InsidePulse’s WWE Smackdown Report for 9 September 2005

WWE Smackdown Review for 9th September 2005

Just to give you an idea of how much of a geek I am last night I got a call from an old friend who was at a party and had a trivia question for me to answer. The question was “Who used Seek and Destroy as their music?” Immediately I blurted out the answer. First person to email the answer gets a pat on the back

Anyway this is the big one folks. The reason why I’m on here, The Smackdown Report. And what a way to debut huh? The first night of Smackdown on Friday Nights. I just hope this show is good as I’d like to start on a high note.

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From Atlanta Georgia
Commentators are Tazz and Cole

WWE Tag Team Titles
(C) LOD 2005 Vs MNM w/ Melina and piped in heat

I’m telling you that entrance is a WINNER. Melina is needless to say f*cking fine. She has to be the hottest woman in wrestling since Beulah. Cole says Heindenreich has made the perfect transition to Road Warrior

Let’s see

Roided look – check
Bad at selling – check
Inability to do anything but power stuff – check

Cole could be on to something. Heidy jumps the champs together and beats on Nitro with his usual stuff. Heidenreich yells “You’re going home to daddy” when he takes him into the corner. Okay. Animal takes over now. The beat down continues as the crowd just sits and talks quietly amongst themselves. Mercury has his arm worked over. Melina distraction leads to Heidy becoming face in peril. MNM do some double teaming which doesn’t infuse the crowd too much. Some slight LOD chants but that’s about it. Heidy makes the tag to Animal who’s on fire with what limited offence he can still do. Heidy and Nitro tumble outside while the ref gets bumped inside. Melina goes to hit Animal with the belt but it ends up in Mercury’s face, 1, 2, and 3

WINNER – LOD 2005
½* – This burying of MNM is really starting to annoy me. What can possibly be good from the belts staying on the champs? Not the best start for me is it?

Video package about the whole Orton/Taker feud that ceased to be interesting about a month ago. 1,416 that’s all in his retirement fund? Damn those pesky pyramid schemes.

MRRRRRRR KENNNEEDDDYYYYYY…………..KENNNNEEEEDDDDYYYYYY Vs Paul London

I love this guy. I’ll admit to doing imitations of him. Apparently, Chimel sucks at announcing and…announcing. Mr Kennedy ways in at an amazing 242 pounds this evening. Who do you think is going over here? Kennedy takes over to start with strikes and an Irish Whip to the corner. Couple of near falls for Kennedy. London fights out of a bear hug and gets a dropsault and a spin kick. He gets a spinning tornado kick but ends on the top and takes the Slam Pact and it’s over

WINNER – MR KENNEDY…KENNEDY
½* – Far too short. I’m going to get a sound bite of him doing that ring introduction and make it my doorbell.

Scotty 2 Hotty Vs Burchill w/ Regal

They are booking Burchill completely wrong. He should be booked as an absolute killer and not sell for anyone of Scotty’s standing. Instead they are just booking him as a normal wrestler which isn’t right. Regal is doing guest colour and Burchill grabs a mic. STOP HIM. Burchill cuts a pretty good heel promo and gets a USA chant for his trouble. He calls Scotty a dancing puff which goes over all the Americans heads. Burchill immediately bumps all over Scotty which is WRONG. Kill him Burchill, crush the jobber. Burchill goes to the arm and targets it with some nice stuff. Burchill the master technician is no where near as good as monster Burchill. Cole and Tazz ask what Puff means (It’s the British idiom for gay guy in derogatory form, e.g. fagot in America) Burchill dodges the bulldog and gets rolled up for two. Burchill sends Scotty into the turnbuckle shoulder first a few times into a nice shoulder breaker into the fujiwara arm bar for the submission.

WINNER – BURCHILL
¾* – They are still not booking him right but hey its WWE what can you do?

Backstage segment with Kennedy and Sharmell. Kennedy talks about Booker T not getting any title shots at Benoit and how he thought Benoit and Booker were friends. He stirs some shit and then walks off, with the catchphrase of course.

Up Next Orton Family/Undertaker segment

We’re back and the Undertaker is on his way to the ring. Taker grabs a mic and cuts the usual promo, the gist of which is he’s angry at the Orton’s and he will do mean things to them. Out come the Orton’s to rebut. Randy says he was surprised Taker had guts to show up. Loud “You Suck” chant for Randy but it doesn’t last long. Orton has some guys bring out a big cheque with $1,416. Randy signs the cheque to no reaction. Not one whimper from the crowd. Randy challenges Taker to grab the cheque but Taker instead sets it on fire with lightening. God I can’t believe after 15 years he’s STILL doing this thunder and lightening crap. That was a really boring segment just as this feud has been.

Up next Rey Vs Eddie in a cage match

Cage Match
Eddie Guerrero Vs Rey Mysterio

Eddie has new music and it isn’t very good either just generic Mexican style music with some rapping. The rules for this one are you win by escape, pinfall or submission. Big stare down to start and we have a fist fight that Eddie wins. Rey is sent into the cage a few times from a Powerbomb position. Eddie continues to hold the momentum but Rey gets a leap frog and monkey flip but the cage means he can’t do the 619. Nice touch there. Rey tries to escape early and ends up Powerbombing Eddie from half way up the cage. Rey makes an attempt to climb but Eddie grabs an ankle and crotches Rey as we go to a commercial

Commercial

We return with Eddie making an escape attempt but Rey grabs an ankle and one of the guys does a side Russian Leg Sweep from the top rope. Both guys are down and the camera shows Reys mask has been ripped. Rey makes a quick break for it but Eddie stops him and they fight on top of the cage. Rey dangles over the edge and gets dragged back where they share more punches and Eddie nearly falls a couple of times. Both men in the end climb back in and gets a dropkick to send both men down for a double knock out. The ref counts and gets up to 8 and both guys start striking with planting Rey with a DDT. Eddie goes for the door but Rey grabs his legs and trunks to stop him. Eddie nearly makes it but is pulled back in. Rey gets an inverted bulldog and we have ANOTHER commercial break. This is why I hate long matches on TV

Commercial

We’re back with Rey making another escape attempt but Eddie climbs up and goes for a Powerbomb from the top of the cage but Rey wriggles out and almost gets out of the cage. Eddie goes for the Powerbomb but it’s reversed into a hurricanrana. Rey holds his leg and he definitely landed roughly on it. Rey starts climbing but the knee slows him down. Rey goes for a cross body from the top of the cage but Eddie dodges it. Eddie makes a break for the door and Eddie can make it but changes his mind and hits a Frog Splash for the three count

WINNER – EDDIE
**1/2 – Not bad for a TV cage match. Eddie trash talks Rey afterwards before leaving. I hope Matt Hardy Vs Edge is better than this one at Unforgiven though.

Up next US Title – Benoit Vs Jordan

WWE US Title
(C) Chris Fucking Benoit Vs Orlando Boredom

I wonder if Benoit will beat his record so they can finish the burial of Jordan’s character. He has 23.4 to beat. They have the timer again this week. Jordan gets a close two but it’s Crossface time and tap out at 22.5. Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Right hopefully Orlando will just go away now.

Video package for Batista.

Bull Rope Match for World Title
(C) Batista Vs JBL

I hate this gimmick. I REALLY hate it and a part of me is just thinking that WWE would be stupid enough to give JBL the belt again. I can stand chain matches, dog collar matches and strap matches (with no stupid drag the guy to all corners rules) oh and by the way next week it’s Randy Orton Vs Undertaker. I hope that’s the end of that feud, just as this match finishes this torrid feud. Batista gets a good face reaction. They have the stupid lights in the corners again. JBL gets a corner straight away but Batista stops the momentum. Batista chokes JBL with the rope and hammers him with the bell. 1 corner for Batista but JBL grabs the bottom rope to stop him moving. Batista gets three but a clothesline stops the momentum and now it’s JBL’s turn to choke. Batista clothesline stops JBL at two corners. Eye poke leads to a JBL flurry of offence. OUCH nasty cow bell shot from JBL. He gets three corners but Batista stops the momentum to save the match. Now it’s Batista’s time to use the cow bell but he gets stopped at three lights. JBL crotches Batista with the rope as we go to a commercial

Commercial

While channel flicking during the break I come across a funny episode of South Park but fight the urge to watch that as I’m LOYAL to my readers gosh darn it.

As we come back Batista is in control and he carries JBL on his back but gets stopped with the cow bell after 3 corners. JBL goes for the “I wish I was Stan Hansen” lariat and but eats cow bell. These are some STIFF shots. Batista Bomb and JBL is busted from the cow bell. I think its hard way too. Batista gets a hangman neck breaker with the rope and drags JBL to the corner but JBL hits the corners too. JBL almost makes the corner but gets Demon Busted and Batista makes the corner

WINNER – BATISTA
*1/4 – Reasonably decent match but pretty boring in parts. That’s three times he’s soundly beaten JBL now so hopefully the feud is DONE.

Well this show was sure underwhelming wasn’t it? A boring main event, a disappointing cage match and a bunch of squashes and no decent angles. If you missed Smackdown this week you didn’t miss much. See you next week

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