Stuff I Think and Shouldn't Say: The Legend of Ssquared

This week, Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say is 25 (columns!)

“Famous” Musicians Who’ve Died at the Same Age as SITASS

Johnny Ace
Tommy Bolin (Deep Purple)
Frankie Lymon (The Teenagers)
Cliff Burton (Metallica)

And now, for comments from IP’s own, Jon Sevastra:

Who the hell is Johnny Ace? Honestly, who is he?

That’s my boy. Always one for a kind word for the dearly departed.

By the way, Johnny Ace was a blues piano player who has had a significant impact on the musicians of today. Musicians like…

…Wait, I don’t talk about the blues here, do I?

Hmmm, maybe I should stick to my script, and mention the Strokes.

Might I add that I think it sacrilegious that Elvis Costello’s classic “My Aim is True” is being bastardized for Gap ads! Those motherf*ckers! If I turn on the TV this fall and hear “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull in a Subway ad, I will know the world is coming to an official f*cking end.

Shitheads.

And Now, Words of Wisdom…

After months of serving at the “House of Hospitaliano” I still hadn’t seen a celebrity of any sort.

Until yesterday.

The G-Unit’s own Tony Yayo was in for lunch yesterday.

I would say something funny, but if you can’t tell in the above picture he’s probably packing heat…and he’s already done time.

Anyway, I heard he likes the Garlic Shrimp Limone.

If you are a fan of G-Unit, you must try it. It’s to die for. Hopefully the guy will head to the ATM next time he is in, and will do a bit better than the Auto-Gratuity.

Sorry, Rambo. I had to let the world know.

Tony Yayo…tips…only fifty cents on the dollar.

Ha.

Now what does Fingers have to say about it all?

BoredStork(remember…that’s me!):
tony yayo was in the o.g. yesterday
BoredStork: and I served willie from the real world and ghost writer
PulseMM: tony yayo?
BoredStork: g g g unit!
PulseMM: who?!
BoredStork: nevermind
PulseMM: isn’t he on the oakland raiders?

Always let Fingers have the last word…always.

SALTY’s Concert of Da Week!

It appears as though IP newest staff member has a lot more free time on his hands than your’s truly. He had time to go to a concert!

Anyway, here is his review for Gigantour at Jones Beach! Sounds like he either needs to get a new watch, so as not to miss opening bands, or he needs to get his own car and a case of Red Bull, in order to find the “liquid energy” necessary to start his day EARLIER than 12 noon.

Here’s a piece of the brilliance:

Dream Theater: Having never seen Dream Theater before let alone heard their music, I was mildly impressed. I don’t consider D.T. “metal.” The first thing I thought of was Phish meets Judas Priest but with more talent than both combined. They are an incredibly talented technical band which I guess is what they are known for. 80’s over produced hair metal lives on with blazing guitar solos, glass shattering vocals and even keyboard solos? Yes, I said keyboard solos. The drum solo guest starred Richard Christie from the Howard Stern Show along side Mike Portnoy of D.T. This drum kit is so grandiose that both drummers dueled simultaneously on the same kit teasing the crowd with snippets of Van Halen, Queen, Twisted Sister and Metallica. It was a real treasure for the huge D.T. constituency in the crowd.

But, Salty was unimpressed. He’s hardcore. I once made him a placemat to prove it.

Long story.

Onward we go…

Subliminal Interview

This week, my boy Salty takes on Ron Burgundy in a meeting of the minds…time to discuss:

NOTHING

vs

Ron: Salty, you have a delicious rump. Comment?

Salty: (laughter, laughter like a schoolgirl in love)

Ron: True or False: Eddie Vedder is…A GOD!

Salty: Eddie Vedder is a God? False.

Ron: Shut up, or I will punch you in the ovaries. What, no ovaries? I will punch you so hard in the testes, they will roll up inside you, turn into ovaries with fully functioning fallopian tubes, and you will like it.

Salty: As long as you use lube.

Ron: Ooh, a kinky bitch.

(Ron begins sipping on a scotch. He loves the scotchy scotch scotch!)

Ron: I have heard that someone at the site you work for loves Warrant. What do YOU think of Warrant?

Salty: Cherries are yummy.

Ron: Indeed.

Ron: Seriously, do you find me too attractive to speak with? Shall I tone down the sexiness?

Salty: Maybe you should join Celebrity Fit Club with Janie Lane.

Ron: Ouch. I will have you know that I am 155 pounds of man grizzle and awesome.

Salty: That’s it? 155 pounds. Can I ask you a question?

Ron: Certainly.

Salty: Could you please put away your potato belly now?

Ron: I conduct all of my interviews in the skin, so to speak.

Salty: Did you sit in gum? What is that stuck to the chair…FUCK. Put your balls away.

(Ron decides to put some clothes on.)

Ron: Sorry, I felt inspired.

Salty: This is really fun. I must say…best interview ever!

Ron: Poppycock.

Salty: Seriously, get dressed. Fully dressed. Then we will continue.

(Ron stumbles up from his chair and walks off set.)

Ron: This guy is a JERK. I will not work like this. If I can’t be nude, I won’t do it. Won’t. I just won’t.

(Ron passes the craft services table and stuffs shrimp in his mouth.)

Ron: (cont’d) Shrimp is awesome!

Salty: (yelling) Get back, dude. I am sorry. Remain nude if you need to.

Ron: Thank you.

Salty: Do you use a Flowbee?

Ron: No, Janine the Stylist does my hair.

Salty: It’s the tits.

Ron: Gracias. Who rocks harder: Life of Agony or a bottle of Bacardi?

Salty: Uh, Life of Agony after a bottle of Bacardi.

Ron: Riding the fence, I see. True or False: You made out with your pillow in middle school?

Salty: Not my pillow.

Ron: Couch pillows?

Salty: Yeah.

Ron: Loser. Favorite clothing line: Members Only or Vision Street Wear?

Salty: Vision.

Ron: Wrong. Your favorite is Members Only. I can tell. Bacon or Sausage?

Salty: Sausage.

Ron: I knew you liked sausage. You smell fantastic. What’s your secret? Is that Old Spice?

Salty: (sucks air through front teeth) It’s lady juice. Two day old lady juice.

Ron: Lady Musk. It’s delicious. Sepultura or Ministry?

Salty: Ministry.

Ron: (surprise) Ooh. Why?

Salty: Al wears cooler hats.

Ron: Boxers or briefs?

Salty: Boxer briefs.

Ron: Are you a Republican?

Salty: No.

Ron: Card carrying member of the NRA?

Salty: Guns don’t kill people…

Ron: Morons kill people. Do you agree that the U.S. should provide significant financial support to aid to eradicate AIDS and HIV in Africa?

Salty: What?!?

Ron: Oh, so you ARE a Republican? H.I.Q. is bad.

Salty: HIV?

Ron: Yes, that.

Salty: They should give the financial support to people in America. Figure out what’s wrong with this country or we won’t be of any use to anyone else around the world. We’d just be a bank.

Ron: Shouldn’t we just eliminate the African debt and allow them to handle the problem with the assistance of the United Nations?

Salty: No, I think the Christian Children’s Fund can do it on 8 cents a day. A few more bearded white men, and I think it will be handled. Oh, but send them all a bottle of scotch.

Ron: This has been Ron Burgundy? Keep it classy, InsidePulse.

Salty: This has been the stupidest thing I have ever done. Ever.

Ron: Agreed.

SITASS NEWS: Nobody told us it was black tie…

Bien venidos, amigos!

JIMI HENDRIX’S CHILDHOOD HOME UNDER THREAT OF DEMOLITION

JIMI HENDRIX’s boyhood home is under threat following a US judge’s refusal to extend an order barring its demolition.

However, plans to turn the legendary guitarist’s house into a community music centre have been deemed as worthwhile.

The house’s owners have been given until September 1 to appeal the decision.

The Hendrix Foundation has claimed that city officials have refused to work with them during the long-running dispute, whilst the Seattle authorities have said that deadlines to move or renovate the house have been missed, warranting demolition.

Henry Lewis, a long-standing friend of the Hendrix family, said: “We have people who are willing to chain themselves to that house to prevent them from tearing it down if we have to.”
According to BBC News, the foundation’s plans for the property include a facility that will offer music lessons, practice rooms and a library of musical instruments.

Officials in the suburb of Renton, where Hendrix is buried, have agreed to allow the house to be moved to a plot there, the foundation’s lawyer said in court.

A formal approval for this plan is expected on August 31, though the judge would not agree to extend the demolition ban until the end of September because it was impossible to determine how long the deal with Renton would take to be approved.

Earlier this year, Hendrix’s family said that they still hoped a road would be named after him.
Hendrix died in 1970 at the age of 27

(credit: NME.com)

New Pornographers, Dungen Among Spin’s CMJ Showcase Headliners

For the fifth year in a row, Spin will present a slew of CMJ Music Marathon showcases, and, for the second straight year, those shows will all happen at New York’s Bowery Ballroom. Things kick off on Wednesday, Sept. 14 with Devendra Banhart headlining a showcase of bands from the World’s Fair artists.

Then on Thursday, Sept. 15, the New Pornographers will be headlining an early show, and Dungen is featured in the late show of Kemado bands. On Friday, Sept. 16, Saddle Creek is in the Bowery, with Son, Ambulance and Maria Taylor, while Saturday’s finale brings a marathon Sub Pop show with Wolf Parade and the Constantines.

(credit: Spin.com)

Pearl Jam Ready Harder CD

Guitarist McCready calls new songs “hard-rocking,” with nods to punk and the Who!

“It’s a classic Pearl Jam record — it’s got the excitement of Vs. to it,” guitarist Mike McCready says of the new CD his band has spent the past eight months recording in Seattle. “There’s some powerful singing, and the music is pretty hard-rocking.”

Produced by Adam Casper (Soundgarden), the follow-up to 2002’s Riot Act will be the band’s first for J Records. “It’s really freeing to be on a new label,” McCready says. “It feels like a brand new relationship and their excitement makes us feel confident about it.”

Pearl Jam — McCready, singer Eddie Vedder, guitarist Stone Gossard, bassist Jeff Ament and drummer Matt Cameron — have eight songs in the can so far. McCready is especially psyched about “Severed Hand,” a “heavy rocker” written by Gossard and “Worldwide Suicide,” penned by Vedder. “[‘Worldwide’] is very punky and Who-ish,” Gossard says. “It’ll catch your attention.”

Other tentative songs include “Marker,” “Cold Concession” and “2×4.”

“We all came up with different songs for ourselves,” McCready says. “We came in, edited and kicked out ideas. Ed’s been a hardcore workhorse, experimenting with intense, layered vocals. It’s hard-edge with some pop feel.”

The band, currently on a North American tour, will head back into the studio to finish the still-untitled disc in October, and hopes to have it in stores early next year. Meanwhile, Pearl Jam will offer fans digital downloads of their live shows at PearlJam.com, beginning with their September 1st concert in George, Washington.

(credit: RollingStone.com)

ACROSS THE NARROWS
PRESENTED BY PLAYSTATION®

OASIS, THE KILLERS, BECK AND THE PIXIES TO EACH HEADLINE ONE OF FOUR SEPARATE CONCERTS IN TWO DAYS OCTOBER 1-2 IN STATEN ISLAND AND CONEY ISLAND BALLPARKS

Oasis, The Killers, Beck and the Pixies are among the acts lined up to inaugurate “ACROSS THE NARROWS PRESENTED BY PLAYSTATION®,” the two-day, four-show modern rock event set for Saturday, October 1 and Sunday, October 2 in Staten Island and Brooklyn’s Coney Island. Created by Ron Delsener Presents, tickets for the two-boroughs event–featuring each artist performing on one of the four separate bills–go on sale Friday, August 12 at 10am ET.

Separated by the Narrows section of New York Bay, the concerts will take place simultaneously each day at waterfront ballparks. In Coney Island, the shows will happen at Keyspan Park, home of the Brooklyn Cyclones, the New York Mets’ minor league baseball team. In Staten Island, the concert will take place at Richmond County Bank Ballpark at St. George, home of the Staten Island Yankees, the New York Yankees’ minor league baseball team.

(credit: AcrosstheNarrows.com)

The QUICKY-FAST News!

brought to you by Strattera

The Elton John/Bernie Taupin musical Lestat, inspired by novelist Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles book series, will premiere at San Francisco’s Curran Theatre from December 17th to January 29th before heading to Broadway. Hugh Panaro (The Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables) will play the title role. In other news, no one will care save for Anne Rice and three goth chicks from Maryland. They will road trip for this one!

Sony BMG will release the eighty-track set of Elvis Presley songs, Hitstory, on October 4th. The three-disc package features career-spanning hits, as well as remixes of “Love Me Tender,” “Heartbreak Hotel” and “A Little Less Conversation.” The day of the album release, Elvis will quit his job as an aging Elvis Impersonator in Piscataway, NJ.

Something Corporate frontman Andrew McMahon, who was diagnosed with acute lymphatic leukemia two months ago, has launched Project Flip Flop, a non-profit organization developed to bring awareness to cancer research. Those who make a donation will receive custom flip flops.

Rhino Records will release expanded versions of Talking Heads’ eight studio albums in DualDisc format on October 4th.

Neil Diamond will release his new RICK RUBIN-produced album on November 8th. After this, Rick Rubin will officially sign the papers for the sale of his soul to the devil.
(credit: Rolling Stone.com)

This Week’s MUST READ Columnist

Las Vegas’ Mathan Erhardt shares Thursdays here with me in the Music Section of IP. But he also has another gig here on the site, and it is underappreciated.

Check out his work over at Moodspins, and shoot him some feedback.

Alright, that’s it for this week.

Until next week, keep it real!

Ssquared

Join our newsletter

never miss the latest news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary for Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games!