Oh, award shows. What can we really say about them without breaking out into a mass of collective snores?
They honour the best of the best in movies, TV and music?
*Snore*.
They feature dozens of our favourite stars dressed up double-pretty to their usual pretty?
*Double snores*.
They’re..uhh…interesting?
*Thud*
Alright, so award shows aren’t the finest hours of television our idiot boxes have to offer. Ironic, isn’t it, considering the reason we even have them is to recognize quality? Over the years, I’ve come to develop a broad-based dislike for award shows. It seems the “quality” has been replaced by the shiny glitz and glamour Hollywood boasts, with a true ignorance of the prized art that truly belongs there.
Don’t believe me? If the number of Red Carpet specials we have doesn’t speak for itself, then Joan Rivers’ plastic popularity should say it all.
Since we are on the topic of television, let’s discuss the Emmys. Near 60-year-old institutions, the Emmys have become the aged and tired grandparent of television award shows. Though in recent years, efforts have been made to broaden voting capabilities to a range of people of all ages and interests, the winners from these awards seem as predictable as usual. If you are a doctor, lawyer or politician on television, you will be winning big. There have been some breakouts; brilliant shows like Arrested Development, and The Sopranos have been honoured, but this doesn’t forgive the years of blind omissions–pearls like Party of Five, The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Gilmore Girls are (and were) all but invisible to the eyes of the voters.
It is no wonder the ratings for the 2004 Emmy blitz nosedived.
But let’s not allow Emmy to be a representation of all award shows. Every snore, sigh and drift of your lazy eyes during the Emmys will be redeemed by the likes of the award shows MTV bestows upon their wanting viewers. This week’s Video Music Awards were no exception, displaying the regular dose of off-kilter excessiveness you can only expect from MTV.
Were they good?
If I’m grading on a curve based on just how amazing award shows are, I’d say MTV walks away with an A-plus. MTV’s choice of oddly-placed hosts and ethereal sense of how to mix the past and present (who else would choose to let MC Hammer Can’t Touch This in 2005?), never bores or snores. Throw in (Puffy-Puff Daddy-P.Diddy) Diddy’s relentless attempts at being entertaining, a sweaty, gyrating Shakira and a claustrophobic performance by R. Kelly and you have yourself an unpredictable boat of original MTV hijinks.
Did anyone else see Kelly Clarkson take an embarrassing detour through a fountain, when she couldn’t find her way to the podium? How about when Billy Joel almost-kissed Bow Wow when accepting one of Green Day’s many awards? Where else would 50 Cent be able to cuss and crotch-grab his way through a performance other than MTV? On any other channel we’d have a travesty of Janet Jackson’s boob-exposure proportions.
It is this uncensored, winging-it feel of the VMAs that rates them superior to their epochs-old Emmy grandparents. Sure the VMAs aren’t a picture of class—the glitz and glamour is undercut by an extreme lack of tact and the barely-there outfits worn by barely-there songstresses, but at least they come as they are. Every one of those awards were earned and voted by the people that matter and every performance– good or bad—confidently displayed what the artist had to offer. And hey, they had that cool water theme going for them.
Try that at the Emmys and you’d have a puddle of washed up glitz and the melted plastic formerly known as Joan Rivers.
