That’s right..
One year ago I started doing the Rabble…
Join us as we reminisce…
Here on:
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E !
O N E Y E A R A N N I V E R S A R Y !
Joining us tonight are:
A year ago they were broke……. Hernandez
A year ago they were dead…….. Eric
A year ago they weren’t as cool.. Jenna
A year ago they were WAY cooler.. Chris
A year ago they were educated…. Bill
A year ago they were a woman….. Dani
A year ago they were loved……. Me!
It’s a huge show! Not Raw.. I mean in my living room!
Last week, Austin killed a bunch of McMahons, and Vinnie promised somebody’s gonna get fired.
Starting the show off with a change of pace… it’s Stephanie McMahon!
Last week’s show was ruined by… one man.
“Kevin Dunn” – Hernandez
Noooo, Austin, duh. He stunned everyone. The crowd is ok with that. I’m not ok with that, but hey.. I don’t have tickets. Steph does the heel female stuff, and we make lots of Triple H jokes.
We are all intimidated by her money, her looks, and her balls. Except Murray, the guy with the headset telling her to let it go.. roll on… wrap it up. Amusing, as she just bitchslaps the hell out of him. Then Lillian Garcia gets slapped. Then the cameraman gets slapped. Vince is on his way, and somebody is getting fired, dammit.
Before she leaves though, she stops at the commentating booth – asks if people think she’s a bitch… because the bitch is back. I’m ok with that.
COMMERCIAL
Who is getting fired?
“Bischoff” – Eric
“JR” – Bill
“JR” – Hernandez
“Edge” – Laura
“Viscera” – Chris
“Bischoff” – Jenna
“Hulk Hogan” – Me
(None of us have any idea)
WE’RE BACK… AND TO CELEBRATE THE YEAR MARK OF THE RABBLE… DOINK IS HERE!
So the threadbare reason for this match is that Conway upset the legends.. so now he has to face Doink?!
“I don’t know a Doink from a Dink” – Dani
“There WAS a Dink” – Me
“I knew that.. that’s what made it funny.” – Dani
DOINK THE CLOWN vs. ROB CONWAY
I have no idea what is going on right now
I like that JR is actually pimping Doink as a legend. Match starts with two roll-ups for two from Doink. Toss the ropes, and a leapfrog from Doink for 2. Doink revs some crowd, and Conway charges in – goes for the boot, but gets spun around – a poke in the eye and he pushes Conway into the corner.
Conway then spins around and clotheslines Doink down. He stomps down Doink while screaming ‘I’m a Legend’… proving that gimmick worked really well for Orton.
“So Conway is Orton-Light.” – Dani
“Ahh, Conway, Jobber bound.” – Chris
“Set a trajectory… for Jobber!” – Bill
Back in the ring, Conway hits his finisher, and pins Doink.
“I heard that entire match, the crowd was being polite.” – Bill
Conway grabs the microphone, “Listen WWE Legends… take a lesson from Doink.”
“WHAT?!” – Everyone
“At least Orton fought the Undertaker…” – Dani
“Conway – Destiny – Doink?” – Hernandez
And here comes Eugene!!!
“Eugene is going to help Doink?” – Dani
“Of course the only man that could save a clown is a retard..” – Me
“I can’t believe they blew their load with Doink… this was the zenith of the show.” – Hernandez
“Well, the show can only go up..” – Chris
“Next, Max Moon..” – Hernandez
“versus.. Aldo Montoya” – Me
Last week… Hunter beat up on Flair… Woo?
COMMERCIAL
Eeeet’s Cabana time. If he had been here last week, he would have spit in Stone Cold’s face. So it’s not about who is getting fired, it is about who should be #1 Contender. Last week, we had an Iron Man Match that ended in a tie…
Interrupting with Kurt Angle.
“One Fish… Two Fish… I have the book in the car” – Eric
Before Kurt can even talk… here comes the Heartbreak Kid! Shawn wants things clear after last week’s tie. Kurt doesn’t give a damn. He should be the #1 Contender…. ummm..
HERE COMES THE BIG SHOW?
And by the time Show gets to the ring, Shawn is sitting in a lounge chair drinking one of Triple C’s coconut beverages. Big Show had an epiphany. When you are a giant, you don’t wait in line, you cut in front of it.
“He learned that at the movie theater and … the buffet.” – Bill
Oh but wait.. YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME!
“Think Doink will come out and ask for a title shot?” – Dani
Here comes Edge, the guy who actually CAN cut in line.
“Edge has an ace in the hole…” – Coach
“Lita?” – Bill
“Wrong hole.” – Me
Edge declares that after last week he is a career killer.
“So now we have a career killer, and two legend killers?” – Dani
“They keep this up, they’ll be out of wrestlers.” – Bill
Carlito then brings the rationale. First off, Edge didn’t come down last week to fight against Smackdown. Not only that, nobody in the ring likes each other. Finally, nobody would care if it was Edge that got fired. There is only one man that deserves to be contender… Carlito.
Oh wait.. THE CHAMP IS HEAAAAAAHHHHH! John Cena comes down and raps, it’s been awhile, so it’s ok I guess. John needs to invest in a Roget’s Rhyming Dictionary.
“Lita’s a slut…” – Cena
“I have no rhyme that goes here.” – Me
So… Cena.. Edge.. Show.. Angle.. Carlito.. Michaels.. Elimination Chamber?
“You could have 6 Doinks, and I would pop for an Elimination Chamber.” – Hernandez
In the back, Trish is stretching. Ashley watches.
COMMERCIAL
Tonight… Cena/Michaels/Show vs. Angle/Edge/Carlito…
Right now though, Masters is here, and his intro is stopped by Tajiri! WOOT!
CHRIS MASTERS vs. TAJIRI
I love Tajiri
“Where did Tajiri come from?” – Eric
“Backstage” – Me
“Japan.” – Hernandez
In the ring, Tajiri comes in fast with quick kicks and a failed sunset flip gets him punched in the face. Then a double arm belly to belly sends Tajiri down. A snap kick thrown backwards hits Masters right in the face for two.
Masters tosses Tajiri to the corner, but a reversal sets Masters up for the tarantula. 5 count, and Tajiri goes for more of those beautiful snap kicks, he goes for the buzzsaw kick – but it’s ducked and put into the Masterlock. The. End.
WINNER: CHRIS MASTERS
COMMERCIAL
In the back..
“Lemmy? Where’s the rest of the band?” – Eric
It’s Triple H – who is stopped by Shawn. Shawn thinks what Hunter did to Ric was just ‘too much’. Trips just giggles right in his face, but the entire hallway of wrestlers just stares at him meanly. Until finally he faces Big Show.
“..Line..?” – Hernandez
Big Show makes Hunter realize, one day, he will get his. Hunter backs up, to face.. John Cena.
“I don’t know you… I ain’t gonna judge you.. but after lost week.. you lost respect.” – Cena
“If I were you, the last thing I’d want to do is get MY attention..” – Triple H
“Want some? Come get some..” – Cena
“Don’t worry, when I want some.. I’ll take it.” – Triple H
“THIS IS THE GAYEST NIGHT EVER?!!!” – Dani
COMMERCIAL
Hey.. it’s time to play a game er two… TIME TO PLAY A GAME ER TWOOOOOOOOO!!!!
He’s got a mic.. shocker. People don’t like what he did last week. It’s between two best friends.. him and..
“Stephanie” – Hernandez
“Doc Holiday” – Chris
So Hunter was a huge Flair mark. He was thrilled to see Flair showing in the WWE 4 years ago. He was a shell of a man. He was broken.
“He had been bled out” – Hernandez
So he let Flair sit in his light and bask in his glory. For a moment, Flair appeared to be great again. A month ago though, when Hunter was home watching TV, he watched Flair get apple spit in his face. He knew what he had to do. He knew that he had been showing a blind eye to what was happening. Hunter watched as Flair climbed the top turnbuckle, and expected him to get tossed like he always did… but he didn’t. He hit the move. He won the IC title, and revelled in his newfound mediocrity. Flair cheered. Hunter cried.
“I sat and watched a sad movie.” – Bill
So he took Flair, brought him to the back and..
“Gave him a rimjob.” – Chris
Shot him.
“Ohhh.. Old Yeller reference.. I get it…” – Bill
Hunter then gets upset that the crowd is cheering for Flair. Without Hunter, Flair is nothing. For Flair, the game is over… hey, that’s new.
“Wouldn’t be great if Hunter came down to the Tetris theme?” – Bill
COMMERCIAL – While Bill and I sing the Tetris theme.
Here comes Trish, and with her…. nobody! Awww..
Next though is.. Victoria joined by….. still nobody!? Awww…
TRISH vs. VICTORIA
Women’s Championship
The girls go nose to nose, but Trish starts it with fists and a toss to the ropes. A thesz press, and a ‘leanback’ headscissors, goes for Stratusfaction and gets a backbreaker instead.
Victoria now with the top with a hard snap suplex. She picks up Trish by the hair, and sets Trish on the top turnbuckle. She fights with Victoria, but gets press slammed by Victoria. A stretchy back thingy, and then a pin for 2 from Victoria. Victoria argues with the ref, turns around to eat a spinebuster.
Victoria gets up first, but gets dropped for a jawbreaker – a bunch of fists – and she sets Victoria on the top rope for the headscissors.. but Victoria readjusts her legs and LEAPS Right into a boston crab. OUCH! Trish fights up to her feet, and goes for the chick kick.. ducked – Victoria grabs her, and a belly to belly bridge suplex gets the pin.
So Vicotoria attacks Trish. In runs Ashley to save Trish. Victoria stops it, and in runs the new chick.. stalker? crazed fan? Matt Hardy? Either way, she’s cute…
WINNER: TRISH
COMMERCIAL
In the back Ashley and Trish are discussing who the new girl is.. she’s Mickey James as she shows up to tell us. She’s superhappy to see Trish, and megahappy to be on Raw as their newest Diva.
Here comes Carlito, spitting in the face of people who are not cool.
Here comes Kurt Angle, spitting in the face of people who don’t know Dr. Seuss rhymes.
“……………. one fish……………” – Eric
“A poem.. by Eric.” – Bill
“Angle…. sweet Angle…
One Fish—–ing.
Two Fish—–ing.
Red Fish—————-ed.” – Me
Here comes Edge.
“Do you think that’s his old marching band uniform?” – Bill
In the back, Vinnie’s limo is here… telling.
COMMERCIAL
HE’S A SEXY BOY!
HE’S A BIG SHOW!
HE’S A SPINNER BELT!
CARLITO, ANGLE, EDGE vs. SHOW, HBK, CENA
Main event with a half hour left? Ah well…
Starting in the ring is Cena and Edge. Lock up sends them to the corner, but Cena fights hard out of it, right into the other corner. He tosses Edge across the ring, but Edge fights out of it and tags in Carlito.
Carlito gets tossed to the ropes, big back body drop. Tag to the Big Show, and Carlito is already our heel in peril. Big chops, and Angle comes in to help, bt gets chopped too. Hey, Edge… but he just gets thrown. Big Show now tosses Edge to the corner, Angle to the Edge, and Carlito the Angledge. BIG SMOOSH!
COMMERCIAL
Back in the ring, Cena is getting a belly to belly overhead from Angle. He gets tossed to the corner, and begins to get beat on by the bad guys. Edge in the ring now with Cena, seperating the ring, tagging in Carlito. Finally Cena fights his way to tag HBK.
HBK hids the flying crossbody, the nip-up, the inverted atomic, a couple of clotheslines, and Carlito is just getting beat on. Flying elbow on Carlito and here we go…
J E S U S C H R I S TTTtttttt… NO! CLOTHESLINE FROM KURT ANGLE STOPS IT….. Carlito goes for the pin for a 2.
In comes the tag to Angle, and now ANgle and Michaels in the ring, and the crowd is hot. German suplex for two. Body scissors to HBK, and we’re on the big hold spot.
COMMERCIAL
Back in the ring, hey, a hold spot from Angle to HBK. A couple of belly to belly release suplexes and finally a tag to Carlito. Chops to Shawn, reversed and now SHAWN is back on top.. he sends Carlito the corner, follows suit, but CCC ducks it… for two. They fight it out in the middle of the ring, Shawn hits the ropes and Carlito leaps with a BEAUTY of a dropkick.
“Wow, picked that right out of the bushel.” – Hernandez
Holdspot again to HBK. He fights over toooooooo suplex Carlito, and finally tag innnnnnnnnn….BIG SHOW! Show takes down Angle! Goes for the chokeslam.. enter Edge. Doublechokeslam setup. In comes Carlito, BOOTED! Double clothesline, and Show can’t see Angle… a tag to Cena – the classic Cena 5 move set, and 5-Knuckle-Shuffle gets a two count on Angle. On the outside, Edge goes for Big Show with a chair, while in the ring Cena goes for the FU on Angle, but gets stopped with Carlito.
That was enough for HBK to come in, take out Carlito – and Angle gets the Ankle Lock! Reversed by Cena! Reversal sit-down by Angle… ANGLE GETS THE PIN… 1 2 3
WINNER: ANGLE/CARLITO/EDGE
“Nice ending to a tepid match….” – Me
“Last 40 seconds we were all.. OOoo something!” – Eric
The announcers pimp last week’s Monday Night Raw like it was the second coming of Jesus… because it in fact got better ratings than the second coming. Jesus only got a 2 share.
SIGN OF THE NIGHT: “What Happened To All The Charisma?”
In the back, Vinnie’s strutting and kicking the nice pinstripe suit…
COMMERCIAL
And, as Eric put it ‘In Distorto Vision’ Kane will be returning next week….
Now though, it’s time for the Chairman of the Board.
NO CHANCE IN HEEEELLLLLLL
MAIN EVENT INTERVIEW!
So last week Stone Cold stunned every McMahon.
“Stop lying, he didn’t stun the baby.” – Eric
“He’s saving the baby for later…” – Bill
“For when they were…. alone.” – Chris
So somebody is going to be fired.
“So long Kevin Dunn.” – Hernandez
“What’s your hate of Kevin Dunn this week?” – Me
“Don’t know.. he doesn’t get mentioned enough..” – Hernandez
So Vinnie wants to blame someone. Some people think it’s Bischoff. Vince thinks the blame belongs to a rotton redneck rattlesnake. Vince isn’t going to fire Stone Cold though. He is going to blame the people who enjoyed it the most… the fans…?!
“He’s firing us?!?” – Me
“I was gonna make the joke, Vince beat us to it.” – Bill
“So the show just goes black.” – Me
So Vince is now hiring each and every person in the arena, in the North America. So he can blame each and every one of us.. and say… ‘YOUR FIRED….’
“COP OUT!” – Bill
“You know who should get fired…. the writers..” – Chris
“I’m really glad I’m not watching this.” – Dani
So now Vince calls out the announcers, who were just as close to the action as all of us. So here comes Coach, Lawler, and JR. Here we go…..
“He’s going to fire the announcers?” – Dani
“Yeah, seems it.” – Me
“Lame.” – Dani
“Not if we get new announcers…” – Me
“Tony Schiavanni?” – Eric
Vinnie then blames them for not doing anything while Stephanie was being beaten down by Stone Cold.
“They are announcers!? This is so weak. They comment on it… that’s their job.” – Chris
Vinnie is ashamed of them. He wants an apology from them.
“Mr. McMahon, I’m so sorry to what happened to you last week. I can admit it. I’m a coward. You are an inspiration, and I will never be as strong as you are. I thank God that you are all right.” – Coach
“Thank you Carlton Banks.” – Hernandez
“I know what it’s like to be stunned by Steve Austin, so if apologizing means keeping my job, then yes Mr. McMahon, I’m sorry.” – Lawler
“Weak as hell.” – Bill
…and now…. JR…. Stone Cold’s Best Friend….
“I’m really sorry that your wife got stunned.” – JR
That is not enough for Vince McMahon. He wants an apology.
“I apologize.” – JR
Vince accepts it…. oh wait, no he doesn’t. He wants JR to apologize to Stephanie. So here comes Steph. She hugs Vinnie. She asks JR to apologize.
“I’m sorry your Mamma got stunned.” – JR
So Steph slaps him. SO WAIT A SECOND… THERE IS ONE MORE COMING ON DOWN!
HERE COMES TH>……….. no. No. NOOO!! NO SHANE! IT’S LINDA!??!! GAWDDAMNIT!
“I like how the other McMahons now look ashamed.” – Bill
Linda takes the mic, and can’t let Steph and Vince continue this way. So she is going to take action…. so Linda fires him. Then kicks JR in the nuts.
“Why is this getting top billing *KICK* What.. umm.. no.. I’m done.. I can’t deal with this.. I’m out” – Dani
SOOOOOooooooooooooo 20 minutes for that? OOOOoooooooookay.
Rabble thoughts?
“Better than last week.” – Hernandez
“*rolling Rs*” – Bill
“Meh.” – Laura
“Better than last week.. still very bad.” – Eric
“I thought the wrestling was worse than last week… just a bad show.” – Me
So that having been said. We are a bit mixed on which show was better. Hernandez seemed to like the six man tag match more than I did, but hey.. we each come from different worlds… his world though, is wrong.
HA! MY REPORT! MY LAST WORD! WOOOOOOO! Happy anniversary Rabble, G’night.
