Hey look, it’s the end of the summer.

What does that mean?

It means that it’s time for the half-way point between one Wrestlemania and another.

It’s time for SUMMERSLAM!

Joining us are!
Jeffrey aka Savage Dragon
Hernandez aka Ghost Rider
Omar aka Superman
Bill aka Northstar
Dani aka Black Canary
Eric aka Wolverine
Jenna aka Raven
Laura aka Ultimate Jean Grey
Michael aka Beast
Simon aka Usagi Yojimbo
and me, your Rabble Master aka Deadpool

These names are all to promote the fact that I am now doing Marvel News & Views over at the Comicsnexus. Neat huh? Crosspromotion.

So, the Summerslam opening is reminscent of the old DX opening, which makes me sad – and then Lillian sings the Star Spangled Banner.. which I smoke through.

Our show is starting with the US TITLE match.
“Isn’t sad, last year he was main eventing.. now.. curtain jerking.” – Hernandez

Here comes Benoit.
And here comes Orlando Jordan.


Benoit throws Jordan into the corner, and a cheapshot from Jordan sends Benoit reeling. Benoit spints Jordan around – German Suplex – Crossface… TAP!?!?

“I’m sorry, I read a paragraph, what did I miss?!” – Jeffrey
“Benoit throws the belt into the garbage and heads back to WCW” – Hernandez

Wow… so we have the first title change in the first match in the first 5 minutes.


In the background, Eddie’s talking with his wife, who apparently has a neck that goes all the way to her mouth. Eeewwww… Eddie declares that this entire match is about Dominic, his wife seems to think that it’s more about hurting Rey. Come on, Eddie wanting to hurt someone.. pffft.. whatever.

His wife vies for Eddie to be a good guy again, and Eddie assumes that mean she can’t beat Rey.
“Real.. fake.. if that camera wasn’t there – she was getting hit.” – Jeffrey

We now get a video package for the love of Matt & Lita.
“So if Lita made it kill his dream to have kids, did he chop it off after he broke up with her?” – Eric
“No.. it fell off.” – Me
“The scar becomes the symbol.” – Hernandez
“Ewwwww…” – Me

Hey! I think I know you!!!
Here comes Edge, and Lita looks fantastic. At some point in the last month or so, she figured out how she can still look hot without all that fishnet wearing. I approve.
“Edge looks nervous.” – Hernandez
“Matt Fact?” – Eric
“Yeah, Matt Fact.. this match is going to be really f*cking stiff.” – Me

Here comes Matt… oh, let’s go!

Stiff Match!

Matt charges Edge and just starts punching, slamming and tossing him outside. Edge crawls in, and finally the bell rings. Big fists, and drops him into a rear naked choke, but Edge grabs the rope with his legs.
“You think they are going to put LIta in this match?” – Dani
“Yeah, she’s gonna break her neck.” – Bill

Edge gets tossed into the corner, and Matt is just throwing fists down at Edge’s head, and the only thing Edge can do is headbutt him. Matt falls to the ropes and Edge throws fists down on Matt’s head. From there Edge charges and spears Edge right through the middle rope, they both land outside.

The count gets up to 7 before they crawl back in, and the clubbing fists are to Edge’s head and gut back and forth – follows by big forearms. Edge is in the corner, and leaps up on the top buckle.
“Hit him with your dick!” – Bill

Edge pulls Hardy out and Hardy hits headfirst to the top of the turnbuckle. Hardy crawls back into the ring, gushing from the top of his head. We’re not sure how blocked that move was.. he might have really clocked his head, but now Hardy is getting beaten by Edge and doing the ‘keep going’ bit…

The ref checks on Matt, and Edge runs up with big big boots right to his face.
“Right there… legalized assault.” – Bill

The ref keeps checking, and finally calls the match. He hits the bell. The ref has stopped the match!

Winner: Due to inability to fight back – Edge
“Matt’s all krispy kreme’d up.” – Bill

Wow.. on the replay again… I really have to say that he probably decked himself on the top of that turnbuckle. The stiff hits are obvious if you go watch this again.. good work on their part. On the 11pm replay we watched this again.. god those hits were really stiff. It’ll only be after we get the insider reports to find out what was supposed to happen. Somebody screwed up.

We get the history of Rey vs. Eddie next.
“It’s a custody of Dominic match!?” – Dani
“Yeah, he’s up on a pole.” – Me
“I’m sure the judge said that was ok in like a second..” – Bill

There is NO crowd reaction as Eddie comes down to the ring. Dominic isn’t even cheering or booing Eddie.. aka Daddy #1.

The crowd does pick up a bit for Rey Rey though.

Eddie vs. Rey Mysterio
Child on a pole match.. where’s Vince Russo?

Eddie stands around and taunts and mocks Rey…
“YOu know what I like about Rey, his outfit looks really easy to clean” – Michael

Eddie charges in and headslams him in the turnbuckle, and then a side suplex, and a cross back and forth between the two guys. Rey falls to the ground and monkeyflips Eddie right out of the ring.

They charge and fight outside, Eddie charging Rey right into the ladder.
“Hey, who left that there?” – Michael

Eddie brings the ladder right into the ring, and climbs in to set it up. Given the way this night has gone – he should get it fairly quickly. Eddie climbs to the midway and Rey leaps to the top rope, and dropkicks Eddie RIGHT off of the ladder. Eddie tries to bring another ladder, Rey tosses Eddie out, and then baseball slides right into a ladder, right into Eddie’s face.

Eddie stands outside, holding the ladder – Rey hits the top rope, and leaps right onto Eddie. Eddie’s head bounced off that ground. Rey gets in and starts climbing the ladder, but Eddie is right behind him – they fight up to the top .
“What’s in that briefcase, Marcellus Wallace’s soul.” – Michael

Eddie drops Rey a bit, and Eddie gets his hands on the briefcase. Rey stops him, but then gets his face to eat ladder a few times. Eddie leaps to sunset flip Rey, but slips to his ass as Rey falls to the ground. Not pretty.

After 3 replays, we come back to Eddie charing Rey with the ladder a few times and head outside to get that second ladder again. Some more poigniant shots of Dominic, who is currently whining that he wants more popcorn.
“He looks like he’s trying to remember all 50 states..” – Michael

In the ring, Eddie lies a ladder on top of Rey, making a ladder-Rey sandwich. Rey fights to get out (???!!!) as Eddie climbs to the outside, leaps over the top rope and goes for a rolling thunder. Eddie sets up the ladder and begins climbing – Rey goes with the counterside ladder (ala Shelton) he comes up and tries to flip Eddie over him, and it destroys the entire ladder set-up.
“Now we need the entire audience to point at Dominic and chant ‘IT’S YOUR FAULT'” – Michael

Rey now sets up the ladder again, he checks it for strength, but Eddie dropkicks him. Eddie sets a ladder in the corner, but while he’s doing this – Rey charges him, Eddie catches him and tosses him RIGHT into that corner ladder.. excellent. Now Eddie brings the ladder to the center.

Eddie is climbing up, when Dominic comes in! After we laugh hard, Eddie climbs down the ladder.

Eddie then yells at Dominic about being his new daddy.
“Never call your child Esse” – Michael

Here comes Rey! Hits Eddie, tosses him to the ropes, right onto a ladder. 619 through the ladder, the West Coast pop onto Eddie – and Rey goes up the ladder! He’s got the briefcase.. but here comes Eddie – through Rey’s legs. Rey does the crawling reversal, and powerbombs Eddie down.. nice! Now here comes Rey up the ladder again! He’s got it, but Eddie kicks the ladder from beneath him. Rey is holding on, but he falls right into Eddie and eats a powerbomb!!
“Should we call that INS?” – Hernandez
“Nah, the Owen Drop” – Me

Eddie sets the ladder right over Rey, trapping him underneath the ladder, and Eddie climbs up. Eddie’s fighting with the briefcase, and Rey begins fighting with the ladder. Finally he gets the ladder from beneath him after an extended fight, he’s holding on – and Rey pulls his leg and Guerrero drops.
“That could be a blown knee.” – Hernandez
“Bill, get to it..” – Me

Back in the ring Eddie goes for the 3 Amigos right onto the ladder.
“After this match, Dominic’s going to be on E-Bay.” – Hernandez

As Eddie’s climbing to the top again, Mrs. Guerrero comes down and SHE pushes the ladder from beneath Eddie.
“How come security never stops these people!?” – Me
“Eddie had a kid with Vickie Lawrence?” – Michael

She watches on as Rey climbs the ladder and gets the briefcase. Eddie starts on the other side, but his wife pulls him back.

Rey finally wins it.. good god that took a long time. Here comes Mrs. Mysterio to enjoy the moment wiht their family. Eddie is in the center of the ring going nuts, throwing ladders all over the place – and in comes Rey to clock him one with that briefcase.

I missed the Jericho interview with Todd Grisham because I was smoking.. but was back in time to watch Christie in her cheerleader outfit. Rah!

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

Michael starts a new Kurt Angle chant with ‘One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish’

As Angle runs down to the ring, the match starts quick as Angle comes in and just rails into Eugene.
“Hey, Dominic’s back in the ring…” – Jenna

Kurt short arms Eugene and kicks him in the face. We discuss a bit how Kurt Angle has never lost a one on one at Summerslam. Eugene finally drops Angle, and goes for the People’s Elbow, but Angle gets up and hits him with a hard clothesline, followed by the germans. Then plants his knee right into Eugene’s face, holding his leg.

Angle picks him up, but Eugene fights back with punches into his stomach and an elbow, and as Eugene goes for a double axe into the corner, Angle moves – and hits him with ANOTHER German. He follows that with a boot right to Eugene’s throat.

Angle goes for the head to the turnbuckle, and here comes Eugene tarding up, and blocking each of Eugene’s hits – follows up with a Rock Bottom. He follows up and goes for the Stunner.. misses, reversed, reversal reversal, and a HIT with a Stunner.
“Eugene beats women too.” – Bill

He only gets a two count, and pulls off the invisible staps and goes for the Ankle Lock.. Angle reverses it and Eugene goes face first into the second rope. Angle hits the Angle Slam, and wins with the Ankle lock.


Outside, Christie looks upset. Outside Kurt grabs a chair and heads back into the ring, Christie tries to stop Angle – but Angle throws out everyone and sets up the chair, hits his music – and gets his medals back Olympic style. The crowd is actually very into Kurt…

We come back to watch as the WWE diva’s are soaping up a car. The seal on the car says ‘President Of The United States’ and McMahon is in the car with a bumpersticker. MCMAHON FOR PRESIDENT.
“We are totally going to war with Canada.” – Jeffrey

The top of the arena blows up in fire, and the smoke rolls in – here comes the Undertaker.
“Hey, Underbiker’s gone.” – Jeffrey
“Yes, welcome to 2005.” – Me
“Why do they keep calling him Undertaker.. just call him Saint of Killers” – Dani
“Ooo or they could call him Kung Lao.” – Me

“Undertaker trying to stop Orton from his destiny.” – Taz
“His destiny to what.. not be as cool as Dave?” – Dani

Orton comes on in, and the bell rings.

Orton destiny champ

Undertaker threatens to possibly hit Orton, and Orton bails. Finally after a long minute they lock up. Taker pushes him down, Orton stands up and eats a slap to his face.
“Taker said down bitch” – Dani

Taker keeps going to hit him, and Orton keeps bailing. Finally Randy puts him in a headlock. Taker picks him up and then throws him to the ropes. Shoulderblock drops Orton for two. Taker brings him up and puts him in another headlock. Now Taker hits the ropes, and a shoulderblock drops Orton. Randy gets up quickly, and a shoulderblock sends down Taker – followed by a clothesline. On the 3rd attack, Taker drops Orton again for two.

Taker brings him up and wrings his arm – then goes Old School.. Orton reaches up and hip tosses Taker! He reversed Old School! Now brings Taker to the corner and big punches in the corner. Taker is having none of it, as he grabs Randy by the throat and hits him a bunch of times – actually showing that he’s pretty tired. Orton charges Taker and eats the biggest boot I”ve seen in awhile.
“Ref calls a time out so Orton can find his nose.” – Michael

Randy tosses Taker to the ropes and the 360 clothesline from Taker gets two. Taker continues the slow assault, knees in the corner, bitchy little slaps, and punches and elbows. He finally throws Orton into the corner, and as Taker is leaping up, Orton moves.

Orton runs up, hitting him with a DDT – two count. And then slamming down on Taker’s leg. Wrapping it around the corner pole. Orton comes in and makes the signal, and Taker is having a hard time standing up.

I take a brief hiatus while nothing happens – come back while Orton is giving a Taker a powerslam. Follow up with a standing figure four. Undertaker somehow reverses it, sending Orton into the ropes – and Orton ducks the clothesline and drops him down back into a hold spot and works on that foot more.
“He’s working that knee… the patella…” – Cole
“Knee Patella Patella Knee” – Michael
“Oprah Uma.. Uma Oprah” – Me
“I’m just waiting for it to get better…” – Dani

Undertaker gets the advantage again, and actually tries and HITS Old School! Taker now is methodically breaking down Orton. He picks up Orton and throws him face down onto the turnbuckle, but Orton rears back and kicks Undertaker in the face on the launch. Orton now sets up for the finisher, grabs it, but Undertaker THROWS him.

Undertaker sets up for the powerbomb.. reverse and Orton sets up the powerbomb..
Undertaker reverses AGAIN. Finally Orton pulls back and grabs around Taker’s neck and hits the Orton back/neckbreaker. As Orton is going for a pin, Taker grabs Orton neckfirst…

In the ring comes a white suited, red hatted guy comes and distracts us for a long moment.
“It’s Brother Love!” – Me

Security brings comes out and stops him. Finally Taker walks up, and eats the RKO.


Finally as Taker sits up, Randy runs up to stop securiy. He peels off the mask, and it’s Cowboy Bob Orton. They stand back to back, do the Orton stance.. and Taker chases after them.

The video package for Cena / Jericho – and a stupid bit between Jericho and Bischoff…

Here comes the man! Jericho! Not winning, but still..

A match we in fact, can’t see…

“Is he still the Professor of Thuganomics, because I wanted to take Beoytch Management, but I needed Basic Thuganomics first.” – Michael

They go nose to nose.
“Do you see two people or a vase?” – Michael
“They’re birds.. no their fish?” – Bill

They lock up, and push each other back. Jericho pulls him in for a headlock, charges the ropes and shoulderblocks him down, but Cena gets up and starts the punch war. Jericho tosses him in to the rope and follows wiht the shoulderblock. Hits with a suplex. Jericho picks him up again and goes for a clothesline, Cena ducks, but hits with the spinning leg.

Jericho tries to capitalize with a flying leap, but Cena drops the rope and they go to the outside. Cena leaps onto Jericho and tosses him back in to the ring
“There are still Matt stains all over the ring.” – Hernandez

Cena tosses Jericho into the corner and eats a dropkick instead.
“Jericho hits Cena with a Degrassi Junior Highkick” – Michael

Chris hits with a standing suplex, and gets two. The punch exchange begins again, with some distinct crack-a-lackin’ – and finally Jericho tosses Cena out of the ring. Here comes Chris to follow up. He waits for Cena to get up, and then dropkkick from the apron.

Back in the ring, they continue to fight a lot – we are all laughing about ‘pimp glitter’.. don’t ask – and Jericho finally gets the bulldog crossrope, but misses with the lionsault. He sets up the Walls, but gets kicked out of the ring. As Jericho is trying to get back in the ring – Cena climbs up to the top and hits the guillotine legdrop for.. 1… 2…… LEG ON THE ROPES.

Cena picks Jericho up for the F U, but Y2J reverses it into a DDT. For 2! The audince is going nuts chanting back and forth for Jericho & Cena.
“IT’s half the members of the Chain Gang, and the rest of the members of Fozzy.” – Bill

Jericho is choking the hell out of Cena, finally stands up and tries to do the leg drop on the 2nd rope, but Cena DROPS him with a clothesline.
“awww, he was doing a choochoo train” – Dani

Cena gets to his feet, and Jericho comes after him, but the punch exchange begins again… Cena getting the upperhand for the first time. Hits with the hiptoss. Hits the tiltawhirl drop.

As Cena is about to hit the 5 knuckle, Jericho grabs his legs and hits the Walls Of Jericho. Cena crawls for the ropes. Jericho pulls him back in. I’m actually f*cking marking hard! Cena pulls out of nowhere and grabs the rope. The entire room is now telling me it’s my fault that Cena has lost, as I didn’t clap hard enough.

Jericho goes and stomps on his head, and Cena charges in for the top rope F-U! Chris reverses it into a belly to back suplex. Jericho charges — and well… Cena gets him up in the FU … hits it…

123.. fine, whatever.. I didn’t want Jericho to win anyway… those bastards teased me.
“Yeah luckily the laptops on your lap to hide your erection.” – Michael


Wrestlemania will be in Chicago.. and it’s ’22’ not ‘XXII’ .. I can now be whiny about it and say, nyeh. I’m an internet writer. I don’t have to like anything. Ever.

We get the set-up for Dave / JBL – No Holds Barred.
“What holds are normally barred?” – Michael
“Chokes, chairs…” – Eric
“Lemon wedges to the eyes..” – Me
“So is No Holds Barred anything different than DQ?” – Michael
“Except Hogan and Zeus showing up… nothing.” – Me

Here comes JBL.
“Moo.. Rawhide!” – Bill
“Why is Bradshaw in quotes?” – Michael
“It’s his confirmation name.” – Bill

JBL vs. Batista
Dani misses Dave in a suit match.

As Dave’s pyro is going off, JBL comes on down the aisle and the match begins at the top.
“Did Dave’s tattoo get bigger?” – Dani
“No, that’s not a tattoo – that’s cancer.” – Bill

They fight right out into the crowds, Dave punching the hell out of JBL. Bradshaw grabs a chair, and hits Dave once with it – as JBL sizes him up for another one, Dave charges Bradshaw right through the barricade to the outside of the ring.

They fight into the ring, and John hits him with the short arm clothesline. JBL continues to throw Dave around, and then goes outside to get a belt from the timekeeper’s table. He then comes in and whips on Dave.
“TOBY!” – Me
“Isn’t this how Michael Hutchins died?” – Michael

Finally Dave gets out of it – and returns the whipsmacks. JBL comes out of nowhere with the Clothesline From Hell.
“THIS COULD BE IT?!?!?!?!!” – Bill

…2 count…

JBL now goes outside and gets the stairs. He sets them up, and picks up Dave for the powerbomb, but Dave.. obviously.. flips JBL out of it with a backbody drop.

JBL gets to his feet first, and charges JBL to eat the spinebuster. THis is in fact, though, not the main event. Dave calls for the Batistabomb. He hits it!
“Orlando Jordan in 5… 4…3…” – Me

Why isn’t Dave pinning him?
“That powerbomb knocked the last braincell out of his head.” – Bill

Dave picks him up again and Batistabomb RIGHT onto the stairs… that’s that.


The long set up for Hogan/Michaels.. and here comes Michaels, with the coolest pyro of the night.

“I think that huge Hulkamania sign should fight that huge HBK sign to the death” – Dani

Now we can stop typing for the next 20 minutes as Hogan’s music hits. First though they show the audience chanting Hogan… and the crowd goes nuts.

A HUGE American flag drops behind Hogan.
“NOW the pyro goes off…” – Bill

“(in song) I am an old decrepit maaan” – Michael
“Do you think he could have done better than tie-dye pants?” – Dani
“It was the last thing in his closet” – Bill
“You would prefer the small yellow shorts?” – Hernandez

Hogan – Jeff
HBK – Hernandez
Hogan – Omar
Hogan – Michael
Hogan – Laura
Time Warrior – Bill
DOes it really matter – Dani
Michaels – Eric
HBK – Jenna
Michaels – Simon
Evil Michaels – Me

“I just like that Michaels chews gum during the match” – Dani

The lock up and Michaels gets tossed. Hogan of course .. poses.
“I can’t hit him when he’s POSING!” – Jeffrey
“It would be uncooth.” – Bill

They lock up a few more times, and HBK keeps losing. Finally the lock-up and headlock from Michaels. Reversal from Hogan. Toss into the ropes, and a shouldercheck sends HBK right out of the ring
“Hogan isn’t selling at all.” – Dani
“That’s what Hogan does..” – Eric
“It’s his weakness and greatest asset. You don’t sell, you can be the Immortal!” – Bill

Back in the ring, Michaels pushes HOgan into the corner and chops him hard.
“Wait wait wait… WOOOOOO!” – Bill

Hogan tosses HBK into the corner, and Hogan boots him as he launches onto the top rope, and Michaels is overselling EVERYTHING. A hiptoss from Hogan and you would think that HBK was made of nerf! As Hogan turns to punch him, HBK pokes him in the eye and starts the chop attack again.

Hogan tosses HBK into the ropes and a backdrop sends HBK again to the outside, where he does two 360s and you would think that he was just hit with springs. Bill then sings the Tigger theme. HBK climbs to the apron, and Hogan pulls him back in. Hogan tosses him, and hits with a clothesline. Punches from Hogan, and as HBK hits the rope, he kicks Hulk in the face.

They take a time pause at the corner, and HBK checks his dental work. HBK grabs Hogan and goes to send him head to the turnbuckle, but Hogan blocks it. Hogan throws HBK into the other corner and HBK oversells THAT!
“This is so lame?!!!” – Dani
“If by lame.. you mean awesome.” – Bill

Now they are outside – Hogan slams HBK right onto the Spanish Announce table.
“Ay dios mio!” – Michael

Hogan rolls in and out of the ring, and Michaels gets up, dropping the Spanish table as he tries to stand up. Hogan tosses him into the corner pole. Hogan picks up Shawn, but HBK drops back and sends Hulk into the corner pole. They fight back into the ring, and Shawn climbs the turnbuckle – and Hogan tosses him. Shawn charges him and does it again! At the 3rd punch, Shawn gets tossed again.

Hogan stumbles to the corner, and Shawn.. DOES IT AGAIN! They fall to the mat to give Hogan time enough to blade. Hulk gets to his feet, and in the center of the ring. Shawn puts him in the sleeper. One hand down. Two hand down.
“Ok.. where is it..” – Jeffrey

Finger wag! He picks up Shawn and the side drop. Shawn gets to his feet first. Hogan tosses HBK – but Shawn hits the crossbody. The kick-up! Shawn goes to the top rope for the elbow and misses! HULK UP!

Toss to the ropes.

KICK UP AGAIN! Shawn acts as if he’s going up to the top. He then spins it into the Sharpshooter! Another ref slides in.
“He’s not in DC…” – Hernandez
“Awwww…” – Me

They check for Hogan to tap. Hogan of course can’t bend the way that move works. Finally Hogan hits the ropes – and the crowd is upset at this.

As Shawn tries to pull Hogan away, Hogan kicks up. REF BUMP! That’s two, and they are lying near each other. As Hogan limps over to HBK, we get the lowblow. We are all now thinking that Vince will come down and screw HBK. Shawn goes out, grabs a chair and WHIFFF, right off of Hogan’s skull.
“Like skipping a stone.” – Bill
“I like that Hogan selling is having a seizure.” – Dani
“No.. he’s really having a seizure.” – Eric

Shawn hits the flying elbow. And we get the favorite part of the HBK Experience.
J – E – S – U – S – C – H – R – I – S – T – SUPERKICK!!!!

The ref rolls over.. 1….. 2….. ….BIG HULK UP NO!

BOOT! Which Shawn sells for an hour.
POSE! (Holler Holler)

1 – 2 – 3!

“Somebody better get him a towel…” – Dani
“Yeah, get a towel.” – Hernandez
“He needs a towel and 3 bottles of Jergins.” – Bill

As Hogan is pimping and posing… Shawn comes running back in. They have a staredown. Of course, he extends the hand.
“It’s the Stephen Spielberg ending.” – Dani

We all scream for another superkick, but we don’t get it while Hogan ends the show at the top of the game… ah well.

So what did the Rabble think?
“It was alright” – Simon
“Dude, I got to see Undertaker wrestle.. nuff said” – Jeffrey
“Lot better than I expected.” – Hernandez
“Dragged on.” – Omar
“Dude, I got to see Guerrero terrorize a small child.” – Michael
“It was lame.” – Laura
“It sucked.” – Dani
“Dani’s wrong.” – Bill
“Missed the hype, but really good.” – Eric
“I still think Hogan vs. Dominic would have been good” – Jenna
“I thought it was overall enjoyable! Thumbs up from me.” – Me

Well that’s that. Hope you all enjoyed. G’night all.

Join our newsletter

never miss the latest news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary for Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games!