Formerly Known As The Saturday Report (aka The Thursday Report)

Bits and Pieces
I’ve always wondered why the U.S. President always schedules broadcasts on Thursdays. Is it because they always feel that they need the high ratings that Thursdays bring? Whatever it is, President Bush will talk about New Orleans tonight at 9pm. So if you were looking to watch the Quentin Tarantino CSI episode, you’re SOL tonight.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t comment on this, but there’s going to be a third season of Celebrity Fit Club, and one of the contestants is Kelly LeBrock. I’m pretty much in shock about this. This is the Weird Science babe, the woman who told us not to hate her because she was beautiful. This is like Tammy Sytch ballooning up… oh wait.

Continuing the casting surprises, former American Gladiator Lee “Hawk” Rehrman will be hosting a show… on TLC. It was a total WTF moment to see Rehrman in an ad promoting That Ying Yang Thing, which seems to be a fitness makeover. I’m not sure what will be weirder, seeing Hawk in a makeover show or seeing him intimidated by skaters on RollerJam.

Survivor: Guatemala
OK, so hopefully you’ve seen our big Survivor: Guatemala preview. You’ll notice that fellow Thursday columist Patrick Gilchriest and I are both trying to stay spoiler free, but look for The Crystal Ball and other sources here for your Survivor spoiler needs.

And because I’m nothing if not a plug machine, remember to join Sarah Jane Correia for LIVE play-by-play of the new season, and Michaelangelo McCullar for his recap of the show.

Anyways, we’re heading into the first episode, and all we know for sure is that the teams will experience two twists before the first day is out. The first is the return of the two “most popular past contestants”, which would mean Stephanie (who peaked at an astounding 95%) and either Rupert (who peaked at 93%) or Rodger from Survivor: Australia (who also peaked at around 93%). But I’m thinking that neither male will be appearing. My next two guesses would be Colby or Mike Skupin, so we’ll see if I’m right on that one.

The other twist is probably not Dave Navarro telling them nothing of note or another former Survivor introducing a challenge. Instead, maybe the immunity challenge is to listen to Julie Chen talk for an extended period of time without falling asleep. Whatever it is, someone must leave by the end of the show, and I’m thinking that Margaret will be the first one voted off… er, voted out of the ruins.

The Weekly Singing Competition Commentary
In what I consider to be a bit of an upset, Canadian Idol named Melissa O’Neil as their third winner yesterday. Which I think is a great choice, as I do think that she has the type of appeal that will translate to music sales. And yes, I did know that she was Asian-Canadian, but I thought Mel’s mom was Filipino, not Chinese. Shows how much I know.

Other thoughts about the returning Top Ten:
– Emily looked kinda weird, like her nose has been sculpted too much.
– Ashley still looks super-cute.
– Amber looked a lot more relaxed without the pressure on her.
– I finally noticed that Darryl has an eyebrow pierced. Does that mean he can front a pop-punk band like the Idol finalist fronting Hedley?
– Who looks more like a serial killer, Josh Palmer or Marty Casey?
– Casey has no chemistry with Darryl, yet the choreographers still had her “flirt” with him.
– I think that if Suzi was blonde and got implants, she’d look like Trish Stratus.
– Aaron deserved to be Final Two over Rex.

Tuesday’s edition of Rock Star: INXS left me with a question – what was with the constant cameras on the Cougar in the audience? Anyways, Suzie did pretty well, J.D. rocked, Marty’s “Trees” continues to impress me as a good Britney song, and Mig… well Mig ruined “Paint It Black”.

So of course after three great Bottom Three performances on Wednesday the brothers Farris take the easy route and kicked Suzie out of the competition. I’ll be honest, I thought Mig was a goner, but he stuck around and now it’s a three-way dance for the lead singer job. I’ve been thinking J.D. would win, and I still think that’s the case. We’ll see next week.

Tommy Lee Goes To College
Well, this clears up my Tuesday slot for a week. Bring on The Amazing Race!!

The Ultimate Fighter 2
Interesting challenge this week, as we got to see a variation on “Hang Tough” (hey, two American Gladiators references in a column!). Aside from that, we see Jorge strategizing to get to the finals without fighting. This of course pisses off Poochie White, since this conceivably means that the good fighters will all get hurt, leaving us with the crappy fighters vying for the UFC contract. Which if you read between the lines means Sammy, Jason and Anthony. I’m sure that Dana hopes that Luke sticks around though, because the guy’s a bit of a nutter.

Anyways, the fight was a classic example of what happens when a striker fights a grappler – and the striker has no ground skills. Joe Stevenson took Marcus Davis to the ground, and it was pretty much a forgone conclusion at that point. TUF 1 finalists Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffen pretty much say it all in their recaps of the show.

Prison Break
Michael Scofield is nuts. I don’t know how else to explain busting himself open to get rid of Haywire over the much faster shanking. I suppose that in a way, the producers have taken stuff from Batman – the guy analyzes everything, but doesn’t kill.

Meanwhile, the whole “conspiracy” subplot is already becoming tiring. I suppose it’s meant to be detached from the prison portion of the show, but it does this too well. At times it simply feels like they’re giving Robin Tunney stuff to do – similar to Elisha Cuthbert in Season 2 of 24 – so I figure that at some point I’ll be eagerly anticipating her getting killed.

The chances of that may have gotten slimmer though, as Prison Break had apparently got picked up for a full season. I’m not sure how this will affect 24 though – near as I can tell Prison Break can squeeze in about 11 episodes in between now and 24’s season premiere, so Fox will likely need to reshuffle their lineup. Maybe they’ll actually be smart and air them back-to-back, but this IS Fox we’re talking about.

And that’s it for this week.