The Weekly Pulse: TV's Second Wife

So the first thing you are saying to yourself is “who is this guy?” Next, you will ask “where is Brendan?” And finally you will ask yourself, “seriously, who are you dude?”

Well I will tell you. Lets start with the “easy” one first. Where is Brendan? Well that should be a simple answer. He all told you where he was going. He is Jack’s new partner on ’24’. So he had to go and get ready for that. So that wasn’t so hard to answer, was it?

Now who am I? Good question. Not too long ago I joined the TV zone at Inside Pulse as ‘The O.C.’ recapper. Why ‘The O.C.’? Well..I explained it all here in the recap of the first episode of Season Three. While you check that out, might as well check out this and that. More ‘O.C.’ stuff, which means TV goodness. Don’t believe me..check it out!

What’s that? You say you still don’t know me? Well I did explain a little bit about myself here, which you should have checked out already. But let me go more in-depth. I am 5 1/2 year Senior at a local Arkansas college. Going to graduate before 2050 or December 2005, whichever comes first (**fingers crossed**). My name is Josh Clinton. Yeah..I’m from Arkansas and my last name is Clinton. Now you will ask the question that I used to get 4 times a day (now it’s like once a week). Don’t know what I am talking about? Well you missed the “joke”. But I will say this..NO..I am not related..unless I can get something from it. Then..YES..he is my uncle..twice-removed.

Now that that is out of the way. What kind of TV do I like? Alright..let me say this right now. I don’t watch ’24’. Yeah..shoot me now. Not against watching it, but just never have before. So I won’t be ’24’-crazy like Brendan. Doesn’t mean that I am not crazy..just not crazy about Jack. My favorite TV show EVER is ‘Seinfeld’. My favorite show now is ‘The O.C.’..suprise. Why? You know the drill. Go here.

But now that I have “attempted” to pimp my own stuff (say what?), it’s time to pimp out what other people have done this week…

But first..I present to you the greatest creation known to man! It’s the “Seinfeld Quote of the Week”!

Seinfeld Quote of the Week

“I’m out there, Jerry, and I’m lovin’ every minute of it!” (In “The Chinese Woman,” Kramer switches from jockeys to boxers to no underwear at all in order to increase his sperm count.)

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Columns..baby a.k.a. Bring the HEAT!

Mathan Erhardt has his Remote Destination up and he runs down what he watched this week. Oh..but that is not all. He has five reasons why the new show ‘Reunion’ sucks! It’s an interesting read as the show has gotten mixed reviews. I don’t watch it, because I am busy writing up my ‘O.C.’ recaps as mentioned before. I won’t plug them again as this is about others and I am giver not a receiver. Anyways..Erhardt also settled the battle of Alf vs. Vicki a.k.a. Aliens vs. Androids. Check it out!

John Duran is back and this time he is on Saturdays. He said this column would have been more, but moving sucks! Helping other people move SUCKS more! But he does give his thoughts on some recent episodes of ‘Prison Break’, ‘Invasion’, and ‘Family Guy’. Then he gives another “Random ATFH Review”. I have no idea what he is talking about, but it is still fantastic! Look for more next week from him.

Sarah Quigley once again is Riding Coattails. She sheds a tear as ‘Big Brother 6’ (a favorite of mine as well) and ‘Rock Star: INXS’ are ending this week. Actually..by the time you read this..they will be over. So she is probably in a deep state of depression now. And who knows..this could be her last column as we may never hear from her again. How would you feel if you didn’t read her last column EVER?! I don’t think I could live with the guilt. Oh wait..she is getting excited about ‘Survivor’..so she may be back next week. But I don’t think you can replace two shows with one. I’m a Math major and that still leaves a hole in your heart. So yeah..she probably won’t be back next week.

If you haven’t read it yet, go check out September’s TV Feature. The staff previews what is in store for Fall TV’s new shows. I won’t say too much, because I helped with that project and I already pimped out my own stuff enough. But go read it..NOW! NO..hang on..don’t go yet! Keep reading this first, then go read it. Well..you can read it now, but make sure you come back here.

Matt Basilo has A Case of the Mondays again. I think he should go to the doctor for that, because it may be contagious. He continues on his quest to make sure he points out every continuity error in every TV show known to man. This is always interesting. He then goes on to give some comments on ‘Lost’, ‘The O.C.’ (YES!), ‘The Simpsons’, ‘The Family Guy’, and ‘American Dad’. What does he say? Only one way to find out!

Sarah Jane Correia is spinning again. Does she ever get dizzy? As I said, I like ‘Big Brother 6’. This week she tells us what kind of trouble the contestants might be in when they get back to the “real world” and their real jobs. My guess is that they all get fired and they all move into a house together in Los Angeles. They will start their own show and put in on the Internet. It will become so popular that when ‘Big Brother 7’ comes to the air..it will be a special BB6 vs. BB7: Battle of the Brothers. Write it down..it will become true.

Matthew Romanada takes you into his world. He has to face the oldest question known to man..”what do I watch?” It’s times like these where I’m proud to say that TiVo is MY best friend. I feel sorry for those Canadians.

Dora Malone has a little Brain Spill. That could be messy. She gives her own thoughts on ‘Big Brother 6’, ‘The Amazing Race’, and Fox’s Sunday lineup. Then she goes OFF on ‘Survivor’. That’s a good thing. She comments on every contestant. Who doesn’t like a bunch of girls of kicking ass? Sign me up!

Craig Russell has his take on the 2005 Fall TV Lineup. He goes over the most and least promising new shows for each day of the week along with the best TV lineup for that day. This will help your TiVo record the things you want it to record. Because you can tell it to record what you want. See how that works.

Farah Syed is scared of the dark. No..wait..she is scared of the monsters under her bed. No..that’s not it either. Oh yes..here we go. She talks about why they don’t give Emmys to demons and other monsters. Now that would be cool!

Kevin Wong has your Thursday report, which is the end of the week for me. He breaks down the new season of ‘The Amazing Race’. Hmm..I have seen bits and pieces of the past seasons, but this season has my interest. I would say I would catch it, but it running head-to-head with ‘My Name is Earl’. However..according to my TiVo..Earl may be shown again at later times..next Saturday to be exact. So maybe there is way to watch both shows. We shall see. Kevin even picks the winner of this year’s race. Will he be right? He does the same for ‘Survivor – Guatemala’. He also has comments on various shows that have happened this week. Which ones? Well you better read it to find out, because I know you want to laugh at him when his predictions end up being wrong. I know I do. I kid..I kid.

Patrick Gilchriest has his eyes on ‘Survivor’ this week as well. It’s a shame I can’t watch this show. Actually..it may be running third in its timeslot. I have to watch ‘The O.C.’ first, because of my recapping duties. But I think second would be ‘Everybody Hates Chris’. That should be funny. But back to Patrick. He has some predictions as well. He only goes one week at a time, though. Not brave enough to jump on out there with a winner yet. Shame on you. I would even begin to predict, though, so I can’t say much. He has your last words on episode one, though, and next week..well another ‘Survivor’ week it is. Nothing wrong with that.

DeeDee gives her two cents on another new show. One..that I have not heard anything about really. Maybe it’s because he has red hair. Maybe because he’s Danny Bonaduce. Maybe because it’s on VH1. But if you are craving for some 70’s teen-heartthrobs who are now all grown up..well then you HAVE to check out DeeDee’s thoughts. It’s a must!

And then the big boss, Murtz, ends the week of columns with something on Martha Stewart. He gives his comments on her new show. He reviews the book that was show as well. How did he do that? Because he is Murtz and he’s cool like that. He’s got connections. He was Martha’s dealer in prison. He supplied her cigarettes. Now she pays him back with a book. Got to love happy endings. By the way, you can win a copy of the book. But more about that later.

Recaps a.k.a. You Missed It..We Got It!

Dee Milner has your second-to-last ‘Big Brother 6’ recap here and then she comes back for the finale.

Romo has the recap of the second week of Fox’s Sunday night lineup.

Kenny Hammond has got your season premiere of ‘Arrested Development’.

Scott Keith has another rant on ‘Prison Break’.

Sarah Jane does the second episode of ‘House’. She then completes the double play by giving everyone their ‘Survivor’ fix..LIVE!

Tim Stevens has the first episode of ‘Nip/Tuck’.

Craig Russell has some new ‘Gilmore Girls’ for you.

Paul Meekin goes to jail with Martha..err..he recaps the first episode of ‘The Apprentice: Martha Stewart Edition’. Then..he comes right back to get jiggin’ with Donald and the original ‘Apprentice’.

Patrick Puhl loves models so much that he has a “Where Are They Now” feature for ‘America’s Next Top Model’, and then he recaps the first episode of the new season.

Finally, John Duran gets ‘Lost’ like everyone else did this week.

This week we had a number of DVD reviews as well.

Robert Sutton has Smallville – 4th Season.

Tom Pandich goes NUTS this week. Has THREE DVD reviews this week with Boy Meets World – 3rd Season, One Tree Hill – 2nd Season, and Frasier – 6th Season.

Kevin Wong slides into Sliders – 3rd Season.

And Scott Keith finishes us off with everyone’s favorite mom, Roseanne – 1st Season.

Get all of these while they are still FRESH!

Celebrities, SPOILERS, and News a.k.a. Pump Up the Volume

Well this was a busy week for celebrities to give their thoughts here at Inside Pulse. But before that..I want to give a shout out to the main man in TV land. (Did I mention that I can rhyme?) Murtz Jaffer will be on the radio. Sad to say..I don’t get that radio station and I don’t listen to the radio. Not FM radio..that is. But maybe that is a good thing, because who wants to hear Murtz anyways? That was a joke. I would be first in line..promise! Sadly..by the time you read this..his appearance would probably have taken place. So if you didn’t see it, then you missed it like me. Join me as I shed a tear!

Mostly this week it is all about ‘Survivor’. So we have former “survivors”, Penny, Coby, and Eliza giving their thoughts on ‘Survivor – Guatemala’. Eliza actually teams up with Murtz this week as they give their thoughts on the 3 best ‘Survivor’ players of the week. You can look forward to their comments every week while ‘Survivor’ is on. At least..I think.

Who wants to be spoiled? Well we got you covered. How about some ‘Desperate Housewives’ spoilers and some ‘Veronica Mars’ as well. Be the FIRST to know what will happen in their new season premiere episodes. And what about the second episode of ‘Lost’? Well Romo has those spoilers as well. So you can thank him for all of that. Or you can yell and scream at him for spoiling the shows for you. But YOU are the one who clicked the link. You have no one to blame but yourself. Shame on you for blaming Romo!

Rob Purchase has some ‘Canadian Idol’ news. I’m not Canadian, but if you are..you HAVE to read it! He also has some more news for Canadians and this time it has to do with Martha Stewart. Again..not from Canada. But Inside Pulse is a global phenomenon. So I must go world-wide on you!

And how about a contest? How about a free book? You know..the one I was talking about earlier. The book that was featured on the first episode of ‘The Apprentice: Martha Stewart Edition’. Yep..you can win and be cool like Murtz too. How? Glad you asked. Go here.

The Weekly Pulse Weekly Poll

I thought I would post a short poll up earlier this week, since I didn’t get the job until late Monday night. I didn’t know what to ask. So I went the Seinfeld route. I asked “What was your favorite Seinfeld character?”

I have been told to run this poll through next week. So get those votes in! Go here.

Time to Shut Up a.k.a. Time for Me to Talk Some More

Yeah..so I didn’t know what to write here. I thought about writing how my Dallas Cowboys blew up like the fireworks on the Fourth of July on Monday. I mean..they were up 13-0. It’s the 4th quarter. The freakin’ Redskins did nothing the whole night. The game is over..right. So I thought.

I should mention that I watch the ‘Late Show With David Letterman’ every night it’s on. He is way better than Leno. Probably because he is crazy like me. But he created the greatest game EVER..Will It Float?! That is your highlight of the night right there. Just awesome! Anyways I was watching that and I flipped back over to watch the football game. Washington scored with 4 minutes left. 13-7. I said okay..good, but we still have this. Again..I watch Letterman. 10 minutes or so pass and I change channels to check the score. It’s NOW 14-13..Washington leads and wins!! WTF?! Insane! But I won’t talk about that..any more.

It should be mentioned that my life is like any TV show. It has drama and it has comedy. Not as much drama as in the past, but still loads of comedy. I work part-time at a grocery store and the comedic potential of working at a grocery store is infinite. Why? Because people are DUMB!

Ah..ha..I think I got it. I have many “funny” stories to tell. So maybe I will talk about that. Yeah..so here goes nothing…

Story Time – Chapter 1

So not too long ago I chased down this shoplifter. It’s 3 p.m. on a weekday afternoon. School is just now getting out, so the store is not that busy..yet. Anyways I get to work and I have to go bag some items for some customers. I am there 5 minutes. I look to my right and I see a co-worker at the “customer care” booth. Right at that moment, a man in his late 20’s walks by. He is a little overweight. But maybe it was the meat under his shirt. He didn’t really try to hide it either. Anyways he walks out the door. I see him. My co-worker yells for me to get him. She saw it too. I run out the door. I say, “Sir!” He takes off running. Keep in mind..he is not that skinny. I take off after him. He drops the meat in the parking lot, but I keep running. Doesn’t take me long to catch him. I run a 4.2 in the 40 (not really), but I am not slow. Anyways I grab him. He loses his shoe. By that time, others have caught up to me. They help me bring him back in and we call the cops. My good deed is done for the day. So let that be a lesson. Never run with meat under your shirt! Also..never try to steal anything without a car if you can’t run fast either! Oh..don’t steal..period.

Yeah..I bored you to tears, but now I am done. You can celebrate. But really I would like feedback, especially from a certain young woman I know with curly brown hair that drives me crazy. She should be reading this and I better hear from her or there will be no ladybug love for her! Seriously..any comments, questions, or suggestions would be appreciated. Did I stink up the place too much for you? Let me know. I hope you enjoyed the first edition of The Weekly Pulse: TV’s Second Wife, though.

And just remember..“You Can’t Fight Fate!”. That’s my motto..laugh if you must, but it’s true.

See you next week!