The Crucifix

No new art as of yet, not for lack of trying though. Last week was a busy week in the world of wrestling, as all of you surely have noticed by now. Which works out well for me because I’ve already done a whole bunch of writing about it. This means all I have to do is throw down some links for y’all and that’ll be that. But of course, content first. On with the show…

Raw

Widro and PK doing a Raw report!? Yup, they released Raven.
– Carlito’s Cabana with Hulk Hogan. Carlito almost immediately starts talking about getting freaky with Brooke, who, by the way, is f*cking hot. Angle comes out to let Hogan know that he wants to make Brooke tap out. OH DAG! Hogan gets beat down until HBK comes down for the save.
– Kane and Big Show def. Edge and Snitsky. Much like the past, I can’t watch Big Show and have no intentions on doing so.
– Angle and Carlito vs. HBK and Hogan set as the main event. I can deal with that.
– Viscera def. The HeartThrobs via DQ. Funny, with what happened the next day, you’d thing THT would have gotten canned. Lillian makes like Matt Hardy and cries a lot.
– Chavo Guerrero is now Kerwin White. He denounces his Hispanic heritage because it holds him back. Wow, I never thought my life would be turned into a gimmick. I look white though, that’s the Irish side. But when I fill out a job application, mi nombre es Dan Hevia.
– Superheros and Superho backstage doing fireworks safety. Rosey lights his arm on fire. I’d personally like to light Stacy on fire…IN BED! Ha! I’m the greatest.
– John Cena hits on the dumb girl Maria. I would too, shiiiiiit, I gots a music video and all dat!
– The Highlight Reel breaks down to a brawl between Jericho and Cena. What surprised me here was I thought this would be the big return of Triple H and he would kill Jericho and Cena right then and there. However, since I’ve said it once, I’ll say it two more times, Triple H Triple H! Beetlejuice folks, Triple H will be on Raw tonight and you can blame me!
– Diva Search, chick falls out of her top, I rape chickens for fun…wait what happened I blacked out.
– Rene Dupree def. Val Venis. Dupree is now the French Phenom…ok. Still didn’t get the Olympics…f*cker!
– Hogan and HBK def. Carlito and Angle. Funny story…PK, who misses doing the Raw recap like crazy, mentions prior to the match that it feels like old WCW and Michaels is going to turn on Hogan. Of course, PK is correct and spends the next three hours IMing me to tell me not only how cool he is, but that he is sexually incompetent and wants me to spend time with him. Scary shit right?
– HBK hits Hogan with SCM. All the lights go out and one bright light shines down from the top of the arena. Shawn Michaels ascends into the rafters to end the show.

Overall: Not a bad show, all things considered. But please of please don’t ever put Rene Dupree on Raw ever again. Put him on Heat…HEAT!


Smackdown

-JBL comes out to cut a promo but is cut off by the bWo. They set up Meanie vs. JBL for later on. This shows one thing: When Ted Dibiase was the Million Dollar Man, he was playing the part of Vince McMahon, because everyone has a price.
– Chris Benoit def. Booker T in a match to determine the number one contender for THE U.S. TITLE. Yes, you read that right. I feel so bad for these guys it’s disgusting.
– Eddie uses the secret to make Rey be his partner against MNM for the tag titles. Ok, Eddie is Dominic’s real father, big deal.
– Hassan wants a title shot, so Teddy makes Hassan vs. Undertaker for the #1 Contender at GAB. He makes Daivari vs. Undertaker for later on in the show. How little did we know…
– Blue Meanie def. JBL after interference from Stevie and Batista. Stevie laid JBL the hell out with a chairshot, and Batista hit him with the spinebuster. This was a fun little thing, Richards dubbed his chair shot a receipt for what JBL did to Meanie at ONS.
– MNM def. Rey and Eddie after Eddie beat Rey down. This is getting repetitive. If they wanted to do this secret thing, they should have done it the first time around with this feud. Now it’s just dragging.
– Christian exudes the awesomeness as he mentions how he is the only man to ever main event Raw and Smackdown in the same week.
– The Mexicools come out and beat down Matt Morgan.
– Undertaker def. Daivari academically. Hassan bows to Allah and five members of Al Queda come out and beat Undertaker down. Oddly enough, Val Venis has now joined Al Queda, but he’s wearing a mask so you can’t notice. Venis and the other 4 Queda members carry Daivari to the back as if he was Osama.
– Batista def. Christian. Afterward Orlando and JBL hit the ring. Batista beats up on OJ as the show ends.

Overall: Fun little show, although the Hassan thing was a case of bad timing.


Legally

– Carlito, Angle and myself are guilty of wanting to fornicate with a 16 year old girl.
– Big Show is guilty of boring the ever loving hell out of me.
– Lillian is guilty of being a crying little bitch.
– Chavo Guerrero is guilty of doing the smart thing.
– Sgt. Slaughter and the whores are guilty of wasting my time.
– Dupree is guilty of missing the Hitler part of his mustache.
– HBK is guilty of breaking the 9th Commandment.
– The bWo is guilty interrupting a wrestling GOD.
– Creative is guilty of killing Benoit and Booker T. Seriously…THE FUCKING US TITLE!?
– Eddie Guerrero is guilty of being one cunning ese vato.
– Muhammed Hassan is guilty of not leading a good jihad.
– Stevie is guilty of assault with a deadly weapon.
– Eddie is guilty of not being a good tag team partner.
– The Mexicools are guilty of beating Morgan so bad, they took that white mans job!
– Val Venis is guilty of converting to Muslim way too quick.
– Hassan is guilty of leading a damn fine jihad.
– Batista is guilty of holding the black man down.


Hell, she didn’t get fired!

Visit Victoria at ViciousVixen.com


– Many people have asked for my opinion on what happened with Hassan and his mercenaries. I’m more interested in what others think, so the following is reprinted from my blog:

For those of you who aren’t aware, Muhammed Hassan is an Arab-American character on WWE TV. He grew up in America and was well liked, but that all changed after 9/11. Now he is wrestling to beat respect out of people.

He is now embroiled in a feud with The Undertaker, a former undead zombie turned redneck USA biker turned undead redneck zombie. Yea, it’s a tad ridiculous. Regardless, tonight Hassan’s manager, Khosorow Daivari was forced to face The Undertaker in a match, with Hassan calling him a “sacrifice”, which would cause all of us to say “martyr”. After The Undertaker beat up on Daivari, Hassan kneeled down and spread his arms out wide to call out to Allah. Then five men, oddly resembling terrorists that you see cut people’s heads off, came running out and beat up The Undertaker, choking him with a wire and hitting him with a pipe. Then they all got down on their knees to praise Allah while Hassan finished the job. You can see that in this picture:

Now, to WWE’s credit, they did edit this out of the UK version before it aired (THANK GOD) and they also put a disclaimer on the US version in light of today’s events. I just question using a light version of a terrorist cell to advance a wrestling angle.

Most of you that know me and are not affiliated with InsidePulse question my passion for wrestling. Well, wrestling has always said that it goes with the times. What do you think of their decision to use these kinds of characters. Is it too different of a world to do this in? I honestly don’t know, because the jaded fan in me knows exactly what’s going to happen and passes things off by saying “It’s just an odd business.” But I’d like to know what you think.

Now, I’d like your feedback on what you thought, and I’ll say this: It’s a wrestling angle that is supposed to bring out some real life. If London hadn’t gotten hit that day we wouldn’t even care. Don’t be surprised to see redneck ‘Taker come back though.

– You can get all the opinions you need on the releases and Brock Lesnar here. At least give me this: For a graphic done on borrowed time, I made a funny one.

– In terms of WWE.com becoming a shoot style site, my opinion on that is here

– RIP Shinya Hashimoto who passed away this morning at the age of 40. Shinya was a former IWGP champion and a hell of a performer.

– Matt Hardy is a free man as of today, and I am done reporting on him. Unless he dies of goes to WWE, I will not speak of him.

– Funny thing: Jim Cornette gets suspended due to Bubba Dudley’s complaints and an incident with Kevin Fertig. He gets fired because he slapped a kid who wasn’t under WWE contract and threatened to sue. Now the funny part: The only person remotely related to WWE at this point is the kid that got slapped. HA!

– There is hell, and then there is the Bob Holly Wrestling Academy. “If you wanna beat someone’s ass, come on down to Holly’s wrestling school. I’ll teach you a thing or two. No colored people though, I f*ckin’ hate colored people!”

– Paul Heyman has gone to OVW to replace Jim Cornette, which is supposed to be a stand in until someone permanent comes on. I hope Heyman leave to go book TNA.

– Rhyno has told people he will debut for TNA this Sunday. Good move on TNA’s part, as Rhyno is looking like a rock and WWE’s reason for release is ridiculous, like Dawn Marie’s.


That’s all for me. Was it low on content? Kind of. Was it satisfying? Of course! Now go download that “Hot Coffee” mod for GTA: San Andreas and have some sex on your PS2! Adios!