Welcome to The Saturday Swindle Sheet. This week’s column is brought to you by Spin magazine, which has fueled debate amongst my peers with its “100 Greatest Albums 1985-2005” piece.
Love them or hate them, lists will always manage to spark heated conversation because they are subjective. If three different magazines all did a “Greatest Albums” piece, there’s no way in hell that all three would be identical. This is because personal opinions and favorites will (no matter how much the editors would like you to think otherwise) surface from the group of pundits that are responsible for said piece.
So Spin decided that OK Computer is the best thing to be released since the mid-’80s… I’m not going to start on how right or wrong I think this decision was, however, this was if not anything else, a safe pick. Reason being is that the large majority of Spin readers read Spin because like the editorial board, they have a perpetual hard-on for a certain artists: Nirvana, Björk, Radiohead, PJ Harvey, Pavement, Pixies, Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr., and so on. Spin magazine knows that they have developed a strong readership amongst the hipster (The Strokes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Interpol, et c.) and teenybopper (The Used, My Chemical Romance, Bright Eyes, Dashboard Confessional, et c.) crowds, but in order to not alienate the core demographic (see “perpetual hard-on” bands) that was first starting to read them they first started to pick up steam in the late ’80s/early ’90s, they picked an album that would be viewed upon favorably by all of the above. Enter OK Computer, an album that is most certainly good, and an album that I thoroughly enjoy, but it would probably make it no higher than 20 on my own personal list.
But you know what? FUCK my own personal list. FUCK your own personal list, FUCK your mom’s own personal list, FUCK the local record store clerk’s own personal list. The fact of the matter is that Spin magazine can print whatever the hell they want, and whether or not you agree with it is the whole purpose of the piece: to spark debate. Sure, I was a little annoyed that DJ Shadow’s Endtroducing was ranked #69, but then again, does that make it absolutely true that there are 68 albums that are better that it? According to Spin, yes, but otherwise, of course not. I could start a magazine tomorrow and say that Gary Numan’s Pleasure Principle was the best album to come out in 1979, but does that make it fact, just because I said so? Of course not, it’s all subjective, and open to debate.
So is OK Computer the best album to come out in the last 20 years? Possibly… I don’t think so, but then again, I don’t have my own magazine. I’ve done columns before that were in list format, and they usually get more response then anything else. Whether people agree or disagree with you, they want you to know what they think about your list. They want to you to know what items you were insufferably negligent to overlook, and what items you were a clueless choad for including. They’ll even question things like your writing integrity and/or sexual preference because of things like this. Just ask any of my peers. Speaking of which…
DRAMATIS PERSONAE (GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH EDITION)
I decided to steal an idea from some message board and type in the respective names of each of my music-writing peers, and then post some of the pictures that come up in the Google Image Search.
Gloomchen…
(Note: All of the images that appeared when I typed in “Gloomchen” were her own images, and that’s no fun, so instead I typed in “Justin Bailey”.)
NEWS TO USE
The Game told reporters on Tuesday, in regards to his ongoing feud with his former compatriots, the G-Unit group, “I feel they’re beating down on me … like it’s five against one; Yayo, Young Buck, Lloyd Banks, 50 and Olivia against me. It all comes down to me having to secure the future of my family financially.” He added that he would not have his career snuffed out like that of Ja Rule (and the collective Murder Inc. imprint), stating, ” I always use what happened to Murder Inc. the foundation,” he said. “All Murder Inc. did was sit back and let [50 Cent destroy them]. Me, I can’t do it.” In related news, The Game recently had a 300-bar, insult-laden freestyle of his featured on an underground mixtape, called Nu Jerzey Devil & DJ Skee Present: The Game – You Know What It Is Volume 3. In the track, The Game tears into everyone in G-Unit, mentioning that Olivia might be a lesbian and once again bringing up that one fateful night when 50 Cent got way too drunk on Hypnotiq and made out with Paul Oakenfold.
Four people were stabbed, one fatally, at a Corrosion of Conformity concert in Tampa Bay on Thursday. According to witnesses, a scuffle occurred around 11:30pm at the Masquerade club betwixt two women in the middle of a mosh pit. After they started striking each other, many other people jumped in, and before security could break it up, a man stabbed four people, three of which had to receive medical attention, and one of which died a few hours later. The band released a statement on their Web site: ” We are stunned [and] deeply saddened by the brutal stabbings of three people at the Tampa show. We don’t have much information at this time. Unofficially, we have heard that one victim didn’t make it. In twenty-plus years of gigging, we’ve never seen anything like this. It’s sad that people can’t come together for a good time, listening to music, without something tragic happening. We feel for the families of those attacked and wish success to Tampa law enforcement in their quest to solve this pointless crime.” Once again, here’s a case of some idiot going waaay too far and ruining it for the rest of us. Just remember, when you have to show eight forms of ID to get into a show where no dancing, clapping, drinking, or breathing is allowed, this kind of shit is why. Hopefully they catch this guy and string him up by his nuts so the victims and their families can beat him to death with shovels and ice picks.
VHS or Beta, The French Kicks, Louis XIV, Tegan and Sara, The Ponys, Burn It Down, and several others have been confirmed for the upcoming Midwest Music Summit, on July 21-23 in Indianapolis. According to the event’s
This year’s edition of the UK’s three-day Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts took place on Friday and Saturday, and Avon and Somerset Police have told reporters that there has been a 51 percent drop in crime during the event, down to 36 incidents from last year’s 74. A man’s death on Friday is not being attributed to “suspicious” causes, and it appeared as if he had died of natural causes. The festival site received two inches of rain over the two days, leaving many concertgoers’ tents underwater. Bands who took part in this year’s festival included New Order, Van Morrison, Coldplay, Elvis Costello, Brian Wilson, Taj Mahal, The White Stripes, Primal Scream, Basement Jaxx, The Killers, Ash, Keane, Babyshambles, Rilo Kiley, The Proclaimers, Razorlight, and Bloc Party. Ryan Adams had to cancel his Sunday performance due to what his manager called “an illness,” although he was seen partying with Pete Doherty the night before…
Quick Bits
Viacom has announced that both MTV and VH1 will feature live footage of the Live 8 concert series from 12pm to 8pm EDT, as the shows occur on July 2. America Online is also looking to feature a primetime telecast on ABC on the same day.
In other Live 8 News, Audioslave has been added to the Berlin leg of the event, which is already confirmed to feature performances by Roxy Music, Green Day, Brian Wilson, Lauryn Hill, and a-Ha.
Hip-hop pioneer Kurtis Blow was inducted into the Bronx Walk of Fame on Sunday, joining Stanley Kubrick, KRS-One, Ace Frehley, Colin Powell, and Red Buttons, among others. Blow is originally from Harlem, although he was part of the Bronx contingent that was pivotal to the birth of hip-hop.
Justin Timberlake is currently in discussions with producers to co-star alongside Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci, in a film called Black Snake Moan. It is being directed by Craig Brewer, who also directed Hustle & Flow, which I’ve never heard of.
After being convicted of perjury and conspiracy on March 17 for giving false information to investigators and a federal grand jury when asked about her involvement in a 2001 shooting, Lil Kim was to be sentenced on Friday. However, the hearing has been pushed back to July 6. Lil Kim is said to be celebrating by blowing 35 guys and a Dalmatian, all at the same time!
The Mars Volta has cancelled its remaining dates for its current European tour, after guitarist Omar Rodriguez-Lopez has come down with a severe abdominal pain, which has been “hampering his live performance.” During this time off, Rodriguez-Lopez will receive medical treatment for his ailment, while still managing to remain way too indie for his own good.
Billy Corgan commissioned full-page ads in Chicago’s major newspapers with the message, “I want my band back, and my songs, and my dreams.” Does this mean that he’ll try and revive The Smashing Pumpkins? It all depends on how badly his solo album bombs…
A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS
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iNFLUENCES
Ever wonder what makes me tick? No? Too bad. Here are some of the random songs that came up on the iPod as I wrote this week’s column…
Nine Inch Nails, “Slipping Away”
The Smiths, “What Difference Does It Make?”
Underworld, “Jumbo”
Lords of Acid, “Rough Sex” (The All Night Grinder Mx)
Pet Shop Boys, “West End Girls”
The Chemical Brothers, “Galaxy Bounce”
Joe Walsh, “Rocky Mountain Way”
Misfits, “Some Kinda Hate”
The Chemical Brothers, “Setting Sun” [f/Liam Gallagher]
Nada Surf, “Popular”
The Romantics, “What I Like About You”
The High & Mighty, “B-Boy Document ’99”
Pet Shop Boys, “What Have I Done to Deserve This?” [f/Dusty Springfield]
Roni Size/Reprazent, “Lucky Pressure”
Rolling Stones, “Have You Seen Your Mother Baby?”
Ramones, “Blitzkrieg Bop”
Nirvana, “The Man Who Sold the World” (Unplugged in New York)
Janet Jackson, “Love Will Never Do (Without You)”
John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John, “You’re the One That I Want”
Pink Floyd, “Us and Them”
System of a Down, “Jet Pilot”
THE MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE WEEK
Notorious goofballs The Bloodhound Gang are campaigning to make their song, “
Enjoy your week. Stay tuned for our Monday team. I’m Jeff Fernandez, and I get my dinner from a garbage can.
Cheers
-JF2k5!
