InsidePulse’s WWE Velocity Report

September 24, 2005. Mark it down in the history books, as it marks the end of an era. The final episode of WWE Velocity. There are rumors that WWE might be doing the future Velocitys on a broadcast, but there’s no truth to that yet. If there is, you better beleive i’ll be back here.

Quoting John Lennon, it’s been a long and winding road, hasn’t it? Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday we were witnessing a new Saturday night wrestling program from WWE called “Velocity”, kicking things off with a 15-minute cruiserweight battle between Billy Kidman and Tajiri?

Since I don’t want tot ear up or anything, and since you can scan through the archives to see old Velocity nostalgic moments, from day 1 to this final day, there’s no point in a long, stress rant now, is there?

We do start out with some questions though… since this is the last and final episode of Velocity, will the announcers or WWE pay any attention to it? Will we be seeing classic Velocity moments throughout the show? The answer is no. The announcers never even mentioned that it was the last Velocity. The hell with you Vince.

And on that note, the hunter green light up the stage in front of the anticipated crowd one last time. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

The FINAL WWE Velocity

Hosts: Josh “after all the years of drinking jokes and making comments about my mother, I do think I did a great Velocity commentating job all my career” and Steve “okay, seriously now, this is the last episode, what are they gonna do with me?” Romero.

William Regal & Paul Birchill vs. Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki
Funaki is in the house! Could you expect anything less? I mean, Funaki is after all the Undisputed Velocity champion. He has also won the Velocity tag team titles a few times in his career, man he had some great tag feuds with the FBI. This match was a fitting opening contest, but since we are getting a tag team main event anyway, I would have rather it just been Funaki v. Regal or something.

– Undertaker attacks Randy Orton on SmackDown. Where have I seen this before?

Brian Kendrick vs. Russell Simpson
I wasn’t perticullarly happy with this one, which is rare to not be happy with a Spanky match. For it not being a total squash, it was a bit short if you ask me. How about they can the tag crap and have some real cruiserweight matches like they have so many times in the past? That would really be nice. No sign of London either, so that isn’t good.

– Eddie Guerrero’s illness kept him away from being Batista’s partner in the SmackDown main event, but Dave squashed MNM anyway. There’s that all-star tag division I tell ya.

Super Crazy & Psicosis vs. Nunzio & Vito
I was very pleased with this one as a main event, not bad at all, excpept this time unlike last week, Psicosis was stuck doing the long tag job most of the match where Crazy did it last week. The cool ending saw Super Crazy go up on Nunzio to do a Tornado DDT, dropkick vito on the swing, and then connect with the Tornado DDT for the 3 count. The final 3 count. Wow. This is getting too emotional.

End of show.

I would like to use this space to say a few things now if I could. Please remember that this doesn’t mean i’m leaving, i’m still going to be here at IP with news and The NeelDown edition of TNA iMPACT and other various reports in NeelDown fashion.

First off on the acceptance speech I want to thank WWE for giving us a reason to stay home on Saturday nights, to see A-Train squashing lightweight victums and Orlando Jordan land shuffling right hand jabs on no name jobbers.

I would like to thank Widro for giving me a chance here at InsidePulse, it all started out with a WWE Velocity report, so that’s something special I can hold on to.

I would like to thank all of the fans who wrote in answering the Velocity trivia questions week after week, and anyone else who wrote in with questions and comments regarding the Velocity reports. You really were the feul for the fire.

And lastly, I would like to thank Sho Funaki, for making the dream of WWE Velocity possible. We salute you.

Please don’t hesitate to send feedback at and tell me what you thought about my series of Velocity reports. Questions, comments, concerns, they will all be replied.

And on that note, we say this, for one final time…

Goodnight Velocity. Thanks for the memories.

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