Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc., 10.11.05

In Memoriam: Louis Nye, one of TV’s great supporting comics.

Before we start, I just want to make one recommendation that I stated in the Super-Secret Writers’ Forum: Jerry Reinsdorf should invite Steve Bartman to throw out the first pitch at Game 2 of the ALCS. That would be the biggest and best Fuck You I could think of.

We all know about the earthquake in Asia and its associated tragedy (and it is immense). We know about the hurricane-induced mudslides in Mexico. But another tragedy was ignored by the media this weekend, probably because it hit too close to home. How much coverage have you read about the simultaneous spooge floods that occurred in New York and Orlando on Sunday? They’re still wading out of sticky man-goo in both places today. It happened when executives at ABC and Disney got the news that the Holy Grail had been found in a very unexpected place: a municipal golf course in San Francisco (where, word has it, experts in this type of tragedy are being flown in to deal with the situations on the East Coast; after all, they have to do clean-up after Folsom and Dore Alley every year).

The news must have struck suddenly and unexpectedly. Phones were ringing in the executive suites in Manhattan and the Disney Bunker, and the words coming from them must have seemed unbelievable to the suits. “Tiger?…Daly?…playoff?…in a big-money tournament?…AND OUR NETWORK HAS IT?!?!”, followed by the spontaneous mass eruption of testicles through wool blends, wet dreams of beating the NFL’s ratings with golf dancing through their heads.

Honest to God, if the Anti-Christ Brett Favre hadn’t done what he did on Sunday, you know that calls would have been made to Bristol to lead SportsCenter with it. They should have. What happened at the beautiful Harding Park was two holes of Golf Fan Nirvana. We’d been waiting for this. We’d despaired that it would ever happen. For the event to occur in October, when there’s nothing much happening, and in a WGC event no less, gladdened hearts all over the world. Phil Knight must have been the happiest guy in the world, though. This and Michelle Wie turning pro in the same week*? I think he might have thought for a second to lower prices on some of his company’s shoe lines. He should. God knows I can’t afford Nikes.

* – And a happy Sweet 16 today to Michelle Wie. Now to research age of consent laws in various states…

You know that there were also unreported spooge floods at the headquarters of 86 Lumber and Hooters. Their Guy was finally back in the big-time after tantalizing teases. Yes, he may have blown it on the second playoff hole. But who cares? The logos got plastered over TV in overtime in a situation where Everyone Was Watching, fighting with Nike for eye time, and with a much larger and doughier billboard to boot.

It helped me too. I could avoid concentrating on another Bears loss (oh, to the f*cking Browns, no less; I’ll never hear the end of that). I could keep the sports high I’ve been on since Friday going through to tonight. It was the perfect bridge. And I will have to admit that I did a little clean-up myself. One takes their mark-out moments when one can get them.

Now let’s see a repeat of this. How about at the PGA next year? It is, after all, at Medinah, and I can arrange something…

THE PIMP SECTION

Lucard vamps it up.

Hevia has as much hatred for Milord as I do. That would have been a mitigating factor in a Sox/Yankees series had that come to pass.

Zarur summarizes Raw in his own way.

Hatton and friends drink, party, and occasionally pay attention to Raw.

Clark and Speich don’t want Ross out on Raw. I do. I win, as usual.

Truncellito usually posts after I do, so I never get to pimp him. And as for his question at the end, the answer’s simple: when the terms were d3fined back in the 1950s by French author Franz Fanon, the First World was the developed capitalist countries, the Second World was the developed Communist countries, and the Third World was the non-developed countries. The Second World sort of vanished in 1989, so that’s why you never hear about them.

Pomazak gives us his weekly NFL recap in style, as usual.

Eagle is also in favor of piracy whenever possible. Hey, that’s how you get me commenting about PPVs in this column.

Basilo is fighting the creeping damp.

Pandich turns legal later this week. Damn, that means I have to buy him booze.

Paul goes really Zen on us discussing the differences of similiarities or some such.

Memo To Gloomchen: do I get bonus points for being bored by Liz Phair back in Chicago when she was unknown?

Dr. Jay does not get a Fuck You.

Note to O’Reilly: by sheer volume, the X-Box had the biggest piracy problem. But the Dreamcast was easier to pirate for. It’s just that when the DC was around, the methods of distribution were more primitive.

Lots of bile and drunken behavior floating around The Comics Roundtable this week.

Hatton:Marvel::Stevens:DC.

And, of course, another great episode of IP Sports Radio is in the can, so grab it while you can.

And now it’s time for the special return of something a lot of people have been asking for…

YOU’RE A MORON: PEEVISHNESS REACHES CRITICAL MASS

I bitch all the time about Wife-Beater, and get nothing. I bitch all the time about Hogan, and get nothing. I bitch about the possibility that Wife-Beater might face Hogan in the ring, and the idiots come out of the woodwork. Go figure. Louis Hare provides us with the venture into the Realm of Idiocy this time by being the biggest Wife-Beater/Hogan fanboy he possibly can be:

Get the f*ck over yourself with the Hogan/Austin crap.

Why? WWE’s obviously not over giving us Hogan/Austin crap. They’re now setting up to poison Wrestlemania with it. In my home town, no less. That possibility must be terminated as quickly as possible.

First of all, when has anyone ever tuned into a Hogan match for workrate?

SummerSlam, actually. He was going up against a wrestler with one of the best workrates ever. It was of great interest whether or not Hogan would actually do something resembling wrestling in that match.

The fact of the matter is that Hogan/Austin will be one of the biggest buyrates EVER in the history of WWE.

Which is a very sad commentary on the world at large, don’t you think?

You put that on the card at Wrestlemania and fans will flock.

But not the fans that we want to flock. The people who will buy this will be the freak-show-watching, traffic-accident-glancing type of fans who won’t stick around after this. They want their Hogan and their Wife-Beater, and won’t pay attention to, oh, DAVE and Trip as they pull out another unexpectedly good match (just to cite one example; I was actively trying to avoid Benoit, Eddy, etc.). They’re going to watch WM and leave. Also, the marketing will cater specifically to the retards that Vince wants to bring to the table to up his quarterlies with a massive WM buy. Hogan/Wife-Beater will be the match that they’re going to push massively, to the detriment of any actual good wrestling matches that might be on the card. You can’t begrudge Vince for taking a big payday to the bank, but Wrestlemania should be used to hook the casual fan on seeing the product week in and week out afterward.

I know, you think that that’s the problem with today’s fans…they’re idiots.

Anyone who’s read me more than once knows that, I think.

I’m sorry that the majority of fans today care more about being entertained than about technical ability.

So they’re mutually exclusive? You don’t believe that a great technical wrestler can’t be entertaining? We’ll start with the name “Guerrero” and move on from there, I think.

If you don’t like it, stop watching.

Oh, here we go with this shit again. Fuck you. I decide what I want to watch, and I formulate my own opinion on it. If I cease to watch, it’s my decision and will be based on the disgust I possess for the product. Scooter stopped watching Smackdown for good reason. I have decided to not stop watching at this moment. I will not be dictated by you, you little pissant.

It never ceases to amaze me that the people who spend so much time bitching about what wrestling has become are the same people who watch it endlessly.

Ah, yes, here it comes, the “only uncritical fans have a right to watch” argument. You knew that had to pop up sooner or later, didn’t you? As a consumer, I have a right to complain about low product quality, in addition to having a right not to consume that particular product anymore or switch brands. Unlike most consumers of this product, I have a weekly column in which to express my views, and I do so, in order to point out the fact that there are fans who are critical of the product and wish for change in order to, hopefully, increase quality at some point in the near future. Whether or not WWE chooses to listen to me is their decision. But at least they know that there are people like there who do not like the product as it is, and who are constructive and logical in their criticisms.

Plus, have you considered the fact that when people tune into Wrestlemania to see Hogan/Austin (and to RAW to watch its buildup) that these fans will discover the talent on RAW that they haven’t seen since they stopped watching five years ago?

No. I have no faith in that happening. I stated that above. I’ve seen it happen too many times. I even coined a phrase for it a long time ago: “two-week pop”. Someone “special” is brought in, they get a ratings bump for two weeks, and then the ratings fall back to where they were before that “special” person was brought in. It’s happened far too many times for me to count: Wife-Beater, Flex, Hogan, Big Sump Pump, Goldberg, etc., and those are just the ones that come to mind immediately. Any audience that comes in for Hogan/Wife-Beater will be lost within two weeks after WM.

Hogan/Austin would be great for professional wrestling.

It would also be great for the makers of pain relievers and stomach medications.

The ratings will go up,

For a very short period.

the buyrates will be through the roof

Only for Wrestlemania, where the buyrate’s already through the roof anyway. And they won’t stick around for Backlash.

and all of the other wrestlers on the card will get big, fat paydays,

Which they would anyway. Wrestlemania’s their biggest payday of the year regardless. However, if Wrestlemania is properly used to build up everyone on the roster rather than the freak show that this sucker will be, everyone will get bigger paydays all the time. That should be WWE’s goal: long-term financial stability rather than one big payout and famine until SummerSlam.

and when it’s all said and done, if everyone has done their job, the WWE will have some new fans to show for it.

As stated above, no, they won’t. They’ll get the curious and the fair-weather who abandoned them years ago, then lose them immediately.

So get off their backs.

Absolutely not. You’re one of those insecure wrestling fans, aren’t you, the ones who are afraid to admit their fandom during periods when wrestling isn’t “cool”? You’re betting your psyche on Hogan/Wife-Beater being seen as “cool” by the casual fans and the people who would otherwise make fun of you for being a geek. And when I go after your precious Holy Grail as being just a tin cup in disguise, you need to defend yourself. I’ve seen too many people like you around over the years, bucko. Here’s my suggestion: take your lumps and let a little honesty filter into your brain.

A PPV? BETWEEN THE SOX AND TIGGER/DALY, I DIDN’T NOTICE…

(The reason for the delay on this column is that I didn’t have a chance to watch No Mercy until Tuesday morning. Look, I HAD to take that tranquilizer during Raw…)

Used to be that No Mercy was actually a pretty good PPV. That hasn’t been the case for a few years, and just by looking at the card, this year’s installment promised to be no better. So let’s go through this disaster one by one…

The LOD-Hemme/MNM match was a definite statement match. The statment was “We’re going to bore you into stupefaction right off the bat”. And Hemme hitting the Doomsday Device…I can feel the unshriven spirit of Mike Hegstrand now roaming the mortal realm, screaming for relief, redemption, and simple comfort. Someone take him in. He’s yelling like a banshee right now.

When wrestling meets the Kama Sutra, no one’s a winner

The Lashley/Dean match didn’t come off as well as everyone thought. Lashley was a little bit sloppy in the ring. Typical rookie mistakes, first PPV nerves, etc., hence forgiveness. But if he keeps that up, it’s Ahmed Johnson time again, and we don’t want to go through that.

Memo to KC Evers (no relation): No, there’s no comparison between Lashley and Ice Train at all, is there? By the way, Dean Malenko gave approval for the Simon Dean name, so, unfortunately, no beat-up is scheduled.

Fatal Four-Ways have an advantage over Triple Threats in the fact that it has that fourth competitor in there to prevent it from devolving to one-on-one formula. Since the strength of a chain depends on its weakest link, I paid a lot of attention to Orlando Jordan in this match. Surprisingly, they didn’t try to limit his involvement, and, I have to give it to him, he kept up with three great wrestlers. No embarassment, no anything. The match in general was very strong. A couple of contrived spots here and there, but that’s to be expected. However, the one thing that had to be contrived was that they had to empty the ring for an extended period of time in order for Benoit to get a submission victory. If this had been a one-on-one, Christian would have fought the Sharpshooter for longer than he did. Still, that’s minor niggling. Very, very good match here.

The hometown boy gives a hometown chop to the non-hometown bitch

“Anything Book can do, I can do better…”

Slightly contrived, perhaps?

Match booking is a often underrated factor. Who goes over is too often considered the be-all and end-all of a match. How someone goes over is very often more important. The Holly/FudgePacker match is a case in point. This match was obviously booked very carefully. Kennedy was able to build up his mark cred by standing toe-to-toe with Holly, who’s been successfully positioned as a legit tough guy (which he is). Holly didn’t lose any heat because he wasn’t swamped. It was an even match all the way and featured both guys exhibiting their strengths. I sense Arn Anderson’s hand in this one, for some reason. It was very much like your typical Arn match. If so, both guys did him proud. Not so with the apres. Going after a hurt Bob Holly with that shitty brainbuster of his does not do Grenier any good.

Bob Holly, Honorary Chicagoan

I loathe stylistic mismatches. On top of that, the High-Quality Speaker Boy/Rey-Rey match also featured one of the biggest mismatches of talent levels that WWE can manage in a high-level match…oh, wait, we still have Eddy/DAVE to go…no, that’s not fair. DAVE actually can do stuff in the ring. I just proceeded to ignore it. Hopefully all of you did too.

Does someone as tall as High-Quality Speaker Boy really need to get up on tip-toes to avoid someone as small as Rey-Rey sliding under him?

Tom of Finland would have been so proud

The Handicap Casket Match…look, I watched UT’s entrance. The entrance is always cool, especially if druids are involved. As for the match, I decided to blow it off. One’s sanity makes demands that must be met. I will devote the same consideration to my mental health during the Buried Alive match at SurSer.

The Undertaker uses his mystical anti-gravity field to levitate Randy Orton

What cost less, the gasoline that Orton poured on the casket or the Porsche that Wife-Beater destroyed with the cement truck?

Okay, the Juvi/Nunzio match was fun. The problem here lies with the whole Cruiserweight division. Why in the name of heaven does WWE put the brakes on these guys? If WWE wants competition from TNA (and they say they do), then the Cruisers have to keep up with the X Division guys. But while an X Division match is…oh, I hate to use this phrase…total non-stop action, WWE cruiser matches are stop-start affairs with restholds and very visible blown spots (Juvi blew at least two in this match). Consider this fact: the WWE cruisers are mostly longtime veterans who should know by now how to pace a match and not have any dead spots. You’d expect the younger, less-experienced guys in the X Division to be more prone to that. This confuses me to no end.

By the way, great touch to have the post-match interview done by Hugo Savinovinch. Just wanted to mention that in case people thought I was totally prejudiced against Mexi…oh, wait, I am.

Now, as to the future, it would be a good time to have Super Crazy and Psicosis grab the tag belts. The problem is, how to do it? There’s just no way for them to take them away from the Legion of Dumb without making everyone look bad. They’d have to do a hot-shot, back to MNM and on to the Mexicools. I don’t think any of us want that. So give Senor Guerrera a long reign with the cruiser belt, take your time, then do it. Oh, the mental agony I go through attempting to give some significance to the secondary belts on Smackdown…

“Not the face, Juvi, not the face!”

The DAVE/Guerrero match could be summed up in one word: dull. Slow paced, very basic and unimaginative. The thing is, why dumb it down? We know that DAVE is better than that. The only reason why it was adequate was the fact that Eddy is an absolute master at mat wrestling. He tried to keep the match going, and almost succeeded. Also, the whole “Eddy changes his stripes” angle was oversold to the point of excess (but VinTastic has more on that, so I’ll leave it to him). Very dissatisfying.

“And now, David Batista, Eduardo Guerrero, and Nicholas Patrick present…’A Night At The Mineshaft’!”

I think I shall leave final judgment to a certain Transvestite Elf Agent:

ANY OTHER NEWS?

Actually, no. Honestly, there’s nothing this week. Well, in a sense, you dodged a bullet. I originally was set to be out of town next Monday and probably the Monday after that (the former on an interview, the latter because I’ll probably be heading to Chicago before the weather starts to get nasty). Well, the interview scheduled for next Monday became next Tuesday, then next Thursday, then became this Friday, all in the space of three e-mails that I got all at once. Personally, I don’t want to f*ck around too much with this because it happens to be Tyson, and they don’t do very much outside hiring at the management level. Now I’ll be spending Friday night in Arkansas instead of making the five-hour drive back here after the interview, mostly in the dark over small highways. Unfortunately, this will prevent me from getting WM tickets. Guess I’m going to have to blow off WM. Decisions, decisions…

…just like I have to decide every week whether or not to watch Raw. But, I do anyway, for your benefit. And hence I comment and snark in order to release the built-up bile. Let us do that now, shall we?

THE SHORT FORM

Match Results:

Rob Conway over…oh, Lord, Doink the Clown (Pinfall, Ego Trip): Lombardi under the Doink makeup again…yeah, that’s what I wanted. Nice little blind, though, considering that Steve Keirn was out there last week in the Legends introduction (but was introduced as Skinner). But, really…this is 2005. Doink? The only person loving this was RD Reynolds, who now thinks he can get another book out of this appearance. And then the retard joined him out there for the apres. Poor Conway. Poor, poor Conway. And poor me. After Steph and this, you goddamn well know I took a tranquilizer.

Chris Masters over Yoshihiro Tajiri (Submission, MasterLock): We like to see Tajiri beat the shit out of people. We would have loved to have seen Masters get the Mist. We did not want to see Tajiri job to Gym Bunny. We are therefore upset.

Missus Hyatte over Missus Hevia, Women’s Title Match (Pinfall, Northern Lights suplex): Gee, without the rest of the bimbos involved, this match is pretty good, huh? Especially since Ashley Massaro is now apparently dating Matt Hardy (oh, Ashley, can’t you do better than that?). And as for Mickie James (which has to be one of the few times in wrestling history where reverting to one’s real name is a detriment, since “Alexis Laree” is a much cooler name), oh, boy, they’re going to be doing a stalker angle with her and Trish. I’m sure we’re all looking forward to that, aren’t we?

I love Steve Murray’s honesty:

I pay no attention to the women’s title, unless it involves a match like Trish vs. Steph from 5 years ago, where they hung each other over the top rope and spanked each other. Give me wank-off material, or get the hell off my TV screen.

Well, being married with kids brings the level of titillation for jack-off material lower, I guess. And, Steve, when it comes to the rugrat, yes, it’s a good start that the kid laughed hysterically at Conway beating the shit out of Doink. Now just sit the kid in front of the Benoit DVD and don’t let go until you’ve explained every reason why he should be worshipped.

Kurt Angle, Carly Colon, and Edge over Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and The Big Show (Pinfall, Angle pins Cena, rollup): What is it with these six-man tags? First the delayed Smackdown one, now this. You know, I don’t mind a give-the-boys-some-camera-time match, but, really, think about it. Trip has to cut a ten-minute promo. Steph has to cut a ten-minute promo. Vince has to cut a ten-minute-plus Main Event Promo. Think if we eliminated any of those (starting with Steph’s), we could have had another match? I do have to say this, though: this tag was better than Smackdown’s by a wide margin. It looked like the guys were having a blast in there. You rarely see TBS visibly having fun in the ring, for instance. So I’ll give credit to the effort being exerted.

Angle Developments:

One Little Crack In The Dam: If it isn’t the husband, it’s the wife, huh? We were free from her for over a year, folks, but…oh, geez, whoever came up with that plan last week definitely deserves torture. It left the door open for her return, and it’s now kicked open. Anyone else expecting a “reconciliation” with Trip within the next couple weeks? He no longer has anyone to come out with, and it’s been so long for him that he might not be used to coming to the ring alone anymore. Who better than his Snugglebunny to accompany him again? The only thing good that I have to say is that she made a trip to the hairdresser’s between last week and now. The dye job is definitely better this week. It’s still hideous, but it’s better.

The Joe In Me is back! And he’s returned with a wonderful piece of commentary:

.I won’t much bother to comment on the show opening with the Bitch of the Baskervilles opening the show, because everything I felt about it matches whatever you have to say about it. And, here she comes again. But the fact that they’d throw her out there to open up the show, and – through her promo – means they’ve essentially wiped their asses with what the fans think. More fans were happy to see the Bitch get stunned than any other McMahon, which means they obviously don’t like her, so what does the WWE do? They don’t even wait until the pyro smoke clears before sending that bitch out. So, I turned on the baseball game for a little while.

Wish I had a choice, but 1) I have to do this column and 2) I just didn’t give a f*ck. Winner shows up today back in the Ancestral Homeland. I’ll care then.

The Rajun’ Cajun has made his return to the column (hmmm, bring back YAM, and he shows up, and The Joe In Me shows up…karma is beautiful sometimes) with this statement:

Steph entering a room is like getting kicked in the balls.

No argument from me.

Tipping Your Hand: Hmmm, five number one contender claimants and a champion who says (in rhyme) that he’d fight them all…oooh, does that spell “Elimination Chamber” or what? And the winner, of course, gets Trip, which means that either Cena or Michaels gets the title coming out of it. After this promo, I’m happy I took that tranquilizer.

The Rajun’ Cajun has this query:

When did, uhh… when did Lita get hot? Just curious.

When she turned into a real-life slut. We had the reality to back up the fantasy. Guys like sluts.

Steve Murray contemplates the definite MVP of this promo:

I don’t care if it makes me a mark — I love the “get all the possible No. 1 contenders into the ring at once” interviews. The fact that HBK got out there early made it that much better — everytime they showed him drinking from a coconut through a straw, I laughed. I’ve never seen someone enjoy their position at Mount Perpetually Over so much — he’s like combining only the best traits of Hogan, Flair and Piper into one person.

Michaels showed during that segment that he is a master of what’s called “stage business”. The last thing you want to do as an actor is to look like a statue on stage. So incidentals in a scene are encouraged to do something, anything, to make it look like they’re not just standing completely still waiting for their next cue: chat with the person next to you, fiddle with something, etc. Sometimes you can definitely go overboard, and that’s scene-stealing. Michaels grabbing that tropical drink was a perfect example of stage business. The rest of the guys looked like schlubs up there compared to him. He really does have a career in acting after he gives it up once and for all.

Geography Lesson: Something I forgot to mention last week amidst the ceremonies and such: when the location graphic came up for Honolulu’s upcoming Raw appearance, they had Honolulu on the Big Island. Of course, it’s on Oahu. This week, Honolulu was in the right place. Kudos to them that they can correct mistakes. Well, for minor things like that, anyway.

The Best-Laid Plans: So they weren’t able to get Goldberg, but, as was reported all day Monday, the whole Ross angle was green-lit anyway. And they decided to combine it with a Linda McMahon heel turn…HUH!? Oh, it’s going to take my brain a good amount of time to wrap itself around that one, folks.

The Proud Graduate Of Dartmouth His Own Self (hey, it’s Old Home Week here!) decided to deliver a cheap shot:

So, you wanted JR off the announce team, as I recall. Well, be careful what you wish for, because you just got it, and everything that goes with it. Yep, that’s right, a Linda McMahon heel turn.

Stick the knife in, El. Then twist it. Look, I’m already debasing myself enough by agreeing to interview with Tyson. Isn’t that enough misery for one week? Yes, I did want JR off the team. I was just sad to see what he’d become. I didn’t want him to drive himself into the ground. He isn’t like Gordon Solie, who kept up his quality until the end. He’s been visibly going downhill for years now. I just wanted him to leave us with good memories. I didn’t ask for a Linda heel turn to be a quid pro quo. However, if it does lead to a Shane face comeback, it might turn good.

So, now the question becomes, what to do. There are an obvious number of answers, so let’s go through them:

1) Go with the two-man booth as is: Unacceptable. You currently have two color commentators and no play-by-play man. And Coachman isn’t good at PBP.

2) Promote Todd Grisham: No. No. No.

3) Transfer Michael Cole to Raw; put Josh Matthews in the Smackdown booth: This may be their best option. Cole is strong enough now to survive between Lawler and Coachman. And for those of you who bitch and moan about losing the Smackdown booth’s “chemistry” and/or Matthews “not being ready”, please remember back to when Michael Cole had about as much experience as Matthews does now. He sucked, folks. He had zero personality and almost no ability to call a match. We all made fun of him for his being chin-deep in water constantly. He made us wish for Todd Pettingill’s return. It was Tazz who helped him out immensely and turned him into a good PBP man. Matthews has a few legs up on Cole at that point. He can call a match decently, and he’s starting to develop a personality. Tazz will help him like he helped Cole. Matthews isn’t ready for Raw yet; he’d be buried by Lawler and Coachman. So the double-switch is in order.

4) Assign Joey Styles to Raw: Promise him a relatively open mic, and he’d do it. He has the personality to combat Lawler and Coachman effectively. In fact, utilize this opportunity to get Lawler out of the booth as a “protest”. Assign Lawler to help Ross with the web broadcasts, or, better yet, transfer him to Deep South as trainer/booker/commentator (if they get a steady TV deal). He’s proven numerous times in Memphis that he can get guys who might be considered marginal over (or recover their careers from disaster; he’s very modest about the amount of help that he gave Regal in his darkest hour). That would leave Styles and Coachman, a pair that would definitely click and signify a new beginning for Raw on USA.

5) Have Bischoff “flex his muscles” and bring in Schiavone: Yes, you object. But if you object because you were there and saw Fat Tony disintegrate in front of the cameras week by week, you know why that was happening. The reason was Bisch constantly screaming in his headset to pimp matches at inappropriate times, go off on stupid tangents, etc. Bisch won’t be doing that. Instead, they’d both be talent. Also, that situation could open up some good angles as Schiavone pops off on Bisch for what happened back in WCW. This, of course, would also create tension between him and Coachman. Schiavone wants some redemption. Deep down, he’d like to get one more chance. And he’s not the type to blow it.

6) Bring in Mike Tenay: Wouldn’t that leave TNA shit out of luck? You want a revival of the Monday Night Wars? Here’s the first shot across the bow.

Any of those last four options would be acceptable to me. They’d be acceptable to most of the audience too, I believe. Let’s hope it’s one of those.

And we close this Tuesday off as we normally do, with a closing paragraph. Of course, I don’t have a damn thing to say, so until the weekend and the Short Form, I depart.

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