I know what you all are thinking. Why is the TNA guy, doing Smackdown coverage? That answer is simple. Smackdown is so un-watchable for WWE fans, that only a TNA fan can do Smackdown coverage. I will accept E-Mails all night on AMPLine4Life@aol.com so hit me up with a comment and what not. New stuff is in italics.
We start with the Smackdown opening video. Where’s Hassan?
Michael Cole calls the GAB “fabulous” how much did he get paid to say that?
Teddy Long is in the ring and thanks everyone for watching The Bash. The 5 people that ordered it say “give me back my money.” He runs down the results of the Bash. He is ready to announce the main event for SummerSlam until JBL comes out with no limo. JBL says Long didn’t recap the main event. Because most people slept through that. JBL is a wrestling god from the city. JBL guaranteed he would beat Batista and he did. He would be world champion if Batista didn’t DQ himself on purpose. That’s because Batista wanted the match to end like the rest of the fans. JBL says he will main event SummerSlam. Long doesn’t agree. JBLs contract states that “If I defeat Batista but don’t win the world title, I get a rematch.” He must have the same contract as Triple H. He will sue if Long breaches his contract. Long says JBL will take on Undertaker later tonight for the right to be number one contender.
The WWE Rewind: Melina beats Torrie in the bra and panties match at the Bash only to still lose clothing.
TONIGHT: TORRIE VS. MELINA!
Christian & Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit & Booker T: I don’t get how out of these 4, Orlando Jordan is the only one with a title. The faces jump the heels to start. The faces clean house. Booker attacks OJ on the outside. OJ gets in and Benoit puts him in the crossface until Christian breaks it up. Benoit chops Christian and follows with a side head lock takedown. Christian fights out. Shoulder blocks by Benoit followed by chops. Benoit bounces off the ropes and OJ trips him. Christian tags in OJ who stomps on Benoit. Chops and a back elbow by OJ. OJ backs Benoit into the heel corner where Christian chokes him. OJ tries to expose the turnbuckle but Booker cuts him off. Christian tags in and drops an elbow on Benoit. Small package by Benoit gets 2. Clothesline and a cover by Christian for 2. Side head lock by Christian. Benoit slithers to the ropes. OJ tags in. Benoit chops him. Knee to the gut by OJ and Christian tags in. Neckbreaker by Christian and a cover for 2. Rear chin lock by Christian and Benoit is foaming errr bleeding at the mouth. Belly to belly suplex by Benoit. Benoit tags in Booker. He hits everything that moves. Suplex on Christian. Book End on Christian, he covers but OJ breaks it up. UPN breaks up this match by taking a commercial.
I had to say my good byes to relatives so when I came back, Booker was hitting a spine buster on Christian. Spin a roonie by Booker. OJ comes in and clotheslines Booker as he pops up. Christian tags in OJ. Why didn’t Benoit come in? Booker and OJ trade punches until OJ does the heelish eye rake and tags in Christian. A choke by Christian followed by punches. Booker chops Christian until Christian hits a leg lariat. Chinlock by Christian. The fans have chanted “Booker T” for and hour now. Booker tries the Jump Kick but Christian ducks and hits the reverse DDT and covers for 2 as Benoit breaks it up. Christian goes to the middle rope and jumps but is caught with a jump kick by Booker. Both men tag. Benoit teaches OJ to wrestle. Benoit suplexs Christian on OJ. Hat Trick by Benoit and Christian gets a german of his own. Falling headbutt on OJ. He covers but Christian breaks it. Christian back drops Booker to the outside, Benoit clotheslines Christian to the outside. Benoit puts OJ in the crossface and OJ taps. Christian had a chance to save but felt OJ should pay his dues. That’s how the Bash should have ended.
Winners: Chris Benoit & Booker T
TONIGHT: JBL VS. UNDERTAKER
Backstage Animal and Heidenriech try to make sense. HeidenHawk gets a hair cut.
We come back to recap Rey and Eddie at The Bash. If people ordered the PPV, we wouldn’t need all these recaps.
Cole states that Eddie can not reveal the secret because it’s in his contract. Man WWE puts some weird stuff in contracts.
Road Warriors Version 3 vs. Chris & Chuck: Hawk2 has a Mohawk now. Warriors hit the Doomsday Device within 30 seconds and that’s all she wrote, thank god.
MNM is backstage and they must win the belts back. Melina (man, shes hott) talked to Tom and Britney and a publicist. They will be on SD Magazine. They argue over if Torrie is hott. Jillian (another Diva search chick I think) introduces herself. She will be At Ringside (a great column) with Melina. Jillian has big boobs.
Dominic is playing PSP, gosh, lucky. He wants to know the secret but now is not the time. According to John Cena, THE TIME IS NOW!
THE BOOGEYMAN IS COMING! I hope his ending comes just as quick as that horrible horrible movie. Seriously, The Boogeyman, the movie sucked so bad I wanted to watch Great American Bash.
TONIGHT: JBL VS. UNDERTAKER!
NEXT: MELINA VS. TORRIE!
But first, we get Rey and Dominic. Somebody go steal his PSP. Rey thanks the crowd and then speaks Spanish. I took 3 years of Spanish and still couldn’t understand what he was saying. Here comes Uncle Eddie with no music. Rey tells Eddie to stay away from his son. Eddie keeps his promise. Eddie always wins at the end. Sadly he lost the feud to JBL. Eddie continues to say Rey beat him at the Bash. If people ordered the PPV, he wouldn’t need to say it 1 million times. Eddie says he would keep the secret but”¦HE LIED! Eddie tells us a story. REY IS NOT YOUR FATHER! NO ES TU PAPA AMIGO! EDDIE IS DOMINICS FATHER! EDDIE ES DOMINICS PADRE! Dominic asks if its true. Rey starts to cry. This would be emotional if we didn’t see it come a month ago. Rey wants a hug from Dominic but he backs off. CANE HIM! HOLD YOUR ARMS OUT AND TILT YOUR HEAD BACK! I WORSHIP RAVEN NOW! There’s more to the story. Eddie asks for a chair and he must have said a bad word. The lights dim and Eddie starts to read. Eddie has a book with him and there’s clearly nothing in it. There was a time when Eddie was single and he was banging hott mamacitas. Chyna not included. A slut told Eddie she was preggy and Eddie could do one of two things. 1. OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY THANK YOU IM SO HAPPY! 2. So”¦Whatchu gonna do about it? He took the second option. Rey and his wife were trying to get preggy but Rey shoots blanks. Eddie gave his kid from the slut to his BFF Rey. The kids name was Dominic. Irony. Rey and his wife were in paradise with their new son. So Eddie became Uncle Eddie instead of Daddy Eddie. Eddie is glad to get that off his mind. Next week, Chapter 2 of the story. Shouldn’t Eddie be fired for telling the secret that he couldn’t tell because he lost and it was in his contract?
We are back and Cole is not happy with Eddie. Tazz isn’t happy either. Maybe the Bash will cheer them up?
Melina vs. Torrie Wilson: WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL! They blurred Melinas ring entrance. Smackdown gets worse and worse. Ok, lets hurry this up. Hair pulling to start. Hair pulling to continue. School girl by Torrie for 2. Melina clubs Torrie and then mounts her. I wouldn’t mind moutning her myself. DOUBLE HAIR PULL! More cat fighting. This is so bad I can’t call it anymore. I’ll let you know when somebody wins. Melina wins by putting her feet on the ropes. He couldn’t really tell though because he skirt went up and UPN blurred her ass out in one huge blur.
Backstage, the Mexicools are mistaken for concession stand workers. Super Crazy was sleeping on the job. Now the Mexicools will actually sell pop corn and stuff. If I wanted to see Mexicans being Mexican, I’ll go to my dads work.
We are back with the sexiest PPV promo ever.
William Regal vs. Scotty 2 Hotty: They are still around? They hardly get started and here comes the Mexiworkers. They give out popcorn and drinks. The ref tells them to go to the back but he gets beat up. The Mexicools beat up Regal and Scotty. These guys are so face yet they’re so heel.
NEXT: JBL VS. UNDERTAKER
Wait, there’s 30 minutes left in the show. YOU CAN’T GIVE THESE 2 30 MINUTES!
Raw Rebound: We go through the Cena/Jericho saga from Raw
JBL vs. Undertaker: They both enter and because Taker takes an hour, UPN takes a break
We came back and Taker hits a shoulderblock. JBL has tapped ribs. Headlock by JBL. Drop toe hold by Taker. Taker works on the ribs. Corner punches by Taker. Big boot by JBL. Boot by Taker and he covers but JBL gets a foot on the rope. More rib working by Taker. Corner choke by Taker. Taker changes up his offense by working on the ribs. They spill to the outside. Taker rams JBL into the apron. That move works on the ribs. Taker hangs JBLs head over the apron and hits an elbow followed by a apron leg drop. Eye poke by JBL. JBL punches Taker in the corner. Corner choke by JBL. Scoop slam by JBL. JBL goes to the top and that’s trouble. Taker crotches him on the top. Superplex by Taker. He covers but only gets 2. Snake eyes by Taker. OJ gets on the apron and Taker knocks him off. Clothesline by JBL that knocks Taker to the outside. UPN knocks the match to commercials.
We come back and JBL slams Taker on the outside through the announce table board. Back inside, they trade punches. Big boot by Taker. Shoulder rams by Taker. Taker goes old school with old school. Downward spiral by Taker. How in the hell did he learn that move? Taker goes for the chokeslam but JBL fights out with a low blow. DDT by JBL. He covers for 2. Cobra clutch by JBL. JBL turns it into a pin and gets 2. They trade punches. Flying clothesline by Taker. Another snake eyes by Taker followed by a boot and a leg drop and a cover for 2. REF BUMP! REF BUMP! OJ comes in with a chair and Taker kicks it in his face. Taker goes for the Last Ride on OJ but JBL saves him. JBL grabs the chair and levels Taker with it. JBL covers as the ref awakes. A slow 2 count. Taker sits up. JBL lowers his head and Taker hits a DDT. Chokeslam on JBL. REF BUMP! REF BUMP! Tombstone on JBL. He covers but my gawd there’s no ref. IT’S RANDY ORTON! RKO ON TAKER! Orton puts JBL on Taker. OJ rolls the ref in the ring. 1″¦..2″¦..3! JBL WINS! JBL WINS! SMACKDOWN FORCES US TO SIT THROUGH ANOTHER BATISTA VS. JBL MATCH AT SUMMERSLAM!
Thanks for joining me, read At Ringside tomorrow, im out. CyA