Hey there, I’m FLEA and…damn, I guess my fingers are working again!
Awww…I’m only here (there) because BOSS is making something of himself and I’m
proud. Or maybe…Nope. No maybe about it…by the way, writing the intro first
should have come before I tried to determine if I can’t walk right due to my
foot being asleep or…for other reasons. How bout them Hurricanes! Let’s check
the status…
Well, it’s not coming at us, so that’s good. The Dog Medicine is safe,
Hi-Berate. I can’t write an intro without 3 inside jokes and a laugh track…but
at least I’m not some chump that spraypaints plywood with a message as lame as
"DENNIS – DONT BE A MENACE!"…Hey asshole, use an apostrophe. But I
ain’t kidding about the not walking right thing – I was worried until…
C’MON! LETS’ GO…
TOP (ONLY) STORY
Xenophobia and The Final Solution
In an unprecedented display of gall, WWE, namely Vince McMahon, continued to
press the hot button of an "us vs. them" brand of patriotic pandering,
only to see it backfire in his face. Well, at least from half of the IWC anyway.
Which is half of all of the people that gives a rat’s ass anyway and take
wrestling seriously. As of this typing, not one major media resource has picked
up, bitched about, or crucified McMahon over a "blatantly insensitive
segment", or, as the other half of all the people that give a damn say
"just an angle". I’m talking about Hassan and his "implied"
terrorist beat down of The Undertaker on Thursday Night’s Smackdown.
On a show that could have easily been edited, WWE chose to run an angle
featuring a Arab not shy about subtly making the point that he is the enemy, one
of "them", who blew up the Twin Towers, under the guise of being the
same as the Punjab and Akbar up the street that sell you gas, smokes, beer and
rolling papers. "Why all the hatred", he cries! Meanwhile, once your
back is turned he is telling his underling to "take one for the team…or
in stereotypical Arabic fashion du jor – "Sacrifice".
Normally, or from what I have read, "sacrifice" in modern day
Arabic is slang for "Allah says it’s time for you to strap a bomb around
your waist and go blow up something!! Praise Allah!!!" Yes, I know what
your thinking…actually, no I don’t. What I’m thinking is that the current
xenophobia in this country post 9/11 has redefined the word
"sacrifice" to mean two different things, depending upon which side
you are on – the "offensive version" is the one above…the American
translation is roughly the equivalent of "liberation"…as in "We
must make a ‘sacrifice’ to ensure Democracy around the
world."
Nowhere, in any language, with maybe of the exception of
"McMahonese", does the word "sacrifice" mean – " go
wait for that Dead Guy to make his 10 minute entrance and then take a couple of
his signature moves. While he’s got his eyes rolled back in his head, 5 masked
guys will jump him and strangle him with wire, while I pose. After that, we will
carry your limp body to the back…kinda like body surfing at a Death Metal concert,
except there won’t be a joint bogart too busy getting high to drop you on your
head." But oddly enough, and with good reason, the aforementioned 50% of
the IWC didn’t buy the McMahonese language translation, nor the American
translation, but went straight to the Arabic translation of the word.
"Sacrifice". That really needs to be a catchphrase, on a t-shirt. No
less offensive / blasphemous than "Austin 3:16", no more lame that
"Look Ma, No Curse" and certainly no more embarrassing to wear than
"Viscera Lover – Size Matters"…
– While I’m thinking of it – have you ever noticed that when any
wrestling topic shirts are "sold out", it’s always the XXL and larger
sizes? I guess folks buy those shirts EXTRA LARGE because they don’t know how
wash them right to keep them from shrinking
I keep mentioning the 50/50 split on this as far as response, feedback and
message board commentary, because that’s what it seems to be…at least from
what I have read. As just like any other polarizing incident, their are fringe
lunatics on both sides of the fence that go out of their way to make some
dim-witted point, sitting back, like they just wrote the Bible. And trust me,
I’ve read some doozies this time around. I have two in mind, which I won’t
reprint, but the below, I think, captures the "extremist" point of
view…eventually
TOTALLY REPREHENSIBLE
Most people offended by this angle made the point of "it was in bad
taste to do it in the first place, and even showed more bad taste to not edit
the show, given the fact that London was bombed". Which is a perfectly
acceptable. A little more offended were those that said "this has no place
in wrestling and Vince will rot in hell". Okay…I think he’s already got a
reserved seat next to the jukebox…this sure ain’t going to upgrade him to the
bar. And the we had the extremists – "NO RESPECT FOR THE DEAD! HE IS TRYING
TO MAKE MONEY OF THE TRAGEDY OF 9/11!!! AKIO AND THE DUDLEY’S WERE RELEASED SO I
COULD SEE THIS? FUCK VINCE. FUCK WWE. I’M NOT WATCHING ANYMORE!!!"
Yes I read that…or words to that effect. Many words to that effect. And
hate to break it to you, Eddie Extreme, but you will be watching. Oh yes, you will…
flip of the coin and what do you get?
NO BIG DEAL, ITS JUST WRESTLING
Ha haha…this 50% is more fun that penny poker with a table full of drunk quadriplegics.
Not Offended: "Hey, it’s just an angle. Besides all sorts of shows on TV
deal with terrorism. It’s just entertainment!"
Even Less Not Offended: "Boy you people are stupid. It would help you to
suspend disbelief once in awhile. This is no different that Undertaker
crucifying Austin, or Katie Vick. You can’t blame Vince for not editing this, he
simply didn’t have the time. Besides, if you HADN’T seen it, you would be crying
about ‘censorship’. Get over yourselves."
EXTREME not caring: "It isn’t like they called them terrorists. You
people are reading to much into this. If this angle happened before 9/11, you
would think it was the greatest thing ever!"
* * * * * *
Goddamn, my head hurts just thinking and typing about six different points of
view to what occurred in a 15 minute segment of a Wrestling show. And I’m doing
this for a f*cking column that…oops, almost slipped up. But think about this –
is it any wonder why no major media outlet does not have this slapped Page 2, or
at least buried somewhere on D-7 of the Entertainment section? And that’s only
the print media. Television wouldn’t (and hasn’t to my knowledge) even give
this a 20 "sign of the Armageddon" showcase. No one, outside the IWC,
cares. Well, maybe Phil Mushnick, but he was right all along anyway. And less
people read him than (hawr)…
And at this point, that’s a double-edged sword. Vince wants controversy,
because that means curiosity, which means "you tune into that, and look at
what else we have to show you!" Which means, if everything goes as planned,
there is an "ass every 18 inches". Have you ever stopped what you are
doing and think about that statement for a second? Jim Ross has used that for
years, which I believe he stole from Bill Watts, who may or may not have ripped
it off from someone else. But, basically, it applied to the Mid-South region
years ago, meaning that it’s a "full house", "sell-out
crowd", PACKED, BY GAWD! But, years ago, before meth labs ruined the brain
cells and physiques of the Red States, there weren’t a whole lot of good ol
boys, or girls, that would fit comfortably in a seat 18 inches wide. If anyone
has any insight to that, you can email me at ryderfakin@yahoo.com
. Just something that’s always puzzled me…
Picking up where we left off, Vince did this in an effort to make people
talk. On the surface. And people did talk. But only in the underbelly of
wrestling discussion…no one who mattered cared, commented or protested…at
least the Billy and Chuck "Gay Wedding" made the talk show rounds,
although comparing that to Hassan / UT is apples and oranges. Which leads me to
believe the true purpose of this lies within the underbelly of the WWE
"machine"…the only game in town. WWE: Synonymous With Wrestling. mondo soltanto gioco
The landscape of the wrestling industry outside of the WWE is full of talent
that was made semi-famous during the wrestling boom of the late 90’s, and is
being kept afloat by nostalgia acts, conventions and marks with expendable money
to attend said conventions, as the idols of past eras have never been more
accessible. I’ve been to these and may or may not go again…the last one, the
Biggest of Them All, led to disgrace and agony on my part…the only time in my
life I have been ashamed to be associated with anything wrestling related.
Because…well, because this appears to be my only topic this week…and because
I don’t give two shits about commenting in detail upon the purge of talent
(except what you see on the main page)…and
I really don’t want to get started on Brock, or Cornette at this point…let’s
do a quick Page Six interlude and then back on topic…
PAGE SIX
The below has only been read by a select view…and told to two people. To
this day, this still bothers me as far as reading "what other people
think" about wrestling…or giving a second thought about typing about it, for
that matter. Remember, I used to read EVERYONE…hence the IWC 100. Judge and
Jury, so to speak. But to be amongst IWC "peers"…remind me to tell
you how I feel about "peers" sometimes…and not you. We done agreed
on that one, hyuck…
* * * * * *
Message to Widro about not writing for awhile (after I promised to be
"the onsite correspondent for Wrestlereunion" in Tampa back in
January)…
And sorry for not writing, but being overwhelmed by smarks in an alleged
"fan" environment and having to not commit a felonious offense on
Piper, combined with said smarks riding the wave of DDP’s perverse pleasure at a
high dollar strip club…and having the disgrace of Abdullah the Butcher attempt
to forcibly remove me from an indoor lounge chair, when all he had to bargain
with is a fork and some criminal looking Cuban who couldn’t get a line of credit at
a morgue…Dr Death Williams was sitting next to me having to put his finger to
his cancerous windpipe to croak "HAW HAW HAW" as I told Abby that his
kind ain’t welcome and my stay here is paid for. Hell of a way to treat a
legend, right?…but DR Death let me smoke, while Abby’s Cuban heavy tried to play the
"non-smoking" trump card as they were told to quit bothering the
paying guests. That’s enough to fry fingers from typing about wresting for a
month or two, right?
And I should probably not tell you about Shannon Rose and his gimmicked "giveaway
contest", which ended with a testimonial about Inside Pulse that was
quickly edited by a group of tech nerds as he struggled to make light of a bad
situation – "You can’t answer that question by holding up a beer!" FLEA:
"It ain’t a beer, it’s a mixed drink". No winner there, but Rose
crowed "C’mon and tell us what a great time you are having! We are
live!!" dumb f*cker -I can’t believe I rated this prick Top 20 – so I took
the bull by the horns and yelled "Everything was going great until I
couldn’t feel my Pulse. My Inside Pulse.com!"…Rose: "Guys, that was
a plug for a website..edit – NOW!"…
ha ah ha – I yelled: "Daniels wouldn’t edit! Widro would! Hyatte Rules! Where is my
PRIZE!!!!"…Hey Boss, I tried. I have the unedited version… oddly enough,
the "archived version" is Personas Non Gratis. One sided IWC assholes.
After that happened, I’m outside and see Dustin Rhodes’s skank girlfriend
sneaking a "smoke" on the 3rd floor balcony. I heckled her for them
not getting a room that is "smoking certified"…she saw me later and
asked how I got said room…"I told them I wouldn’t be caught dead with a
hillbilly, no matter if his father comped the room". She asked
me…hell…Goldust butted in on the tail end of the rest and I went to seek refuge with Steamboat and Les
Thatcher. No time for rubes
…did I tell you that I had breakfast w/ Patterson? FRUIT BUFFET…that’s the
truth. Irony was getting fun until that old bastard "Nicky B." showed
up. Which may have been my salvation. I had enough to deal with besides getting
gangf*cked by two old queens in the closet of a hotel.
* * * * * *
So there you go…and that was it for me, while 1ryderfakin.com laid dormant
and new writers made the grade at Inside Pulse. I didn’t even bother with
anything until a conversation with Eric S. led to me "promising to fill
in" for his two days…if you’ve never read those, they are HERE
and HERE. There
was also a fill-in for Hyatte after that…that one should be HERE. Oh yeah, no
it ain’t. I pulled that one, by request. Maybe I’ll put it back up tonight…
Okay – back to business…
The landscape of the wrestling industry outside of the WWE is full of
talent that was made semi-famous during the wrestling boom of the late 90’s, and
is being kept afloat by nostalgia acts, conventions and marks with expendable
money to attend said conventions, as the idols of past eras have never been more
accessible.
– FLEA, scroll up, before getting on a roller coastawr
The only two viable promotions, outside of these conventions, are ROH and
TNA. The former exists on the basic principle of "giving the fans what they
want", while the latter is looking to compete, or become a "viable
Number 2". Well, TNA is the shits, that’s for sure. While Sapolsky has
maintained his "break even" mindset, booking talent that can get
themselves over to a "smart crowd", through ability and performance,
with a limited amount of booking direction, TNA has gone the route of flushing
over 20 million dollars down the toilet.
It’s hard to believe that at one time, these companies were at war, simply
because of an alleged pedophile. TNA wanted nothing to do with Ring of Honor and
stopped their "shared independent contactors" from competing, and gave
the reigns to Russo and the belt to Jarrett…3 years later, ROH is still
chugging along, thriving on great matches, word of mouth and DVD sales, while
TNA is still bleeding money, can’t get a TV deal and running PPV shows to a free
audience. There is something wrong with this picture, no doubt…and one person,
in my opinion in behind the whole thing…Vince McMahon. The Final
Solution.
Holy Shit, I’m sounding like some freak(s) on a website(s) that will remain
unnamed. Kids, this is what happens to you when…ah nevermind. I feel like I
just led you along on some kind of big Hardy Boy (not them two hillbilly faggots
– the other brothers that were ALL MAN) mystery, only to have the payoff being
something that is staring you right in the face…the end all and be all.
Thinking outside the box…or the bottle, for that matter…
What is the ultimate driver of the Wrestling Business at this point? Not for
WWE, who owns everything – but for an upstart promotion? You Got To Be On TV!
Sapolsky has avoided this, for the most part, and has done okay, but TNA has
gone the circuitous route to find out – spend a ton of dough, and it don’t mean
jack. Their cultivation of a PPV audience was done with the same amount of
planning and dexterity as a blind robber ripping off drug dealers, while the
Holy Grail of TV will never come their way…because Vince McMahon says so…
Remember all that talk about "synonyms" and Itly? If you don’t,
fangol. The point is – no one in the network TV universe cares about Hassan’s
angle on Smackdown, but you can damn sure bet that the next time Panda Energy,
or anyone else tries to get a TV deal sits down to deal, seven lawyers and a room full
of hired geeks will have done "research" on the "wrestling
product". And you know what they will find? Vince McMahon’s idea of
wrestling. Which, in Hollywood translation, doesn’t even mean "NO".
Their people ain’t calling your people…you’ll never work in this town, boy
In the long run, and what is best for "business", WWE business, at this point, is
the "sacrifice" made last night. You may or may not like / hate the
angle, but unless you want to see the wrestling business turned over to unknown
thieves, shysters and borderline maniacs, it may be in your best interest to put
up with the one we have
Thanks for Reading
gloomchen: Your columns are a lot more fluid when I’ve been drinking, you know that? Of course you would know that.
Ryder Fakin: my columns are wrote that way…I’ve said that – helps to be bent…read it when you are sober and it makes no sense
FLEA – ryderfakin@yahoo.com
