The answer to the prayers of many (of my familiar members) is here!
Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say is back.
I would be remiss if I didn’t use the words New or Improved to describe this week’s column. I would also be lying. The only new things here are some interesting new things to bitch about.
New thing = different stories.
That’s very NEW and IMPROVED of me.
So when we last talked, I was plugging Kanye West’s newest release, Late Registration.
Then, something miraculous happened:
I was invited to a party at which he would be performing. Actually, it was Tracy that was invited, as the party was just one of many events that kicked off Elle Magazine’s 21st Birthday celebration.
Now, I knew that there were going to be celebrities there, as famous people always tend to show up at these events, as it’s an opportunity to hang around common people and cling to any semblance of normalcy whilst convincing yourself that you are still, in fact, relevant.
Case in point: Rebecca Romijn was in attendance.
In fact, the Amazonian Mystique “MCed” it, sort of. All she really did was introduce Kanye, and sprint to the VIP section, where it was rumored that Lindsay Lohan was taking hits of coke off of her own knee caps. Funny, right?
Anyway, what qualifies the ex-Mrs. Stamos to handle such an honor? The coolest thing that this woman has ever done is THIS GUY:
Kanye’s set was short. He performed 5 songs, and was hurried off stage.
I knew that time was of the essence if I was going to let my new best friend know just how many other people George Bush doesn’t care about. I sprinted over in his direction, and when I got within 5 feet, I yelled his name.
We locked eyes.
So, I did what any white skinned man in a brown corduroy blazer should do.
I threw up a shocker.
As I took the picture with the digital camera I brought in, as they weren’t going to frisk people who were walking the red carpet (!) I was sure that this night would live forever as yet another of my hilarious brushes with fame.
Instead, the flash didn’t go off. So, in the really, really dark photo that I took, all you can really see is the white shirt he had on, and even that looks roughly like a bear scampering about looking for food.
(At the time, I had no idea the flash hadn’t gone off. Tracy told me when she finally caught up with me. Second, his reaction to my hand gesture was, at first, one of confusion. Then, he smiled his anglo-friendly smile and said to his bodyguard;
“Oh shit, it’s the shocker!“
Yeah, I was THAT guy.)
So, I was pissed when I was hanging out by the pseudo-roulette tables as I told the story to Tracy’s co-workers and a close friend of mine that I hadn’t seen since college. I was pouting worse than the aforementioned Mr. West after the Best New Artist snub.
And then, destiny struck.
I saw him first, and I am not exactly how no one else stopped him, but Kanye was walking toward me. Granted, he was being led to the elevator by his security detail, but to the people around me that thought I was bullshitting them about my “shocker to the rap star” story, I couldn’t be lying now.
He was looking at me, nodding his head and smiling.
Tracy didn’t notice as he tried to squeeze past her, and she got pissed because she had no idea why someone was brushing up against her. As she turned and noticed who exactly had just called her “sweetie,” I was already shaking his hand.
A few pleasantries later, he was off again.
Much to Mike Eagle’s chagrin, I didn’t get a chance to thank him for what he had said on the air four days earlier. I merely told him that his set was awesome, he thanked me, we shook hands and he smiled.
But, as the multi-platinum artist turned and began to walk, he threw up a shocker in return.
And so, the story goes, if you can’t get a picture with the artist, get them to throw up a shocker in view of your friends.
Aahhhh….now that tale was one for the grandkids.
The moral of this story?
Check the flash on your roommate’s camera before you go to events that you might just want some pictures of later.
That Was A Rockin’ Beginning
So, the column didn’t get done last week, but it’s not the fault of hip-hop’s most famous College Dropout.
The college dropout that had me and the (future) Mrs. Smith out until 4 a.m. was someone I hadn’t seen in years. Oddly enough, when I walked off the last escalator at this party, there he was, my M.I.A. college buddy.
He is doing pretty well for himself now, and I was happy to spend some time with him.
Chuck-rock, as I am going to refer to him from this point on, convinced us to head a couple blocks over to Tao, a swanky, Asian-themed joint that I would not have gotten into if it wasn’t for him.
I also wouldn’t have gotten a corner booth, as I can convince people that I am, in fact, an Internet Celebrity (to which they always ask where my blog is.)
The next morning, I was in no shape to write, and I barely made it into work the next night…at 6 o’clock.
That’s quite the hangover, if I must say so. My head felt as though it was this big:
I think you get the picture, right?
Ssquared’s Album(s) of Da Week!
David Gray – Life in Slow Motion
I will have a review up for this in a few days, but I wanted to hype it now.
It came out Tuesday.
You should own it, and not only because I do. It’s very good, and is probably the most focused work he has ever done.
Also, this came out this week as well:
Sigur Ros – Takk
Seeing that I haven’t got any links to provide you to InsidePulse reviews of these albums, I have linked you elsewhere.
Onward we go…
SITASS NEWS: From here you can almost see the sea
‘Lennon’ Musical To Close On Broadway
“Lennon,” the musical about the life and music of John Lennon that earned dismal reviews, will close just six weeks after it opened on Broadway. Created with the help of the former Beatle’s widow, Yoko Ono, the show had a troubled road to Broadway that involved major rewrites after it was first produced in San Francisco.
Critics slammed it for what The New York Times called its “Ono-centric” view of Lennon’s life, and audiences have dwindled since its Aug. 15 opening night, falling to around 40 percent capacity in recent weeks.
The producers said in a statement “Lennon” would play its final performance Sept. 24, by which time it will have played 42 previews and 49 regular performances.
The show skipped through the early years of Lennon’s career, when the Beatles revolutionized popular music, and gives little weight to his first marriage and son before he met Ono, and his split with the Beatles in 1970. It also glossed over a later affair when he and Ono lived apart for more than a year.
“This is John Lennon, the legend, as filtered through the protective, selective, up-with-people, later-life self-interest of Yoko Ono Lennon,” Newsday wrote in a review in August.
She’s Told Us ‘Bout The Seether Before
After a four year absence, Veruca Salt returns North American stages this fall with new music and promise of a new full-length effort due next summer. The Louise Post-fronted act embarks on an 11-day tour Oct. 10 in Phoenix, with an EP, Lords of Sounds and Lesser Things,” to be sold only at shows and through its official Web site.
The Chicago-based rock act — guitarist/singer Post, guitarist Stephen Fitzpatrick and drummer James Madla — has been recording with producer Rae Dileo.
The band scored a 1994 modern rock hit with “Seether,” and after three albums on Minty Fresh and Outpost saw the 1998 exit of guitarist/singer Nina Gordon, bassist Steve Lack and drummer Jim Shapiro. The new lineup released 2000’s Resolver through Beyond Music. Post also participated in “Forever In Our Hearts,” a single recorded December 2004 to raise disaster relief funds for the tsunami that devastated South Asia.
The Strokes to Offer First Impressions
Are the Strokes becoming rock’n’roll’s next space oddities? Strokes’ frontman Julian Casablancas told NME that his band’s third album, tentatively titled First Impressions of Earth, “[is] about how someone from outer space would objectively view things happening on earth.”
The album is slated for an early 2006 release, but the first single from the album, “Juice Box,” is set to come out in November. Don’t spend all your money on Capri-Suns just yet, according to Julian: The title “Juice Box” doesn’t really refer to boxed liquid. “The song could be about a proper relationship, a casual friendship, or whatever you want, really,” said Casablancas.
“It was originally called ‘Dracula’s Lunch,’ but I liked the sound of ‘Juice Box.'” There are no U.S. tour dates yet on the horizon for Casablancas and co., but the Strokes will be touring South America in late October.
The QUICKY-FAST News!
brought to you by Strattera
David Bowie made a surprise appearance with the Arcade Fire during their Central Park SummerStage concert, Thursday (9/16). Bowie, who also performed with the band during last week’s Fashion Rocks concert, joined the indie rockers for “Wake Up” and his own “Queen Bitch.” The last band that got the “rub” from Bowie was Portland, ME rockers Rustic Overtones…and it ruined their careers.
Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, Debbie Harry, Jesse Malin, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Joseph Arthur and Butch Walker will perform at the Mojo Aid Hurricane relief concert in New York’s Irving Plaza on September 18th. Widro and I will go together, and he will make fun of me, and I will inevitably leave his presence feeling…dirty.
The Mars Volta will release the live album, Scabdates, on November 8th. Fred Durst will claim that he has Scabie on his blog and will name Kevin Federline the culprit!
The Big Apple to the Big Easy concert featuring Elton John, Jimmy Buffett, Lenny Kravitz, Elvis Costello, Diana Kralla, John Fogerty and New Orleans natives the Neville Brothers and the Meters will be available live on pay-per-view television when it airs September 20th.
Ramones’ drummer Marky Ramone will host the two-hour Sirius satellite radio show “Marky Ramone’s Punk Rock Blitzkrieg,” premiering October 4th on channel Faction 28. IP’s own Jon Sevastra will be the only person tuning in.
Songs by Mudvayne, Papa Roach, Buckethead and the Used will appear on the soundtrack for horror film sequel Saw II, due October 25th. The album will also feature Venus Head Trap’s remix of Marilyn Manson’s “Irresponsible Hate Anthem” and UNKLE’s version of Queens of the Stone Age’s “Burn the Witch.” Six people in Idaho will buy the album. Two will end up using it for a coaster.
Tenacious D will host a fundraising concert for the American Red Cross on September 22nd in Los Angeles. The comedic rock duo will be joined by Fiona Apple, Dave Grohl, Josh Homme with Jesse Hughes of the Eagles of Death Metal. Obviously, JB, KG, and Grohl will be the only one people will know, but the hipsters that show up will be disappointed when they see that Fiona Apple has flown out an open window whilst spinning in a circle.
98 Degrees singer Justin Jeffre came in fifth among the seven Cincinnati mayoral candidates in Tuesday’s primary. In other “boy band” news, ‘N Sync’s Chris Kirkpatrick once owned his own clothing line, and I came thisclose to buying a shirt. Turns out that he needed the money more than I did. My bad. Oh, and Lance Bass once tried to fly into space. Proof positive, folks, that I am SO glad I never joined a boy band.
(credit: Rolling Stone.com)
This Week’s MUST READ Piece!
For those of you who are fans of SITASS, and want to see me write a little something other than inane babbling and b.s. music news, check out Macabre Seuss.
Every week, here at InsidePulse, I will now waste Ã‚Â¾ of an hour of your life (between SITASS and Macabre Seuss) so that I can have my 15 glorious minutes of semi-fame! I love it.
Honestly, the new column is a long overdue project. I have written poetry for the better part of 15 years, but I had never endeavored a children/young adult piece told in a narrative tone. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t love it, and I hope you guys will make it a point to check it out and send me some feedback.
Until next week, keep it real!