Okay, just to get it over with…
El Duque is God. Period.
Ah, yes, we’re having fun in the Super-Secret Writers’ Forum right now over the Sox/Dead Sux series. I’m behaving like a complete asshole, Cameron and Coogs want my blood, and it all started from a simple mention of how I wanted Chris Berman to die in any hideous fashion I could contemplate. Ah, sports playoffs are just the thing to start partisan warfare among friends. That being said, I believe that we can find common ground in the fact that we all want the Yankers to lose. So there will be peace in the valley yet.
Friday was an intense day for channel-flipping. Watching the Sox sweep one moment, then flipping over to watch the Amex, back and forth. However, the sixth inning of Friday’s game was a force-yourself-to-watch moment, enough so that I became lost as per golf. I haven’t been that caught up in a sports contest since the Bulls’ first championship run (the other five were more relaxing). ESPN should make that inning an Instant Classic…well, they were going to do that anyway since the Dead Sux were involved, and, of course, anything involving them is an Instant Classic…ah, but I’m getting my anti-ESPN bile spewed all over the Super-Secret Writers’ Forum right now anyway, so there’s no need to spread it here too.
I think I’ll just stick to covering this weekend’s shows like I normally do…
THE SMACKDOWN SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Booker T over Orlando Jordan (Pinfall, Paisley-ference): Look, Booker, let’s be honest here. Since your wife started hanging around, you wrestle like you’re seven years younger. The fans are more over for you now than any time within the last five years. You’re getting wins by interference, but you’re looking good in doing so. And you and your wife are getting recognized by the audience as being a good “team”. So don’t bitch and put up that “manly” front. Just be glad that she’s there with you and that, when you’re gone from the arena, the sex is terrific. That should be what matters, not how you get your wins.
Jordan quickly takes Booker down, because he knows that if he doesn’t, someone will take him down quickly
Sylvain Grenier over Bob Holly (Pinfall, brainbuster suplex): First of all, let’s deal with this fact: Grenier is using a brainbuster as a finisher. I have only one problem with this: it’s not a good brainbuster. Now, as to the main thrust of this…this was a PPV Pimp Match, where Grenier was almost incidental to the purpose. This, of course, is a good thing, since the less involved Grenier is, the better everyone else is. And, it has to be admitted, FudgePacker did a good job on commentary. The fact that he brought up Thurman “Sparky” Plugg, though, should mean a death sentence on Sunday. Too bad it won’t.
Just about the most powerful move in Grenier’s arsenal
The Legion of Dumb over Mister Regal and Paul Burchill (DQ, MNM-ference): Oh, for Christ’s sake, can we even just pretend to be giving a little mark cred over to Regal and Burchill? You do realize that they’re the only legitimate heel challengers left for the tag titles after this perverse program with MNM is over, don’t you? Build them up, dammit.
LOD 2000 may have been the low point of Sytch’s career. This is the high point of Hemme’s. That, folks, is the difference right there.
Let’s hope that Burchill regards this as “paying dues” rather than “having to sell for that old f*ck”
Roddy Piper over Bob and Randy Orton, AARP Handicap Match (Pinfall, Piper pins Bob, rollup): I just question the wisdom of certain things. Piper is one of those people at the Summit Of Mount Perpetually Over (look, Fleabag and I both don’t like this, but it is a fact). Being used as enhancement talent in the benefit of an Angle Advancement Match where the protagonist only shows up in the apres…that’s a complete waste. Of course, so is the whole Ortons/Undertaker feud, so I guess it fits in perfectly.
“In my day, we stuck with alcohol and cocaine, ‘Roid Boy!”
Presentation is everything
Bobby Lashley over Eddie Craven (Pinfall, Lashlight): Stupid name for the finisher, if that’s really it. I prefer “Backlash”. Fuck the fact that it’s already the name of a PPV.
You know, sometimes it’s just too easy…
DAVE, Our Lord and Savior, and Rey-Rey over Eddy Guerrero, High-Quality Speaker Boy, and Christian, The Match We Were Supposed To Get On Monday (Pinfall, DAVE pins Christian, spinebuster): I didn’t want to see this match on Monday night. Why do you think I’d want to see it now? It’s just your typical “give the boys some camera time before the PPV” match. There were a lot more interesting stipulations and combinations available. Why go with the most obvious and boring one of the bunch? Yeah, this puppy’s going to make me buy the PPV. Well, all of you know that I wasn’t going to anyway, but this made my decision more secure.
Christian should know by now that, no matter what, you can’t avoid Benoit
The fettucine alfredo of pro wrestling: you’ve had it a million times, but it’s delicious every time
The standard “preview of the PPV main” spot
The standard “hey, this match is on the PPV too” spot
Now here’s a combination I wouldn’t mind seeing more of
Wait a minute…is Eddy…
Why, yes, he is. I hope Rey-Rey wipes well.
Angle Developments:
Confusion In A Kilt: Wait a second…you’re going to have Roddy Piper show up for a promo, and then have him not say Word One? One of the best promo artists in the business and he doesn’t say a damn thing? Okay, so he did his talking with an international object, but, really, we don’t want to see Piper in action. We want to see him talk. Is that a clear enough concept?
Welcome to Useless Subplots 101
Being interviewed by Josh Matthews does not make up for not saying anything in the ring
Sartorial Questions: “Finest-dressed man in the arena?” Really, FudgePacker? Honestly, that shirt and tie does NOT go with that suit at all. Even Chimel has a better color combination than you. Look, if the Fab Five aren’t available, I’m sure that Grenier could help.
See, Charlie, there is some facial resemblance there.
THE IMPACT SHORT FORM
I decided to do Impact live and get this puppy in on Saturday night for once. So forgive the lack of screen caps.
Match Results:
Road Hogg, Konnan, and Ron Killings over Bobby Roode, Eric Young, and Alastair Rouse (Pinfall, Killings pins Young, axe kick): Can my interest meter be perked up a little in the match due to the presence of Killings, Young, and Roode? Unfortunately, no. And I think I picked a good time not to be interested. How can you describe a match where the main highlight was Konnan throwing three shoes? You know, I thought things might have picked up for Team Canada with D’Amoron being back, but, sorry, that won’t be. My only hope is that TNA remembers what they have in these guys and uses it to their best advantage.
Christopher Daniels over Matt Bentley and Austin Aries (Pinfall, Daniels pins Aries, Angel’s Wings): Typical TNA Triple Threat, if you’ll pardon the alliteration. Meaning, of course, it was action-packed and damn nice. The only people who would actually question this match on any level, by the way, would be members of the IWC. There were two major questions in this, one answered, one unanswered: Could Aries hang with these guys? The answer to that was, of course, yes, he could. Quite well, in fact. ROH has served him well. The second question, though, has to be left hanging: will jobbing to Daniels cost him some reputation among people who don’t watch ROH? Since I don’t watch ROH, I’d be the perfect person to answer that. The answer is: a little. Losing to Daniels is no sin. But if he keeps up the losing, the Impact audience won’t take him seriously. Let’s not have that happen.
Abyss over Sonny Siaki: How much respect does Sonny Siaki have in TNA? His name is spelled wrong on his entrance video. That is all that needs to be said, I think.
The Gentlemen We Cannot Refer To As Buh Buh Ray Dudley And D-Von Dudley Anymore over Chris Harris and James Storm (DQ, Gail Kim-ference): Let’s try to ignore, if we can, the schmozz at the end featuring Jeff Jarrett and Gail Kim (being forced to be aligned with Jarrett kinda cuts down on all those “God, I wish Gail Kim was back on Raw” feelings, doesn’t it?). Let’s look at the match itself. Talk about uncomfortable. You could actually see AMW slowing themselves down in order to accomodate the ex-Dudleys. These two are used to a much faster pace of tag action than the ex-Dudleys can provide. They were out of synch all match, and visibly floundering at times. It’ll take more than a few matches for all four of them to be on the same page. It’ll also probably take a gimmick. Assume that there will be a Tables Match very soon.
Angle Developments:
Nothing, really, since Bound For Glory’s pretty much set, and all of the myriad run-ins and such were to support that. The only thing out-of-match was the Tito Ortiz situation. Personally, it’s just another reason for me not to give a shit about that match.
And I’ll call it over for this package. Remember, we’ve got a Round Table prior to No Mercy that I’ll be a part of. As for Tuesday, if you thought WWE’s return to USA was something, wait until you see what returns then. Ta.
