Between the Internet, friends, family, and the occasional tape trade – although still desperately struggling to stay uninvolved with the industry – I have indeed been keeping my eye on the world of pro-wrestling; and unfortunately it seems the old adage is quite accurate:
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Let’s see, let’s see. Where should I begin? Ah, yes.
The Bret Hart / Vince McMahon reunion.
If memory serves, one of the seven signs of the apocalypse, in addition to war, drought and pestilence, is a Bret “Hitman” Hart and Vincent K. McMahon reconciliation. But biblical scripture, wrath of God type stuff notwithstanding, how in the holy hell did that happen?
When I first saw the now famous photograph of Bret and Vince, shaking hands and grinning like good ole chums ready to share a pint together and talk about life, I had to check the calendar to be sure it wasn’t April 1st.
Nope, still August.
Then, with an expert eye, I examined the photo closely, assuming someone was merely having fun with Photoshop and a few million wrestling fans.
Now, with a few weeks gone by – and no scathing detraction or contradicting tirades coming from either side – it would appear the story is true. Bret Hart and Vince McMahon have actually removed the hatchets from each others’ backs and buried them.
According to the article on the official WWE website, the purpose of this reunion and mending of fences was to put together a DVD on the career of the Hitman. A deal of this magnitude, not to mention the appeal such a product will generate, will unquestionably make both men a lot of bank.
So after years of mud-slinging, accusations, a lawsuit, and vows where one swore on word and honor to never, EVER have anything to do with the other…
Money changes everything.
Speaking of which, this year SummerSlam will play host to an array of sorted affairs; Edge and Lita being no exception, but we’ll get to them in a moment.
Eddy Guerrero Vs. Rey Mysterio
So let me get this straight. Eddy had an affair with some chick about ten years ago, produced a son and gave that son to Rey Rey, and now they’re going to have a wrestling match to determine custody?
If this were a legitimate situation, both Eddy and Rey would in all probability both be deemed unfit parents. Come to think of it, the fact that Vince McMahon passes this rubbish as entertainment could arguably make him an unfit parent or at least an unfit booker. But despite the asinine context of the story, not to mention the fact that Eddy used to be a World Champion in the main event and is now working baby on a pole matches, the Eddy/Rey saga is reportedly drawing great numbers for Smackdown. Some would consider it reprehensible to push such a depraved angle to make a buck. Nevertheless…
Money changes everything.
Edge, Lita, and Matt Hardy Version 1.2
Hardy Boy gets Grungy Girl. Hardy Boy Buddy gets married. Hardy Boy gets hurt, Grungy Girl gets it on with now Married Hardy Boy Buddy, Hardy Boy gets pissed at Everybody and gets fired. Sound about right to you?
Without condemning the most obvious details – such as a sleaze ball Edge cheating on his wife or Lita’s trashy deception – ultimately this entire story, regardless of its real or WWE manufactured authenticity, will probably sell some tickets short-term. There’s nothing a corrupt public like to see more than the ugliness that is scandalous human drama. What I don’t understand about all of this, however, is why Matt Hardy was punished at all in the first place?
The argument can be made that he was the one who went public with the affair by posting comments on his personal message board; and indeed that certainly reeked a bit of havoc. Where I take issue with this explanation is that surely WWE had some inkling of the Edge and Lita hookup (as I’m sure they have when other married WWE personnel fraternize with those other than their spouse). Regardless of any extenuating circumstances, this was a disaster waiting to happen, yet WWE opted to look the other way. Matt’s reaction was understandably fiery and, though airing his dirty laundry in a public forum can be construed as unprofessional, his reaction was also understandably human.
Matt Hardy’s babe was banged by his best friend. It doesn’t get any plainer than that.
And as an aside, if Edge made the decision to not cheat on his wife, Lita to not cheat on her boyfriend, or if either of them decided to end their respective relationships before diving head-first into another one, would any of us be in the awkward position of witnessing this entire debacle play out on television?
Then, in a twist, not too much unlike the Bret / Vince reunion (everybody got screwed here in more ways than one), Matt denounces WWE for firing him while they supported the adulterous Edge, only to return to the company under the guise of vigilante revenge.
Yup, money changes everything.
When this story finally comes to a conclusion, which hopefully will be swift following their match at SummerSlam, I doubt the Hardy Boy will get the girl in the end. If he’s lucky though, his gamble – to return to the company who screwed him and rewarded the married dude who screwed his girlfriend – will pay off with a renewed career and unexpected pay day.
With a career in professional wrestling that began in 1996, the work of Miss Galatea has been published in The Figure Four Weekly, The Bagpipe Report, WOW Magazine, and IGN Entertainment. An archive of her work, including editorials, movie reviews, photos, quotables, FAQ and more can be found on her official website: www.missgalatea.com.
