The SmarK Rant for Prison Break – Episode 6

The SmarK Rant for Prison Break – Episode 6

“Riots, Drills and The Devil”

“When this guy woke up this morning, he was WHITE!”
– T-Bag gives us his variation on “This prison is SO hot…”

So our favorite Secret Service creeps start out their day by blackmailing another guy, their favorite form of persuasion, and it seems that this time Lincoln is the target. Veronica, meanwhile, thinks that Nick (the Project Justice lawyer) is out to get her, which pretty much means he’s not.

Mike indulges in some do-it-yourself drill bit creation, the kind they don’t teach on This Old House, and wanders inside the prison, looking for the exact distance from a wall, apparently. Everyone is sleeping, but this proves to be a problem when the guards come by for bed check and Mike is almost not there, until of course he is. The problem this week is that Mike doesn’t have the kind of sustained time needed to break through the wall, so Sucre suggests a prison lockdown to make some time.

Mike discusses father issues with the doctor, who happens to be the governor’s daughter. He also buys what appears to be an egg beater from the kitchen, although with Mike it’ll probably get turned into a machine gun or something.

T-Bag returns from the infirmary, with new meat (appropriately enough named Cherry) waiting for him back in his cell. Aww. Nothing like a prison bitch to show that you really care.

So Mike goes wandering again, this time shutting off the air conditioning in the process. This gets everyone all riled up, although I’m a free man and I don’t even have A/C, so shut the f*ck up I say. Veronica and Nick continue their spat, as Nick moves in and makes himself co-lawyer for Lincoln, danging juicy new information to placate Veronica.

The heat is rising in the prison, in more than one sense of the word, and T-Bag decides to be the guy to mouth off to the guards and really set it off. And thus it’s lockdown, just like Mike wanted. Sucre, however, is less thrilled at having to put up a sheet to hide their progress, because that means you’re “getting friendly” with your cellmate. However, things quickly escalate past the lockdown stage into a full-blown riot, and Bellick doesn’t help much by pointing out that T-Bag is the child of a psychopath and his retarded sister. No, really. You don’t get much more redneck than that, man. And I live in Saskatchewan, so I’m the expert. Amazingly, T-Bag and his band of rowdies actually manage to break through the protective fence, and chaos results.

Mike and Sucre, meanwhile, start work on the wall, which leads to a sewer pipe, which leads to the infirmary, which leads to freedom.

T-Bag meets up with Linc and his guard buddy, and bad news is sure to follow for one of them. Michael’s tattoo of the week turns out to be a picture of the devil, which he traces onto a piece of paper and projects onto the wall. Apparently structural integrity points meet up with his horns, beard, and eyes. And you thought math couldn’t be satanic. Sucre is afraid of having the devil mark the wall, which is a nice touch.

The good doctor is stuck in the supposedly impenetrable B Wing with a group of rowdy (and horny) prisoners, and Linc is stuck with more of the same. It goes badly for both of them. T-Bag steals Linc’s guard and he’s up for good old man-rape, but the guard fights back…and lands on Mike’s toilet, revealing the hole out of the prison. So now T-Bag is part of the conspiracy, thanks to some quick thinking from Abruzzi, who keeps T-Bag’s mouth shut. Well, you knew that would happen. Now they just need Haywire.

The doctor proves remarkably adept at holding off angry black men, although there’s only so many needles to stab them with, but Mike uses his escape route to attempt a rescue…and we’re To Be Continued. Well, that’s redundant on a serial drama, but nice touch anyway.