The Crucifix

No art, as you can see. I have to take the time to make it and quite frankly, I was letting you, the reader, down by having crappy art that made no sense for so long. On top of that, my format is kind of odd as well. I’m not a lawyer, why do I have a “legally” section? That’s gone. As is the membrane portion. I know some of you like it, but it will still be around, just in a different form. Basically I am going to put the result of whatever card and my thoughts along with it. The reason for this is quite simple: I have no time to write all the details down. All of you know what happened, you are just here for my opinion…and punch and pie. That’s how I hook you. Victoria’s little section will stay, because…well…she is the goddess that I admire. The news and thoughts on it will stay as well. So, in other words, I’m trying to make new art, I’m changing this thing up because it’s stale, and you will enjoy it because I said so and I am an internet GOD. On with the show…


Raw

– Cena cuts a promo on Christian and Jericho and calls them out, but Hassan answers. So they get scheduled in a match. Little did Hassan know he’d be jobbed out like a woman and deported to Smackdown the next night. This wouldn’t have been bad if I felt as though the WWE Title was worth it. But comparing, just by size, the contenders for the WWE Title and Hassan to Batista and Triple H, I feel as if the WWE Title is like a mildly inflated IC Title.
– Carlito is the next pick and promptly wins the IC Title from Shelton. Good continuity, making Carlito the guy that shows up and just wins the midcard title. Hopefully this means Shelton is movin’ on up.
– Viscera defeats Simon Dean, meaning Nova isn’t coming back. Lillian tells Viscera he may hit the jackpot at Vengeance, which means he might get laid. Lillian and Viscera doing it…ewww.
– Christian and Jericho get into it verbally backstage, which was fun but nothing special.
– Kurt Angle buddies up to his new gutterslut, Eric Bischoff. This was an odd segment, where I expected them to don red headbands with their names on them.
– They have the wedding of Lita and Edge, with Snitsky reading a poem about miscarriages and stuff. Oddly, Matt Hardy’s music hits when they ask if anyone objects. This is a clever joke, with Edge saying he couldn’t resist and telling the priest he’d explain it at the reception. Classic stuff. Kane pops out and rips the set up and tombstones the priest, which is just not a classy way of being an usher at a wedding.
– Victoria jumps Christy, nailing her over the head with a glass object, making Christy bleed. Todd Grisham plays gay super hero by crying for an ambulance. That freak probably tried to tag her while she was out.
– Hassan jobs to Cena in record time. This was probably where Hassan knew he’d be going to Smackdown. Either that or the CIA was waiting for his ass backstage.
– Jericho jumps Cena; Christian helps out and then leaves Cena to Jericho. Why does everyone stare at the belt as if it’s Paul Bearer’s urn?
– Kurt Angle and Batista fight to a DQ due to HHH and Flair coming out to beat on Batista. The segues into a tag match with HBK joining Batista. The match is pretty pedestrian. Ending sees Angle and Michaels brawl away from the ring, while Flair interferes, allowing Triple H hit the pedigree and get the win. Triple H does the whole belt celebration thing as the show ends.
– Not a bad show, anytime I get to see Victoria is a good time. My only issue is that HBK-Angle could’ve had a better build and my only question is this: Why did Angle, who wasn’t very friendly with Triple H a week ago, so willingly help him beat up Batista before the tag match was made? Con-sis-ten-cy… consistency.


Smackdown

– Randy Orton cuts a promo that ends with Undertaker shooting a bolt of lightning at him. No, I didn’t just make that up. Yes, I tried to do it to my little brother the next day. I am Lionel Tate’s evil twin!
– Joey Mercury beat Heidenreich after Michelle McCool and Melina get into a catfight. Melina is really, really hot. That’s about all that mattered here.
– Melina will fight McCool next week, guaranteeing I will watch this show at least one more time. Unless Melina gets drafted to Raw. Then I can stop watching this show and get back to making money on Thursdays.
– Paul London and Chavo Guerrero fought to a no contest when Los Cinco Enfue…no….the Mexicools, Super Crazy, Juventud and Psicosis come out on a lawnmower and take everyone out. This is blatant gimmick infringement and myself and the other members of Los Cinco Enfuegos are currently retaining the services of Miguel Diaz, lawyer to the pueblo.
– The longest promo in the history of the business leads to a 6-man match for the new Smackdown title next week. Hassan is the draft pick and he’s in. This runs contradictory to everything that the IWC has thought about for the last few weeks, so Vince must love f*cking with us.
– Hassan def. Big Show, which is like beating two Cenas without the rapping.
– Rey Mysterio def. Eddie Guerrero in a phenomenal match. Thank God Rey was able to not play around with his mask this time around.
– Not a bad show, but I’m dead serious about not watching it anymore. I can make money on Thursdays and I also get really tired watching this show for some reason. At least I’m able to get pissed off during Raw. This show just makes it seem like I have mono.


Vengeance

– Didn’t see it, haven’t downloaded it. Eric will have screen caps tomorrow. I can’t provide these for you, due to the reasons I just stated and I have seen the effect gimmick infringement can have on a person. Eric would kill me, probably making me OD on some of his pills while he stabs me repeatedly. The only good thing is that afterward he could inspect me and tell the FDA I’m all good to be eaten.

– So are they going to make Shelton’s new gimmick that of a guy that takes risks and gets hurt due to them, causing himself the match every time? That’s a crappy gimmick. If they’re going to f*ck with him, make him a rapper that comes out to “All About The Benjamins” and put him in a feud with Cena right away.
– Victoria…I love you.
– Kane defeated Edge, which shows that maybe WWE isn’t going to push Edge. Either that or Matt Hardy’s coming back tonight, which will devastate all the people on Hardy’s message board. Because God knows they love Matty and would never want to see him back in WWE, where he could…I don’t know…make money.
– HBK gets his win back in a match that is being described as great, but not as great as their Wrestlemania encounter.
– Plain and simple, for everyone to know: I would’ve taken the hos too. Big dog needs his women.
– Cena winning was to be expected. They need him to have a title so he looks better than he actually is. I’m not saying he’s not fun to watch, but he needs some workrate lessons.
– I will rent this DVD for the Hell In A Cell. It sounded like a wicked match. I’m a tad surprised that Triple H jobbed again. But if you think about it, this is the same thing that happened with Benoit last year. Dave will drop the title at Summerslam and Triple H will kill the guy who wins it. Simple equation.


– WWE.com picked up the Meanie/JBL story. My question is what site tried to get a comment from JBL but refused to let a recording of it go on WWE.com. Why would you do that? I bet you the broke bastards didn’t have a recorder. I do. You can find the results of it here and here. I sell myself so well.

– Everyone had speculation after Matt Hardy’s music played on Raw last week. His message board became the absolute retard war zone. Listen to me and listen closely. If Matt Hardy isn’t back in a WWE ring within a year, I’ll give you $5. All of his fans say “Matt would never keep us in the dark about that! He loves us!” You idiots. The 6 figures he’s likely to be receiving say he doesn’t give a damn about letting any of you know anything.

– Brock Lesnar is begging for his job back. If they let him back, he should have to wear a shirt that says “I’m somebody’s’ bitch.” whenever he makes an appearance.

– Hulk Hogan will be returning to pimp his new reality show. As long as he brings that daughter with him, he’s always welcome in my book.

– WWE is trying to bring in Sabu, like 5 years too late. Yes, he is still fun to watch, as evidenced at One Night Stand. But how did it take WWE so long to figure out that they wanted him? Odds are on him teaming with RVD to feud with Balls and Axl when they come in. WWE is really looking to boost the tag division with all the ECW guys. Which isn’t a bad move if you think about it.


Even with a wicked case of pnuemonia which caused a fever of 104 degrees, she still got the strength to whoop Christy’s ass. I mean look at the poor woman:

Poor thing…visit Victoria at ViciousVixen.com


Nothing else to see here. If you don’t like the changes, email me and say so. Then get a bucket of ice cream and anxiously await my reply. Until Thursday…adios!