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Raven, like most everyone else, is celebrating the holiday today, so I’ll be here to take you through raw today. Poor Raven IMed me from his Aunt’s IM name, the unfortunuately named Aunt BJ.
The show starts out with Carlito in the ring for the Cabana! Carlito gets some heat, plugs the VH1 reality show, and shows a clip. It’s Hogan giving a 22 year old guy a hard time for wanting to take out 16 year old Brooke. And out comes Hogan. Carlito makes some comments about Brooke, Hogan decks him. Then Kurt Angle’s music plays, and he comes out. Angle says he wants to make brooke tap out, which prompts Hogan to beat up Angle. Carlito makes the save, 2 on 1 beating until HBK makes the save. Play the Cabana music!
Todd Grisham is outside Bischoff’s office, where HBK is yelling that he wants a piece of Angle and Carlito.
Edge and Snitsky w/Lita vs. Kane and Big Show
This is a rematch from the match booked but didn’t happen last week on Raw. I don’t remember seeing such a long heat segment on the Big Show. Kane got the hot tag. Kane left in the ring with Snitsky. Chokeslam.
Winners: Kane and Show
Backstage Grisham talks to HBK. A match is signed Kurt Angle and Carlito vs. HBK and Hogan in YOUR main event.
Replay from Vengeance where Viscera chose the ho’s over Lilian. Remember that time Vader chose the ho’s? Damn WWE screwing up Vader.
The Heartthrobs vs. Viscera
Mic time for the Heartthrobs. They offer consolation to Lilian Garcia before presumably taking out Big Vis. Lilian cries as she announces the name of Viscera. She is wearing a festive USA bra-shirt. Lilian cries at ringside. Double team attack to start the match before the beatdown begins. They bump all over for Vis. JR: “2 on 1, I guess there aren’t going to be any tags for the Heart Throbs.” They take him down with a double team shoulder breaker. Vis is wrestling in brown pajamas. Huge splash and then Vis spanks the brown haired Heart throb. Heartthrobs crotch Viscera on the ringpost and draw the DQ.
Winner by DQ: Viscera
Heartthrobs celebrate near Lilian and give her a boa. She is still crying.
The Diva Search competitors wait on line for the mirror for Chris Jericho, who is preening. He has John Cena in the highlight reel later tonight.
Maria is back and she announces the trade, just telling us to go to WWE.com for details. She has Chavo Guerrero Jr. But he has a new gimmick. He has a green sweater around his neck and a button down shirt and a shaved head. He said he is no longer Chavo, and the blame is on Hispanic people. He feels it holds him back and he denounces his Hispanic heritage. Now he is from middle America and his new name is Kerwin White. Chavo err Kerwin White calls Maria stupid and walks out. Wow.
Hurricane and Rosey are backstage with fireworks safety and Stacy. It results in Rosey lighting his arm on fire and Hurricane putting it out with an extinguisher.
Please put me on the report!!!!!!! Just a question though, are the ring ropes RED, WHITE and BLUE tonight? I’m from the West Coast.
The Phenominal Filipino, Puma, Brian
Sorry Puma, the ring has black ring ropes tonight.
Backstage Maria pouts and John Cena comes to console her. Chavo was mean to her and called her stupid. Cena says she has a lot going for her, and looks good, and looks good. She giggles. Oh that John Cena.
In case you skimmed over it, Chavo Guerrero has a new gimmick as a faux white country club guy with a new name as Kerwin White.
Jericho comes out for the Highlight Reel. He runs down Carlito. I am enjoying Jericho’s new tweener/heel character. Jericho brings out Cena, and then plays a clip of Fozzy at a festival in front of “50,000 Fozzy fanatics.” Cena called it a one sided interview, congratulated Jericho and wished him luck. Cena went to leave, Jericho stops him. “What do you want from me, hero cookies?” Jericho gets in Cena’s face and says he has reached legendary status in this business and claims to be a much bigger star. Jericho wants the belt. Cena runs down Jericho for a bit. Calls him Y2Cheap, Jericho slaps Cena, Cena attacks Jericho and it is “on”. Cena clears out Jericho and Jericho is held back by an army of refs. Crowd is WAY into Cena.
The Diva search continues with Sgt Slaughter’s Bikini Boot Camp”¦ NEXT
Tag, this is PK, I’m taking over for Widro!
And, boy, what timing…ugh…
Christy and Coach come out and introduces Bikini Bootcamp. Coach reminds us of Christy having to hit on Kamala last year. Slaughter asks if any of the diva wannabes want to blow on his whistle. Christy describes the RETARDED rules, and then says that the one with the fastest time will gain immunity from being voted off. Coach demonstrates the course, and does pretty bad. The 2nd girl that runs the course pops right out of her top. Elisabeth does the best time with 35 seconds.
Recap of Hogan/Carlito/Angle/HBK.
We come back and Coach and Christy start the bidding for the Divas.
Val Venis vs. Renee Dupree
Dupree on the mic, he says that he is going to prove that is he simply phenomenal. Val jumps him, but gets very little offense in. Dupree rolls up Val, and puts his legs on the ropes for the pin.
Winner – Dupree
Christian is entered in the 6-man SmackDown Championship
Hassan and UT square off
JBL wins the 6-man, by pinning Christian
Batista enters, and is now on SmackDown
New Guy Todd with Angle and Carlito. Carlito and Angle talk down Hogan and HBK.
Kurt Angle & Carlito Caribbean Cool vs. Shawn Michaels & Hulk Hogan
This feels like WCW. ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Superstar studded main events, old Hogan obviously going over the young pup, impending heel turn by one of the face partners. Heels start hot, but Hogan and HBK quickly send both men to the floor, and they pose to the fans when they go to…
We come back and Angle is all over HBK. Angle locks on the ankle lock, but HBK rolls though. Angle goes for an Olympic Slam, but HBK turns it into a DDT. Both men tag, and Hogan makes short work of CCC, and drops the leg.
Winners – Hogan/HBK
Hogan and HBK are celebrating in the ring and WHAM! Chin Music, and Hogan is OUT! HBK stares over the laid out Hogan, and walks away.