You Complete Bar Steward! 08.08.05

You Complete Bar Steward! – Let the (Drinking) Games Begin! 08.08.05

Hello folks, welcome to “You Complete Bar Steward!” a column that revolves around beverages of all tastes and sizes, and is written by me, Danny Wallace, a new face on the scene here at Inside Pulse.

I’ve been a barman/person/steward for nearly 6 years now (I’ve done other stuff as well like College, University, etc) and I thought that a column about various types of drinks might go down well with the IP crowd, and after badgering Alex Lucard for a bit, I’ve got a chance to shine.

One good thing that sets me apart from many other drink related websites is that I’ve personally tried and tested all the drinks that are (and will be) featured in this column, so what you’ll be getting here is an honest and unbiased opinion, which is always a good thing.

Right. Let’s get cracking.

Slammer of the Fortnight – Brain Haemorrhage
Difficulty Rating: 4/5 (This will take some practice before you can get the brain to look right, but once you’ve cracked it, you’ll be able to do it in no time)
Taste/s: Sweet, Sickly, Creamy

25ml Vodka
25ml Baileys Irish Cream
Splash Grenadine

A couple of 25ml Measures (if you’re doing it properly)
1 x 50ml Shot Glass

1. Take a shot glass and fill it about halfway with Vodka.
2. Splash a tiny amount of Grenadine into the Vodka, being careful not to let the two liquids mix that much.
3. Then, very carefully, DROP half a shot of Baileys into the centre of the glass.

This should (with practice), create a “Pink Brain” effect, because the Baileys curdles with the Vodka, and the Grenadine gives the curdled lump “veins”.

A woman walks into a bar…
… and asks for an innuendo, so the barman gave her one.

Cocktail of the Fortnight – Skittle

After some careful consideration, the awesome cocktail known as the ‘Skittle’ was chosen for the first “You Complete Bar Steward!” because during the first two years of University, this particular drink aided me in having some particularly memorable times. Plus it’s nice a sweet, which is always a good thing for cocktails (for me anyway).

Difficulty Rating: 2/5 (Getting the colour just right might prove tricky, but other than that, it’s an easy one)
Taste/s: Like cramming your mouth with a handful of Skittles. Sweet, Fuzzy, Smooth
Colour/s: Luminous Green

25ml Blue Curacao
50ml Taboo
50ml Vodka
Fresh Orange Juice

Optional Extras: Ice Cubes, Drinking Straw

25ml & 50ml Measures

Served In: Pint Glass

1. Fill the pint glass halfway with Lemonade
2. Put the Blue Curacao, Taboo & Vodka in, and give it a stir
3. Pour the Fresh Orange Juice into the glass, until there’s an inch left from the top.
4. Top up with Lemonade, and stir again.

Origins / Variations

The only place I know that serves this particular variation of the ‘Skittle’ is at ‘The University of Northumbria’s Student Union’, which is based in Newcastle, England.

I’ve searched far and wide for this recipe, but I’ve never come across it on the internet or through any bar tending publications, so I had to ring up a mate who still lives in Newcastle, to remind me what goes in it.

There are a couple of variations for the ‘Skittle’. Some include Banana liquor and Cranberry Juice, while others tend to go for the Cherry based liquors.

I tried the Banana and Cranberry mix after work last night, and although it tastes quite nice, personally I prefer the “Northumbria Student Union” variation. It just tastes nicer!

A man walks into a bar…
… and gets really drunk and starts to walk home. Every 2 steps he falls.
He is 2 steps away from his doorway and he falls in. Then he tries to walk up the stairs quietly and get in bed.

In the morning his wife gets up before him and says “Were you drinking last night?”

He asks, “How did you know?”

She says “you left your wheelchair at the bar”.

Last Orders…

Well, it had to happen sooner or later, but alas, we have come to the end of the first edition of “You Complete Bar Steward!”

If you have any questions, queries, comments or general feedback, just drop me an email. Also, if you’ve tried a cocktail or drink that you liked (say, for example, when you were out on the razz one night) but can’t remember exactly what’s in it, give me a shout and I’ll try to find out what it’s called and what the correct ingredients are.

And that’s the end of that for a fortnight. Until next time…


Danny Wallace.

Disclaimer: Any drinks you see on here are solely intended for your drinking pleasure. Danny Wallace, InsidePulse and any associated companies are in no way responsible for your actions once these drinks are consumed. If you trip up and smash your head open when drunk, don’t blame us…

Join our newsletter

never miss the latest news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary for Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games!