Alternate Reality by Vin Tastic


As World Heavyweight Champion Dave Batista was preparing to defend his title against former world champ Eddie Guerrero at No Mercy, Guerrero tried to sucker Batista into believing he’d changed his ways, and that their title match would be a clean contest between opponents who respect each other. Eddie swore up and down that he was Dave’s friend. It was painfully obvious that Guerrero was attempting to swerve the champ, and EVERYONE saw through it from square one.

TODAY’S ISSUE: Guerrero’s not fooling anybody, so what’s the point?

As long as Batista knows Guerrero’s trying to fool him, Eddie’s not gaining any ground in the psychological warfare department. Batista can see every attempt Guerrero makes to manipulate him from a mile away.

So, if Guerrero’s antics are not fooling his target, and not fooling the crowd, the question is, why? What’s the purpose of this storyline device? It was obvious Batista never bought what Guerrero was selling, not even for a second. Guerrero’s always been portrayed as a crafty competitor, but this just makes him look stupid. Are we really supposed to think Eddie believed he was tricking Big Dave? He couldn’t possibly be arrogant enough to think he could manipulate the world champ that easily.

Even the suddenly IWC-friendly played up the hype as if Eddie was being completely forthright in his claims of respect without hatred for Big Dave.

At the final SmackDown prior to the ppv, Guerrero even sabotaged his own tag team partners to ensure Batista’s opposing team would win. Odd. Then, when Eddies’s teammates, JBL and Christian, attacked Guerrero for his treachery, Batista rescued him. Even odder.

I’m completely lost with this particular storyline. Perhaps Eddie was intentionally doing a bad job of messing with Batista while he cooked up some other plan, in a strange attempt to lull Big Dave into a false sense of security. Otherwise, Dave, the announcers, and the audience have all had Eddie’s number right from the get-go. If Guerrero doesn’t unveil a deeper layer in this not-so-devious plot, then this has been one of the lamest storylines in recent memory, and THAT certainly covers a lot of ground…

In order to be successful, the infamous “swerve” must confuse either a character or the audience. Guerrero’s antics of late have fooled nobody. In fact, they’ve made HIM look like a fool. I certainly hope an explanation is forthcoming at No Mercy.

On the webcast of Heat prior to No Mercy, SmackDown commentators Michael Cole and Tazz debated about which Eddie Guerrero might show up to face Batista. Would it be the “new and improved” Eddie, or the “lying, cheating and stealing” Eddie? Suddenly the announcers are not sure what Eddie’s up to. Surprisingly, it was ring veteran Tazz who stated he thought maybe the kinder, gentler Guerrero would be present at No Mercy. Well done, Senor Guerrero. You’ve snowed a man who’s known you long enough to know better.

At the pay-per-view, the unusual interaction between Guerrero and Batista continued, as each wished the other luck in their championship match that was mere hours away.

During and immediately following the match, shenanigans ensued. According to IP’s own live coverage, the game between Eddie and Dave will apparently continue. Guerrero chose not to cheat and hit Dave with a chair or use the tag rope against his “friend”, but later flashed an evil grin behind Batista’s back. Obviously, he isn’t finished with the deception yet.

My hopes for a resolution at the pay-per-view did not come to pass, so I guess we’ll have to wait even longer for the answers.

Is Eddie fooling us all, or is he the one being played by the shrewd champion? You’ll recall that Batista saw right through his former Evolution stable-mates HHH and Ric Flair following the 2005 Royal Rumble. They wanted him to leave Raw, taking his WrestleMania title match to JBL and SmackDown, so HHH wouldn’t have to defend his title against Big Dave. Batista was smarter than the Cerebral Assassin and the Nature Boy thought, and didn’t fall for the malarkey his so-called friends were laying on him. They tried to convince Dave his move away from them would help solidify Evolution’s hold on the industry, but he knew the score, and fans supported him even more when they realized he was a smart man, much more than simply muscle to stand behind other men.

Batista decided to stay on Raw, dominated HHH in three consecutive title matches, and then was acquired by SmackDown in the draft lottery. There’s no reason to think he’s not just as wise and unflappable, and his track record with Guerrero seems to indicate that he still can’t be easily fooled.

So why would Eddie even attempt to deceive or confuse a man like Dave? If he does have a master plan beyond what he’s shown so far, at what point will he begin to expose it? What event will be the catalyst that forces him to pull the trigger? Why wouldn’t he have sprung his surprise on the champ at the big show, when Eddie had a shot at the title?

I find myself with nothing but questions. Is WWE going to make me wait until Survivor Series to reveal the answers? Probably…

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

p.s. – Why don’t we ever hear much about second world countries?

Master Sergeant, United States Air Force