Tag team champs – new.
Intercontinental champs – new.
Us… same old stuff…
Welcome to –
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
Joining us tonight are:
She wants us to turn on the last 10 minutes of Arrested Development: Laura
She wants to wait for the season 2 boxset: Danielle
He wants to know why we won’t change the channel: Hernandez
She doesn’t like Friends: Jenna
And me, who is happy waiting til Raw starts…. ME!
Tonight we are 24 hours removed from THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!! EXCLAMATION POINTS MUST MAKE THINGS TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO DOES CALLING SOMETHING EXTREEEMMMEEE…. Okay, now that I have all of that crap out of my system. Let’s get to some new crap!
Rumor has it that Vinnie Mac is coming out tonight, probably to discuss the big USA show – and Ric is facing Carlito off in an IC Rematch. Also an 8 man tag with everyone.
Now coming out is Bischoff with a NEW World Title.
“Without a spinner like it should be, Jamie.” – Hernandez
The belt has got Kurt’s name on it. Bischoff is here to clear up all of the confusion of last night’s match – so he’s got a major announcement – but first.. Kurt Angle.
“The mouthpiece is scary” – Dani
“So did he lose the teeth during a match, or his divorce?” – Hernandez
So Eric explains to us that last night at Unforgiven, Cena put his hands on Bischoff…
“..so I present this belt to Flava Flav.” – Jenna
By the powers vested in Bischoff – he hereby strips…
“Cue Vince” – Hernandez
“Yep.” – Me
Cena of his world title.. so he presents the NEW WWE CHAMPPEEEEEEEEE -NO CHANCE IN HELL! There’s the man.
“Mister legpress 1,000 lbs.” – Hernandez
Enter Vinnie Mac who shakes Angle’s hand, shakes Eric’s – and Bischoff seems a bit confused as to why Vinny is here. Angle is fairly certain that Vince wants to congratulate Angle. Vince in fact DOES congratulate Kurt, and before he gets to finish his thought – Kurt promises to defend the WWE Title with his 3 ‘I’s. Vince then asks who the hell made Kurt WWE Champion.
Kurt, in what might be the moment of the night, shrugs and points to Bischoff and says, “He did.”
Vince then browbeats Eric, and Eric winges. Vince then overacts to end with the ‘Shut the hell up!’ I miss Vince. He then stutters over the word ‘WWE’… So Vince is out here, he is going to make his announcement. 2 weeks, WWE Homecoming, showing up are:
HULK HOGAN – “Oh whatever..” – Dani
STONE COLD – “Uch….” – Me and Dani joined together.
Vince also has one other announcement, and Kurt wants to know if it concerns him. In two weeks there WILL be a main event, world title match.
Cena vs. ……Eric Bischoff…….
Vinny takes the belt off of Bischoff and struts his stuff down the aisle.
“Also going to be there is Hillbilly Jim, Koko B Ware, Iron Sheik, Superstar Billy Graham, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jimmy Hart, Fabulous Moolah, May Young, Snooka, Harley Race, Chief Jay Strongbow, Greg Valentine, Nikolai Volkoff, Roddy Piper.” – Hernandez
“I also predict Giant Gonzalez, Barry Horowitz, and..” – Me
“Roadwarrior Hawk” – Hernandez
“Gilberg?” – Me
“I think the Rock should come back.” – Dani
Vinny heads out to the limo, and Eric continues to winge. Vince promises to think about changing the match. He gets in his limo, rolls down his window, and announces that he has, in fact, thought about it…. match is still on.
Now it’s time for the Woman’s Title match.
TORRIE (w/ Candice & Victoria) vs. TRISH STRATUS (w/ Ashley)
“They have a cute doggie..” – Dani”
I miss Trish as a heel, but at least she’s back. And wearing a black corsetty thing to boot. Match starts with Trish going after Victoria and getting tossed ot.. landing RIGHT on her knee.. not so good.
Torrie goes out and pulls in Trish, Torrie then bails. Outside, Torrie gets tied up with Trish – and to save her, Ashley double clotheslines Victoria & Candice…
Trish brings her back in, and bunches o’ kicks. Trish tosses Torrie to the corner, Candice distracts the ref – and as Trish tries to leap on the turnbuckle, Victoria pushes her down.
Trish doesn’t care.. and still wins it with a roll-up. Then the heel girl beatdown continues. Trish eats the Widow’s Peak, and Ashley gets Thesz Pressed..
“And nobody can run out to save them..” – Dani
COMMERCIAL – Hey look, Triple H gets his own commercial.
“In two weeks we get to play games?! I call shotgun on hopscotch” – Dani
“At least he’s not coming from a knee injury” – Hernandez
“Yes, because then we’d listening to Creed for 3 weeks..” – Me
“He’s coming back from being Steph’s bag carrier.” – Hernandez
“That’s better than Chyna’s bitch.” – Hernandez
Coming down now is Cade.
“Is this tag team supposed to be popular in the red states?” – Dani
His opponent is not a shock…
Murdoch (w/ Cade) vs. HURRICANE (w/ Rosie)
Half a rematch…
Match starts up with Hurricane charging in on Murdoch, who bails outside. Murdoch comes in, eats a hiptoss and bails again – this time to Rosie who tosses him in. Hurricane throws Murdoch to the ropes and hits with a spinning leg scissors. Helms charges in, but Murdoch drops Helms right into the corner.
Elbow to Hurricane’s back, and right into the chinlock. Apparently this is psychology since we saw Hurricane taken out last night. Hurricane fights to his feet, and Murdoch hits with a boot – tries for a DDT, but Hurricane holds the rope and Murdoch goes down all on his own. It’s all Helms from here. Big fists, clothesline, missle dropkick. Textbook stuff. Hurricane has to fight to his feet though, and he is now fighting with only one arm.
“Is this Hurricane’s Doomsday?” – Hernandez
“It sure as hell isn’t his Brainiac” – Me
Shane leaps on Murdoch in the corner, Murdoch walks him forward, spinebuster – big DDT – and Murdoch gets the pin.
In the back it’s Todd with Carlito.
“Aww, he’s got peachfuzz on his lip” – Jenna
Carlito claims that Flair did not beat Carlito. Tonight though he will win back the title.. which is, as we know.. is cool.
COMMERCIAL – Ok.. fine.. MICK gets his own commercial.
In the back Edge asks Bischoff to fire Matt again. He actually DEMANDS it… Bischoff doesn’t get demanded anything! So in two weeks.. Edge vs. Matt in a loser leaves Raw match – and (As called by Hernandez) hanging from the ring for this LADDER match.. Edge’s briefcase.
Now coming down is Tyson facing….. EDDIE CRAVEN?!?!?!?!?!
TYSON vs. JOBBER!
Craven means cowards kids….
Tyson punches Craven and Craven falls. Tyson then boots him. Craven falls further…. Tyson follows. Craven gets back in the ring. Craven tries to hit Tomko. Craven eats a boot. Ref calls match.
WINNER VIA SUCKTASTIC BOOKING: TYSON TOMKO
“Timmy Tomko wouldn’t be as effective, would it?” – Hernandez
So we get a flashback to the Carlito/Flair feud. With a nice little moment of Flair accepting the IC title.
COMMERCIAL – Hogan gets his own commercial
“Hulkamania, will not actually run wild on me..” – Dani
“He really didn’t appear on USA’s Raw…” – Me
And now it’s time for stylin, profylin, wheelin, dealin, stealin, ben vereenin.
“Aww, I wanted to see him with his pants around his ankles” – Hernandez
“Think he’s sporting wood?” – Jenna
CARLITO vs. RIC FLAIR
Laura calls Bill.. so she can Woo at him.
Bell rings, and Ric struts..
“Flair Flop!” – Hernandez
Flair instead psyches out Carlito, and gets Woo’d at. Lock up and to the corner…. and as we commented last night, the Woo has officially become a strike – as Carlito flinches. Lock-up again, toss to the corner from Carlito, and a shouldercheck drops Flair. He gets up and gets slapped. Flair comments ‘that wasn’t nice’.
Lock up again, and now Flair gets the advantage and chops Carlito down – and he thusly.. bails. On his way back in, Carlito eats an arm wringer, and a bunch of chops. Ric starts workin’ on the leg.
“Woo” – Me
“..and Carlito is frustrated..” – Ross
“Yeah look at his hair.” – Hernandez
“Huh?” – Me
“Seriously, look, his hair is frustrated!” – Hernandez
As Carlito bails and comes back in, Flair clips the leg, lifts him up and drops him right into the hammerlock. Follows it up with some stomps to CCC’s back and then drags him to the corner for some more chops.
“Now Flair bar’ing the arm of Carlito” – JR
“..one might call that an “”ARM BAR”” – Me
“…I wouldn’t” – Dani
Carlito fights to his feet, and sends Flair over the top rope. Ric tries to get in, and Carlito takes advantage and charges in, stomps and choking him against the turnbuckle. Back body drop for two.
On closer look, Carlito must have stiffed Ric somewhere in there, as Ric’s eye is now swelling up. Thankfully it’s Flair’s turn to look good, by chopping down Carlito.. and – well
“That sounded stiff..” – Hernandez
“Now Ric brings out the stiff game.” – Me
Flair tries to set Carlito in the corner to kick him in the nuts, but Carlito gets out quickly with a fast boot to Flair’s gut, repeated punches and a Flair flop.
“You know, it’s 10pm and this has been a solid show… except for Tomko’s match..” – Me
“Tomko wrestled?” – Hernandez
Carlito picks him up, and Flair gets ahead of the game, a chop sending down CC – Flair then bails, and gets himself some apple. Of COURSE he spits it in Carlito’s face – and that eye is looking reaaaally nasty, but that doesn’t stop the man from beating CCC down and strutting. Flair chokes out Carlito against the ropes. Then suplex’s Carlito right back in.. but it’s BLOCKED by CCC.
Carlito tries to send Flair out – but FLAIR blocks it. Carlito tries to run him down to the turnbuckle, but Flair blocks it, and gets the shot himself. CCC decides it’s time to leave the ring… and possibly the match….
“I wanna see a commercial for the Bushwackers.” – Me
‘I wanna see Koko B Ware – still trying to use that bird.” – Hernandez
“His name was Frankie.” – Me
“Tweet tweet maaaan… tweet tweet..” – Hernandez
“Can we plug the TNA commercial on the Rabble?” – Hernandez
“We sure can.. and I just did..” – Me
“August 1st… 11 o’clock” – Hernandez
Back in the ring, and Carlito got the upperhand since we left. Chinlock, but Flair fights to his feet – as is appropriate for a post commercial. Flair hits the ropes, but eats a spinebuster for two. CCC picks him up… suplex for two. Carlito then goes for some big hits from Carlito, sends him to the corner – leaps up on him, but Flair takes 3 steps forward with the inverted atomic drop.. and a 360, spinning Flair Flop.
Flair gets to his feet, goes for the elbow. Carlito rolls out of the way, but Flair follows him – and hits it. Ric tosses Carlito to the corner, but Carlito charges out with a clothesline. And now they are fighting again in the middle of the ring. Carlito drops Flair, but Flair spits at him — the chop fight begins!
Great stuff, as Flair then does the double thumb to the eye and the crowd is SO hot into this. Flair tosses Carlito to the ropes, and he hits the elbow. Flair now goes up to the top……. and HE PUNCHES Carlito… and HITS THE CLOTHESLINE AGAIN! TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW! Strut Strut Strut – clips Carlito’s leg, and as Flair seems to be going for the figure four. Carlito throws Flair out of the ring.
Carlito rolls out and charges Flair into the ring a few times, he tosses in Flair, but Flair is ready for him as he comes in he kicks him down.. he sets up the figure four.. pauses… TAUNTS! Hits the figure four, and grabs the ropes….
WINNER & STILL CHAMP: RIC FLAIR!
As I’m sure you’ve recognized – when a match either really rules.. or really sucks.. the Rabble gets a big quiet. That was an awesome match.
So now in the back, Todd is in the back with Matt Hardy. Todd praises Hardy’s holy shit spot from last night… Hardy babbles. As Hardy mentions ladder match though, Shawn is here! Shawn babbles, and is stopped by Big Show! Who is the biggest ever… and here comes Cena! Cena pimps all three guys… it’s a classic promo!
I can’t do that promo justice… it was good. Dani and I then argue as to whether that qualified as a ‘Rock promo’ in it’s goodness. Danielle finally concedes a little bit. If it appears over at WWE.COM, give yourself a little treat and check it out.
COMMERCIAL – ..hey.. blondes beware.. Stone Cold commercial.
“This has been a shockingly good say.” – Me
“And Matt Hardy in the main event?!” – Hernandez
In the back is Boobage McTahTah with the NatchaBoy!
“Ric what happened to your eye?!” – Boobage
“Just a little battlescar..” – Ric
“Why do they call you the Naitcha Boy?” – Boobage
“Because I can go ALLLLLL NIGHT LONG!” – Ric
“That doesn’t make sense…” – Me
Carlito interrupts him. Complaining that Flair cheating is not cool. Flair does the right thing and hits him….. and gets put into a Masterlock?!? …greaaaaat…..
“Do you realize that they are pushing a title and not a person?” – Hernandez
“I’m very ok with that.” – Me
Coming down is the bad guy team… first Kurt.
“Hey he didn’t get his pyro!” – Hernandez
Snitsky…. Edge… and Masters gets the last entrance.. Yech!
“I bet he gets HIS pyro…” – Me
Master’s does in fact get his pyro, and he has a new robe that me and Hernandez agree looks like he stapled pieces of Shawn’s old outfits to a tablecloth.
“He wears that on the bike ride home from the arena…” – Bill via phone.
ANGLE/SNITSKY/MASTERS/EDGE vs. SHOW/SHAWN/HARDY/CENA
“Matt’s limping.” – Me
“YOU WOULD BE TOO!” – Hernandez
“I dislike that Cena looks like the hip hop Steve Austin” – Dani
“The camo hat is not doing him any good..” – Hernandez
Back into the match and Cena is in there with Edge and he’s going cah-raaazy! Suplex and a pin stopped by Angle. Tag to Show. Headbutt drops Edge. He steps on Edge a few times, he picks up Edge – gets a thumb to the eye and a tag to Masters.
Masters though gets punched and tossed.
“HADUKEN!” – Me
Tag to Hardy. Beatings.
Tag to Cena. Beatings, but Masters tries to get ahead – punches, and a vertical suplex. He goes for another, and is reversed by Cena. Tag to Hardy who blocks some punches and throws Masters into the corners. He charges in for the short clothesline. Tag to HBK. HBK goes through the same motions – tosses Masters and it’s reversed.. Shawn flips in the corner and walks right into the press slam for two.
Now Masters has got it.
“Have we ever had an Angle/HBK feud?” – Dani
“Umm… last PPV and Wrestlemania…” – Me
“You think I watch these things.. was it good?” – Dani
“Excellent.” – Me
“Thought it would be.” – Dani
Okay, so when we get back to the match… Hardy is in there with Edge, so apparently there were a few tags. Masters runs in and locks Hardy into the Masterlock. Show though comes in to headbutt him and break the hold.
We’re back and Edge has Hardy in a chinlock. Hardy fights to his feet, but eats a solid flapjack form Edge for two. Tag to Snitsky, and a random fan screams “IT’S NOT MY FAULLLLT” .. heh. Huge clothesline from Snitsky for two. Headlock from Gene. Matt pulls out to try and reach the tag…. Snitsky gets Kurt, but Matt gets HBK!!!!
“Come on Shawn! You trained with minus y mayos!” – Hernandez
“How did you get a Teen Titan reference in there?!” – Jenna
Angle takes it to Shawn! Throws Shawn to the ropes, but Kurt eats the shoulderblock. He brings Kurt up, but Kurt gets the Ankle lock! Shawn tries to roll out of it, but Shawn gets caught in it AGAIN!
IN COMES BIG SHOW TO STOP IT! Bad camera work, but we end up seeing Angle rolling Big Show off the top rope.
“AND BIG SHOW IS OUT OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE!” – Me
My guess is Show is out for the rest of the match…..
We’re back with Edge having the standing figure four locked in… they show us a better camera – and Angle used the Olympic Slam to get Show out of the ring. Tag to Masters, and Shawn works some strong offensive on HBK, rowing the legs back.
“Shades of Mister Perfect.” – Hernandez
“I hate that we had to admit that..” – Me
“And all we hear from Big Show otuside the ring is.. burrrgerrr” – Hernandez
Masters tags in Angle, and he goes right into the chinlock. Shawn fights to his feet, punches to the gut breaks the hold, and a side slam gives Shawn the chance to tag Cena so he can go nuts… No! They get to their feet and go fist to fist, and Angle gets Angle Slam for two as Cena breaks the count.
Angle tosses Cena away, but Cena hits Hardy and Hardy’s out. Angle tags in Edge, and as Shawn is about to tag him… Edge spears Cena! Nice. Edge turns around to catch a kick from Shawn… and Enzuiguiri!
Shawn goes and crawls to tag.. nobody’s there.. but … BIG SHOW CLIMBS UP! Show goes nuts! He just destroys everyone of them.. a field of the dead, Show goes to chokeslam Snitsky… Edge clips his leg and SPEAR for two.
“Spotfest!!!!!!” – Hernandez
“It’s coming..” – Me
All four men come charging in – the good guys clear house. Show grabs Matt Hardy and tosses him outside of the ring onto Snitsky and Masters.
“FASTBALL SPECIAL!” – Me
“WWE style..” – Hernandez
Cena is in the ring with Edge, Edge has the briefcase. Cena ducks, hits the F U, 5 Knuckle. Show hits the chokeslam. All four men pile onto Edge for the win. Of course Shawn takes the top of the pyramid.
“Okay, so the faces got the spotfest.” – Hernandez
WINNERS: THE GOOD GUYS
Nice happy ending, to a really solid show! Where the hell were the writers for the last two weeks.. this was such an enjoyable Raw, I almost feel bad for ragging on Unforgiven so bad. Naahhhhh..
“*snicker* ..it was totally sweet..” – Laura
“You have no idea, do you?” – Me
“..no.” – Laura
“It was good.” – Dani
“Fookin great – Flair, match of the year candidate?” – Hernandez
“I don’t know about MOTY, but it’s the best Flair we’ve seen in a year or two.” – Me
So thumbs up all around, and we’re on countdown for the Homecoming show on the USA network… til next week – g’night all.