Remote Destination

The Evil of Video Games

There is an Xbox in my apartment and it is sucking the life out of me. It’s an evil device that is completely disrupting my life.

I was off on Thursday and had planned to catch up on TV (Prison Break, Entourage and The Comeback), some reading and just chill out for the evening.

For some reason I decided to give Grand Theft Auto III a try, y’know, just to see what it’s like. Oh. My. God. I wasted hours.

The game is so subtly addictive, like drugs. I have no idea where the time went and I’ve got, like, nothing to show for it.

I feel so dirty, it’s sickening.

Ugh.

What I Watched Last Week

Real Time With Bill Maher – Good panel this week. Some pretty solid discussion happened. I feel all the more informed now. Oh, and I laughed too.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Funny episode. It was funny to see “Lex Luthor” with hair, and even funnier to see him almost completely in character. This is a really great show about completely unlikable characters. I mean, more unlikable than even the Seinfeld bunch.

Rome – HBO, let me thank you for gratuitous nudity. After watching this episode I’m considering becoming a pagan. I mean bathing in blood didn’t seem as bad as I thought it would have been.

Not being a student of history, I can only say one thing about the premiere; breasts, fantastic breasts. Mouthwatering breasts.

I keed, I keed. It was a very good premiere. The characters were well developed as where the relationships between characters. It hooked me enough to want to see how things play out across the season. I think HBO has another solid show on it’s hands.

Rescue Me – Nice to see Tommy return to form. Sean is quietly becoming my favorite character. Franco continues to impress me. However one thing disturbs me.

How can someone date a “pro?” That just bugs me out. She’s got a pimp. Ewww. That’s gross. While I’m sure she’s a monster in bed, that’s what she gets paid for. I hope I’m never that hard pressed for companionship.

Greatest Show Ever…this week – Over There

First off any show that decapitates Zack Morris has to be the Greatest Show Ever. But the writers really deserve credit for making viewers do a complete 180 on Smoke. Smoke is perhaps the most unsympathetic character on the show. He’s downright vile. Yet within the span of two episodes I’ve gained a soft spot for him. Bo’s story continues to be the weak link for me, but again, the show is about the untold stories of war, and those left at home have stories as well.

I am beginning to see a pattern building. Whenever the mood lightens or humanity is show one of two things is going to happen; either they’re going to get attacked or there’s going to be a death.

Fun With Joe Reid

This is the part of the column where I’d usually write about something that’s on my mind. But since I’m still reeling from all murders and senseless acts of violence that I’ve committed via Grand Theft Auto I decided to share a spitballing session that Joe Reid and I had earlier in the week;

Joe Reid: the Chenowiths; I’m in.

Mathboogie: Yes!

Joe Reid: i’ve outlined my pitch on the blog

Joe Reid: first order of business: Maya and Willa get a nanny

Mathboogie: A nanny, what kind of nanny? A kooky one?

Joe Reid: a male nanny; Tony Danza for the post-2K generation

Joe Reid: I’m hauling out ALL the old sitcom staples

Mathboogie: This could be the “Joey” of next year.

Joe Reid: middling ratings and I never watch it? Awesome.

Mathboogie: Maybe something could happen to David and Keith, because every good sitcom needs some wise-talking Black kids.

Joe Reid: David and Keith can’t die yet, so . . . they become spies?

Joe Reid: there’s 20 years there before Ruth dies – anything can happen; David and Keith witness a mafia crime, go into witness protection, and Anthony and Durrell go to live w/ Margaret

Mathboogie: Like I said, the finale provided closure and openendedness. I think that once the Chenowiths becomes a smash hit, we spin off a roommate comedy from Oz.

Joe Reid: Alvarez and . . .

Joe Reid: Poet?

Mathboogie: Sure, “Poet, did you ass rape my prag again?”

Joe Reid: wah-wah-wah

Joe Reid: i’m thinking bassoons all over this thing

Mathboogie: Oh yeah. Without a doubt. There should be a cottage industry of HBO original series characters that make the transition into sitcoms.

Mathboogie: What if Brother Justin had been the manager of a major metropolitan newspaper or tv station?

Joe Reid: Paulie Walnuts in an Office comedy?

Mathboogie: Exactly.

Joe Reid: i love ’em all!

Joe Reid: Simon Adebisi and Iris Crowe – the original Odd Couple!

Joe Reid: I’ve got new network TV to think of

Joe Reid: starting with Prison Break on monday

Mathboogie: Yeah. But I’m only really watching that to get back to prison. I’ve missed the closeness of life in Em City. I need some routine in my life, and Prison Break will give me that.

Joe Reid: breaking rocks and scoring some tits?

Mathboogie: Yeah, I can’t wait to hear the prison slang. But I doubt that the guy doing the prison breaking is going to last long behind bars. With his dashing good looks, he’s a prime piece of ass.

Joe Reid: i’ll say; he doesn’t have the natural air of repulsiveness like, say, Busmalis.

Mathboogie: Right? Sadly I doubt we’ll get to see any “bodily fluid cocktails” tossed in the faces of CO’s on regular network TV.

Joe Reid: those days seem to have passed us by.

Mathboogie: If Saved By The Bell can have a new class, why can’t Oz?

Mathboogie: Or better yet, put the Saved By the Bell kids in Oz.

Joe Reid: oh god

Mathboogie: Then Screech can live up to his name.

Joe Reid: Zach Morris with a swastika tattoo?

Joe Reid: Jessie Spano doing the Shirley Bellinger thing on death row?

Mathboogie: Possibly, I see him more a Ryan type, trying to be everyone’s friend. Jesse’s too smart for that, she’s be the prison lawyer.

Joe Reid: man, we’ve got more pitches than we know what to do with

Mathboogie: All we need is a network exec to be reading this, but instead we’ve got federal agents. Damn Patriot Act!

Joe Reid: screw you, Rumsfeld!!

“Screw you, Rumsfeld” everyone.

Remote Destination Indeed

Last week I posed the following scenario;

Good News; you’re going on vacation. Bad News; it’s a “working” vacation. Maybe you’re a reporter and you’ve got to cover a story. Maybe you’re a hitman hired by Pat Robertson and you’ve got an assassination to carry out. Who knows? The point is that this isn’t going to be a “perfect vacation.” Good News; the weather is going to be perfect. Bad News; there’s a convention in town and almost everything is booked up. Good News; you’ve got choices of where to stay. Bad News; you’ve only got two choices.

So, would you rather stay in The Golden Palace (from the Golden Girls spin off The Golden Palace or The Stratford Inn (from Newhart?

Aaron wrote;

As someone who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, there are two things that I’m loathe to admit: I’ve never seen an episode of “Newhart” and I’ve seen every episode of “The Golden Girls”. And, now Lifetime (Television for Women) is finally re-running the CBS spinoff, “The Golden Palace”, which I missed during its initial run. Easy call here, Math. The Palace has both a young Don Cheadle and an old Cheech Marin. I could’ve played Cheadle’s inexplicably light-skinned cousin or something. And since the show was shot in the early ’90s (1992-93, I believe) I’ve still got a closet full of the fashions from that time. The brightest blues and purples you could create, kid, with the occasional X hat to set off the ensemble right. Hell, I could even have a trademark catchphrase that captured the era. Picture it…whenever Sophia shoots off one of her one-liners to Blanche or Rose, I could chime in with “Whoomp, There It Is!” It’s ratings gold, I tells ya.

Colin chimed in with;

Tough to say, as I can’t say I watched either show. I did, however, watch Golden Girls so I’ll go with the Palace. Plus, Blanche always gives it up.

While it’s hard to fault either Colin or Aaron’s judgment, I’m going to stay at the Stratford Inn. As much as I’d love to hand out with a post Color pre Crash Cheadle, I’d actually enjoy being around Bob Newhart even more. The man is a gifted comedian. Plus I love The Bob Newhart (and it’s theme) like almost no other show around. So clearly I’m going to Vermont.

Naturally this brings us to…

Good News/Bad News/Question of the Week

Good News; you’re alive. Bad News; you’re a disgraced cop. Maybe you accidentally killed your partner. Maybe there was a suspiscion that you were dirty. Maybe you tried to frame O.J.. Who knows? The point is you used to be a cop but now you’re not. Good News; you’ve got a new gig. Bad News; you’re going to have to work nights.

So, would you rather be a Radio Talk Show Host (Midnight Caller or aTaxi Driver (Hack?

Oh and don’t worry Aaron and Colin won’t get jealous if you, y’know, decide to send me an answer.

Links

Brendan sings 24 a song.

Matt’s got a pretty cool teaser, and he covers Boy Meets World continuity this week.

John delves into Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Romo dissects Rome

What?! Brendan has another column up? And again he’s counting the days until 24.

J.A.M.

Aaron’s hilarious intro would have fit in perfectly over here, as he gives a rundown of the Black Actress Survior (a collaboration with the ubiquitous Joe Reid). Believe me it’s worth the price of admission alone. He also covers rednecks, allows his readers to kick Nas and accepts a contract on Kanye West’s life?

Joe goes back to the 90’s and revisits some of its’ better movies. He also confesses his love for Mary Louise Parker. That guy is a nut.

On the off chance that some network doesn’t scoop Joe and I up to create a pilot based on our ideas I’ll catch y’all next week.

Later.