The SmarK Rant for Joey – Season 2, Episode 2

The SmarK Rant for Joey – Season 2, Episode 2

“Joey and the Spanking”

“Our mom spanked us all the time, and we turned out fine.”
“Oh yeah? Who’s my dad?”
– Gina and Michael discuss parenting techniques.

So last week Joey scored a big role in the new Jerry Bruckheimer summer blockbuster, and thus begins his trek into Hollywood’s elite. Or at least the group of people in Hollywood who can afford to drive around in big yellow trucks, which really amounts to the same thing.

Sadly, despite being cast as the hero of the movie, he has to contend with Lockwood, a burned out Shakespearean actor (played by John Larroquette in an art-imitating-life type deal if there ever was one) and a precocious (ie, bratty) kid who is the real star of the movie. Immediately this poses a problem for me, because child actors are almost never in the lead of summer blockbusters — at best they’re comic relief, or the movies they’re in are relegated to family fare. It doesn’t ring true, and Joey needs to be more on-target with Hollywood satire to really break through the rut it’s been in, I think. Anyway, Joey gets off on the wrong foot immediately, playing “Got your nose” with the wrong kid to be messing with, and as a result the nose has to be returned ASAP.

Meanwhile, Alex is still pining for Joey, so Gina decides to help her get over it the best way she knows how — abusing her connections at Bobbi’s office. After an initial offer from Howard falls through and Michael’s well-intentioned suggestion of her ex-husband isn’t taken, Gina sets up a fake audition for all the blond-haired, blue-eyed actors in Bobbi’s employ, which will allow Alex to pick just the right one. After eliminating all the gay, married, or Monty Python-quoting runners-up (although really, what’s wrong with quoting Python?) Alex is left with her date. But she still wants Joey.

Joey, on the other hand, wants to keep his newfound job and wealth, so he tries sucking up to the kid as fervently as Lockwood does (a difficult task to be sure), but Gina thinks that the solution is just some good old discipline. So Joey lets the kid have it with a spanking in front of everyone, seemingly dooming his chances of being the hero. Luckily, the kid DID want to be disciplined, and everything is cool again.