As you are reading this, I am on American Airlines Flight 1901 heading to Miami. So if that bitch goes down, somebody please email Widro or Double M and tell them that I was on that flight. The last thing I need is people thinking that I quit. On to the show…
Ok, wait. Like I said, I’m going to Miami. So I’ma hit Summerslam, leave cab fare and peace out like a cheap one nighter. But before I do, I have to declare shenanigans on WWE.com…
See, I’ve been updating the top stories in the wrestling zone of Inside Pulse. Yes, I have been the brain behind what you’ve seen. Now, last night around 11:30, I updated our top story to say “Advantage, Legend…”. Around 2am I go to WWE.com and what do I see? ADVANTAGE, LEGEND! Shit, if you’re going to turn me down for jobs that I apply for, not even give a call back for some, the least you could do is not steal my f*cking tag lines. Fuck you, WWE.workshoot.com!
Ok, Summerslam…
– Chris Benoit made Orlando Jordan tap out in less time than Yokozuna was champion at Wrestlemania 9. This is basically what we’ve all been asking for recently. Many people said that OJ couldn’t work and was only there because of JBL and therefore shouldn’t be champion. In the back of most of your heads, you just didn’t want a black man to wear a title. That’s why Shelton is mysteriously absent and Booker T is getting pussy whipped by Sharmell: You people, yes…YOU PEOPLE enjoy it.
– Edge rapes Matt Hardy. This was probably the most creative way to keep the feud going without having one guy drop the match via pin or submission. My personal feeling is that they tried to turn Hardy into Stone Cold ala sharpshooter. The only problem was that the match had nothing to it, like Bret against Austin. At least we all know Edge is going to go smack Lita in the face, and he won’t be using his hand. TOTALLY reeking of cocksmackness!
– Rey Mysterio wins against Eddie Guerrero. I’m getting pretty sick of typing that. 1) Eddie should go on a crazy pill and alcohol binge just to get back at his wife. 2) Dominick should’ve turned on Rey and left with Eddie. “Usted no es mi padre, yo ahora adora Eddie.” If that kid said that and hit like a mini 619 on dad, it’d make MILLIONS!
– Well, considering Kurt Angle has had to sit through this angle about 3 times in his career, you kind of figure he’s going to get his win and his medals back. Classic move getting on the chair. If you’re going to run the angle a bunch of times, it’s at the very least good that they changed it up a bit by having a coronation.
– Randy Orton def. Undertaker. Wow, Undertaker gets pretty much all the offense in and Orton needs a distraction to hit the RKO and get the win. Way to put over the youngsters. Shit, I haven’t seen someone that protected since Nicole Simpson. Wow, that didn’t work out the way I planned…
– John Cena def. Chris Jericho. This is the only reason that I will be checking out Inside Pulse’s LIVE coverage of Raw tonight. I’m interested in how they get rid of Y2J for the foreseeable future. I personally think that Bischoff should have Edge cocksmack him, so he has a built in feud when he returns.
– Batista def. JBL via DAVEbomb onto the ring steps, pin. When I first looked, I said, “Wow, the ring steps look a little bit bigger than normal.” Then I knew why. Good fun by the way, and the bump looked sick.
– Shawn Michaels lost to Hulk Hogan. Ok, my problem is not with the match. If Hogan didn’t go over I would have been shocked. But what pissed me off was the handshake. Give me a f*cking break. Screw respect. Shawn Michaels was entertaining as all hell throughout this angle AS A HEEL. He hit his stride and it was great fun. Then, due to the power of Jesus themed merchandise that wouldn’t sell if he were a heel, all of it is blown to shit after the match. Makes me think one of two things: 1) Shawn is a bitch and wants the merch money or 2) This was HBK’s, NOT HOGAN’S, last match. Fuck if I know why people are reporting that Hogan might be done anyway, considering a month ago they were all reporting Austin/Hogan at Wrestlemania 22.
Overall, I would give the show a thumbs up as it was entertaining. But I almost put a brick through my TV when they shook hands. Yes, I have a brick next to my recliner at all times. I’m dead serious. I have emotional issues.
Ten Questions:
– Where’s Brock Lesnar?
– Where’s Trish Stratus?
– Can Jeff Hardy come back to WWE now?
– Can Eric S. really catch me with that knife for the above question?
– Can Christian come back to Raw now?
– Where’s Triple H?
– Can I make fun of Warrior on the DVD?
– If Hawk were alive, how many times would he have shot Heidenreich?
– Why did Ashley call herself Ryan Mackenzie? NOT WORK SAFE
– If Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit had a child, how long would it take said child to become World Champion?
She updated her website! FINALLY!
Visit Victoria at ViciousVixen.com
Ok amigos, I’m going down to the barrio.
