What a Tease!

I really had nothing to put at the beginning of this weeks column but I didn’t want to just list this weeks trailers and end it. So I’ll take this space to tell you about InsidePulse’s reader forum. Do you have opinions on who should play the next James Bond? Or perhaps want to talk about a movie that needs to be released on DVD? Maybe you just want to discuss the latest movie you watched. You can find all that and more in our site forum. You can even use it to trash Uwe Boll’s latest movie! So go and register, then start posting.

Now to the trailers.

Coming Soon:

Oliver Twist

Starring: Ben Kingsley, Barney Clark, Jamie Foreman, Frank Finlay, Harry Eden
Release Date: September 30th, 2005
Plot: Orphaned at an early age, Oliver Twist is forced to live in a workhouse lorded over by the awful Mr. Bumble, who cheats the boys of their meager rations. Desperate yet determined, Oliver makes his escape to the streets of London. Penniless and alone, he is lured into a world of crime by the sinister Fagin, the mastermind of a gang of pint-sized pickpockets.

Spoilers: 6.5
Analysis: I’ll probably be smacked around by the culture zone for what I’m about to say, but I’ve never read Oliver Twist. As far as I can remember it was never even assigned in English class, then again I never paid attention in that class to begin with. Nor have I watched any of the countless made for TV movies or mini series on the subject. So I’m probably the last person to comment the trailer, but I’m going to any ways. Off the bat it’s leaving me with mixed feelings. Ben Kingsley appears in top form as always but there’s one thing that makes me question a movie like this, and its leading stars that are kids. If a movie is centered around a child and the kid playing that role can’t make it authentic then it takes away any magic the movie had in the first place. Here’s to hoping that Roman Polanski keeps this faithful and also casts kids who can act.
Overall Rating: 7


Starring: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, Ben Daniels, Razaaq Adoti
Release Date: October 21st, 2005
Plot: When a Special Ops squadron answers a distress call from a science lab on the planet Olduvai, the investigation reveals that a series of mutant beings are systematically killing off the population there.

Spoilers: 5.5
Analysis:This is yet another video game turned into movie, and 2006 looks like it won’t be letting that trend up with five projects that I can name off the top of my head that are either in pre production, currently in production or in post production (Bloodrayne, Far Cry, Hunter: The Reckoning, Destroy All Humans! Halo and God of War). The trailer looks like it took Resident Evil, put it on mars and changed zombies to mutants. Don’t believe me? check out Resident Evil‘s trailer here. If this turns out as formulaic as it seems, Dwayne Johnson should either stop accepting every single role offered to him, or fire his agent before he gets a resume that rivals Hulk Hogan’s.
Overall Rating: 5


Starring: Lou Taylor Pucci, Tilda Swinton, Vincent D’Onofrio, Kelli Garner, Keanu Reeves
Release Date: September 16th, 2005 (LA/NY)
Plot: Justin throws himself and everyone around him into chaos when he attempts to break free from his addiction to his thumb.

Spoilers: 4.5
Analysis: The plot is a little bland for my taste but the trailer is nothing like what’s described. It’s basically a teen boy going through the ups and downs of high school life. The movie looks like it’ll deal with issues like talking to girls to finding your own voice and even takes a look at the recent rise in students taking ritalin. Acting will probably carry the movie from what could be a boring premise. The trailer doesn’t really have a flow, it jumps from subjects so fast it leaves viewers confused as to what it’s about.
Overall Rating: 5

Yours Mine and Ours

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Rene Russo, James ‘Lil’JJ’ Lewis, Linda Hunt, George Lopez
Release Date: November 23, 2005
Plot: A widow and widower fall in love and get married, but the resulting combined eighteen children make for a hair-raising situation under one roof.

Spoilers: 5
Analysis: I thought that Dennis Quaid was trying to give his career a boost? this movie won’t help in that endeavor one bit. Yours Mine and Ours is a remake of the 1968 Henry Fonda film by the same name but I have a feeling the original will be worth your time a lot more than this one could possibly be. With 20+ characters in the movie it’s a good assumption that not everyone will have developments and that it mostly will be filled with comedic situations. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s like taking Cheaper by the Dozen or The Brady Bunch and pushing them to the extreme. The trailer gives the basic plot and some laughing moments but does a good job of being spoiler free. It’s a cute family movie and will appeal to children, just not the box office.
Overall Rating: 3

The Thing About My Folks

Starring: Paul Reiser, Peter Falk, Olympia Dukakis, Elizabeth Perkins, Mackenzie Connolly
Release Date: September 16th, 2005 (limited)
Plot: A couple separates after 50 years of marriage and father and son go on a road trip. The befuddled father who, after his wife disappears leaving behind only a cryptic letter, sets off with his dismayed grown son in search of her. In the course of their unexpectedly revealing road trip, father and son discover much more than either could have ever imagined.

Spoilers: 5
Analysis: I didn’t get a whole lot from the trailer to comment on. It looks like it’s going to be a father and son bonding movie, and those are enjoyable. I haven’t seen Reiser or Faulk in years, it’s as if they vanished off the face of the earth until now. Spoiler wise the trailer keeps it light but there are a few scenes that can be pick up on and sort of ruin the movie a little for you. There really isn’t much else to talk about it’s just an easily forgettable trailer.
Overall Rating: 4

Everything is Illuminated

Starring: Elijah Wood, Eugene Hutz, Jason Schwartzman, Boris Leskin
Release Date: September 16th, 2005 (limited)
Plot: A young American Jewish man goes on a quest to find the woman who saved his grandfather in a small Ukrainian town that was wiped off the map by the Nazi invasion. His guides are a cranky grandfather and his over-enthusiastic grandson, whose fractured command of English, passion for American pop culture, and inability to shut up threaten to make the worst of every situation. But what starts out as the tour from hell turns into a meaningful journey, with an unexpected series of revelations that will change all of their lives.

Spoilers: 6.5
Analysis: Elijah looks like a spitting image of his Kevin character from Sin City in this trailer, which makes me watch and wait for him to just snap and go cannibalistic on some one. It starts off fun but towards the end seems to lose itself, the first 3/4ths keep things light but the last 30 seconds or so are a complete 180 degree turn and confusing. There are a lot really funny moments in the trailer however after the first half it begins to give away a few too many spoilers. The movie will be worth checking out with Woods involved who always shines on the indy scene.
Overall Rating: 6


Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard, Jamie Foxx, Lucas Black, Chris Cooper
Release Date: November 4th, 2005
Plot: When a young man joins the Marines and trains to be a sniper, he finds himself plunged into the chaotic swirl of sand, oil, fire and death that was the Gulf War.

Spoilers: 4.5
Analysis: Jarhead’s trailer is my personal favorites this week, everything in it just clicks, the cast, the director, the choice of music, the editing it all just syncs up perfectly. It looks to be utilizing the more documentary style filming style that quite a few of Hollywoods A list directors have been adopting (Oliver Stone for example). This is a role for Gyllenhaal to just let himself get lost in, actually the entire cast look like they will create some magic working off of each other in this movie.
Overall Rating: 7

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, Michelle Monaghan, Joel Michaely, Corbin Bernsen
Release Date: September 16th, 2005 (limited)
Plot: A petty thief (Downey) posing as an actor is brought to Los Angeles for an unlikely audition and finds himself in the middle of a murder investigation along with his high school dream girl (Monaghan) and a detective (Kilmer) who’s been training him for his upcoming role.

Spoilers: 6.5
Analysis:I love dark comedies, Suicide Kings, Grosse Point Blank, Very Bad Things among others. They’re my guilty pleasure and this movie looks so promising I’m going to be disappointed if I’m let down by it. The casting is genius with Kilmer and Downey such polar opposites but as you’ll see in the trailer they’re hilarious on screen together. The trailer gives away too many spoilers and plot points for my taste, it’s like they made a trailer going from the beginning to the end of the movie then edited it Tarentino style to seem less spoilerish.
Overall Rating: 6.5


Starring: Keira Knightley, Christopher Walken, Jacqueline Bisset, Mena Suvari, Lucy Liu
Release Date: October 14th, 2005
Plot: From director Tony Scott and inspired by a real-life story, Keira Knightley stars as Domino Harvey, who rejected her privileged Beverly Hills lifestyle as the daughter of a famous actor (Lawrence Harvey) and a Ford agency model to become a bounty hunter in pursuit of society’s nastiest criminals. The film features a diverse supporting cast including Lucy Liu, Christopher Walken, Mena Suvari, Mickey Rourke, Jacqueline Bisset and Delroy Lindo.

Spoilers: 4
Analysis: Well, her name is Domino Harvey and she’s a bounty hunter… aside from that the trailer is pointless. It just tries so hard to be edgy and different but nothing makes sense about it and is completely void of a point of view. I hope the full movie doesn’t use this yellow washed out filter either because just watching it for 2 minutes gave me a headache. So to Tony Scott, just because more and more movies are being filmed in high definition these days doesn’t mean you have to use effects to alter images or use every color of the spectrum in your picture. Beware of epileptic seizures.
Overall Rating: 3

Opening this Week :

The 40 Year Old Virgin

Starring: Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd, Romany Malco, Seth Rogen
Release Date: August 19th 2005
Plot: 40-year-old Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell) has done quite a few things in his life. He’s got a cushy job stamping invoices at an electronics superstore, a nice apartment with a proud collection of action figures and comic books, good friends, a nice attitude. But there’s just one little thing he hasn’t quite gotten around to doing yet–something most people have done by his age. Andy’s never, ever, ever had sex. His friends at the store consider it their duty to help, but nothing proves effective enough until he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), a 40-year-old mother of three. Andy’s friends are psyched by the possibility that “it” may finally happen…until they hear that Andy and Trish have begun their relationship based on a mutual no-sex policy.

Spoilers: 7.5
Analysis: The premise was a big question mark when I first heard about it, but after seeing this trailer all of those worries are washed away! The one thing this trailer has going against it is that there are so many spoilers in it. That’s becoming a very bad trend is comedy trailers these days, cramming every big laugh moment of the film into a two minute trailer in hopes to get a huge draw opening weekend. Tinsel town seems to have finally gained enough trust in Steve Carrell to put him as the main draw of two upcoming pictures (this one and the other being Get Smart). Carrell’s comedic timing is going to put him on the fast track to the short list of leading men in Hollywood for comedies. So long as he learns from the mistakes of others in the genre, he’ll be staying around for a long time.
Overall rating: 6.5

Red Eye

Starring: Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy, Brian Cox, Jack Scalia, Jayma Mays
Release Date: August 19th, 2005
Plot: Lisa Reisert hates to fly, but the terror that awaits her on the night flight to Miami has nothing to do with a fear of flying. Moments after takeoff, Lisa’s seatmate, Jackson menacingly reveals the real reason he’s on board: He is an operative in a plot to kill a rich and powerful businessman, and Lisa is the key to its success. If she refuses to cooperate, an assassin awaiting a call from Jackson will kill her father. Trapped within the confines of a jet at 30,000 feet, Lisa has nowhere to run and no way to summon help without endangering her father, her fellow passengers and her own life. As the miles tick by, Lisa knows she is running out of time. She desperately looks for a way to thwart her ruthless captor and stop a terrible murder.

Spoilers: 2.5
Analysis: There was once a time when having Wes Craven’s name asociated with a project meant that it would be something worth your time to check out. Sadly now its about a 50/50 toss up. Remember all the bad things I had to say about The Skeleton Key‘s trailer last week? Well this trailer does everything right that Skeleton did wrong. It keeps the audience guessing and never knowing the whole story or what will happen next, then ends it with a cliffhanger that will get them to the cinema opening night. I only wish they used this trailer for the TV spots because all the ads on TV give far too much away.
Overall Rating: 7


Starring: Ewan McGregor, Jim Broadbent, John Cleese, Tim Curry, Rupert Everett
Release Date: August 19th, 2005
Plot: A comedy-adventure tale of a brave-but-undersized pigeon named Valiant (voiced by Ewan McGregor), who dreams of joining the elite Royal Homing Pigeon Service (RHPS), and serving crown and country during World War II. Despite his small stature, Valiant’s ambitions are enormous as he keeps a stiff upper beak and endures rigorous training in preparation for a dangerous mission to deliver vital messages to troops behind enemy lines. With a shortage of wingpower in the royal fleet due to increased attacks by a brigade of vicious enemy falcons (led by the ruthless General Von Talon), the mission falls to Valiant and the unlikely heroes of “Squad F” to try and save the day. With a wing and a prayer, Valiant and his fine feathered pals fly into harm’s way and prove that it’s not the size of the wingspan that counts, but the size of the spirit.

Spoilers: 5
Analysis: I’m not sure studio’s understand that the reason animated movies have been hits the past few years is because of the quality of the stories… not star power or CGI. It’ll be a cute movie but after hits like Shrek 2, The Incredibles and even Toy Story set the bar for how animated movies should be made, Valiant is going to have to try really hard to fight its way out of mediocrity. And after watching the trailer I doubt it will be able to do so.
Overall Rating: 5

Number One Movie At the Box Office:

Four Brothers

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Andre Benjamin, Tyrese Gibson, Garrett Hedlund, Sofía Vergara

Plot:Four adopted brothers come together to bury the woman who raised them. At the funeral, the brothers discover that their mother may have been murdered and they want revenge.

Spoilers: 5
Analysis: I would just like to thank America for not making Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalow the #1 movie this week, because if it was I would have left this space blank in protest. Luckily Four Brothers were crowned kings of the box office this week instead. Andre Benjamin and Tyrese Gibson are having an easy time transitioning from music to film. The casting on the surface looks like a bit of a mismatch, but watching the trailer it’s easier to notice the actors involved have great chemistry together. There aren’t many things in the trailer that could be classified as spoilers. Who would have thought Mark Wahlberg would ever work again after the train wreck that was Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch? Be sure to read Campbell’s review of the movie here.
Overall Rating: 6.5

And that wraps up this week.

All images courtesy of IMPawards.com, Apple.com

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