This week’s Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say is brought to you by:
And…
Dan Hevia’s Thursday Pulse!
Every week, only here at InsidePulse, I write a “blog-tastic” column that features a touch of news. I am in touch with that now. I have since decided to continue to just have fun with it, and bend all sorts of “rules” about how this needs to be written.
See, everyone has a different opinion of my column, myself included. After all these months, I guess what I have been trying to get across to the world can be summed up in two simple sayings:
1. Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke
2. Life’s too short to take it all so seriously.
Now that we are all on the same page, let’s start with something stupid:
ATP is Playing a Guitar in My Living Room
Right now, the man, the myth, the legend, Andrew Thomas Pitkin, is “rocking out with his cock out” in my apartment. Not literally, but he took Salty’s guitar out of his bedroom, and is just kicking ass, whilst making fun of every song I have ever liked.
Velvet Underground is getting taken to town right now:
ATP: Wake up, yourself. It’s because if you’re not my friend, it’s because you suck.
Inner waves of mutilation…
Hey, he just bagged on the Pixies. That’s sacrilege.
Speaking of the Pixies:
ATP: I just saw the Pixies at Jones Beach.
Ssquared: Two weeks ago this past Tuesday?
ATP: Right.
ATP takes a long swig of his Vitamin Water. It’s just sugar-water, but it promises “Multi-Vitamin Potency.” BULLSHIT, say I!
ATP: (singing) Gouge away, gouge away if you want to…mmm hmm. Must be a devil between us, but hey, where have you been? If you go, I will surely die.
Ssquared: What’s that have to do with the Pixies?
ATP: You don’t know “Gouge Away?”
Ssquared: No.
ATP: It’s a Pixies song.
Ssquared: What album is that on?
ATP: Doolittle
ATP strums the guitar again.
Ssquared: In the grand scheme of current music, where do you see the Pixies influence the most?
ATP: Um, I feel like the Pixies influenced early 90’s bands especially the grunge movement. Where does that leave us now? Any of the acts today that adopt a “raw” feel in their vocals, switch up the tempo, that’s Joey Santiago’s doing.
Ssquared: How so?
ATP: As far as song-writing goes, early Pixies’ stuff was pretty unconventional. There wasn’t a simple chorus with verses between them, it was a much different progression. It was definitely a more abstract form of song-writing.
Ssquared: How has that influenced your writing?
ATP: As a song-writer?
ATP plucks and thinks.
ATP: I feel that studio music can be over-mixed, over-produced, and that can take away from the human emotion of things. When you record live, you allow yourself to show some imperfections…if done right. You put it out there; let yourself be vulnerable.
ATP begins singing “Free Falling,” the Tom Petty classic. He changes his mind, and starts playing “Bad Moon Rising.”
ATP: Don’t come around tonight, its bound to take your life,
There’s a bad moon on the rise.
Ssquared: Did you see the Spin List of the Top 100 of the Last 20 Years?
ATP: Lots of Beatles?
Ssquared: Dude, 20 years. From ’85 to present.
ATP: Any Dave Matthews?
Ssquared: Not sure, but I am not sure that would classify as great.
ATP: Fun, though.
ATP breaks into some other song. If it is a real tune, I can’t tell. Frankly, I think he’s just putzing around.
Ssquared: What would you say have been your favorite albums of the past 20 years?
ATP: Doolittle, definitely.
Ssquared: What else?
ATP: Journey, Frontier. Beastie Boys, Paul’s Boutique.
Ssquared: These are your most influential or best?
ATP: Most Influential. Counting Crows, August and Everything After. Nirvana, Nevermind
Ssquared: That last pick is ironic.
ATP: Why? You hate that album?
Ssquared: I have never heard you play it. Not once.
ATP: On guitar?
Ssquared: At all. Not even the CD.
ATP: I used to love that album. I’m drawing a blank right now. Bush, Sixteen Stones. Nine Inch Nails, Downward Spiral. To be honest, that can count with Grunge Music though. It all came out around the same time. Coldplay, Clocks.
Ssquared: Rush of Blood to the Head.
ATP: Yeah, and I love Parachutes too. Also, James, Laid. Anything Lemonheads.
Ssquared: Evan Dando would be proud.
ATP: That’s ten too. I know you don’t agree with all of them.
He knows me too well. I could do without any mention of Nirvana, but it’s not my list.
Ssquared: Not too shabby. Want stick around for Album of Da Week?
ATP: Album of the Week?
Ssquared: Yup.
Ssquared’s Album of Da Week!
Silverchair Diorama
Ssquared: This is one of those CDs that I wish I could have gotten more people to listen to.
ATP: This song (Across the Night) sounds like Phil Collins. They probably wouldn’t want me to say that.
Ssquared: Say whatever you want, dude. It’s my column.
ATP: Who’s the drummer? He’s really good.
Ssquared: Pull the artwork out and look. It’s been 12 years, man. If I could remember…
ATP: Ben Gillies.
Ssquared: Sounds about right. I used to have a Frogstomp t-shirt. Anyway, what do you think of this?
ATP: I like it. It’s got…I got to think for a second.
Ssquared: Alright.
ATP is immersed in the booklet. He’s probably trying to think of something witty to say. He’s funnier when he is just being ATP, you know?
ATP: Is this the first album that Silverchair used an orchestra on?
Ssquared: Not really. They used one on Freakshow too.
ATP: I like it when a band branches out, so to speak. It’s definitely an emotional album. The songs all seem to start heavy, and then “float,” you know what I mean?
Ssquared: Could you see yourself listening to it if I wasn’t the one playing it for you?
ATP: I have to listen to stuff a few times before I realize I like something. With Interpol, Antics, I had to listen to it a bunch until I noticed I really enjoyed them. As a writer, I enjoy things that “float,” that I can listen to sub-consciously, and not have to pay attention to.
Ssquared: Cool, so I guess I should let you borrow this?
ATP: Make me a copy. That would probably be better.
Anyway, Silverchair gained international acclaim for their debut, Frogstomp and the “hit” song “Tomorrow.” Diorama is a snapshot of band that’s growing. More of the songs are epic, and the riffs and hooks seem to come much more easily for them now. The sweeping orchestral movements contrast the rusty timbre that people have long noticed in Daniel Johns’ voice.
If people had given this album a chance, it could have done big things in 2002. Sadly, you guys didn’t, but it’s never too late to make up for lost time.
Pick up Diorama today…it’s your moral obligation.
SITASS NEWS: This Song Was Critically Acclaimed…By My Mom
Remember kids: Ssquared and ATP are tag-teaming it this week…so there’s always something funny
Von Bondies and Spin Rock the Hudson River
On Thursday, July 7, the Von Bondies will rip it up in the first of Spin’s Hudson River Rocks concert series on Pier 54 in New York. Dan Dyer and World Leader Pretend join the Bondies for an unforgettable outdoor party, and admission is free.
Straight out of the Motor City, the Von Bondies have been making blues-tinged punk since 2000. In that time they’ve released three full-length records, most recently Pawn Shoppe Heart. Dan Dyer just released his debut album, …Of What Lies Beneath, a funk-fest with help from Lenny Kravitz, who played most of the instruments on the record. World Leader Pretend comes from New Orleans where they built a music scene from the ground-up with their blues-soul-pop antics. Their album Punches came out on June 28.
Hudson River Rocks is all ages and it starts at 6 P.M., so come on down to 14th Street and the West Side Highway in New York City and get your rocks off!
Don’t forget to mark July 21 on your calendars: Spin presents another Hudson River party, this time with the Donnas and Rock’n’Roll Soldiers. Pier 54 is gonna turn into Studio 54 by summer’s end.
(credit: Spin.com)
ATP: Lenny Kravitz playing instruments?
Ssquared: No. He was on Dan Dyer’s album.
ATP: Oh, so he’s not coming? So what do you want me to say about it?
Ssquared: You’ve pretty much said it all.
Yes, Lenny WAS on Dyer’s album. In all honesty, I don’t think ATP is paying attention, as he missed who was headlining: the Von Bondies. A band who are known for TWO things.
1. “C’mon, C’mon” became the theme song of Rescue Me.
2. Jack White kicked the lead singer’s ass a while back.
ATP: What do you have so far.
Ssquared: Nothing much.
Should be a fun show. It’s FREE you dirty hipsters. Just go get coked up, bring your little dogs, and let’s have a good time.
Next…
The New Gaming Platform
If the names Tommy Tallarico and Jack Wall don’t ring any bells, that’s OK – the video games they’ve composed music for over the years should.
Between the two of them, they’ve penned music for such titles as “Tony Hawk Pro Skater,” “Mist III: Exile,” “Advent Rising” and “Splinter Cell.”
And with the help of clear Channel Music Group, they will combine talents to produce an interactive summerlong concert tour based on the music from those games and more, launching July 6 at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles.
Video Games Live promises to be an immersive music and video concert experience and will feature top orchestras and choirs performing the music from the hottest games combined with video footage, lasers, lights and live action to create an explosive and unique experience.
The William Morris Agency’s Marc Geiger, one of the founders of the Lollapalooza festival, is booking Video Games Live.
The tour will hit sheds including Chastain Park Amphitheatre in Atlanta, Molson Amphitheatre in Toronto, Bank of America Pavilion in Boston, Lakefront Pavilion at Northerly Island in Chicago, DTE Music Energy Theatre in Detroit, Universal Lending Theatre in Denver and Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in Houston before heading back to California for stops at San Diego State University’s Open Air Theatre and the September 9 closer at Shoreline Amphitheatre in Mountain View.
Video Games Live also boasts a top-notch technical and creative team to pull the various elements, including production manager Malcolm Weldon, sound engineer Mike Keating, lighting designer Bryan Hartley and Emmy award-winning set designer Jeremy Railton and choreographer Dori Sanchez.
“We believe that Video Games Live will push the boundaries of the concert-going experience,” Wall said in a statement. “It was only natural that we enlist the expertise of the industry’s most respected technical professionals to help us realize our vision.”
If gamers aren’t the least interested in the industry names behind the curtain, they’re still likely to be impressed with what winds up on the stage. It ain’t Pac Man.
“Video game music has matured from simple tunes into complex, sometimes operatic journeys that are fully integrated into the storyline and action of games,” Tallarico said.
“The tour is a celebration of the excitement and passion shared by millions of people who are part of the video game culture.”
(credit: Pollstar.com)
Right now, ATP is playing random songs on the guitar. I could find a better way to illustrate this, but it’s not worth it.
Don’t tell him I said that.
This “tour” is sure to be one of the stupidest ideas I have ever heard, and its pretty much guaranteed to fail. Just because I enjoy a song that is played during the game Myst does not mean that I would like to see it played live by anyone other than Radiohead or Pearl Jam.
I only added Eddie Vedder because I am sure that “Do the Evolution” would definitely drive me nuts if I had to listen to it for close to 30 hours.
Sure, there are a LOT of gamers out there, but, come the f*ck on people, are you will to pay hard-earned cash to listen to people play the Mario Bros. Theme song? Not me, as I can find that link online…for nothing more than a few minutes of my time.
It’s good to see that Tommy Tallarico does something other than G4’s “Judgment Day,” a videogame review show on a video game network. Too bad he’s going to look like a tool.
Way to go Tommy! Keep smiling.
Either you are the biggest fool ever for going along with this ridiculous idea, or you are going to have a shitload more money VERY soon!
God, rich people make me angry!
THE DANDY WARHOLS RETURN
THE DANDY WARHOLS have confirmed details of their fifth album, ODDITORIUM OR WARLORDS OF MARS’.
The album, released on September 12, has been produced by frontman Courtney Taylor-Taylor with longtime band collaborator Gregg Williams.
The tracklisting runs:
· ‘Colder Than The Coldest Winter Was Cold’
· ‘Love Is The New Feel Awful’
· ‘Easy’
· ‘All The Money or The Simple Life Honey’
· ‘The New Country’
· ‘Holding Me Up’
· ‘Did You Make A Song With Otis’
· ‘Everyone Is Totally Insane’
· ‘Smoke It’
· ‘Down Like Disco’
· ‘There Is Only This Time’
· ‘A Loan Tonight’
(credit: NME.com)
ATP: I loved the last album…Welcome to the Monkey House. Did you?
Ssquared: Yeah, it was fun.
ATP: It had an element of INXS to it.
Ssquared: Yup, but no “auto-erotic asphyxiation.”
ATP: Isn’t that how the singer of INXS, Michael Hutchence, died?
Ssquared: Mmm, hmm. He strangled himself while he beat off.
ATP: You’re f*cking sick. In any case, they have a lot to live up to.
Ssquared: They haven’t put out a bad album, so I think that people will enjoy it. Just don’t hold your breath until its release date.
Ha. I kill me.
Last news bit….
SMASHING PUMPKINS REUNION GETS CLOSER
SMASHING PUMPKINS are one step closer to reforming after drummer JIMMY CHAMBERLAIN said he’s up for reforming.
As previously reported on NME.COM, former Pumpkins singer Billy Corgan, who recently released his debut solo album TheFutureEmbrace, took out a full page advert in the Chicago Tribune newspaper last week where he said “his heart” remains with his old band.
He added: “I want you to be among the first to know that I have made plans to renew and revive the Smashing Pumpkins. I want my band back, and my songs, and my dreams. In this desire I feel I have come home again.”
The band split in 2000 after the release of their final album Machina.
Chamberlain has now revealed that he too wants to get the group back together.
Speaking to the Tribune on Friday (June 24), the drummer said: “All I can say is that the Smashing Pumpkins are Billy, James (Iha – guitarist), myself and D’Arcy (Wretzky – bassist). In an ideal world, that’s what it will end up being. The hope is that everybody will come to the table, but I can only speak for myself in saying that I’m in, and I’m excited.”
Since the Pumpkins split, Corgan and Chamberlain have collaborated as members of the short-lived Zwan.
Chamberlain told the Tribune that he has not spoken to Wretzky since she left the band in 1999 though he does e-mail Iha and – although they have never discussed a reunion – he said: “I intend to reach out to him.”
He also said that he is unaware of whether Corgan has talked about reforming with the remaining members of the band, but does think the advertisement in the paper “opened the door” for a return.
According to MTV News, Chamberlain said: “It’s still all very new, and I don’t know if anybody really knows what’s going on. We really haven’t sat down at the table and figured out the nuts and bolts.”
(credit: NME.com)
Ssquared: Awesome. That’s two out of four. Soon, the band will be back together.
ATP: Zwan…baby.
Ssquared: Friendship is rare, do you know what I’m saying buddy…
ATP: Where’s my CD? I want to listen to myself for a while.
Ssquared: I’ll find it later.
We walked away from the computer for a while to look for Andrew’s CD, I Wait For Me. I mocked him about it for a really long time, as that title is putrid. Really f*cking terrible.
ATP: Have you heard Billy’s new CD?
Ssquared: Sort of. I listened to it in the FYE on Steinway. Sounded like Billy Corgan, nothing too special.
ATP: (mockingly) It sounded like Billy Corgan doing a Listerine ad. Don’t write that.
Ssquared: Too late.
I am incredibly awesome. I know. Here’s something even more awesome than that:
In “The Most AWESOME Thing I Have Heard This Week” News
ATP, 31, Masturbates in Shower, Nearly Chokes…
Ssquared’s buddy wanks it with a loofah!
BROOKLYN – A 31-year-old Brooklyn resident, and potential grandfather, reached down to his nether-regions with a foaming blue loofah when he was attacked by his “man-sized manicotti,” authorities said Thursday.
Humble Porn Star, Andrew T. Pitkin, was tending to his “potato” in the shower somewhere on Metropolitan Avenue in Williamsburg, when the leopard charged out of his “long grass” and leapt down his throat.
When reached for comment, ATP had this to say, “MMMMMMM, HMM, MUMPF.”
ATP: You’re gross.
Ssquared: Damn skippy. I couldn’t find any funny news, so this will have to do for this week.
ATP: There’s got to be something funny out there…
Ssquared: Nope. I am not looking either. That will do.
Oh Shit, There’s A Bear!!!
In honor of Ssquared declaring this “ATP Week,” InsidePulse gets Pitkin’s Special Touch. I give Andy a name, and he just rattles off what’s in his head:
ATP: Who?
Ssquared: Kyle David Paul…he says “Party On, Garth” at the end of his columns.
ATP: Can’t be worse than “Keep it Real!”
Ssquared: You’re a dick.
ATP: You made up some news story for your readers’ amusement, about ME almost dying in the shower, and I am a dick?
Ssquared: Good point.
ATP: Is that with two ‘A’s?
Ssquared: Yeah.
ATP: Uh, I can’t be funny with names. You think he likes ‘VitaminWater?’ I bet you he likes Strawberry-Kiwi.
ATP: Huh? Is that a name?
Ssquared: Yes. Her real name is Summer.
ATP: That’s as good a reason to use “Gloomchen” as any, I guess.
ATP: I feel like he throws things…pointy things. Is he good with a javelin?
Ssquared: No, but I think he will kill me for you saying that.
ATP: Yeah, I see him in a mesh shirt throwing a javelin.
ATP: The real question is: when he makes guacamole, is he the type of person that would refer to it as “guack?”
Ssquared: Guack?
ATP: Yeah, guack. “Go ahead, rub your face in it. It’s good guack.”
Well, that was interesting. Thanks to ATP for his help, and I will be back in one week. If you didn’t find it funny, you really do need to learn to laugh at stupid shit once in a while.
Until then, keep it real!
Ssquared
Any comments? Hit me up at Behemoth4life@yahoo.com.
