The Crucifix


Well I’m back from vacation. Miami was certainly a nice place. Between Lincoln Avenue and Ocean Drive, it was definitely some hot snit. The guys at Miami Ink were pretty cool too. See, unlike our 15 year old Byte This recapper, I can legally get a tattoo and don’t have to resort to branding myself with Christian’s face. The only crappy part about vacation was dealing with Katrina. Then again, she was only a tropical storm at that point, so I got off easy. It is funny that the only thing the Superdome is useful for is Super Bowl’s and homeless shelters. Lord knows they don’t play good football there. On with the show…


– Shawn Michaels comes out and ends his heel turn and gets into it with Chris Masters. This bothers me on so many levels, but I’ll just tell you about some of them. Chris Masters sucks. HBK should have stayed a heel instead of bitching out and becoming a face again, regardless of his loss in the backstage politics game for Summerslam. Chris Masters sucks. This leads to a Masterlock Challenge…ugh.

Sorry, but I have to digress and rant for a moment. Has anyone seen this Super Sweet 16 shit on MTV? Premise is a rich kid has their sweet 16 and we get to watch them be assholes and everything. I’m watching this episode with this girl Sophie. As a fat person myself, I can tell you that this girl is fat. Fat and ugly. She is disgusting and thinks she is a queen. She treats her mom like shit. She gets a car from her grandparents, but rants that it better not be used beforehand. Basically, she is the kind of person that normal people, like you and I, would like to smack the shit out of on a daily basis. If I had even THOUGHT about talking to my mother the way she talks to her mom, my mom’s ESPN would have heard me think it and she would’ve beat the shit out of me. I have probably watched every episode of this show for some reason and I can honestly tell you I feel like shit watching kids like this. Guess who I blame? Yup, you got it…THE PARENTS! Much like Grand Theft Auto, parents just aren’t taking enough interest in their kids and aren’t raising them right. They are out there making money that these kids take for granted and become spoiled little f*ckers with. You had the kids, RAISE THEM. Ok…done!

– Eric Bischoff sets up a rematch between Cena and Jericho, the loser gets fired. Well, that answers my question from last week about how to get rid of Jericho.

– Kurt Angle def. Shelton Benjamin in a damn good match. Who else felt like they were waiting years to say that?

– Kerwin White makes fun of Shelton Benjamin for not being white. Isn’t that Triple H’s job?

– I’m not even remotely interested in chiming in on Snitsky’s foot fetish. Maria is hot though.

– Rob Conway def. Matt Hardy. Now, about Hardy’s movement. Was it “Move from the top of the midcard to Heat jobber in 4 months”? Because if that was the movement, well done.

– Edge crushes Hardy’s skull between the ring steps. Well, Orton’s concussion angle had to be used sometime.

– Ric Flair mixes it up with Carlito on the Cabana. Christ, what did the IC Title do to deserve this?

– Big Show def. Snitsky via countout. Someone…ANYONE…get these two off my television stat.

– Torrie and Candice come out and announce they’ve been traded to Raw, months after the trade deadline ended. They beat up the new chick. Wow, compelling television.

– John Cena def. Chris Jericho to get Jericho fired. Y2J begs for his job, but is escorted out. Kurt Angle comes from behind and beats the shit out of Cena to end the show. Well, I guess they are doing a good thing by having Cena go through Jericho and Angle, since they are in the select group of people that can make anyone look good. I really can’t wait for Triple H to come back though.

Overall: Lackluster. Really didn’t excite me, especially after a long flight to Miami. I’ll miss Jericho though.

– The Divas sent to Smackdown were Stacy Keibler and Christy Hemme, pissing me off to no end. Not so much Hemme, as I could do without fish lips. But Stacy…poor Stacy rotting away on Friday nights. This calls for a petition. I’m not going to start one though, because I hate them. But I will sign one.

– Check it out! I’m leaving Inside Pulse!

HAHAHAHAHA! Jericho is the man.

– The Dudley Boys are now known as Team OWNED BY WWE. I knew something smelt fishy when the news came out about the owning the names. It was like pulling teeth for The Rock to own his name, do you honestly think BR Dudley and D-Von would get the rights. Also, considering Paul Heyman didn’t even PAY people in ECW’s dying days, how could he be promising anything to outgoing talent, no matter when they left?

– Ed “Sailor” White died. Well, RIP, but I never knew him. He was a tag champ a year before I was born.

– Smackdown has changed plans and seem to be running with Eddie Guerrero against Batista rather than Randy Orton. Shit, I’m going to start losing midget matches. I’ll be going 1 – 30 at the Royal Rumble and winning the belt at Wrestlemania in no time.

– JR’S Ross Report is back on I’ve got $10 on a week before Widro is contacted and threatened before we have to have Ross rename his column.

– Paul London has been home for several weeks tending to an ill family member. Rumors have it that he hit the family member with a botched 450. In Connecticut, Vince was heard as saying “I f*cking told you! RING THE FUCKING BELL!”

– New rules have been laid out in the WWE locker room:

No video games, as they are a distraction = NO FUN! More praise for Triple H!

Personal travel arrangements through the office have to be done with a talents’ credit card. The old system allowed expenses to be deducted from payroll. Everyone with me now: “THANKS USA!”

Management was positive about several international shows coming up, saying things are going great. Wait a minute…is WWE doing a quarterly conference call with the talent now? It sounds like the same bullshit.

Stevie Richards was praised for his selling of Bob Holly’s offense. Sorry, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

She updated her website…AGAIN! But wait…she jobbed to Torrie FUCKING Wilson the other night. JESUS! However, you have about 2 hours to buy not just one, but both of her motorcycles!

Visit Victoria at

To the stationary bike for me! Oh, if any of you live in the NY area and know anyone looking for to hire someone for something, let me know. ADIOS!