Tonight.. we decide the Rabble Diva..
250,000vnd & a ‘Rabblized’ Scott Keith book..
Will it be Baby Connor?
Will it be finely boobed Kyly?
Find out tonight (maybe) on…
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Welcome everyone to the only report on the internet that makes you feel better about yelling at your TV screen… joining the Rabble this evening is:
The girl of my dreams… Danielle
The Man of La Mancha…. Hernandez
The Queen of the Damned. Jenna
The Boy Wonder………. Bill
The Unstoppable Force… Eric
The Official O.G…….. Laura
And America’s Favorite Game Show Host… Me.
Last week Jericho was fired. Shut up Hernandez.
“Look at him.. begging.. on his knees..” – Hernandez
“What a sad sad moment for you, huh Jamie?” – Dani
Tonight we’re getting the Shawn Michael’s Masterlock challenge, and a Street Fight between Edge and Hardy… what is it, sweeps week!?
He apparently spits in the face of the people who are not cool… Here comes Carlito, who announces that there is no more Highlight Reel – and that is apparently cool.
“Shut up Carlito.” – Me
His guest, none other than Shawn Michaels.
“Somebody is getting a kick in the throat!” – Bill
“Is this the third week he’s opened the show?” – Dani
The crowd seems mostly pro-Shawn. As is Carlito. Shawn recognizes there is a lot to admire about The Heartbreak Kid. He is about to start listing them when Carlito interrupts him and says that it’s because of him that people like him are in this business. He wants to know how it feels to now be in the ring with the IC Champion.
“Not for long… WOOOO!” – Bill
Carlito used to look up to Shawn… now Shawn can look up to Carlito. Shawn stops him, calling him an egomaniac.
“Did Shawn call someone an egomaniac!?” – Bill
The crowd starts chanting Hogan…
“Nono, they are saying ‘Hoagie’ ‘Hoagie'” – Hernandez
“SAMMICHES FOR EVERYONE!” – Bill
… and Shawn outright says, “He ain’t coming back until you give him another paycheck.” He then goes back to Carlito and asks him about all of the matches he’s had for the IC Belt. He discusses how HE made the belt, and Carlito hasn’t.
“When was the last time you defended that title?” – Shawn
“Wait.. what’s today’s date?” – Carlito
Carlito then makes the comparison, stating that there is a pecking order.. a LADDER if you will – and Carlito is at the top, etc.
“Ever get deja vu?” – Me
Carlito grabs an apple, and Shawn explains that if CCC spits that apple, he’ll kick it down his throat. Now Carlito says that Shawn isn’t the only guest tonight..
“Marty Jannety?” – Me
“Bret Hart” – Bill
No, of course it’s Chris Masters. Chris explains that Shawn sthalks real sthtuff. Shawn then recognizes that he shouldn’t get himself in these situations, and then starts attacking both guys. Masters sets him up for the Masterlock challenge, and here comes Ric Flair!
“Woo Woo Woo!” – Bill
“Is he bleeding through his shirt already?” – Hernandez
“I see a gratuitous tag team match tonight.” – Me
“There is something you don’t see everyday – Flair cleaning house.” – Jenna
They in fact do clear house, and share some pimping together.
THE WINNER OF THE SIGN CONTEST: (In a 3-2 vote) CONNOR
In the back Masters and Carlito babble incoherently with Bischoff. They are all upset of course. The Masterlock has been pushed back til next week so we can get the gratuitous tag match.
“Toldja so..” – Me
Now coming out is THE BIG SHOW to beat on two jobbers.
BIG SHOW vs. NOBODY IN PARTICULAR x 2
Who shall interrupt
“Jamie… what’s happening?” – Dani
“Wrestling during the 90’s” – Hernandez
Big Show tosses both around like they are everything you expect them to be and less. It even gets to the point where Show even shrugs.
#1 & #2 finally get a bit of offense, and then eat a double suplex.
“Jamie! I don’t get it!?!!” – Dani
“You don’t understand, this is what we dealt with for a very very long time. This match almost made me nostalgic.” – Me
WINNER: BIG SHOW
Here comes Snitsky, taking out Show with the ring bell, and hitting the cameraman with someone else.
“Those are the biggest feet I’ve ever seeeeeen…” – Bill
“So this match was Snitsky’s fault?!” – Dani
“Exactly.” – Me
The ‘You Suck’ chant commenses quite loudly, and we head to commercial.
We’re back and Candance and Torie are in and they are wearing hot little silver outfits. I will say that I’m not ok with Christie and Stacy not being here, but by putting them in silver slinky numbers makes it a little better. Ooo, wait, they gave them microphones… nevermind.
The girls want to apologize to Ashley after beating her down last week.
“Torie’s got a voice that would make a fire engine blush..” – Me
Here comes Ashley, and she looks hunky dorie! Schoolgirl skirt, backwards cap, little kneehigh fishnets… I’m totally ok with this, except for the trucker hat. OH WAIT, THEY’RE TALKING! Ashley is skeptical of Torie and Candace.
“Ooo a big word.” – Eric
We don’t hear most of this as we discuss how horrible their voices are. The girls actually set it up so that Ashley can have her first match. Ashley gets it and asks who she has to face.
“KANE!!” – Me
No, it’s Victoria, and Ashley goes after her by leaping through the middle rope.
Victoria grabs her and charges her into the apron. They crawl in and Ashley tries to kick Vic in the head. That sends Victoria sprawling a bit, but as Ashley tries to continue an offensive, Widow’s Peak and done. Ashley actually did pretty damn good for her first ever match.
VICTORIA vs. ASHLEY
..yep, that quick..
THE WINNER OF THE CAPTION CONTEST: (In a 3-2 vote) KYLY
Murdoch and Cade are coming. “Can you feel that?”
“THE SICKNESS!?” – Me
“Bring out the gimp…” – Bill
In the back area, Edge is enjoying a sit-in. He and a band singing Kumbaya… Todd comes and interrupts them. Edge yells at him for interrupting the band, who supposedly sings his theme song, yet not once did I hear them say “YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME!” Edge than babbles on about the Street Fight.
“Do you think the band knows him?” – Dani
Matt is pacing, and he happens to meet up with Lita, who apparently was ‘warming Edge up’.
“Lita, Edge’s own fluffer.” – Me
Lita strips off her sweatshirt and discusses how Matt will never have these again. As a matter of fact he’s pathetic. He should go to hell.
“Matt, stop staring at her tits, it demeans you.” – Me
Predictions on the Street Fight Match:
“Kane helps Matt” – Hernandez
“Matt wins with a fluke.” – Jenna
“I predict.. blood.. a bloodbath would be nice.” – Eric
“I hope Matt wins, because I hate Edge.” – Laura
“Edge.” – Bill
“They are all, in fact, going to hell.” – Dani
“Once again, Edge walks away with it..” – Me
We come back and a background guy is chasing to get Shawn.. they bring Shawn to a beaten to hell Flair.
“Aww, it’s Ric’s period.” – Me
“He was shaving.” – Eric
“I TOLD YOU! He bled right thorugh his shirt!” – Hernandez
Here comes Edge w/ Lita, and between the last scene with her and Matt and when she came out to the ring.. she suddenly got hotter.
“Two words – close up” – Dani
Here comes Matt.
“Is he wearing jeans?” – Hernandez
“Yeah, it’s casualwear.” – Bill
EDGE vs. MATT
Matt comes in and they fight RIGHT to the outside. They fight RIGHT into the audience. Hardy finally brings him back in, hits a double ax handle, and Matt goes underneath the ring and gets the garbage lid. KWANG!
“Shouldn’t a streetfight happen in the street?” – Dani
“Last time that happened, they ended in the Mississippi River.” – Hernandez
Hardy goes underneath the ring and grabs a ladder. The crowd goes nuts, but gets a baseball slide right into the face.
We come back with Matt pounding on Edge in the ring. Edge tries to fight back, then eats a garbage can lid, and then Matt sets up the ladder. Up to the top he goes… Edge gets to his feet – they fight, and Matt bangs his head against the top of the ladder…. GULLOTINE LEG DROP!
1 – 2 – …NO!
Nice! Hardy goes out after a chair while Edge tries to get to his feet. Matt goes up top, but Edge catches Matt in the stomach with a kendo stick.
“This match is legalized mayhem” – Ross
“Nononono.. that’s legalized assault” – Bill
“NO it’s—” – Eric
“LAST WEEK WAS PRETEND, THIS WEEK WAS REAL!!!” – Bill
Edge sets up the solo-conchairto. He raises the chair up, and Matt spins and trips him up. Looked GREAT on the replay. Edge picks up Matt by the knee, and then drops him face first right onto the ladder. He comes back in with the garbage lid and whappidawhappidawhappida right over Matt’s head.
“HEY NO! THAT’S MY SLED! Aawww man…” – Bill
Punches to the head of Hardy, and Edge takes a moment to rest.. very silly, as he keeps going after Hardy, then taking 3 seconds to sell moves that haven’t happened! Edge then does the two boots right to Matt’s head like the PPV, while the ref asks if he wants to continue. Then Matt gets wedged between ring and stairs, like last week.
“Matt is probably just asking ‘why won’t I die?!'” – Bill
Out of nowhere, Matt hits a DDT! As Matt is about to hit Edge with a chair, Lita comes in and hits Matt with the briefcase in the gut. He goes after Lita and Edge of course comes back…
“Taking your eyes off your opponent is a cardnal sin.” – Jim Ross
“Kinda like sleeping with someone else’s girlfriend or wife!” – Me
They fight back in the ring, and Matt gets the upperhand, he sets Edge up on the ladder. Goes up to the top rope. Moonsault. MISSED! OWIEOWIEOWIE! Edge rolls out and gets a garbage can, and quite a few THWAPS with that and Hardy starts hitting at ghosts.
“Hardy needs to learn.. don’t chase, replace.” – Lawler
“Yeah, just ask the Kat” – Me
They fight up the ramp, and finally Hardy gets his bearings and throws Edge right into the side-titantron. Lita has followed them up, and Matt takes a moment to grab her and pick her up… Edge stops him though.
They are now fighting for the big tease off the edge of the key. Suplex tease. Spear tease. Punch fight up at the top, until Hardy grabs him, and hits the Bookend off the edge into the High Voltage pile of tables. Helluva ending.
“Tonight in WWE, everyone dies!” – Jenna
THE WINNER OF THE LIMERICK CONTEST: (In a 4-1 vote) CONNOR
We get a replay of the big special effects fest. We have a discussion as to what move he used as we watch Edge get taken out on a stretcher. They are selling it like both men are near death. Short bit. Good work to both men for an amazing spot.
We come back with Cena! He jumps in the ring and grabs the mic. Last week he was attacked by Kurt Angle. Generic call-out, and here comes Angle.
“One Fish.. Two Fish… Red Fish.. Blue Fish..” – All of us
Angle laughs that Cena is calling him out. Cena apparently wants NONE of Kurt Angle.
“My WIFE doesn’t want this..” – Eric
They show a flash to last week. He is apparently not Chris Jericho.
“Heheheheh….” – Hernandez
You are looking at a man that was inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame.
You are looking at a man who won a gold medal with a broken medal.
“Kurt Angle can actually see him!” – Dani
The crowd starts an ‘Asshole’ chant and Raw goes on mute for a moment. Angle is more tireless, and more intense than he’s ever been before. He doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone. John tries to talk, and Kurt shuts him up.
“Why the hostility, Kurt? Did.. did you say you won a gold medal? I didn’t know that. Wrestling hall of fame, I don’t think I have much a chance in this one, man? I’m starting to think you are the baddest man alive, but I’m still calling your ass out!” – Cena
Kurt drops the mic. Drops the medal. Drops his shirt.
“Eugene comes out, grabs the medal and runs…” – Dani
Kurt gets to the outside of the ring, and then just as slowly, turns around, picks up his shirt. Picks up his medals, and gets stopped by the ‘You Suck’ chant. He marches back down to the ring once again.. gets to kneeling on the apron. He drops back again as Cena grabs the mic.
“I’m sorry, I forgot. I know that you like to hit guys from behind. Nobody’s judging you Kurt, but…” – Cena then turns around, shakes his ass a bit.
“You can do whatever you want, nobody’s watching us…” – Cena
Angle now charges the ring, grabs the Ankle Lock, but Cena fights out of it quickly, and the refs stop Angle before he charges back in. Nice set-up for Unforgiven.
“Who is this guy!?” – Me
“His beard has gone crazy!” – Bill
TYSON TOMKO!?! Who apparently destroyed some guy on Heat. Facing off against….
TYSON TOMKO vs. ROSEY
Match starts with Rosey starting up. Knees send Rosey to the corner, and an elbow pushes Tomko out. Rosey climbs up to the top. He goes for a flying leap, and eats a boot to the gut as he flops down.
The ref pushes Tomko out of the way and as Hurricane charges in, Tomko boots him in the face.
WINNER BY KNOCKOUT: TOMKO
“Why does Tomko have his name on his back?” – Dani
“In case he forgets..” – Me
Flashback to earlier tonight’s Cabana.
THE WINNER OF THE POPULARITY VOTE: KYLY (32 – 14)
Coming down now is HBK… he’s a sexy boy apparently.
“Powdered Toast Man is main eventing…” – Bill
“Do you hear that crowd… NO YOU DON’T!” – Dani
And now.. Carlito.
HBK vs. Masters & Carlito
No pop for a main event match
Starts with HBK and Carlito. Collar-Elbow tie up and Carlito pushes him to Masters corner, and they break the hold seperating to their own corners. Another tie-up, and Shawn goes for an armwringer, and Carlito gets some fists in, and charges towards Masters… Shawn bails again.
Another tie up – Michaels with an armbar – reversed – reversed to a headlock. Carlito pushes to Masters again, and then tosses Michaels to the ropes. Leapfrog from Michaels and Masters tries to grab for HBK’s foot, and then hits Carlito with big fists.
“This is vintage post modern Masters.” – Bill
Carlito tags Masters in. And then the double beatings begin. The tags go back and forth, and finally Carlito gets Michaels in the corner and beats him down to a pin for two. A tag and a choke against Masters’ boot, a tag, some beatdown, some more tagging. Ladeedah. I promise you aren’t missing any cutting edge commentary here… nothing interesting is going to happen until after the commercial.
WE’RE BACK!!!!! OH MY G… umm.. so Shawn is going and beating both men, he tosses Masters over the rope, and he’s left with Carlito. He hits the flying crossbody, and both are down.
“…kickup…” – Hernandez
OH MY GOD!!!! THE KICKUP!!!! ….yep…. bodyslam to Carlito. Goes up to the top rope, hits the elbow. J – E – S – U – MASTERS! He pulls out Shawn out and a clothesline. Carlito comes on out and stomps on some Shawn. He slides back in to let Masters come back and throw Michaels in. CCC goes for the pin for .. OH MY GO… *sigh* ..2…
“Hey, Carlito, look around in disbelief… there it is.” – Bill
Triple C misses a couple pin attempts, and then goes crazy with double axes and punches. Finally tagging Masters in who drops elbows RIGHT onto Shawn’s back. Yep, there’s a guy who I want protecting me in the ring.
“Do you think Masters can hold his arms against his side?” – Me
Masters hits three backdrops and stretches Shawn against his knee.
“Didn’t Shawn face Hogan a few weeks ago?” – Dani
So, Masters holds Shawn long enough for the ref to check to see if Shawn’s still awake. The ref then does that to the audience. On the 2nd one, the audience raises it’s hand up and starts winging Masters in the face. Shawn gets tossed to the corner, tree of woe, and then press slammed right in the middle of the ring. Call out for the Masterlock… but Shawn turns it around!
Fists to Masters’ face and a toss to the ropes. Masters goes for the spinebuster (the MAIN EVENT spinebuster), but Shawn hits the big reversal DDT! They are both knocked out, and the crowd all looks to the right as.. HERE COMES FLAIR!??! Looking like a bad Romero villain.
TAG TO FLAIR!? Flair chops the hell out of both men.
“Oh my god, I”m fighting a zombie!” – Jenna
“No, he’s a mummy!” – Bill
Masters gets to learn what it’s like to be punched in the face by a legend, and as he goes for the figure-four – he gets lowblowed by CCC.
“Aww, his nuts are bleeding.” – Bill
“Space Mountain is closed for a short amount of time.” – Eric
Shawn crossbodies CCC, and Masters hits the full-nelson on Flair.
“Fading? He had no blood in him to begin with!” – Eric
Flair’s out.. and that’s that.
WINNERS: CHRIS MASTERS & CARLITO
No mindless blathering.
No end of show breakdown.
No cool bit.
The show just ends.
That’s just how it should be.
“*grumpy face*” – Dani
“*shrugs* I look forward to next week” – Eric
“It was fun.” – Hernandez
“It was not Scottish” – Bill
“*doing homework*” – Laura
“Oookay.” – Jenna
“See a show that left nobody with anything interesting to say..” – Me
So the finals were down to the five point vote…
Then we tied at 2 – 2 so it went to the Rabble Vote…
Even with a mostly male group….
The winner is:
I would personally like to thank Kyly and all the entrants, and Kyly will be recieving a prize for the amount of effort and time she put into this.
Again, thank you all for participating.
Congratulations to Connor Walker, official Baby Diva of the Rabble.
Long live Baby.