It’s 2:30 am, and boredom in its highest form has sunk in. You’ve played countless games of FreeCell and Minesweeper, and the thought of any more computer games sickens you. Going to bed at this time would be pointless, because you’re simply not tired. So after exhausting all other options, you’ve resorted to surf the net in hopes that you’ll find some magical oasis to stimulate your mind and help you get over that hump. Your email inbox is uncharacteristically empty, so it’s time to go to another site dedicated to something that interests you. Since it’s the middle of the week, nfl.com has nothing new to report, and you already know the scores of the baseball games from earlier in the night. Your last resort is to maybe see if anyone has something constructive to say regarding your favorite television shows. Alas, you find it – the gem you’ve been searching for, that has everything you could possibly want at this current time – and your life is better because of it. Like White Castle, this is everything you desired and expected, and it was well worth whatever you had to go through.
Hi, I’m Dora, and welcome to Inside Pulse.
I’m glad you decided to read what my brain has to offer. While this may not be exactly the case as to why you’re reading the Spill, I certainly will not count it against you.
Okay, so last week, I decided to talk exclusively about Survivor. And while that is my area of expertise, my column is not dedicated solely to the best reality show ever. On the flipside of the flipside of that token, I received some positive to the column devoted to one subject. So I shall repeat that feat again this week, and talk only about Survivor. Let me know if this pisses you off (like I really care).
This week offered several classic Survivor dilemmas. And the beauty of these is that after eleven seasons, we of course have the popular issues never become stale. We started off with the tribe popularity contest, followed immediately by the tribal shuffle. Then we have little problem of being outnumbered on your tribe. Tribal loyalties came into question. And of course, which really is a theme/dilemma in every single Survivor episode: on what do you base your vote?
And who says that they have gotten bored of Survivor?
The reward “challenge” gave everyone a glimpse into tribal politics, which Survivor is ALL about. “Who’s in need of nourishment?” Well probably the big guy is having a hard time adapting to a small ration of food, but the correct political answer is the skinny girl. “Who smells the worst?” This you HAVE to give to the guy (guys always smell worse, as is my experience) who can take a joke. If you know a morbidly obese person, you don’t joke with that person about his/her weight; the “fat kid” you bust on has to slightly overweight, and be able to take a joke. Similarly, if someone really had BO, but was not a likeable person, you’d better not put him down for smelliest, out of fear he may eat you. “Who needs a picnic?” Clearly, the person who needs the picnic is the same person who needs nourishment, as a picnic implies food. But, politics being what they are, you have to put someone else’s name down. “Who’s the biggest tribe mascot?” This is usually given to someone whose spirit/pride in the tribe goes unnoticed, and this is a way to say thanks for what they do day in and day out. This is similar to an employee of the month: well liked, and always busts their ass for what they do; so when the time comes, tell em how much they mean to you. Politics were present in everything here.
If you go on Survivor, you pretty much know there’s going to be a tribal switch. That’s how the game is played. And with the switch, there’s new issues brought to the table: what do you do if you’re out numbered, do you have any loyalties, and to who, and what do you base your vote on?
The way things are right now, old Yaxha has the numbers advantage on new Nakum, and old Nakum has the advantage on new Yaxha. The way things usually go, the switch happens, and the tribes remain that way until the merge (Africa, Marquesas, Amazon, Vanuatu). All Stars is excluded from that list because they had another switch right before the merge (remember the Amber fiasco?). Now maybe I’m playing this game like a purist, but doesn’t it seem obvious that what you do if you’re on the majority of a tribe is start Pagonging? I’ll lay it out for you: Blake, Bobby Jon, Brandon, and Danni outnumber Gary, Brian, and Amy on Yaxha. I think a good strategy would be for those four to throw challenges, and boot out Gary, Brian, and Amy, not necessarily in that order. After throwing the competition three times in a row, this puts old Nakum at seven, old Yaxha at four. Now regardless of what happens from there on out, Old Nakum will mathematically have an advantage come merge time (be it at ten or at nine people). When the tribes do reunite, Yaxha’s Nakum says to whoever’s left on Nakum’s Nakum “Hey look, we threw the challenges so that Nakum could have the advantage, and we can now hook up and Pagong the rest of Yaxha.” This doesn’t favor one side of Nakum or the other. The ones from Yaxha have some sort of alliance, so they can use that against the ones from Nakum, but in secret. The ones from Nakum will know more jurors, but their odds of reaching the end may be slightly lower. Also, the Nakums from Yaxha could always say to the Yaxha jury, “hey, I was never on the tribe with you, so I never betrayed you, whereas the person sitting next to me was on your tribe, and betrayed you.”
You follow? It seems so simple.
Perhaps too simple. But I’ve always held that Survivor is a very simple game, which is why boneheads like Sandra and Ethan can win the million clams (that oughtta elicit some responses). It seems to me like that would be a viable strategy.
So what if you’re outnumbered? What can you do, really? There’s lot of options. If the Pagonging does happen, the best thing you can do is hope it’s not you that goes. Chris from Vanuatu can attest to that; he hung on long enough for the tides to turn, and we know the end of that story. Let’s take Yaxha, as I used them already in example form. The best thing right now is to win the challenges if at all possible. You win in challenges, you delay your boot. If that can’t be the case, be as personable as you can. Brian hinted at this very fact for this coming week’s episode. Fit in, dammit! If someone is pissing you off, and it’s minuscule, don’t let it bother you. Or at the very least, if it does bother you, shut up dammit! If you need a reminder, feel free to check out last week’s column. I have a feeling that those who are liked by the opposition are the ones who will be spared for at least one more round (think: you have to get rid of one of three people, and one of them is just plain annoying. Since you’re not too concerned with winning challenges because of your numbers, all other factors are nonissues for this Tribal Council. Who are you going to get rid of?).
This sorta falls into the category of being outnumbered, but what is one to do about past loyalties? Basically put, there are no loyalties in this game. You have to play the game for yourself, since that’s why you signed up for it. That being said, it may be unwise to cut ties with everyone. But, if you switch sides, it does increase your chances of being bit in the ass later in the game. But oh, it can be pulled off, especially since these are early rounds and whoever you dump off at Loser’s Lounge has no pull with the jury or your fate. Kick someone off now, and it’s ‘see ya at the reunion in December!’
So what’s the deal with Judd? Clearly, he was the major focus of this past episode. He had to decide between sticking loyal to Nakum, or going for what seemed best for him. He chose the latter, but I can’t say I blame him. Had Judd voted for Lydia, he would have forced a rock pull, the consequences of which could literally make one’s head explode (talk about a brain spill). Instead, he went for his own security within the tribe. He is on the majority’s good side. And with someone like Stephenie, one can pretty much assume she’ll keep her end of the deal (although, if she wanted to change her mind, she could be saying to Judd “see ya at the reunion in December!”). I personally think that he did make the right decision. So Margaret may take the fall for it. But if Cindy does truly bleed Nakum yellow (sick, truthfully), why wouldn’t she stick with Judd until brighter skies come by? Old Yaxha is a stupid tribe, so maybe they truly are focused on strength, such that Lydia has to worry this week. Or if Marg is axed, Cindy or Judd might not necessarily be the next boot after that. So for now, I’m going to say that Judd did right this week, even if it was at the expense of superhotttie Brooke.
Now the last topic is the one that I wanted to talk about at great length – voting criteria. I remember in original Survivors, the idea was to get rid of the weakest player so you have a “strong” tribe to kick the other tribe’s ass. In the past several seasons, that philosophy went to the toilet and never came back. The general way to play Survivor now is to get rid of the Uber-strong before they become your competition. Of the four boots this season thus far, all four have been for physical strength reasons. Forgive me for adding my own opinion here, but WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!?!
I had to get that out of my system. Maybe I did take Brooke’s premature exit a little too personally, but I don’t think I’m too far off by criticizing these losers for focusing on physicality. How superficial can you possibly be? I’m not talking about some liberal “accept people for their inside, not their outsides” cliched BS, I’m talking about common sense. Survivor is not all about strength. There are several dozen factors involved, yet these boneheads are only zoning in on this one trait. And to add to it, if you keep only the strong, you’re not going to have any wet noodles at the challenges when it becomes individual. Every challenge after the merge will be a knock-down drag-out brawl to the death. DON’T DO THAT.
Enough of my ranting. Time for the rundown. The rankings this week strongly favor who is in the majority of their respective tribes. God only knows how long the tribes will be stuck this way, so I would say those in the minority have to worry for some time. That being said, those in the majority will be heavy favorites, so that’s why they’re at the top of the list (well the bottom, since it’s a countdown).
In memoriam:
18- Jim Lynch
17- Morgan McDevitt
16- Brianna Varela
15- Brooke Struck (4). I definitely did not see that one coming, especially since I sang your praises about how you were the reason for Nakum’s victory in the blindfold challenge. Oh Brooke, you will be remembered for your killer smile and awesome body. You seemed like you should have been able to kick ass, but since there are no ‘shoulds’ in Survivor, I’ve heard there’s two other attractive young females to get into pillowfights with down at Loser’s Lounge. Jim Lynch must be in his glory. Brooke I love you, and while it does suck to see you go, I’m sure it was not personal.
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14- Brian Corridan (15).
13- Margaret Bobonich (11).
Brian’s still at the bottom of the list, and Margaret is falling even more because they are the most vulnerable minority member of their respective tribes. I see Brian as getting antsy or even arrogant (?), such that Yaxha will sprint to Tribal Council to see him go. For Marg, I think the majority will like Cindy better, and they will temporarily keep their deal with Judd. Maybe she should have kept her mouth shut while setting up the tarp so that she wasn’t on Judd’s bad side.
12- Amy O’Hara (8). Yes, the majority guys of Yaxha did say that Mrs. O’Hara would be first out. But I can’t shake my Brian hunch. Also, since Amy is such a likeable person, why wouldn’t she fit right in? I don’t think she’ll be out this week, but since the guys did site her as their first target, she has to be low.
11- Lydia Morales (12). Amy and Lydia are back to back in the rankings yet again, but this time for totally different reasons. I really want to put Lydia much higher because she is in the majority in Nakum. But. The way things have been going, and since she does come from Yaxha, which may be a stupid tribe, she may be voted out because of her lack of strength. I think it would be foolish for Yaxha to get rid of one of their own, but you never know.
10- Gary Hogeboom (14). This was the first episode in which Gary was not in the spotlight. And it helped him in the rankings. I think all of America was disappointed not to see Gary’s revelation in front of Danni. The way things are going, strength seems to be an issue (which I’m not sure why in a tribe of three He-Men and Danni the Manhandler), and Yaxha hinted that they’d keep Gary around. Who knows why? But it really ain’t important why, since it keeps him in the game. For now.
9- Cindy Hall (10). In the minority, true. But like I said earlier, people seem to like Cindy, and there’s more reason to axe Margaret before her. She’s the least vulnerable of any minority member.
8- Judd Sergeant (3). Big drop this week. But as I said earlier, I do think he made the right move. Had he forced the tie, he could be much lower in the ranks. By siding with those in power, he secured himself a spot for a couple more rounds. He may be hoping for something else to come around. And if I were to guess, only Margaret and not Cindy would hold it against him. He may partner up with Cindy for a while. Also worth noting about this power player is that he was selected by his tribe as worthy of the picnic. He’s clearly liked, so if he hooks up with the others, it’ll be business as usual.
7- Rafe Judkins (13). Our biggest climber this week. Rafe still continues to do nothing. But in this game, nothing can be something. Rafe climbs simply because he’s in the majority, and has yet to piss people off. It’s working, Rafe.
6- Blake Towsley (9). That Guy is in the upper half of the rankings? Similar to Rafe, Blake is here simply because he’s in the majority. Blake has really impressed me thus far in that he has yet to open his mouth. Keep it up.
5- Jamie Newton (7). Jamie is a power player in this game. Remember how in episode two, he wanted to get rid of Steph? Who were the two people responsible for turning the tides this week in Nakum? Steph and Jamie. Now Stephenie found out about Jamie’s foiled plot, so it’s not like she was oblivious to it. Regardless of that, Jamie and Steph controlled Nakum. Now either Jamie went up to Steph with a strategy (and it worked), or Steph approached Jamie with the same thing. Either way, Jamie had to work his magic on Steph, or he had to be doing something right such that Stephenie would want to bargain with him. Either way, his presence and ability are known in this game.
4- Bobby Jon Drinkard (6). Bobby Jon is in the majority in his tribe. The fact that he is a veteran of this game has not become an issue since the first 15 minutes of episode one. I really think he’s playing great right now, and has a great chance to win. I hope so.
3- Danni Boatwright (2). No real reason for the drop. She called out Gary when he got to camp, but was right to shut up as he insisted no. Had she pressed on, it could have really damaged her. Also, she kicked ass in the immunity challenge (am I correct in assuming that she played better than Steph, ‘the most physical woman to play the game?’). She still is awesome.
2- Brandon Bellinger (1). After four episodes, Brandon has been in the top two all four weeks. He and Danni are still among the top power players in the game. The reason the dropped slightly was because the #1 player outplayed them, at least for this week. I think Brandon is clearly one of the best in the game, and the reason he isn’t #1 could be due to the fact that we didn’t get a good glimpse into his tribe. He ruled in the immunity challenge, and continues to rule the roost. Keep it up, Brandon.
1- Stephenie LaGrossa (5). W-o-w. Of the top four, two of them are Survivor veterans. Thank god that these people are not being targeted for their experience. In fact, they both clearly are kicking ass. With Stephenie, she is still the awesome player she was in Palau, regardless of whether or not she’s on a crappy tribe. Steph was responsible for taking control on Nakum. She was able to look past whatever was with Jamie and see him as valuable to her and her tribe. She was able to convince Judd to essentially turn on a former tribemate. As a result of that, she now is in control of the majority of the tribe, and who knows where that could take her. Rock out Steph!
This concludes yet another column. Hope you enjoyed it.
Until next week, when we discuss the advantages of Gummi worms to all other Gummis, stay cool.
~Dora
