The Weekly Pulse: TV's Second Wife

I am back to bring you the highlight of your week. It’s time for the weekend..yes..but FIRST..you have me. I’m the official party-starter! I turn water into wine and make the party last all night long. Yes..my initials are J.C. You can think whatever you want.

Nothing says “weekend” like reading. I know I like to read on the weekends. I didn’t get enough of it all week with all my school books. (This is sarcasm, by the way.) BUT..if you do have to read on the weekends..well then you might as well catch up on the week that was here at Pulse TV. You know you want to. You know you like it. You know you can’t live without it. Admit it now and you won’t have to deal with the problem of denial later! Makes sense..doesn’t it?

But before you start your “weekend reading”..how about something to warm you up. Some love it, some hate it, but this is my column..so it’s here to stay..for now. Drum roll please…

Wait a second..I almost forgot. You might have missed my latest recap of ‘The O.C.’ Actually..by the time you read this, there may be another one. Hmm..what to do? Oh well..better play it safe. Check this out!

And now here we go! Take it away…

Seinfeld Quote of the Week

“Parking in the city is just like sex. Why should I pay for it when, if I apply myself, I might be able to get it for free?” – George Costanza

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Columns a.k.a. Who Likes to Write?!?!

Would it make any sense to pimp my last column, which was the first edition of this same column? Because if you didn’t read it..well you can find it at the end. So it wouldn’t make any sense to plug it again..would it? What the hey..here you go again for your reading enjoyment.

Now onto some stuff that is a little better..other people’s writings!

Mathan Erhardt is back with Remote Destination. He changes all the channels so you don’t have to. Although, you may want to. But if you don’t he has got you covered with his thoughts on some recent episodes of ‘Real Time With Bill Maher’, ‘Rome’, ‘Prison Break’, ‘Arrested Development’, ‘Over There’, ‘My Name is Earl’, ‘The Office’, ‘Nip/Tuck’, ‘Lost’, ‘Everybody Hates Chris’, ‘Invasion’, and ‘Reunion’ (Which still sucks to him!). His favorite show this week, though, has the initials K.C. What show? It’s not KFC and it has nothing to do with chicken. Oh..wait..it might. Hmmmm..anyways he finishes us off with a battle between Montgomery Burns from ‘The Simpsons’ and Jimmy James from ‘Newsradio’. Who would YOU want to work for?

Joey Hart gives us her thoughts on the finale of ‘Rockstar: INXS’. Seems more like a recap to me, but it’s her thoughts more than anything, so whatever. Who rocked and rolled into your hearts? Find out, if you don’t know!

John Duran sends in his column a little early as he waits for ‘Lost’ to download. I would ask what he watched on Wednesday night instead, but it looks like he watched a bunch more shows this week than me. He gives his thoughts on ‘Twins’, ‘The War at Home’, ‘Rome’, ‘Reunion’, ‘Supernatural’, ‘Bones’, ‘Family Guy’, ‘American Dad’, and ‘Arrested Development’. Nothing else from him, but it’s good enough for me.

Sarah Quigley answers the question…”which Apprentice show is better?” Is it Martha’s show or is it Trump’s show? Sarah gives her opinion. Do you agree with it? Find out now!

Murtz Jaffer is back to sitting with the “stars”. How does he do this? Does he have photos of every show executive that they don’t want to get out? What are his connections and how does he connect with them? If you know what I mean. Wait..I don’t even know what I mean. So forget I said anything and just read this! It’s Murtz and Jeff Rudell, the first person eliminated from ‘The Apprentice: Martha Stewart’. Did Jeff not make a good enough license plate for Martha? Find out..maybe.

Matt Basilo never hits the “snooze” button on Mondays. He does the whole “less is more” thing. Tell that to my math teacher. Anyways he comments on ‘Lost’, ‘The O.C.’, ‘Invasion’, ‘Survivor’, ‘Reunion’, ‘E.R.’, and FOX’s Sunday Night Lineup. Where does he get the energy and what show will he attack this week when it comes to pointing out errors?

Romo breaks it down in his world. He goes over all the teams for the new season of ‘The Amazing Race’. This is a show I am interested in myself. I like the whole “family” aspect this season. Now I just have to decide which show to TiVo and which show to watch…this one or ‘My Name is Earl’. You want to find out which teams are hot (WOW!) and which are not? You better read up before it burns a hole through your computer screen!

Dan Wentzel has the ‘Survivor’ disease. I hear that it’s going around. He breaks down the show. Like..seriously..he breaks it down and gives his analysis of the show so far. It’s a MUST read, if you are a fan of the show. No doubt.

Farah Syed talks up promos this week. You know the little 30-second spots and previews you see during other shows to make you want to watch the show that the promo is about. I say rock & roll! But Farah says what? I forgot. But you can find out when you “click it or ticket!” Don’t make me do it, but I will write you one for..“not reading required material to fulfill your life!”

Dora Malone is late and in more ways than one. Oh..I REALLY did not need to know that. What’s a gyno anyways? (Kidding) Again..this week she comments on ‘Big Brother 6’, FOX’s Sunday Lineup, and ‘Survivor’. She also throws in some NFL stuff. Wow..but the meat is with ‘Survivor’, of course. She continues to break it down. Then..she yells at you for not sending her any e-mail. How dare she yell at you? Wait..I do that later in this column, so forget I said anything. Send her one and then send me one!

Patrick Gilchriest has eyes and he knows how to use them. It looks like he only has eyes for ‘Survivor’ this week. He talks about who the top players are and what may happen next, and who is watching now. So there you go, if you want to know.

Kevin Wong got cable this week. The digital kind. He talks a little bit about ‘The Amazing Race 8’. I still say “Family Edition” is better than 8. Anyways..he will have more on that next week. He has more ‘Survivor’ talk, which is guaranteed for the next few months. Bits and pieces galore..Kevin’s the man!

Recaps a.k.a. Shame on You For Not Watching Hours of TV Like Us!!

Okay..this is tricky. Still trying to figure out when to end this column. You would say Thursday night would be the deadline for this week’s column since it goes up on Fridays. So yeah..I guess that will work, but I still missed some shows that happened on Thursday night but weren’t put up until Friday morning. So it’s tricky, because I may miss something. But I must plug everything! So here is what I missed the last time and all the way through this week.

Trevor MacKay has the first episode of ‘Invasion’. He was on vacation, but he still got the recap done. Because that’s how he rolls! What a team player this guy is! Then..Trevor comes back from vacation and he has the second of ‘Invasion’. He took more notes for this one, but they still seem to be about the same. Oh well. Check it out!

Leland Eidson bats behind me with his ‘Reunion’ recap. This follows ‘The O.C.’, so I never watch it because I am writing. So it’s up to him to fill me in. Thanks Leland!

Scott Keith starts off the new season of ‘Joey’. Again..this would probably be 4th in position of shows I could watch at this timeslot. ‘The O.C.’ is #1. ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ is #2. ‘Survivor’ is #3. ‘Joey’ would be #4. So if you are watching something else like me..you HAVE to check out Keith’s rant on Joey. Or does Joey rant on Keith? Only one way to find out.

This would be where I would pimp out my O.C. recap. But I did that above. But in case..you skipped it. Here you go again. Click it!

That should end the shows I missed, but that doesn’t stop the recap goodness! Lets continue!

Joey Hart has the first TWO episodes of ‘The Biggest Loser’. Then..she comes back later and has the third episode. This is a show I watch, because nothing else is on..really. But it is quite interesting. Who will shed the most pounds? Who will be the NEXT Richard Simmons?!

Kevin Wong has the first episode of season two of ‘Numb3rs’. You would think I would watch this show, since my major is math and all. But you would be wrong. I get enough of it at school all week. I don’t want to spend a Friday night listening to some more about numbers. It’s against my rule. No math homework on Friday nights. Saturday and Sunday nights is a must if I want to graduate, though.

Ryan Closs does double duty with one recap of an episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ and then another one. You better read it, because he won’t be back until January. So you don’t want to wait two or three months for his return.

Shaun Stidham has the first episode of the 7th season of ‘The West Wing’. My first question is…this show has been on the air for seven seasons?!?! Not that it’s a bad show, but that seven years have passed. Where did they go? Where will this show go? You know what to do.

Patrick Puhl starts off the new season of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’. You know..it’s that show with the guy who used to be a big movie star in the 80’s. He was in classic movies like Loverboy and Can’t Buy Me Love. This TV show is good, though. Make no mistake about it. Find out what Patrick thinks.

Romo is back to “animate” our lives with FOX’s Sunday Night Lineup. Which show was the best this week? He attempts to answer it. Oh yeah..is Derek Jeter in the CIA? Hmm..you will have to read to find out!

Kevin Wong comes back for another recap. He takes on the ultimate race. This is the first episode of ‘The Amazing Race 8’. As I mentioned before, the show is hot! Watch it! Or better yet watch it and then read it!

Scott Keith is back again. Didn’t I just say this? Yeah..props to the guys who can do more than one show in a week. Anywho..he takes us to prison once again. Nothing beats ‘Prison Break’. That is what I have been told. I don’t know..as I haven’t had time to fit it into my Monday night schedule. Maybe someday.

Sarah Jane Correia brings you the next episode of ‘House’. I suppose she wrote this from her “house”, which may or may not have anything to do with this week’s episode. Oh..and this is the last you will get from this show until November. Damn baseball! Later..she is the FIRST one to have the NEW episode of ‘Survivor’. She did it live! And live is always better!

Paul Meekin is in love with Martha. He wants to be her new apprentice. But he has to get on the show first. Too bad..this might not last past this season. I am sure he can think of other ways to be by her side. I know I can. Hmm… He only likes Donald, though. That has nothing to do with the shows by the way. It’s just a fact. I mean he could love Donald, but you wants to love that guy. Not me.

Tim Stevens has some more ‘Nip/Tuck’ for you. It’s all about symbols, transsexuals, and art for this show. I think that is what he said. Oh well..if you REALLY want to know..click it!

John Duran has the new season of ‘Desperate Housewives’. Yes..I watched this show. I have NEVER seen an episode of season one, but I watched this show and will probably watch season two. I can thank my “Summer” (O.C. reference..hello?!) for that. But like John I am interested in this new family. Also, Gabrielle is SMOKIN’! Good enough for me.

Craig Russell has some more from the girls named Gilmore. Nothing wrong with that.

Patrick Puhl attempts to find his new girlfriend on ‘America’s Next Top Model’. He only wishes. Or maybe he doesn’t. I don’t know if there are any hot chicks on the show as I have never seen it. But they are models..so they can’t be that bad..can they?

YES! It’s on time! I have the newest episode of ‘The O.C.’ and it’s the last one for the next month! Damn you baseball! Damn you! Which means..I have nothing to do but to do this column every week until then. That can only be good for you as the quality is sure to go up. Maybe not, though. Who knows. All I know is that you HAVE to go read this. You have to. You can not live without it. So here it is again! Enjoy!

And just before the deadline..Scott Keith is here again. You better not be too tired of him, because he has some more ‘Joey’ for you! And you don’t want to miss the second episode!

This week we had a few DVD reviews as well.

Robert Sutton starts us off with a little sci-fi. It’s his review of X-Files Mythology Vol. 3: Colonization. Yep..you guessed it. I don’t know what that means. But he does and that is the only thing that matters. Oh..I see..it’s like a “Best Of” DVD set for the show. Sure..works for me. Beam me up! He then mixes things up with some cartoons. It’s The Ren & Stimpy Show! Was this another good season of the show or did it stink up the place? Find out now!

Tom Pandich goes “old-school” for two DVD reviews this week. First..he’s got some MacGyver. That guy can make a bomb out of some chewing gum. And then he has some Columbo. He says it is one of the top ten shows in the history of television. Do you agree?

Celebrities, SPOILERS, and News a.k.a. Pump Up the Volume

Former ‘Survivor’ Eliza and Murtz are your NEXT Tag Team Champions of the World! They are back for their thoughts on the second episode of ‘Survivor- Guatemala’. You want more..you got more! How about their thoughts on the third episode of ‘Survivor’. I have it first! Unless you already clicked the link. Then..you will see it again when you click it again!

Former ‘Apprentice’ star..John gives us a break from all the former “survivors”. He gives his thoughts on the new ‘Apprentice’. The one with Donald not Martha.

You can win something! Contest Alert! Win a SCTV DVD! It’s funny! Starring John Candy, Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty, Andrea Martin. Win it!

A little light this week on celebs and other stuff. Blame it on Murtz, who is always on the radio! I think Romo has been slacking in the “spoiler” dept. as well. Lets try to do better next week guys. Either that or as the Donald says…”I should shut up before I get FIRED!”

The Weekly Pulse Weekly Poll

So last week I asked the question…”who was your favorite ‘Seinfeld’ character?” This was a very close poll. But here are the results:

Jerry Seinfeld – 0
George Costanza – 3
Elaine Benes – 0
Cosmo Kramer – 4
Other (Explain) – 3

So yes..Kramer is your winner! I figured it would be a race between him and George. But I also found that some people don’t like ‘Seinfeld’ at all. This made up most of the “other” votes. One person made the comment that these characters are not likeable. You love to hate them. This is true. So maybe I should have rephrased the question as “which character entertained you the most?” Because even if they are not likeable..IF you like the show..you had to have one character that entertained you the most. That was all I was trying to ask. But there you go.

Now to this week’s question, which I am sure will be up for debate. But basically I ask you…”what has been your favorite new show thus far?” Many new shows have debuted. But which show has been your favorite so far? You can vote here. Keep it mind..these are all new shows. So ‘Lost’, ‘Desperate Housewvies’, and any other “second season” shows don’t count. Get to voting!

What Did My TiVo Record This Week? a.k.a. New Feature a.k.a. You Know You Like It

Alright..well I have no “funny” stories for you this week. It’s been pretty dead at work as far as dumb people. Not that people aren’t dumb..I just can’t think of any stories this week. So I’m sorry. Better luck next week. But I have something to take it’s place. How about we go to my TiVo and ask it..“what shows did YOU record this week?” Lets go day-by-day:

Friday

– ‘Weekends at the D.L.’ (New addition to my weekend lineup, but it’s funny!)

– ‘Late Show with David Letterman’ (Standard Monday-Friday Late Night Viewing/Always Good for a Laugh)

Saturday

– ’30-Minute Meals’ (As you will see, the Food Network is a great channel!)

– ‘Weekends at the D.L.’

Sunday

– ’30-Minute Meals’

– ‘Desperate Housewives’ (Thanks to my “Summer”)

Monday

– ‘How I Met Your Mother’ (Looks good so far.)

– ‘WWE Monday Night RAW’ and ‘Monday Night Football’ (Switched back and forth)

– ‘Late Show With David Letterman’ (Bears!)

Tuesday

– ‘Unwrapped’ (New edition every Tuesday at Midnight)

– ‘Food Wars: Best BBQ’ (BBQ..What else needs to be said!)

– ‘The Biggest Loser’ (Feel the burn!)

– ‘The Amazing Race 8: Family Edition’ (HOT! HOT! HOT! En Fuego!)

– ‘My Name is Earl’ (I watched this in the other room while TiVo had Race for 30 minutes..does that count?)

– ‘Late Show with David Letterman’ (Bears!)

Wednesday

– ‘$40-a-Day’ (Double Dose of Rachel Ray)

– ‘Unwrapped’ (Where you learn about food!)

– ‘Lost’ (Again..thanks to my “Summer”, but worth it)

– ‘Classic ComicView’ (BET’s greatest show! Comedy! HA! HA!)

– ‘Late Show with David Letterman’ (And more Bears!)

Thursday

– ‘The Real World: Austin’ (Missed it because of the two-hour premiere of ‘The Amazing Race, but TiVO recorded it on the replay. Thank you very much.)

– ’30-Minute Meals’ (Tasty!)

– ‘The O.C.’ (This is a no-brainer!)

– ‘Repo Men: Stealing for a Living’ (This is a CRAZY job!)

– ‘Classic ComicView

– ‘Late Show with David Letterman’ (OH MY!)

Time to Talk a.k.a. What Do I Have to Say? a.k.a. I Have a Job for YOU

Well I don’t know what to say this week. So lets do the “easy” thing and talk about television. It should be known that about 5 channels are my “go-to” channels. Meaning..when nothing is on or when I first turn on the TV and I don’t know what is on..I “go-to” to these channels first. You see how that works. So how about I list my Top Five “Go-To” Channels:

#1 – MTV (Always first..I just love the stupid shows they have like ‘Room Raiders’, ‘Date My Mom’, and any of the other shows that change every few months. No music..no problem for me. This is TV!)

#2 – Food Network (This is usually #2. As a wanna-be cook, this is the channel for me. Lots of shows already record on their own. See above.)

#3 – ESPN (This can be hit or miss. Sportscenter and other shows like it are a must. But some games are nothing. But still..I love sports..so I have to check it out.)

#4 – Comedy Central (For comedy..of course. Chappelle’s Show used to be a must, but I have that on DVD now and until a new season..there is no need. So all that is left is some stand-up stuff. But still good.)

#5 – VH1 (For the stupid shows they have. But you better believe when ‘I Love the 80’s’ comes back in late October..I will be all over that!)

#5A – Nickelodeon (Used to be in the Top 5, but I watched every episode of ‘Roseanne’, ‘The Cosby Show’, and ‘Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’.)

#5B – Disney Channel (Used to be a favorite in my ‘Boy Meets World’ phase and as a youngster. But now I hardly go to it. Anyone remember ‘Bug Juice’? That show was da bomb!)

So now you can laugh at my viewing favorites. But I would like to hear from you now. How about we do this. How about I ask you..“what channels do you ‘go-to’ first when nothing is on?” You can e-mail me what channels they are for you and IF I get enough people that e-mail me..I could compile a list and compare next week. But that is up to you. If you want to e-mail me your list..fine. If not..cool. But it sure will be a lot of fun. Trust me.

Okay..well that does it for me this week. I am still writing this, so I guess I am doing a good enough job. Let me know if I am not. And any other comments or suggestions you may have. Also..send me those “go-to” channels, if you want to.

Oh…and remember..“You Can’t Fight Fate!”. See you next week!