yet lately we’re seeing him manipulating the outsiders, and posing as batman… are they trying to make him into a Lex Luthor type?

I think you’re selling Slade short. This is the same guy who planted a mole in the Teen Titans! He’s a thinker.

But he has been hanging out with Lex over in Villains United and ever since Identity Crisis not only does he have an axe to grind with certain heroes, but he’s learned that there’s safety in numbers.

Tim, do you have any problems with how Slade’s been portrayed recently?

Quite the opposite actually. I think that he is in the midst of a bit of renaissance after having gone a bit fallow in the years prior.

Chaos brings our theme home.

Who is Scandal? Who is Crazy Quilt? Who is the bug? (I feel so ashamed)

Well, two issues into the mini and we still don’t have a clue who Scandal is. I’m betting that she’s going to be huge and the revelation will blow our minds. But I could be wrong.

She did call someone “Beloved” last issue so I think that was a pretty big hint. Very excited for the reveal of her true identity.

Crazy Quilt? We’ve covered this guy before. Actually it was long ago, well two years ago.

From the 6/5/03 column

For those of you unfamiliar with Crazy Quilt here is a short run down. This guy, known only as Quilt, was an artist/crime boss who gave instructions to his men through his paintings. As often happens to crime bosses this guy was shot. Fortunately he didn’t die unfortunately he was blind. Desperate to regain his vision he underwent experimental surgery (is there any other kind of surgery in comics? Don’t they have any established surgeries that have been done numerous times, successfully?) Anyhow the surgery was a success, sort of. He could see, but only in vivid, bright colors. Well that sent him over the edge. He took the name Crazy Quilt and began a career of crime. He got locked up and escaped. He got right back into crime again, this time using a helmet to see. But he was no match for Robin who put him back in prison.

Everything was going well Quilt was doing his bid, then right before he was going to be released the prison doctor told him that his condition had worsened and that he would be blind again. Well Crazy wouldn’t hear that so he stole some new fangled technology (in this case a laser) and kidnapped a doctor to fix his peepers. Everything worked out perfectly, and he regained his vision. But then when he was fighting Batman and Robin (Dick Grayson), our favorite boy wonder reflected a laser in Crazy’s eyes, and poof, blindness again.

Well that sent him over a completely different ledge, so he got some guy to make a new helmet that hook up to the optic part of Crazy’s brain, in some wacky attempt to see again. It worked and he sought his revenge against Robin for blinding him. He kicked the snot out of the Jason Todd Robin (guys don’t be so hard on Crazy, he was blind. Even with my contacts in I have a hard time telling the difference between Dick and Jason.) But then Robin defeated him and sent him back to prison. Apparently Crazy’s helmet emitted light that could “bedazzle and befuddle” and had laser that could burn through “a bank vault door.” Nifty.

Now does this guy really fit with the grim and gritty Brucie we all know and love? How this guy survived the Crisis I’ll never know. (As a chuckle-worthy sidenote, in the preface to Underworld Unleashed the TPB, writer Mark Waid gave some examples of his original over-the-top ideas about revamping villains which included “turning Heatwave into a living pillar of flame” and something about Crazy Quilt ripping off human skin in quilt-like patches or something which, ironically enough, is pretty darn similar to the actual powers of Geoff Johns-created Flash foe Double Down but I digress-Ben)

As for “the bug”, do you have no clue who Ambush Bug is? Have you no knowledge of the single most important and influencial comic book that Keith Giffen ever worked on; Ambush Bug?

Is he even talking about Ambush Bug? All those other questions were about Villains United.

Have you never encountered the Hukka Anti Defamation League? Haven’t you ever dealt with Peabody, Dicker & Pending? Aren’t you familar with Jonni DC: Continuity Cop? Don’t tell me you never grew to love Cheeks, the Toy Wonder?

Haven’t you ever cowered in fear of Quentin Quantis or thrilled at the exploits of Mitsu Bishi? You’ve never listened to the amazing TV Theme renditions performed by A. Bug and the Schwabettes or perhaps the even the musical styling of The Interferer?

You’ve never met the man behind the scenes of numerous origins – Mopee? I refuse to believe that you’ve never read Combat Cheeks – Frontline Medic or Zonky Comics. Is possible that you are completely unfamilar with the Amber Butane Corps and The Uh-Oh Squad? You seriously don’t know Argh!Yle! or Brum-El of Schwab?

You’ve never had Lobo Brand Tuna or Your Very Own Call From Al? Haven’t you ever gained assistance from one of Julie’s Helpful Hints? You really don’t know who Julie Lad and Brownout – Eclipso’s third cousin, twice removed are? And what about Jerry Mathers as The Cleaver?

That’s it! I’m appalled beyond belief. Tim, this column is over!

And not a moment too soon!

Hopefully next week everything will be back to normal. Until then, here’s my question to you; Who do you think Mockingbird is?

“If loving you is a dream that’s not worth having; then why do I dream of you?”