InsidePulse’s WWE Smackdown Report for 16 September 2005

Well it’s time for episode 2 in the Michael Fitzgerald does Smackdown series.

Before we start I would like to congratulate all those readers who correctly answered that Sting used “Seek and Destroy” Thank you to all who competed in my little pointless task. Just to show you how important this competition was a guy from Korea, yes THAT Korea as in a place on the other side of the WORLD, took time to email me the answer so all of you pat yourselves on the back for taking time out of your life to answer me. Still what sort of quiz master would I be if I didn’t set another question for ya’ll? This one is much trickier. Who did Taka Michinoku defend his WWF Light Heavyweight against at No Way Out 98?

Just one more thing. We’ve started decorating in my back room so all that’s in there now is a TV, a chair and me with my laptop.You wish I was joking I must also add I had NO idea that Rupert was sitting in the background. As it is that’s quite a neat artistic touch

We are in Arkansas

Tazz and Cole are hosting as usual

Chris Fucking Benoit Vs “Don’t call me Captain Charisma” Christian
What an awesome way to start the show! Orlando Jordan comes out with a mic, he says he refuses to go down as the man who tapped and asks Christian to wait for his match. Orlando jumps Benoit but gets slapped in the cross face. Christian saves and we have a 2 on 1 beat down but Booker T saves. Then the ref annoys me by making this a tag match. Brawl to start and Benoit and Booker take control over OJ. If you don’t know how this one will end then hark back to Mr Kennedy’s remarks last week. Christian takes a beating from Booker but OJ pulls him outside and gives him some stomps. Booker is now set for a beating it would seem. Fans get behind Booker as he’s in a Christian chin lock but Christian keeps control. OJ continues the chin lock but Booker gets a Book End to leave both men down. The fans are really into Booker here. Booker makes the hot tag and Benoit is to quote Cole “A Machine” Benoit gets the Snap Suplex on Christian and then suplexes OJ onto Christian. Heel miscommunication leads to a Sharpshooter on Christian but he makes the ropes. Thumb to the eye leads to an Unprettier but that leads to a cross face. All 4 guys are in and Booker kills both heels. Sharmell goes down outside courtesy of OJ and Booker eats steps. Meanwhile inside Benoit gets the Germans on Christian. Swan Dive time but OJ drops his neck on the top rope and Christian gets the Unprettier for three.

WINNERS – CHRISTIAN AND ORLANDO

*1/2 – Fun TV match. Not the ending I was expecting I thought Booker would hit Benoit by accident.

Video for Orton/Taker. Man I hope they end this feud soon.

Batista is here! And he’s flirting with the Divas! He spies Simon Dean and steals his protein shake. How dare he!

We’re back with Teddy Long and the Network guy in the ring. Why not just hire Cyrus? Anyway Batista comes out to a very impressive pop so I guess it’s promo time. Batista says the JBL match was tough but he wants to talk about the future. I thought they fired Kazarian? Oh he means the new #1 contender. Teddy says the guy people want him to face is… Network guy snatches the mic and says it’s Eddie but Teddy looks angry, he meant Rey Mysterio it would seem. Eddie’s new music SUCKS. Just thought I’d mention it. Eddie says he has a history and everyone knows it. Eddie says he’s addicted to manipulation but he’s over that now since last week when he beat Rey. He does all orgasm faces. He says his new addiction is respect, honour and doing the right thing. WTF? He says he’s a new Eddie about love and no one is buying it. He thanks Batista for having him as #1 contender. Eddie says he has the most respect for Batista, and goes on to lick some but crevice with a glowing rendition of “Insincere Heel” So Eddie is now Mr Pacifist? And he has shit music? NOOOOOOOOOO. Batista agrees saying they can be the two amigos. Batista says everyone knows what man Eddie is and says he would make a great champ…if he can beat him. Eddie says he and Batista can be best friends. Did I switch on Barney by mistake? Eddie extends his hand but Batista says “Friends gotta hug” so they do? What? No Eddie cheap shot? That was weird

Up next MNM Vs LOD 2005 rematch from last week. Come on MNM regain prestige to the belts.

WWE Tag Titles
(C) LOD 2005 Vs MNM w/ Melina

I must admit the new mix of the music is pretty catchy. Heidenreich is wearing Papa Shango face paint. They show classic clips of LOD. I might get that DVD. Melina is looking very nice and very angry. Come on guys make her happy and win those belts. I’m with Tazz that entrance is the best in history. Hiedy and Mercury start. Heidy overpowers Mercury so he bails and takes a clothesline from Animal outside. Didn’t they do that exact spot last week? Animal goes for a Superplex but Nitro kicks his leg and Mercury comes off the top. Now Animal gets worked over and MNM get two from a double Russian Leg Sweep. I like that move. Neck breaker gets two for Mercury. Into the rest hold but Animal gets a powerslam and gets the tag. I’m sorry Heidenreich looks ridiculous. He turns to use his Voodoo powers on Melina and uses her as a human shield to stop MNM attacking. Mercury nails Heidy with the belt for a DQ

WINNERS – LOD 2005

½* – Just f*cking give them the belts you cunts! Damn Johnny Ace

Backstage Teddy and Cyrus version 2005 but Eddie comes in crying because he’s so happy he’s #1 contender. Teddy says he wanted Rey to get the shot but Network Guy says Eddie will be the better match.

The Ortons are backstage with a “Big Surprise” there’s a truck behind them with something in it. I wonder which old WWE star is in there? My money in on Mideon.

JBL Vs Rey Mysterio
I might give JBL’s book a read should I see it in a shop or library. Rey has new music and it’s slightly better than Eddie’s new music. Rey moves around to start to dodge some JBL offence but takes a right hand to the face and JBL gets some shots in. Rey goes for a Sunset Flip but can’t get it. He goes for an early 619 but JBL gets a shoulder block and some elbows. JBL continues to beat on Rey in the corner. He uses his size to dominate Rey and targets the upper body and neck. Ouch some nasty potato punches for JBL. Rey gets a flurry but is locked in a bear hug and the fans get behind him. Rey head butts his way out but get caught in the last call but turns that into a DDT. That was nice. Rey gets a spinning head scissors and stays on JBL. Bronco Buster from Rey. Rey makes the mistake or trying a monkey flip and gets shoved off and JBL is PISSED. He goes for the Lariat but Rey drop toe holds him and gets a 619 but JBL catches him in a Powerbomb but gets asai moonsaulted for three.

WINNER – REY MYSTERIO

* – That was a pretty enjoyable short match.

Backstage Nunzio is arguing with Teddy saying that he isn’t on Smackdown enough. Eddie comes in and says that Nunzio Vs Batista would be a good idea and Cyrus agrees. I have to come up with a new nickname for him how about Recyclus? Ha ha I’m so witty

JBL is leaving the arena dejected and blows off Joey Matthews. Ken Kennedy is backstage and tells Matthews to change his pants because he smells like poop…and Arkansas. He of course does the now greatest catchphrase of all time.

MRRRRRR KEEENNNNEEEEDDDDYYYY…KENNNNNEEEEEDDDYYYY Vs Jobber
He’s gained a pound this week at 243. Someone send me an MP3 of this guys music it’s awesome. Kennedy wastes the jobber with little trouble and finishes him with the Slam Pact.

WINNER – MR KENNEDY

I don’t rate squash matches unless they are really awesome. Kennedy totally pisses off the crowd with the catchphrase again and this guy is on a role. He’s got a fan in me.

Up Next Champion Vs Champion massacre

Batista Vs Nunzio w/ Vito
It would have made more sense for Nunzio to win the belt during the ECW buzz but meh. I still say they should call him Little Guido. That No Sleep Till Brooklyn rip off is pretty catchy music though. I wonder if this match will actually be competitive? Woah since when did Nunzio draw heel heat before? Eddie comes out to cheerlead for Batista. Nunzio immediately gets knocked down and Vito and Batista play tug of war with Numzio’s body. Nunzio gets thrown onto Vito. So this is a comedy match it would seem. Nunzio gets a missile dropkick in and some stomps. Vito gets a cheap shot and Nunzio gets a cover for two. Batista uses ROID POWER to no sell some Nunzio offence and destroys both Vito and Nunzio. OUCH what a Spine Buster on Vito. Nunzio gets Spine Busted on Vito and it’s thumbs down for Nunzio. Goodnight my Italain friend.

WINNRT – BATISTA

Sure kill the Cruiserweight title some more.

Backstage The Ortons are playing around with the truck. My money is on it being Mideon, Paul Bearer or Faarooq in that truck.

JBL asks Gillian to help him out and work for him. Gillian says she will

Randy Orton w/ real honest to goodness heel heat Vs Undertaker w/ smoke and lights
I’m rooting for Randy here, he needs to win this one convincingly. Man it would either be awesome or terrible to be there for two back to back TV tapings like this but to give the fans credit they are still pretty into the show and it must be getting up to 5 hours for them.

Commercial

Back from the break Taker is in control with a side head lock. Randy gets a one count from a hip toss. Big boot gets two for Taker. Now Taker goes to the arm or Orton which Orton sells pretty will. Taker goes to an arm bar showing some good psychology. Some people don’t like Taker doing this MMA stuff but I think it’s good that he’s adding new moves to his depleted arsenal. Taker goes for Old School but Orton crotches him and goes for a Superplex but Taker fights him off. Randy should have gone for the RKO there. Orton finally gets the Superplex and tells his dad to bring the truck. Damn this match was pretty good but now they are moving into over booking hell. Randy DDT’s Taker as The truck comes down the ramp and inside it is… a casket? Oh no stop now this is getting stupid.

Commercial

We’re back with Orton having Taker in a head lock. Taker fights the rest hold of doom and bags Orton into a corner and unloads with some elbows but takes a dropkick to the face for two. One day I wish someone would win with something like that as it would make fans pop for the near fall more. Orton goes back to the rest hold and uses the ropes to cheat. Taker has his hand dropped twice but he grabs the ref on the shirt to stop the third one but takes an ugly body slam from Randy. Orton goes up top but takes a boot to the jaw and Mr Orton Snr isn’t happy. Taker goes for the Tombstone but it’s turned into the back breaker move Orton uses. I’ve always liked that counter. They have a striking contest with both getting shots in and Taker is selling pretty well for Orton here. Orton is holding his own in the slugfest but takes the flying lariat from Taker. Taker gets the Snake Eyes, Big Boot and Leg Drop combo for two. Taker measures Orton for a Choke Slam but Orton breaks it but gets knocked outside. Taker opens the casket to slam Randy in it but there’s another Taker in it? So it was Brian Lee in there? That was f*cking weird and it got not even a whimper from the crowd. Taker is now “shocked” by seeing his corpse in the casket. Ref gets bumped and Orton gets an RKO and a second ref comes in for a two count. Taker sits up and he’s PISSED. Orton to his credit doesn’t run but it costs him and he’s Choke Slammed but Bob Snr drags the ref out. Taker kills Bob and then Tombstones Randy as the second ref crawls in for a slow three count.

WINNER – UNDERTAKER

**1/2 – That was a decent match and thank God the casket didn’t play a big role in it. That being said the crowd was a little subdued due to the fact they’d been watching wrestling for 5 hours.

Well this week was a decent show. It was what Smackdown has normally become these days, not bad but nothing spectacular.

See you same time, same place next week

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