Stuff I Think and Shouldn't Say: American Beauty, Too?: Apple Bottoms Abound

Happy September, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Very few summers have come and gone so quickly, so I am either getting very old or I was too busy working to notice. Those really are the only two options, and I hate to think that I am getting old, so I will vote for the latter. Too much work. Not enough play.

That makes Shawnie a dull boy.

This Tuesday was a fantastic release week, as Kanye West’s sophomore effort, Late Registration was released. Rolling Stone basically said that it was the best album to have come out this year, which isn’t saying all that much. Rolling Stone is no longer culturally relevant, if you didn’t already know that. The album sounds really great so far, so I would like to thank the guests I had at table 707 for hooking me up with enough cash to pick it up.

Thanks, Naim Bookhashmandou. My CD collection thanks you and your drunken co-ed friends…

…especially your sister ->

She has hot tits.

(Oh, and don’t worry about the Coke you spilled on me…I have the money for the dry cleaning.)

However, the best thing that happened this week will surely make O.C. fans happy: Death Cab for Cutie released their newest album as well, Plans. There have already been two stellar reviews here on InsidePulse, but I do believe I should say my two cents:

THIS ALBUM FUCKING RULES!

Ben Gibbard is a genius and this newest DCFC release is so beautiful, it hurts. I am listening to the album as I write this up, and I am awestruck. Seriously, I want to run around hugging people and letting them all know just how very much I love them. Death Cab does that for me, I swear.

Okay, no more marking out like a bitch. I have a column to finish.

And Now, Words of Wisdom…

Stand up?

I haven’t done it in a while, although if you have happened into the O.G. and had me as your server, you might think that I am constantly testing out material. I don’t deliberately break into my routine, I really do enjoy making people laugh. More than anything, I think I am still craving the acceptance of the city.

I want this place to love me like I love it.

That may not be possible, but I am trying to win THE CITY one table at a time.

Last week must was a big week for Tony Yayo. First, he eats the Garlic Shrimp Limone at O.G. and later, he performs in front of a live crowd that wasn’t wearing orange jumpsuits and carry rakes on side of I-87. God, it must be hard being 50 Cent’s sidekick.

Anyone want to make a bet as to when Tony Yayo snaps and calls Fitty a bitch on BET?

Suge Knight got shot at Kanye’s VMA afterparty, and yet, no one really cares because the Titanium Ogre is STILL ALIVE. Fucking A! Seeing that today’s hip hop stars are straight out of Chicago, Illinois, I can’t imagine that this is an East Coast/West Coast thing anymore.

Nope, now its just due to Suge being an enormous douche!

SALTY’s Album of Da Week!

BenzosMorning Stanzas

A New York based quintet of musical virtuosos who all hail from exceptionally different backgrounds try their hand at reshaping auditory pleasantries. ‘Benzos’, (named for benzodiazepines, a class of anti-anxiety medications), demand an emotional response from their amalgam of multi-textured and brave, yet complex and smooth compositions. The beautifully layered sounds and atmospheres are masterfully woven into standard Brit pop rock with a sometimes danceable electronic edge.

Nice work, m’boy!

Onward we go…

SITASS NEWS: We can’t afford no gas…so we ain’t drivin’!

Landlord Terminating CBGB Lease, Acts Rally In N.Y.

Blondie, Public Enemy, Bad Brains’ HR and Institute were among the acts that performed today (Aug. 31) in New York’s Washington Square Park in a last-ditch attempt to rally support for venerable rock club CBGB, but the venue’s landlord, the Bowery Residents’ Committee, has apparently already decided to evict.

BRC Executive Director Muzzy Rosenblatt said in a statement that “it is in the best interest of our clients — the homeless and neediest New Yorkers — to sever this relationship.” CBGB’s existing lease for its longtime home on the Bowery expires tonight at midnight.

CBGB owner Hilly Kristal and Rosenblatt have been feuding for years over back rent, which the BRC went to court to collect. The statement asks CBGB to “vacate the premises both voluntarily and expeditiously,” but rally host Little Steven Van Zandt vowed that the club would not go down without a fight.

“CBGB will remain open,” Van Zandt told Billboard.com earlier today. “Let’s hope they don’t file those papers, because it will be in the courts for months [if they do].”

Kristal told Billboard.com that moving CBGB to a new location is not his preferred solution to the dispute, which centers on five years worth of back rent that the BRC went to court to collect.

“CBGB started here and it was nurtured here,” Kristal said. As for moving the club elsewhere, he observed, “Moving to Times Square wouldn’t be the same thing. [A rock club changing locations] has never worked in New York. I’ve been here for a lot of years and it always fails.”

Institute leader Gavin Rossdale reflected fondly to Billboard.com about his former band Bush’s debut U.S. show at CBGBs in January 1995. “This was our first sold-out show,” he said. “It was the first time I’d played to an audience that knew my music.” Beyond that thrill, the artist emphasized how CBGB remains a beacon for young, developing acts. “It’s such an incredible place to foster talent,” he said. “The way to be in a band is to get out and play.”

It was a sentiment echoed by director Jonathan Demme, who shot a video for Steve Earle’s “Rich Man’s War” at CBGB on the night of the 2004 presidential election. “Young people can go for a very modest admission price and see other young people,” he said, adding, “I still see a lot of great music at CBGB.”

(credit: Billboard.com)

MOTHERFUCKER. Why the f*ck hasn’t EVERYONE in the industry stepped up to save this place and find a way to raise the back rent? I know the shows are raising some funding, but I am sure there is a multi-millionaire out there who realizes that CBGB’s is a landmark.

Yes, it’s a dump, but if this place is closed, that is pretty much like someone putting up Condominiums on the site of the Gettysburg Address.
It would be like pissing on the Saratoga Battlefield and relocating a high school there, or a strip mall.

God damn it, SOMEONE better fix this, stat, or I am gonna freak the f*ck out.

iPod Cellphone on the Way?

There’s been twittering around the tech-savvy community for months now about the latest offering from Apple, and now it looks like it’s finally here: Word on the nerd-block is that Apple, Motorola, and Cingular are teaming up to introduce a cell phone that plays iTunes downloads, says Billboard.com.

The unveiling of the new device will allegedly take place at an Apple party in San Francisco on September 7.

The only information on the exclusive invite is a heading that calls the shindig a “Special Event” and a boastful tagline: “1,000 songs in your pocket changed everything. Here we go again.” It’s unknown whether songs will be downloaded directly onto this new device or if you’ll have to transfer the song files from a computer to the musi-phone.

(credit: Spin.com)

Well, at least I know what new/hot electronic device I can’t afford. I still haven’t gotten an iPod, so I guess this is just another thing I will buy with the advance money…

…From selling my soul.

Just because I can…

Here’s a link to Paranoid Social Club‘s website.

I loved the Rustic Overtones, and when that group disbanded, I followed the lead singer, Dave Gutter, over to PSC. My love for them knows no bounds, so if you want to catch the hardest-partying album of the summer, go pick up the new album, Paranoid Social Club, at the nearest music store or just head over HERE!

You can thank me later.

(spoken in crazy voiceover guy tone)

Ssquared Music…you hear it…THIRD-ish?

The QUICKY-FAST News!

brought to you by Strattera

The Counting Crows will perform with the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra at Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles on October 25th.

Keane and Dashboard Confessional will join U2 as openers for the fall leg of the Vertigo tour. Dashboard will open for the Irish rockers for the first eight shows beginning September 12th in Toronto, while Keane takes over on October 3rd.

The Dandy Warhols and Robbers on High Street will hit the main stage at this year’s WEQX Larkfest in Albany, New York, on September 17th. Following Larkfest, Robbers on High Street will kick off their U.S. tour on September 29th in Boston.

The Beta Band will release their career retrospective album, The Best of the Beta Band, on October 4th. The double CD, which the band is calling their last album, will include songs from all their LPs along with a live performance from their farewell concert in London.

Dillinger Escape Plan will no longer perform on Gigantour due to guitarist Ben Weinman’s latest injury. Weinman re-injured his arm during the hard rock festival’s Atlantic City stop last Sunday. In other Gigantour news,
Anthrax will replace Dream Theater for the September 6th to 11th shows .

Kanye West filed a lawsuit Monday in Chicago, charging DJ Eric “E-Smoove” Miller with attempting to illegally distribute ten unreleased songs that West produced more than ten years ago, before he was eighteen. The Grammy-winning rapper is seeking no less than $1.3 million and is asking that Miller cease from ever using West’s name in connection with the master recordings

(credit: Rolling Stone.com)

This Week’s MUST READ Piece!

For those of you who are fans of SITASS, and want to see me write a little something other than inane babbling and b.s. music news, check out Macabre Seuss.

Every week, here at InsidePulse, I will now waste ¾ of an hour of your life (between SITASS and Macabre Seuss) so that I can have my 15 glorious minutes of semi-fame! I love it.

Honestly, the new column is a long overdue project. I have written poetry for the better part of 15 years, but I had never endeavored a children/young adult piece told in a narrative tone. That’s the gist of it, but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that most of the work done for Macabre Seuss will be a bit “darker” than the usual babble you get from me.

I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t love it, and I hope you guys will make it a point to check it out and send me some feedback.

If you’re in trouble/
We’re there on the double/
We’re the Ssquared Gang!

Until next week, keep it real!

Ssquared