Welcome each and every one of you to the latest instalment of Truth or Consequences. Thanks to everybody who wrote in offering their congratulations to my wife and I on our impending parenthood – your thoughts are most appreciated.
A quick trawl through in the InBox to start with, I think. These e-mails are based on the responses to my casket match column, as last week’s effort was a little rushed and I had no chance to reply.
First of all, though, Martin Graves continues to pimp the world of wrestling stables as he talks about my Warrior column from a few weeks back…
“Kev,
Kudos for your comments this week. I seriously think the Warrior is deluded ever since he failed in WCW with the worst stable ever…the oWn! That was his last shot at the big time. And all he was brought back for was to be Hogan’s bitch. Ah well, I still remember fondly how he held an undefeated record against the orange one!
Can I just point out that all this belt crap makes me sick. A spinning belt? NO! Smoking Skull? NO! Just make it one, take it back to the classics, like HBK’s white Intercontinental, possibly the best ever! And Flair should so fight Hogan for the title at WrestleMania, but everyone knows it should be for the classic World title. Thoughts…?
Mart”
Thanks for another e-mail, Mart but please, for the love of all that’s holy, enough with the frickin’ stables already. nWo, D-X, the Horsemen, Dangerous Alliance. Anything else, is nought but a pale imitation.
I do agree with you, regarding the belt situation, though. I’m not a big fan of Cena, in any case and I think that the ‘E’ is making a mistake keeping the strap on him for so long (Batista on the other hand, is the best champion in years, in my humble opinion). However, that is not the reason I want his title reign to end. I want that to happen for one reason and one reason alone – to get that spinning piece of shit off my screen. I mean, if Everton were to win the FA cup this year (yeah – right!), they wouldn’t throw it away and make their own customised version of it now, would they, so why should we put up with it for Cena. It’s nothing but blatant ego-stroking and it means that, whatever happens, Cena will always have that belt, regardless of what happens to the title itself.
The only person, in my view, who got away with that kind of behaviour was the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase and his Million Dollar Title. That was just awesome because nobody rated at all, few people even wanted it and it just fit in so well with Dibiase’s character that he wanted gold so badly that he would buy his own belt. What’s that? The WWF world Heavyweight Title is made of gold? Then the Million Dollar Title will be set with diamonds, baby! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Ahem.
Thanks for the e-mail, anyway.
Fellow Pulser, Jed Shaffer, corrected me on a mistake…
“Hey, this is Jed from IP (of Re-Writing The Book “fame”) … just had to write in on one thing …
“Now this is significant for a number of reasons, not least of which being that ‘Taker actually lost the belt.”
Undertaker couldn’t have lost the belt. Yokozuna was WWF Champion coming into this match. Undertaker lost the match, but he was about a year and change removed from his first WWF Title reign, and his second was three years down the line.
Other then that one tiny boo-boo, good column, sir.
Jed”
Dammit! Jed was quite right, of course, and I knew that, and I can’t even think why I said that ‘Taker lost the belt. I then realised that I meant to type ’bout’ and my brain started working on automatic.
By the way, don’t go back to the column and try to spot the error – it has since been corrected. This is only posted here to show that I fear no criticism.
Thanks, Jed.
AngryChairr responded to my response of his response to my Warrior column…is that clear?
“To be honest, I never said that Bret had forgiven Vince. Moving on with your life and forgiving someone who you feel has wronged you are two entirely different things. When a family member is murdered and the murderer is convicted, some people will move on with their lives. They won’t forgive the person for what was done, but they’ll accept that it has happened, acknowledge that they’ve changed because of it, and move on.
That’s not to compare Vince to a murderer although I’m sure some would. But the analogy could still be apt. I’m not suggesting Bret still doesn’t harbor ill feelings towards Vince. Christ, most of the IWC does, and they have even less of a reason to than Bret. I was trying to get across that Bret might just be trying to get on with his life. The DVD could be part of that.
It’s nice to see you wrote a column around my e-mail. I feel special now. Or at least semi-special. Okay, not special so much as vaguely acknowledged.”
Hey, man – all of my readers are special.
Anyway – a fair point about what you actually said and I can see that moving on with your life and forgiving someone aren’t necessarily the same deal. I would just question whether or not you can truly move on with your life, if you’re still holding resentment for someone who has wronged you in the past. I can say, with some gratitude, that nothing that bad has occurred in my life for me to have to make that decision for myself and, God willing, it never will so perhaps I’m not in the best position to make a moral judgment. Nobody has ever screwed me over in that kind of life-changing, career-destroying way, nor has a member of my immediate family died in such unfortunate circumstances. I can’t imagine what went on in Bret’s head at the time or now, some 8 and 6 years later, respectively. I think only Bret can honestly answer the question of why he went back to Vince and the rest of us – myself included – can only sit here and guess.
Thanks for your response.
Erik Schwob offers another reason for Bret’s return to VinceLand…
“I admired your argument as far as ” selling out ” goes in wrestling. Taking a bigger payday to feed your family or build your life is nothing to be ashamed of.
The group of hypocrites that you mentioned was great too, although I would like to be on of the litany of letters defending Bret Hart’s decision to work on his DVD.
Bret Hart not only carries his own name, but the legacy of one of wrestling’s greatest families, training facilities, and territories. To let the E crap all over that legacy in a national forum would not have done much good for everything the Hart family has accomplished in wrestling would be a shame. I would say that like those wrestlers you mentioned who came back for money, Bret is working the WWE to preserve his name and his families name. Bret could have taken a big payday, come to SummerSlam and knocked out Vince or HBK, but chose not to and I think that shows that this not just about money.
Take care, great column
Erik Schwob”
Thanks for that, Eric. I never really considered that aspect of it but, of course, you’re right. The Hart Family is one of the most important dynasties in the business – below the McMahons, but above the von Erichs in terms of their impact on the industry – and, like it or not, Bret is the public face of that dynasty. If the WWE really were intending to take the Ultimate Warrior route with Bret Hart’s compilation set, then it really would be pissing on the memory of a legacy that has spread its influence over the entire history of pro-wrestling, from its founding father, Stu Hart, to the dozens of top class wrestlers who were stretched in the Hart Dungeon. That is certainly one reason that I would accept without a moment’s hesitation from “The Hitman”.
So, what is there to talk about this week, then? Perhaps I could chat about Brock Lesnar becoming the Next Big Thing (Again) in Japan; or I could discuss the firing of Jim Ross on Raw; or rip my eyes, raw and bleeding, from their sockets and puncture my ear-drums with a pair of hot needles at the very thought of seeing and hearing Stephanie McMahon on my television screen again.
Nah – let’s look at something that makes me happy instead. This past week, SmackDown! General Manager, Theodore R. Long, announced a new WWE Juniors division for the Friday night show open to, and I quote, “all dwarfs, midgets and little people” because the WWE does not discriminate against people for any reason, especially not for matters of height (tell that to half the Cruiserweights).
Now, this decision has been generally ridiculed by the ‘Net and fans in general – after all, who wants to watch a bunch of midgets armdragging each other around the ring when there’s the chance of seeing an Orlando Jordan match? Boy – that sure put the decision in perspective.
Seriously – I have never had a problem with midgets in wrestling, whether it be an actual physical contest or the more common choice of a worker using a brace of midgets to impersonate their sworn enemies and mock them accordingly, a la Edge and Christian and the mini Dudleyz. However, the attitude of some wrestling fans towards these pint-sized performers seems to be nothing more than contempt. “look at them little guys,” they’ll say, “they’re so tiny. What the Hell can they do?”
Well, quite a lot, if you’re prepared to hang up your preconceptions and actually – you know – watch a proper midget match. Some of these guys are great performers so it irks me when you read certain tape reviews and people turn around and say that they don’t rate midget matches. What the hell is that all about? If it’s a crap match, then it’s a crap match and rate it accordingly but, if it’s a corker then give these midgets the credit for doing a fine job.
Midget wrestling, much like women’s wrestling, is a throwback to the sports carny origins, where event showing little guys and women wrestling in the ring added to the freakshow atmosphere of the shows. Over the years, female performers have worked hard to break through the boundaries imposed on them by their less than stellar start in the business and have tried to garner a level of respectability in a man’s world – though not always with great success, as the proliferation of bra and panties matches and generally exploitative women’s promotions will attest. Midgets, on the other hand, never seem to have advanced from their position on the lowest rung of the wrestling ladder.
Seriously – when a promoter is looking for new talent it usually goes Giants, Heavyweights, Cruiserweights, Women, Jobbers, Midgets. Hell, most would probably rather bring back the wrestling bears than a brace of little people, which makes it something of a novelty for WWE to take this step.
By now, some of you will probably be thinking that I’ve lost what little marbles I already had. Over the last few months I pointed out that TAG TEAMS are meaningless and that the WOMEN will never receive a concerted push yet here I am giving a hearty thumbs up to the proposal of a midget division?
The fact of the matter is, that it will be different and this is something that happens so very rarely in the world of professional wrestling, especially now that we’re all so much wiser to the business and how it works. Do I think that the Junior Division will get a legitimate push? No – but then, really, who is getting a push at the minute? Kennedy, Lashley, Rey and Orton…that’s about it, unless you want to throw LOD 2K5 into the equation.
The question of how these guys will be used will depend on two things – the quality of talent that they bring in and the attention span of the booking team.
The first point is easy to sort out as there are some really talented midget wrestlers out there. Puppet, the Psycho Dwarf, for one – who I first saw on World Wrestling All-Stars Revolution PPV, beating seven different kinds of crap out of Teo. This guy can cut a killer promo, can brawl as well as any man I’ve seen and he is over with the crowds. Or, at least, he would have been, had Mark Madden not spent the duration of that brutal hardcore match making midget gags. Arsehole.
There’s also a bunch of Mexican Minis like Piratita Morgan, Ultimo Dragoncito or Octagoncito, who rarely fail to impress in the ring. Sure, if you’re not a fan of lucha, then you’re not going to get much of a buzz out of mini-lucha action, but for a company keen to bring in the Hispanic fans, it could be a good move.
Of course, the cream of the crop is Mascarita Sagrada – the former Max Mini. I can say, without a hint of hyperbole, that Sagrada is, pound-for-pound, one of the finest wrestlers in the world today. Note that I did not say one of the best midget wrestlers…just one of the best wrestlers…period. If you have never seen him in action then I urge you to find some footage of him – try AAA’s When World’s Collide show, or TNA’s Victory Road PPV and please, try to ignore the fact that he’s a midget and all the negative connotations that decades of anti-midget wrestling propaganda might have instilled in you.
As far as the second point is concerned – that causes me more problems. Seriously, how long will it be before they decide to use the Junior division as a group of super-jobbers, that the Heavyweight golden boys such as Mr. Kennedy or JBL are allowed to plough through four or five at a time? That would be wrong as these guys have worked just as hard, if not harder, than their super-sized peers to earn their spot in the business and they deserve respect for their achievements in the industry.
Here’s hoping that we get to see a proper midget division and not just a set-up for a WrestleMania III or Survivor Series 1994 repeat where the midgets are used for comic relief or merely as incidental appendages to a heavyweight feud.
Odds of that happening…slim.
Feel free to e-mail me with your thoughts on this.
Until the next time…farewell.
