TNA At Ringside: Trapped In A Storyline

Welcome back to ringside everyone. The opening question, have you bought the new Kanye West CD? If so, play it, enjoy it and read the column.

8/25 Impact Recap

Hollyric returns with the goods. Check out his Impact! Recap as the march to SpikeTV continues.

What’s Up With The Dance?

So Larry Zybsko stated on Impact that the winner of the Candido Tournament will face The Naturals and Team Canada and AMW for the Tag Team Titles. Good job TNA, you f*cked this tourney up. It seemed so simple. Have a heel team win the tourney and have them face The Naturals at the PPV. Hell, even put the titles on the heel team so they stick around as a team for a bit longer. But no, TNA must stick the only other tag teams they have in the match for no reason expect to give AMW and Canada something to do instead of face each other for the ::counts:: 10 millionth time.

In other Larry news, Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels is now a Triple Threat match. Who did they add? AJ Styles of course. Listen, Joe vs. Daniels would have already been a super awesome great fantastic match. Add in AJ Styles and now it’s a super awesome great fantastic phenomenal match. I know you like how I added the “phenomenal” once I added AJ. Anyway, this match almost forces me to buy the PPV as it’s likely another Match of Year candidate.

My problem with adding the teams and worker into the matches is this. The tournament tag line states “Winner will receive a title shot.” Maybe they fooled us by not saying a “one on one title shot” but maybe my dumb ass self thought that was implied.

Both matches should be great but why have a tournament if the winner only get a piece of the prize and not the whole thing?

Breakin’ Down Walls

Man, is Chris Jericho good or what? Having him in front of the TNA logo on his website, classic. Why didn’t WWE and Jericho take this further? WWE.Com has become news filled as of late true stories or not. Why not continue it. They could have had a headline that said:


I doubt they could use TNA, so I made it non-WWE to play it safe. It’s gold, that story would break before PWInsider or “1bullshit Junior”(Copyright, Eric Szulczewski) could break the news. Why? BECAUSE IT’S NOT REAL! It’s so perfect yet WWE f*cked it up.

Anyone catch the TNA ad during Raw on Monday? Man, I marked out for that one. I told the son that I don’t have “You see Chris? (That’s what I would call my kid) That right there is Wrestling”

This SpikeTV deal is working out right now for TNA. They are getting commercial time and they are getting it during the rivals time. Ba Da Da Da Bum, I’m Lovin’ It.

Trapped In A Storyline

Oh man more Matt Hardy fun. So Hardy stated that there are 5 Chapter to his beef with Edge.

What other stupid ass yet popular thing has 5 Chapters? You guessed it, R. Kelly – Trapped In A Closet.

So this is my 5 Chapter story entitled, Trapped In A Storyline. I would love to do one chapter per week but with school and everything it could become difficult (although I did write Chapter 1 during English class.)

The story is told by me and it has a bit to do with the whole Edge/Hardy/Lita storyline but I threw myself in there for the hell of it. You see Matt, if you would have said 4 Chapters, you could have saved me a lot of typing and thinking. Oh well.

I wake up and it wasn’t my bed
Turned over and saw a red head
Got out and told her “I’m going home”
Amy said, “Before you go, make me moan”
I told her “Get Matt or Adam on the phone”
She said, “No, they’ll just groan”
I asked, “Have you told them boys?”
She said, “No, I just use them as toys”
I asked, “So what does that make me?”
She said, “Come over here and I’ll make you see”
Just then we heard the doorbell
We looked at each other and asked “Who the hell?”
Amy said, “Hush don’t speak”
Like an idiot, I jumped under the sheets
She got up and put some clothes one
And walked down the steps with no thong on
She opened the door and let Adam in
He looked at her and said, “Hey baby how’s it been?”
She kissed him and said, “Good how are you?”
He said, “Shut up, lets get drunk and screw”
They walked up the steps makin’ out
In the bed I rolled over and fell out
Adam stopped and said, “Who is here?”
He continued with, “He’s getting a spear”
I got up and in the bathroom I hid
His face was more physco than Sid
He then checked everywhere
Throwing stuff, he just didn’t care
He then grabbed a broom
And walked over to the bathroom
The bathroom
The bathroom

Next Week: Chapter 2

The E-Mail Bag

As a huge fan of TNA, I had to give you my Ultimate Team.

Big Van Vader and Monty Brown

I think these two would just dominate any other team you could think of!


They would make a hell of a force. Why not Undertaker instead of Vader? That way Taker can stand there and do no selling while Brown does all the dirty work. Thanks.

Chris’ C-CuP

Kurt Angle teaming up with AJ Styles….similar to yours, except you get the more Angle-style wrestling meshed in with AJ Styles’-ness…

Angle is the vet I guess? Strange considering he will play the rookie in one of the next e-mails. What the hell is AJ Styles’-ness? By the way Angle-style wrestling is called Amateur Wrestling I think. Of course it’s similar to mine, everyone wants to be me.

Just kidding, I’m not really that mean. I happen to know Chris on a personal level so I’m just pickin’ on him. I’m sure he will get me back. Thanks buddy.

*Ultimate Candido Team: Pretty simple here. Give me your ultimate veteran and “rookie” of today.

Benoit and Angle.

Nuff said.


See how Angle is the rookie in this team? These two have been paired before though so I’m not dying to see them for a “one time only” thing. Still, you can’t argue against Benoit and Angle. Thanks

Ultimate veteran/rookie team … Chis Benoit and Austin Aries.

-John Parkin

Can’t complain with this team. Aries looked sharp against Daniels and Benoit is “Our Lord And Savior.” Good team and thanks for the line.

Hey – I’m not a normal reader, but I decided to click on your column anyway. I just wanted to give some, hopefully, constructive feedback on the part of your column about SummerSlam. First, I’m not sure which SummerSlam you were watching, but this one didn’t end at 10:56. I’ve been a wrestling fan my whole life. I can’t remember a WWF (yes…F) PPV which hasn’t gone it’s entire limit, at least 2 hours & 45 minutes, give or take a minute or two. I’m sure there are some out there, but in recent memory, I have none, excluding the early In Your Houses’. In fact, it seemed to run a little later than most, about 11:50, not counting Hogan’s post-match posing. The first hour did seem very rushed though. Also, I think the reasoning for their match being stopped due to blood & not Hogan/Micheals was to give the impression that Hardy couldn’t continue. After-all, it was a ‘fight to the death’. Someone had to look like they ‘couldn’t continue’. Anyway, that’s just my opinion on things. – Dan Epps

11:50? You must not live on the East Coast. You are clearly an hour behind me. Which goes to show that you actually subtracted 6 minutes from my ending time. Once again, I stated that I believe that the PPV was going until 11:30 (12:30 for you.) Which goes to show that the PPV ended over 30 minutes early. Maybe I’m wrong but normally the PPV Replay starts right after the PPV, not 30 minutes after. I was just kidding on the Hogan/Michaels stoppage. The crowd would have killed somebody if they stopped that match due to blood loss. Still the Hardy/Edge ending seemed pre-mature. Why didn’t they pull the ending that they did on Raw? Instead the made Hardy look like a pussy at SummerSlam. Hell, maybe that was the plan. Or maybe Batista/JBL got called off early due to suckage. No Holds Barred and they used what 3 weapons? Not to mention the Batista Bomb on the steps, the same thing we saw at Vengeance. Enough WWE bashing though.

The C Cup

Lets make things fun this week in light of the Hurricane Katrina.

Reports state the following:

There was a heavily-promoted wrestling convention this past
weekend featuring the likes of Bret Hart, Bruno Sammartino, Matt Hardy
The Dudley Boyz and more wrestling stars both past and present. Tammy
Sytch decided to show up at WrestleReunion 2 to set up a table to sell
promo photos, autographs, poloroids, etc… She had also appeared at
the NWA Legends convention the previous weekend as an un-announced
guest along with Missy Hyatt. Unlike at WrestleReunion, Tammy didn’t
cause any problems, although she seemed bored.

From several
accounts from people who were at WrestleReunion, Tammy Sytch was thrown
out of the building crying and screaming by security and warned to
never come back again. Apparently, she was bothering several of the
wrestlers and acting unusual, mostly notably to Bret Hart.

Here is a detailed fan account of what went

was drunk or high. She was on something and kept asking Bret for his
number and asking if they can “re-connect” as friends. She kept
mentioning their time in the WWF and said she wanted to get “close”
again. When Bret asked that she be escorted out, she began crying and
causing a scene saying she had the best pussy he ever had and she
needed him in her life because she spent all of the Candido Benefit
money and was broke. She needed a sugar daddy to take care of her.

in the hotel, she was stumbling around the hotel topless and asking for
Billy Gunn who wasn’t even there. Ask D-Lo Brown, he was there. He can
tell you. As a matter of fact, The Masked Maniac should try to get him
on the honker for a hotline to confirm this. Tammy has fallen off the
wagon and needs help.

And for those keeping score, Tammy’s regained a good
amount of the weight that she had previously lost earlier this year as she’s ballooned quite a bit in the last month or so.

*Which Wrestling Diva has the “Best Pussy Ever.”

I’ll answer with Trish Stratus because she’s bananas (b-a-n-a-n-a-s)

Blah, let me rephrase the C Cup in order to keep my job and look less teen age

*Which Wrestling Diva would you be a “Sugar Daddy” to?

That’s better.

The End

That’s all this week. I do want to give a quick shout out to my friends Pat and Cat who both live in New Orleans. I hope you guys are safe.

Also a huge thanks to Mark Neely for filling in for me with Smackdown! these past two weeks. I needed the sleep.


Drop me a line at and join me next time At Ringside.